Now, I know it's taboo and the proverbial kiss of death to have a topic here that isn't about art, but I'm sure you guys can make an exception for me, right?
1. Hi, I’m new.
(Fade onto Cutter De Blanc as he approaches the old Pavilion tower from the surrounding woods. A suitcase in his hand, he wipes away a happy tear at the thought of finally returning home. He knocks on the door)
Cutter: Hey! It’s me, Cutter! I’m back! Let me in.
(There’s silence at first, then a few scattered footsteps can be heard from inside. Two whispered voices begin speaking to each other)
Voice 1: There's someone out there.
Voice 2: I thought they all left! Who is it?
Cutter: It’s Cutter! Come on, let me in! I’m way overdue for an update of the Gaming Grounds! Everyone must be so disappointed…
Voice 1: It’s Cutter! And he can hear us!
Voice 2: No wonder, we’re whispering while leaning right against the door.
Voice 1: Okay, I’ve got a plan.
(There are few moments of silence)
Voice 1: There’s no one here, Cutter. Go away!
Voice 2: Yeah, great plan.
Cutter: Look, I can hear you! Let me in!!
Voice 2: Uh… He meant, err… There’s no one here but us GameFAQs members.
(Cutter screams in fear and starts running away. He gets a few yards before stopping and walking back to the door)
Cutter: Hey, I recognize that voice! Is that you, Ixzion?
Voice 2: Crap.
Voice 1: Now what?
Voice 2: Alright, let’s just walk away. He cant get in if we don’t unlock the door. I’m sure he’ll leave eventually.
(Cutter remains standing outside the door. Day turns to night, then back to day, then back to night, and Cutter still doesn’t move)
Voice 1: He’s still out there…
Voice 2: What? Impossible.
(Pause)
Voice 2: He’s still out there!
Voice 1: Do you think he’s hungry?
Voice 1: No! He cant be human!
(Pause)
Voice 1: Ok, I guess we have no choice.
(The door opens, revealing Izxion and RobRush)
Ixzion: Hey Cutter, come on in.
(Cutter enters the OldPavilion to find it quite run down. Most of the former Main Floor is bare and dirty, while the walls are starting to crumble)
Cutter: What happened? Where is everyone?
Ixzion: Didn’t you hear? They left for some new place. Apparently it’s enjoyed by all and works nearly flawlessly… it cant be anywhere around here.
Rob: Probably on Mars or something.
Cutter: So… what are you guys doing here.
Ixzion: Well, we make the occasional trip here for scavenging purposes.
Cutter: Scavenging?
Ixzion: Yeah, we take the trash, scrap, and leftovers of the Pavilion and bring it all back to the Mag.
Cutter: What is that, some kind of metaphor?
(Pause)
Ixzion: Huh?
Cutter: Never mind. Do you know how to get to the new place?
Rob: Yeah, Valk left directions incase anyone who didn’t know about the move came back.
(He looks around for a second, then finds a piece of paper on the floor)
Rob: Here it is.
Ixzion: No, those are the fake directions in case Blaze ever came back.
(He pulls a larger piece of paper off a bulletin board on the wall and gives it to Cutter)
Ixzion: You know, you should stop by the Mag sometime. I think you’d like it.
Cutter: Yeah? Who are the other members?
(Close-up on Izxion as he pulls out a member list)
Ixzion: Well, there’s Rob and I, of course. There’s also Bonanza and Staffmaster… Oh, there’s some other dude too… and a girl! At least, we think she’s a girl.
(He looks up to find Cutter running out the door and into the forest)
Rob: He started running once you mentioned to Bonanza and Staffmaster.
Ixzion: Gah!
(He throws the member list down)
Ixzion: That always happens!!!
(Focus on Cutter quickly running through the forest as we fade out)
____________________________________
2. The Wizard of Bob
(Fade onto a very large and extravagant, though empty, church. Czechs Mex enters from a large door and walks to the very center of the church, where a white circle has been drawn in chalk. He kneels down within the circle)
Czechs: I seek an audience with the great Lord Bob.
(He gets no response at first, but then, on the wall in front of Czechs, a vision appears. It is the amazing personification of Bob, and it is truly a wonderful image)
Lord Bob: I am the great and powerful Bob!
Czechs: Yes Lord Bob, I know. I have a very important issue with which I need your help.
Lord Bob: Czechs, those who follow the word of Bob will find themselves pure and on the road to salvation.
Czechs: I know, Lord Bob. I have been a student of Bobism for many minutes, ever since I found out you built this church. Now, about my problem, you see-
Lord Bob: Czechs, I am the rock of your salvation.
Czechs: Well, that’s good, because I need salvation. You see, my family has been kidnapped, and I kneel before you in hopes that you will find it within Your mercy and wisdom to help me.
Lord Bob: Czechs, There is one perfect being, and that is Bob. Yet I still love you and will pray for your salvations.
Czechs: Oookay… so what do you think I should do about my family?
Lord Bob: Czechs, I pray that one day you see this light that hath shown and come to it so that you may know Bob as thy lord and savior.
(Czechs looks around)
Czechs: I see no light, Lord.
Lord Bob: Czechs, Bob is an all loving and all forgiving Bob.
Czechs: Look, just answer my question! How do I save my family???
Lord Bob: Czechs, There are 10 goals of existence and enlightenment, they are:
1. To find knowledge of the truth.
2. To resist all evils…
Czechs: Please stop.
Lord Bob: …3. Respecting all life.
4. Be morally conscience.
(Frustrated, Czechs gets up and begins walking away, but stops when he notices a small booth to the side of the church. A curtain hides what is inside, but Czechs notices a pair of feet sticking out from the curtain. He approaches it)
Lord Bob: No! Stay away from the curtain of Bob!
(Czechs pulls the curtain away, revealing: LordBobR! Frantic, LordBobR grabs the microphone he was talking into and causes the hologram of Lord Bob to speak again)
Lord Bob: Pay no attention to the Bob behind that screen!
Czechs: So! This is all just a big trick! There is no Lord Bob!
LordBobR: Uh… yes there is! He’s on vacation. Check with expedia.
(Czechs flicks a switch next to LordBobR’s microphone, causing the hologram to vanish. LordBobR sighs)
LordBobR: Ok, you got me. This is all just a big trick.
Czechs: I knew it all along! What are you up to, Bob?
LordBobR: Isn’t it obvious?
Czechs: …no.
LordBobR: It’s not? Well… It’s ingenious, really. By posting my useless mumbo-jumbo all over the internet while contributing absolutely nothing to society, I gain followers without doing any work!
Czechs: But why?
LordBobR: Once I have enough followers I can enact my master plan.
Czechs: What’s the master plan?
LordBobR: I don’t know yet.
(Long pause)
Czechs: …
LordBobR: …
Czechs: …
LordBobR:
Czechs: You don’t know yet? You’re gaining followers so you can enact a master plan that you don’t know yet?
LordBobR: Don’t worry, I’ll figure it out soon. The soup will guide me.
(He points to a cold, moldy bowl of chicken soup sitting on a table)
Czechs: …the soup will guide you…
LordBobR: Yes, the soup knows all.
(He walks over to the soup and begins peering into it)
LordBobR: Guide me, O soup.
(Long pause, Czechs begins backing away from Bob towards the door)
Czechs: I’m, uh… gonna leave now.
(LordBobR doesn’t respond, he seems transfixed with the soup. Czechs quietly shuts the door behind him. Fade out.)
____________________________________
3. Where are they now?
(Fade onto an orange raft in the middle of the ocean. It’s the kind of small, emergency raft found on any ship. Without any sails or equipment, the raft is floating aimlessly around with no land in sight. Inside are Syviar, Hikari, and Ezalb. There look tired, dirty, and hungry)
Syviar: You know what I miss?
Ezalb: What?
Syviar: Food.
Ezalb: Really?
Syviar: Yeah. I always liked food.
Ezalb: I miss Fushigi. Me and her were best buddies.
Syviar: She tried to kill you, like, a dozen times.
Ezalb: Yeah, but it was out of love.
Hikari: Mumblemumble I’ll knock you both off this raft if you don’t shut up grumblegrumble.
Syviar: What’d you say, Hikari?
Hikari: I said finding a rock out here would be daft.
Syviar: Oh… I agree.
(Long pause)
Ezalb: Isn’t it a shame that the evil and powerful Lord of Pavvy Hell, The Bucket, destroyed our ship while we were sailing to the new Pavilion?
Hikari: What are you talking about?!? Our ship got destroyed because you grabbed the controls, tried to race a seagull, and crashed us into an iceberg!
Ezalb: I wanted to make sure the seagull knew not to mess with me! I think that was worth crashing the ship.
Hikari: Four people died!
Ezalb: Oh they’ll be back in time for Pavilion Adventures 3: All Out of Ideas.
Hikari: Mumblemumble He gets dumber by the minute grumblegrumble.
Syviar: What was that?
Hikari: I said nothing’s funner than a minuet.
Syvair: Yeah, I think so to-wait a minute, that’s not proper grammar! Are you feeling okay, Hikari? You seem a bit cranky. You used to be all happy and perky.
Hikari: Yeah, well.
(She gives him the finger)
Hikari: I lost all my happy when Ezalb used the rest of out food to catch a fish, which he then put back into the ocean because he said it reminded him of his mother.
Ezalb: She’s a salamander.
Hikari: A salamander’s not a fish! It’s a lizard!
Ezalb: Oh yeah…
(He breaks off his finger, which instantly grows back)
Ezalb: That explains why the situation with the vacuum hose didn’t bother me that much…
Hikari: And you want to know what happened to my perky, Syviar? Ya jackass. I lost all my perky when this hunk of stupid metal used the last of our fresh water to grow a plant because he wanted aloe.
Ezalb: I needed to moisturize!
Hikari: YOU’RE A ROBOT!
Syviar: Hikari… look around you. There’s nothing BUT water! Havn’t you ever heard the poem “Water water everywhere, so let’s all have a drink”?
Hikari: Actually, the line is “NOT a drop to dr-”
Syviar: Shut up and drink!
(He reaches over the edge of the raft, cups some water in his hands, and throws it in Hikari’s face. Hikari angrily does the same to him, and soon the two are leaning over the raft and start repeatedly splashing water on each other. They are so distracted by their epic battle that they don’t even realize their raft has beached on a small island)
Ezalb: Land!
(Ezalb jumps onto the beach and begins kissing the sand. Hikari and Syviar climb out of the raft and celebrate)
Syviar: There’s bound to be someone living here, maybe they have a phone! And food! And water!
Ezalb: And Nintendo!
Hikari: Let’s go!
(The three happily start walking to the distant trees, but stop when they see five figures coming towards them from the foliage)
Syviar: Who’s there???
(The figures come staggering out from the trees with their arms out in front of them, they are five Pavilion newbies)
Newbies: Braaaaaaaaains, we have no braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains.
Ezalb: AHH! Zombies!
Syviar: Run away!
(Hungry for any kind of intelligence, the zombies start staggering towards the fresh meat. Hikari, Syviar, and Ezalb run to the raft, push it back into the ocean, and jump inside, barely escaping being eaten by the Damned and Clueless. Once again, the raft is aimlessly floating through the ocean, with our three shipwrecked Pavilionites inside)
Ezalb: Well, being on land was nice while it lasted. At least I got to bring some sand, we can make sand castles!
Hikari: Mumblemumble Kill me now grumble grumble.
Syviar: What’d you say?
Hikari: I said, uh… oh just shut up!
(Fade out)
1. Hi, I’m new.
(Fade onto Cutter De Blanc as he approaches the old Pavilion tower from the surrounding woods. A suitcase in his hand, he wipes away a happy tear at the thought of finally returning home. He knocks on the door)
Cutter: Hey! It’s me, Cutter! I’m back! Let me in.
(There’s silence at first, then a few scattered footsteps can be heard from inside. Two whispered voices begin speaking to each other)
Voice 1: There's someone out there.
Voice 2: I thought they all left! Who is it?
Cutter: It’s Cutter! Come on, let me in! I’m way overdue for an update of the Gaming Grounds! Everyone must be so disappointed…
Voice 1: It’s Cutter! And he can hear us!
Voice 2: No wonder, we’re whispering while leaning right against the door.
Voice 1: Okay, I’ve got a plan.
(There are few moments of silence)
Voice 1: There’s no one here, Cutter. Go away!
Voice 2: Yeah, great plan.
Cutter: Look, I can hear you! Let me in!!
Voice 2: Uh… He meant, err… There’s no one here but us GameFAQs members.
(Cutter screams in fear and starts running away. He gets a few yards before stopping and walking back to the door)
Cutter: Hey, I recognize that voice! Is that you, Ixzion?
Voice 2: Crap.
Voice 1: Now what?
Voice 2: Alright, let’s just walk away. He cant get in if we don’t unlock the door. I’m sure he’ll leave eventually.
(Cutter remains standing outside the door. Day turns to night, then back to day, then back to night, and Cutter still doesn’t move)
Voice 1: He’s still out there…
Voice 2: What? Impossible.
(Pause)
Voice 2: He’s still out there!
Voice 1: Do you think he’s hungry?
Voice 1: No! He cant be human!
(Pause)
Voice 1: Ok, I guess we have no choice.
(The door opens, revealing Izxion and RobRush)
Ixzion: Hey Cutter, come on in.
(Cutter enters the OldPavilion to find it quite run down. Most of the former Main Floor is bare and dirty, while the walls are starting to crumble)
Cutter: What happened? Where is everyone?
Ixzion: Didn’t you hear? They left for some new place. Apparently it’s enjoyed by all and works nearly flawlessly… it cant be anywhere around here.
Rob: Probably on Mars or something.
Cutter: So… what are you guys doing here.
Ixzion: Well, we make the occasional trip here for scavenging purposes.
Cutter: Scavenging?
Ixzion: Yeah, we take the trash, scrap, and leftovers of the Pavilion and bring it all back to the Mag.
Cutter: What is that, some kind of metaphor?
(Pause)
Ixzion: Huh?
Cutter: Never mind. Do you know how to get to the new place?
Rob: Yeah, Valk left directions incase anyone who didn’t know about the move came back.
(He looks around for a second, then finds a piece of paper on the floor)
Rob: Here it is.
Ixzion: No, those are the fake directions in case Blaze ever came back.
(He pulls a larger piece of paper off a bulletin board on the wall and gives it to Cutter)
Ixzion: You know, you should stop by the Mag sometime. I think you’d like it.
Cutter: Yeah? Who are the other members?
(Close-up on Izxion as he pulls out a member list)
Ixzion: Well, there’s Rob and I, of course. There’s also Bonanza and Staffmaster… Oh, there’s some other dude too… and a girl! At least, we think she’s a girl.
(He looks up to find Cutter running out the door and into the forest)
Rob: He started running once you mentioned to Bonanza and Staffmaster.
Ixzion: Gah!
(He throws the member list down)
Ixzion: That always happens!!!
(Focus on Cutter quickly running through the forest as we fade out)
____________________________________
2. The Wizard of Bob
(Fade onto a very large and extravagant, though empty, church. Czechs Mex enters from a large door and walks to the very center of the church, where a white circle has been drawn in chalk. He kneels down within the circle)
Czechs: I seek an audience with the great Lord Bob.
(He gets no response at first, but then, on the wall in front of Czechs, a vision appears. It is the amazing personification of Bob, and it is truly a wonderful image)
Lord Bob: I am the great and powerful Bob!
Czechs: Yes Lord Bob, I know. I have a very important issue with which I need your help.
Lord Bob: Czechs, those who follow the word of Bob will find themselves pure and on the road to salvation.
Czechs: I know, Lord Bob. I have been a student of Bobism for many minutes, ever since I found out you built this church. Now, about my problem, you see-
Lord Bob: Czechs, I am the rock of your salvation.
Czechs: Well, that’s good, because I need salvation. You see, my family has been kidnapped, and I kneel before you in hopes that you will find it within Your mercy and wisdom to help me.
Lord Bob: Czechs, There is one perfect being, and that is Bob. Yet I still love you and will pray for your salvations.
Czechs: Oookay… so what do you think I should do about my family?
Lord Bob: Czechs, I pray that one day you see this light that hath shown and come to it so that you may know Bob as thy lord and savior.
(Czechs looks around)
Czechs: I see no light, Lord.
Lord Bob: Czechs, Bob is an all loving and all forgiving Bob.
Czechs: Look, just answer my question! How do I save my family???
Lord Bob: Czechs, There are 10 goals of existence and enlightenment, they are:
1. To find knowledge of the truth.
2. To resist all evils…
Czechs: Please stop.
Lord Bob: …3. Respecting all life.
4. Be morally conscience.
(Frustrated, Czechs gets up and begins walking away, but stops when he notices a small booth to the side of the church. A curtain hides what is inside, but Czechs notices a pair of feet sticking out from the curtain. He approaches it)
Lord Bob: No! Stay away from the curtain of Bob!
(Czechs pulls the curtain away, revealing: LordBobR! Frantic, LordBobR grabs the microphone he was talking into and causes the hologram of Lord Bob to speak again)
Lord Bob: Pay no attention to the Bob behind that screen!
Czechs: So! This is all just a big trick! There is no Lord Bob!
LordBobR: Uh… yes there is! He’s on vacation. Check with expedia.
(Czechs flicks a switch next to LordBobR’s microphone, causing the hologram to vanish. LordBobR sighs)
LordBobR: Ok, you got me. This is all just a big trick.
Czechs: I knew it all along! What are you up to, Bob?
LordBobR: Isn’t it obvious?
Czechs: …no.
LordBobR: It’s not? Well… It’s ingenious, really. By posting my useless mumbo-jumbo all over the internet while contributing absolutely nothing to society, I gain followers without doing any work!
Czechs: But why?
LordBobR: Once I have enough followers I can enact my master plan.
Czechs: What’s the master plan?
LordBobR: I don’t know yet.
(Long pause)
Czechs: …
LordBobR: …
Czechs: …
LordBobR:
Czechs: You don’t know yet? You’re gaining followers so you can enact a master plan that you don’t know yet?
LordBobR: Don’t worry, I’ll figure it out soon. The soup will guide me.
(He points to a cold, moldy bowl of chicken soup sitting on a table)
Czechs: …the soup will guide you…
LordBobR: Yes, the soup knows all.
(He walks over to the soup and begins peering into it)
LordBobR: Guide me, O soup.
(Long pause, Czechs begins backing away from Bob towards the door)
Czechs: I’m, uh… gonna leave now.
(LordBobR doesn’t respond, he seems transfixed with the soup. Czechs quietly shuts the door behind him. Fade out.)
____________________________________
3. Where are they now?
(Fade onto an orange raft in the middle of the ocean. It’s the kind of small, emergency raft found on any ship. Without any sails or equipment, the raft is floating aimlessly around with no land in sight. Inside are Syviar, Hikari, and Ezalb. There look tired, dirty, and hungry)
Syviar: You know what I miss?
Ezalb: What?
Syviar: Food.
Ezalb: Really?
Syviar: Yeah. I always liked food.
Ezalb: I miss Fushigi. Me and her were best buddies.
Syviar: She tried to kill you, like, a dozen times.
Ezalb: Yeah, but it was out of love.
Hikari: Mumblemumble I’ll knock you both off this raft if you don’t shut up grumblegrumble.
Syviar: What’d you say, Hikari?
Hikari: I said finding a rock out here would be daft.
Syviar: Oh… I agree.
(Long pause)
Ezalb: Isn’t it a shame that the evil and powerful Lord of Pavvy Hell, The Bucket, destroyed our ship while we were sailing to the new Pavilion?
Hikari: What are you talking about?!? Our ship got destroyed because you grabbed the controls, tried to race a seagull, and crashed us into an iceberg!
Ezalb: I wanted to make sure the seagull knew not to mess with me! I think that was worth crashing the ship.
Hikari: Four people died!
Ezalb: Oh they’ll be back in time for Pavilion Adventures 3: All Out of Ideas.
Hikari: Mumblemumble He gets dumber by the minute grumblegrumble.
Syviar: What was that?
Hikari: I said nothing’s funner than a minuet.
Syvair: Yeah, I think so to-wait a minute, that’s not proper grammar! Are you feeling okay, Hikari? You seem a bit cranky. You used to be all happy and perky.
Hikari: Yeah, well.
(She gives him the finger)
Hikari: I lost all my happy when Ezalb used the rest of out food to catch a fish, which he then put back into the ocean because he said it reminded him of his mother.
Ezalb: She’s a salamander.
Hikari: A salamander’s not a fish! It’s a lizard!
Ezalb: Oh yeah…
(He breaks off his finger, which instantly grows back)
Ezalb: That explains why the situation with the vacuum hose didn’t bother me that much…
Hikari: And you want to know what happened to my perky, Syviar? Ya jackass. I lost all my perky when this hunk of stupid metal used the last of our fresh water to grow a plant because he wanted aloe.
Ezalb: I needed to moisturize!
Hikari: YOU’RE A ROBOT!
Syviar: Hikari… look around you. There’s nothing BUT water! Havn’t you ever heard the poem “Water water everywhere, so let’s all have a drink”?
Hikari: Actually, the line is “NOT a drop to dr-”
Syviar: Shut up and drink!
(He reaches over the edge of the raft, cups some water in his hands, and throws it in Hikari’s face. Hikari angrily does the same to him, and soon the two are leaning over the raft and start repeatedly splashing water on each other. They are so distracted by their epic battle that they don’t even realize their raft has beached on a small island)
Ezalb: Land!
(Ezalb jumps onto the beach and begins kissing the sand. Hikari and Syviar climb out of the raft and celebrate)
Syviar: There’s bound to be someone living here, maybe they have a phone! And food! And water!
Ezalb: And Nintendo!
Hikari: Let’s go!
(The three happily start walking to the distant trees, but stop when they see five figures coming towards them from the foliage)
Syviar: Who’s there???
(The figures come staggering out from the trees with their arms out in front of them, they are five Pavilion newbies)
Newbies: Braaaaaaaaains, we have no braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains.
Ezalb: AHH! Zombies!
Syviar: Run away!
(Hungry for any kind of intelligence, the zombies start staggering towards the fresh meat. Hikari, Syviar, and Ezalb run to the raft, push it back into the ocean, and jump inside, barely escaping being eaten by the Damned and Clueless. Once again, the raft is aimlessly floating through the ocean, with our three shipwrecked Pavilionites inside)
Ezalb: Well, being on land was nice while it lasted. At least I got to bring some sand, we can make sand castles!
Hikari: Mumblemumble Kill me now grumble grumble.
Syviar: What’d you say?
Hikari: I said, uh… oh just shut up!
(Fade out)
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