Eternal Retardia/RM1/Created by the legendary John Mora
Plot:
You play as the 15-year old hero of the Royal Guard. Beside you are three other noble fighters such as Rock, Hotty, and Eugene the mage...or wizard. I don't see the difference. Together, this party of generic RPG characters must go on various quests, leading up to the biggest plot twist of all time.
Review:
Let's get this started.
First, the plot. It's ridiculous. As the noble hero, it's your duty to...uhm...ensure...the safety of the people? Okay, forget it. In the beginning, you're given the task to kill a dragon inside a cave. I'm guessing this dragon is disturbing the peace so it's up to YOU to make sure he ceases to exist any further. After questioning the mission you find yourself recruiting Rock, the generic strong badass, Hotty, the generic hot chick, and Eugene, the mage who seems to be really smart! Well, Eugene is the only one with some grasp of intelligence because the rest of the party are dumber than fetuses, which seems to play a big role in this game. After not killing the dragon you are tasked with talking to your dad, who will also give you a mission.
This game does have some pretty good humor. Most of it is the mocking of cliche RPG elements like having to go on ridiculous fetch quests and the cliches of your party members but there are some original stuff too. For example, killing a poor old lady to obtain a pass that leads to a secret club which is revealed to be a black market for aborted fetuses. Graphic wise, the game does well. Nothing bad, nothng spectacular, just right. Music? Your run-of-the-mill RPG Maker songs, so nothing real bad there. (Except for the one song that seems to be playing constantly at a surprising fast speed.)
Battles are pretty easy but hey, you don't play an RPG for it's battles! You play for it's story and all that noise!
The score? Out of what? What? Oh, ok.
Eternal Retardia recieves an average 3 aborted fetuses out of.......5! I'm like Adam Sessler!
Plot:
You play as the 15-year old hero of the Royal Guard. Beside you are three other noble fighters such as Rock, Hotty, and Eugene the mage...or wizard. I don't see the difference. Together, this party of generic RPG characters must go on various quests, leading up to the biggest plot twist of all time.
Review:
Let's get this started.
First, the plot. It's ridiculous. As the noble hero, it's your duty to...uhm...ensure...the safety of the people? Okay, forget it. In the beginning, you're given the task to kill a dragon inside a cave. I'm guessing this dragon is disturbing the peace so it's up to YOU to make sure he ceases to exist any further. After questioning the mission you find yourself recruiting Rock, the generic strong badass, Hotty, the generic hot chick, and Eugene, the mage who seems to be really smart! Well, Eugene is the only one with some grasp of intelligence because the rest of the party are dumber than fetuses, which seems to play a big role in this game. After not killing the dragon you are tasked with talking to your dad, who will also give you a mission.
This game does have some pretty good humor. Most of it is the mocking of cliche RPG elements like having to go on ridiculous fetch quests and the cliches of your party members but there are some original stuff too. For example, killing a poor old lady to obtain a pass that leads to a secret club which is revealed to be a black market for aborted fetuses. Graphic wise, the game does well. Nothing bad, nothng spectacular, just right. Music? Your run-of-the-mill RPG Maker songs, so nothing real bad there. (Except for the one song that seems to be playing constantly at a surprising fast speed.)
Battles are pretty easy but hey, you don't play an RPG for it's battles! You play for it's story and all that noise!
The score? Out of what? What? Oh, ok.
Eternal Retardia recieves an average 3 aborted fetuses out of.......5! I'm like Adam Sessler!