The necromancer slayer book one.

[simple man]

Hello guys im just sitting here sipping a cup of tea writing a story.
Ivan and Altrides were walking down the very dark and long woods.Ivan said "Do you think we will kill the evil demons?Altrides looked at Ivan."I don't know but we can win if we try.God is watching over our head's.We can destroy Valkysas and be hero's! Altreides spoke.So the hero's walked on their journey.A strange man was blocking the entrance."What are you two doing here.This place is off limits.But i know you want to come in.The Necromancer said."I will fight you for it i will kill you!" Ivan said."well then fight me"The Necromancer said."Bring it on!" Ivan said. Ivan swang his Knife and cut the Necromancer.The Necromancer Thrusted his Sword at ivan.And Ivan striked the black Steel of the blade and it Shattered into Piece's and Ivan stabbed the man with a sneering face.

[Perversion]

Hello guys im just sitting here sipping a cup of tea writing a story.


Ivan and Altrides were walking down the very dark and long woods. Ivan said,
"Do you think we will kill the evil demons?"Altrides looked at Ivan.
"I don't know, but we can win if we try. God is watching over our heads. We can destroy Valkysas and be heroes!" Altreides spoke. So the heroes walked on their journey. A strange man was blocking the entrance.
"What are you two doing here? This place is off limits.But I know you want to come in," the Necromancer said.
"I will fight you for it! I will kill you!" Ivan said.
"Well then fight me," the Necromancer said.
"Bring it on!" Ivan said. Ivan swung his knife and cut the Necromancer. The Necromancer thrusted his sword at Ivan. Ivan striked the black steel of the blade and it shattered into pieces as Ivan stabbed the man with a sneering face.

Fixed. *whew*

[simple man]

I tryed to make it grammarific.

[Doyleman]

"tryed"

tried?


I give you props for trying, at least.
One gripe:

I will fight you for it... (Ivan)
Well then fight me (Necromancer)
Bring it on (Ivan)

This seems... well, repeated. 'Bring it on', to me, is a comeback to a challenge for a fight ONLY if that same person didn't make the challenge.

Here, Ivan's saying that he'll fight, which can kinda count as a challenge, thus making the 'bring it on' seem kinda weird. (maybe it's just me, though).

I woulda had Ivan say something like "prepare to die/be annhilated/be vanquished", whatever (of that sort) at the end, instead.

Then again, that's just me.