"Release The Not-So-Great-Movie!"

[Duel]

This topic is dedicated to Bon.


Duel's Review:





I knew this movie wasn't going to be great as I walked inside the theater. I wondered if the whole crowd that filled the seats also knew that. Usually I get snacks when I'm at the flicks but I decided to save my cash knowing that I didn't want to spend the extra bucks gobbling down popcorn while watching a forgettable film about the Gods ****ing **** up.

Once the movie was over everyone got up silently and left the theater. Not one clap was heard; there was a sense of disappointment in the room as the credits rolled.

I can imagine Kratos beating the **** out of Zeus with two DVDs of this movie. I'd actually rather see that instead of watching this again.

This movie is not a clash of the titans, it is a clash between the viewer and the will they have to continue watching it.

[Cutter De Blanc]

Re: "Release The Not-So-Great-Movie!"

This movie is not a clash of the titans, it is a clash between the viewer and the will they have to continue watching it.

So, pretty much like the original, then?

[Perversion]

Re: "Release The Not-So-Great-Movie!"

This surprises me.







Not that the movie is bad, but that Duel is actually able to make a semi-thoughtful, well-written post.

[IamPinhead]

Re: "Release The Not-So-Great-Movie!"

*sniffle sniffle*
But...but...Liam Neeson! A-and giant Kraken! Baaawww!
Ima see it anyways, despite you not liking it. If there were a movie based on God of War, it would have the same problem as The Expendables: either absolutely ****ing awesome or absolutely ****ing ****.

[marcus]

Re: "Release The Not-So-Great-Movie!"

For all the action and special effects this is literally the most boring action movie I've seen. Bare in mind I never saw the original but I know if I did I'd be doubly disappointed.

Perseus' quest is to kill the Kraken and save Andromeda but the two characters share about 2 lines and there's absolutely no motivation for his goal. They got Sam Worthington (Jake Sully from Avatar) to play Perseus but the dude looks completely out of place with his fresh Marine haircut and spindly arms compared to every other character who are burly and sporting wild beards. It's like Worthington finished shooting a scene from Avatar then immediately went onto the set for Titans for his next scene. He plays a really terrible action hero with no range in emotions, zero charisma, and he's less intimidating than if Bill Murray starred in a Predator remake alongside Dan Ankroyd filling in Jesse Ventura's role.

I was really expecting Pirates of the Caribbean quality film here; a fun adventure with cool fights, likable characters, and good cinematography but you get the exact opposite. Liam Neeson as Zeus spits out his lines with zero conviction and his written character flip-flops between someone who feels remorse by his actions and a ****** off maniac. Lord Voldemort, I mean Hades, isn't villainous or foreboding in the slightest. You've got a forgettable cast of soldiers following Perseus (I seriously didn't catch anyone's name and I don't even think they were mentioned) except for Mads Miekkelson as Draco who's the only character with actual development whose performance puts everyone else to shame. The audience breathed an audible sigh of relief when the typical comedic relief characters show up but they literally get 5 lines (4 of which are their introductory and goodbye lines) with the 10 minutes of screen time they get grunting, yelling, or sitting around staring into the distance. Gemma Arterton is wonderful as Io, whose character suddenly becomes Perseus' love interest, but her spot on delivery only accentuates how lazy and uninspired the script is.

And don't get me started on wooden Chewbacca. I'm not even exaggerating.

The movie moves at a brisk pace but 99% of the story is explained in a 2 minute exposition given by Io in the absolute beginning of the movie. From there you have two hours of claustrophobic sets, goofy costumes, and Worthington grimacing at his feet. When nothing's happening the camera man is seizuring like a maniac and when something is actually happening the camera practically does a barrel-roll every five seconds. Special effects are nice (however, do yourself a favor and don't see this movie in 3D as it was pretty much a trashy last minute ditch effort) but the fight scenes themselves are shaky, poorly choreographed messes where everyone seems to leap in the air, cue slow motion, cut away to show someone else leap in the air. My favorite part is when this dude RIPS A MAN IN HALF WITH HIS BARE HANDS and Perseus' response is "Follow his blood! Split up!" Yeah, splitting up is the best thing to do when a predator with the power of 50 men is stalking you.

All of this culminates into an anticlimactic fight scene with the Kraken which is *** SPOILERS ***
10 minutes of Perseus chasing after a flying monkey from The Wizard of Oz while the Kraken stretches then Perseus flashes Medusas face and... it dies. Hades makes a fancy appearance, Perseus banishes him in 2 seconds, saves Andromeda, the two share a brief glance and depart, Zeus resurrects Io, the two are about to kiss aaaaaaaaaaand
*** END SPOILERS ***
the credits roll.

The End.

pffffffffffffffftt. I'm just glad my friend paid for the ticket.

[Duel]

Re: "Release The Not-So-Great-Movie!"

Very nice, Marcus. I did not see it in 3D because they told me it was broken.
Literally.

[Ωbright]

Re: "Release The Not-So-Great-Movie!"

The original Clash of the Titans was my FAVORITE movie when it came out.

I was 10.

I finally got it on DVD, and though largely cringeworthy, still had a lot of the things I remember loving as a kid.


And it had Maggie Smith, who has a penchant for making anything she's in suddenly fantastic.


I'm a sentimental schmuck, and I have no interest in seeing this new travesty.

...Not that I would necessarily want to promote the old travesty, either.

[John Mora]

Re: "Release The Not-So-Great-Movie!"

They got Sam Worthington (Jake Sully from Avatar) to play Perseus but the dude looks completely out of place with his fresh Marine haircut and spindly arms compared to every other character who are burly and sporting wild beards.

[AbstractOrigin]

Re: "Release The Not-So-Great-Movie!"

You're not missing anything by not watching this in 3D.

Post Production 3D is always terrible compared with
side planned and planned 3D films.

I didn't think this movie was great nor terrible.

I watched this in D-BOX motion seats and 3D.

The D-BOX motion effects for this one so far is the best.
Even better than 2012's motion effects.

Yeah.

[Goufunaki]

Re: "Release The Not-So-Great-Movie!"

The original Clash of the Titans was my FAVORITE movie when it came out.

The original is ****ing awesome!

I wanna see the new version, too.

[John Mora]

Re: "Release The Not-So-Great-Movie!"

Unless you loooooooove jerky stop-motion monsters, the original is reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally cheesy and dated.

[josh]

Re: "Release The Not-So-Great-Movie!"

also, it's not very good.

I wonder why Jake Sully has a buzzcut when he's supposed to be living in ancient Greece.

[Magus]

Re: "Release The Not-So-Great-Movie!"

Despite all the rampant, in-your-face marketing I forgot all about this movie.

big fat SHRUG

Here's a more interesting topic: How much are you guys paying for movie tickets these days?

[John Mora]

Re: "Release The Not-So-Great-Movie!"

Not one tittle over $5~

[josh]

Re: "Release The Not-So-Great-Movie!"

with money, duh. I just don't see that many that come out. last movie I saw in a theater was Shutter Island.