Announcement

**John Mora** · 10-17-2006, 05:51 PM

Re: Tell me a bad joke, please.

What happened to the donut hole?

The dog ate it.

**Kire** · 10-17-2006, 05:53 PM

Re: Tell me a bad joke, please.

Go see my movie, so I will not be execute!

**H2SO4** · 10-17-2006, 05:56 PM

Re: Tell me a bad joke, please.

Why can't mathematicians get constipated?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because they can work it out with a pencil!

**Red Dragon** · 10-17-2006, 06:02 PM

Re: Tell me a bad joke, please.

http://newgrounds.com/portal/view/322382

Watch the episodes, or just click on "Board?"

**Smurvis** · 10-17-2006, 06:13 PM

Re: Tell me a bad joke, please.

You want to hear a bad joke? I heard this from my friend the other day, and wanted to kill him for wasting 5 minutes of my life:

A man spends the early years of his life carrying passengers from one train station to another. Day in and day out, same old same old. He gets bored, and starts to slack a little. One day when leaving the station, he closed the doors while a woman was trying to get on and took off... she was pulled underneath the train and tragically killed.

The man is tried in a court and sentenced to the chair for his actions. The day finally arrives and he's taken off of Death Row and into the chamber. They strap him into the chair and pull the switch. Thousands of volts fly through him and after it all stops... his eyes open. He's just as fine as can be. Unsure of what to do, they release him.

He goes to work at another train station... after a few years, the same thing happens again, only it's a newly married couple. Again he is tried in the same court, and sentenced. His time comes and they take him back to the chamber. The same guard is there and cranks up the voltage. They pull the switch and there's so much of an overload that the lights flicker and dim through the whole facility. Afterwards he opens his eyes again. The guard, confused... releases him.

He gets a job at ANOTHER train station. He's there for many years and seems to be doing pretty poorly. Again he closes the door on someone trying to get in, and the elderly man is killed by being pulled under. He is sentenced a third time, and sent to jail.

His time comes again, and it is yet again the SAME guard pulling the switch. The guard says that he's giving it all they've got, and they'll see to it that he's dead. The guard cranks it to well beyond the safety level, and flips the switch. An overexcessive amount of volts fly through the man and the power is lost in the whole city, and there was dimming throughout the state. After the backup generator restores power to the facility, there sits the man... unharmed. The guard looks at him, bewildered, and asks... "How... how... how are you still alive? Why didn't that kill you?"

(Are you ready for this?)

The man replies:

"I'm just a bad conductor."

...

**Red Dragon** · 10-17-2006, 06:18 PM

Re: Tell me a bad joke, please.

LMAO ^

I found that extremely funny, but a little long.

**Jamos' Old Account** · 10-17-2006, 06:28 PM

Re: Tell me a bad joke, please.

Teacher: "There is a train heading east going 80 miles an hour and on the same track there is another train going west at 50. How long will it take for the trains to crash?"

Student: "....If you know this information why are you telling me about it? I think the doomed passengers have a right to know they're about to die."

Now that is a bad joke. YAY!

dow

**Red Dragon** · 10-17-2006, 06:30 PM

Re: Tell me a bad joke, please.

Chuck ****** <insert anything here> Roundhouse kicked <insert anything here> Chuck ******.

**hitogoroshi** · 10-17-2006, 06:38 PM

Re: Tell me a bad joke, please.

I got your bad humor right here.

**Fushigi na Renamon** · 10-17-2006, 07:02 PM

Re: Tell me a bad joke, please.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(get ready for it)

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

**Goemon** · 10-17-2006, 07:03 PM

Re: Tell me a bad joke, please.

Why did the turkey cross the road?

Because an eighteen-wheeler ran over the chicken.

.....yeah, I should probably keep my day job. That was terrible...

**Patryn** · 10-17-2006, 07:27 PM

Re: Tell me a bad joke, please.

This is REALLY BAD. I mean horribly tasteless.

Don't look if you're easily insulted.

What the difference between a garbage truck full of bowling balls and garbage truck full of dead babies?

You can't unload the bowling balls using a pitchfork.

**facts** · 10-17-2006, 07:28 PM

Re: Tell me a bad joke, please.

So there's this tall building in Chicago and on the roof there is a bar. 2 men are in the bar drinking when one of them tells the other one that the wind up drafts are so strong that if you jumped off the building you would come straight back up. The other man doesn't believe him and decides to place a bet for a free drink on it, the man who said you would come back is to jump off the building and if he comes back up he gets the free drink.

They go out onto the roof and stand near the edge as the man jumps off the roof. He begins to fall for hundreds of feet until right before he hits the ground he stops and comes flying back up and lands on the roof. The other man can't believe it and decides to try it for himself. He starts falling and falling, but when he gets close to the ground he doesn't stop, he just hits the ground and dies.

The other man walks back into the bar and tells the bartender to get him the free drink. Then the bartender says:

Are you ready for this one?

He says "You're a mean drunk Superman."

**Kefka Jr.** · 10-17-2006, 07:33 PM

Re: Tell me a bad joke, please.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Earlier that morning the farmers daughter had inadvertantly left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a maths test set for that day. She hadn't studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her fathers recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distacted of late.

Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encountered the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself in a soybean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture removalists van as it attempted to make its way home.

Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman.

"Cool" thought the mental health worker- "those feathers will make for excellent trout flys". He stopped and plucked a handful of the most irridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. "God, I love this job", he muttered to no one in particular.

----

This kid is at school. Some kids are making fun of him, so he calls them blue bananas and they beat him up. He goes inside to tell his teacher. 'What are you doing here?' the teacher asks. 'I called a bunch of kids blue bananas and they beat me up,' the kid says. 'You called them blue bananas? That's very bad,' the teacher said. 'I'm afraid I'll have to send you the principal.' So the kid goes to the principal. 'What are you doing here?' the principal asks. 'I called a bunch of kids blue bananas and they beat me up. I went to tell my teacher and she sent me to you, and now I'm here.' 'You called them blue bananas? That's very bad,' the principal said. 'I'm sending you home to talk to your parents.' The kid goes home, and his dad is there. 'What are you doing here?' his dad asks. 'I called a bunch of kids blue bananas and they beat me up. I went to tell my teacher and she sent me to the principal, and the principal sent me home, and now I'm here.' 'You called them blue bananas? That's very bad,' the kid's dad says. 'Go outside and think about what you did.' The kid goes outside and sits down on the porch. A policeman comes by. 'What are you doing here?' the policeman asks. 'I called a bunch of kids blue bananas and they beat me up. I went to tell my teacher and she sent me to the principal, and the principal sent me home. My dad told me to sit outside, and now I'm here.' 'You called them blue bananas? That's very bad,' the policeman says. 'I'm going to have to arrest you.' So the kid winds up in juvenile court. 'What are you doing here?' the judge asks. 'I called a bunch of kids blue bananas and they beat me up. I went to tell my teacher and she sent me to the principal, and the principal sent me home. My dad told me to sit outside, and a policeman came by and arrested me. And now I'm here.' 'You called them blue bananas? That's very bad,' the judge says. 'I'm going to have sentence you to 15 years in jail.' So the kid gets sent to jail. 15 years later, he gets out of jail. As he's leaving the jail, he runs into a girl he used to know at school. 'What are you doing here?' she asks. 'I called a bunch of kids blue bananas and they beat me up. I went to tell my teacher and she sent me to the principal, and the principal sent me home. My dad told me to sit outside, and a policeman came by and arrested me. The judge sentenced me to 15 years in prison and now I'm here.' The friend starts laughing so hard she ends up rolling on the ground. She rolls out into the street, gets hit by a car, and dies. The moral of the story? Look both ways before you cross the street.

Announcement

Bad Joke Topic

Bad Joke Topic

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment