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Old 09-13-2017, 08:58 PM   #1
Redeye
You wasted time with this
 
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: In the Computer Room
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Redeye should consider running for president of the astronauts.Redeye should consider running for president of the astronauts.Redeye should consider running for president of the astronauts.Redeye should consider running for president of the astronauts.
Post An excerpt from my novel-in-progress

So, a bit of a history lesson, first. In my game thread, I mentioned that I was busy working on a novel. Well, I managed to write up a Prologue for the story that introduces the conflict and world in a way. This novel and the game that I'm making share the same story, so I'm basically taking my game idea and putting it into words. Don't worry, though, I still plan on working on the game itself, it's just that I thought that I'd write a novel based off of it for advertisement purposes, and also to provide people with a way to enjoy the story without having to be a smart and tactical RPG gamer.

I would like some feedback on this. The prologue is short, but I'd say that it sets things up nicely in my personal opinion.

Word of warning: This story is fairly mature and dark, after all of the story revisions I've done in the past. I'm estimating that this would only be suitable for readers that are 18+, because there is quite a bit of blood, gore, and alcoholic references in this short Prologue. The faint-of-heart and most children should read at their own risk.

Also, there are no indents, because the Pav's message system doesn't know how to process them or something. Therefore, paragraphs will be separated differently. Other than that, here we go...



Advent of Elysium
A WORLD OF BEASTS
Written by Devon Flynn ("Redeye")



PROLOGUE

The sky was a shade of ochre, not too bright, not too dark. The sun was slowly fading from view, with a small sliver just peeking its head above the horizon. Patches of dying grass and groups of multi-colored trees dotted the plains of Kingsdale. Towards the center of the plains, those small tree clutters began to merge and develop into a small patch of woods, peacefully sitting beside a fairly noticeable high hill. A small settlement the folks named “Southgrove” sat in the central thicket of the woods. From the top of Lord Hill, you could see the entirety of the village.

About a dozen homes circled around the inner rim of the thicket, forming a cul de sac with a simplistic brick well in the center of it all. Directly next to the homes sat a handful of marketplaces, and a humble inn towards the end of the dirt road. Many of the townsfolk were scrambling to return to their homes for the evening. Parents were trying to find their children, who were busy playing around in the woods. Merchants hurried to gather all of their wares before the moon rose. Among the little display of chaos was a middle-aged woman and a young boy, most likely her child. The woman had a very peeved look on her face as she hurried down the road, towards the local inn, with her kid in tow. The confused six-year-old briefly took a peek at the sky to see a murder of crows flying over the settlement. Their annoying caws echoed across the sky, encouraging the townspeople to make haste in their efforts to close up for the night.

The child’s mother proceeded to throw the front door open to see a burly middle-aged man sitting at the tavern. He was wearing sweaty commoner’s clothing, and had a bottle of ale in hand. The man turned his head to look at her a few seconds after the door swung open.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” the woman hissed, “It’s almost night-time, and we haven’t seen our daughter in hours!”

“Don’t raise your voice, I’m workin’ on it …” the intoxicated man replied with a lazy voice.

“‘Working on it?’ You’ve been busy chugging down beer all day, like the useless fool you are!”

Across the desk, the bartender decided to head into the back, trying to ignore the heated conversation.

“Oh, shuddup,” the father said, “I’m the only one who keeps this family runnin’, and you know it.”

“Don’t change the subject!” she shouted, “They’re coming, and they’re gonna be here any minute now. The watchmen saw them charging in from the north!”

The boy listened to his parents’ arguement. He could feel his heart pounding from the recent tension, yet he was unaware of the true danger at hand. The fact that his sister was apparently missing didn’t help the situation.

Suddenly, a man’s blood-curdling scream emerged from the back of the inn. The family immediately turned their heads in horror. The gruesome sound of flesh being torn open could be heard soon after. The boy’s heart was racing faster than a speeding train, and his heavy breathing began to intensify. The father struggled to get up from his chair before slowly inching towards the door where the scream came from.

Shards of wood immediately flew from the now-broken door, where a large wolf-like creature on its hind legs stood. Cries of horror flew out of the mother’s mouth as the werewolf pinned the father to the ground, sinking its teeth into his neck. The man cried out in pain as blood gushed out of his wound. Before he knew it, the ferocious beast tore his throat out, and devoured it whole. The boy could only look away as his father ceased to move.

Soon after the man’s death, faint screams of terror were heard from outside, followed by the distorted moans of abhorrent Fiends. The mother quickly looked back at her husband’s corpse, when her heart skipped a beat. He was standing upright, as if he never died at all. His eyes were completely blank, but the woman could feel them staring into her soul. Black mist arose from his undead body. A few seconds later, another creature emerged from the hole in the wall. It was the headless, mutated corpse of the bartender, who now had jaundiced skin and malformed claws. A few seconds after that, the werewolf stood up, just having finished chomping at its meal. All three of them stared at the mother and her child.

She quickly grabbed her child and ran, with her eyes wide open in fear. But before they could make it to the front door, they were tackled and overwhelmed by the beasts. Blood splattered across the walls as they were eaten alive.



A man stood on the summit of Lord Hill, overlooking the horrific scene. He wore a grey trench coat over his commoner’s clothing. His slightly long, black hair nearly camouflaged the back of his head in the night sky, while his violet eyes glowed in the darkness. He wasn’t mortified by the massacre, instead it almost seemed as if he saw it coming. He was one of the few people in this world who understood the grim truth of mankind.

He quietly watched as the Fiends slaughtered the townspeople one by one. Several homes began to burn, possibly due to stray lanterns and candles being knocked over during the chaos. The mix of horrified screams and abhorrent moans echoed throughout the woods.

The man turned around and walked away from the massacre before anyone, or anything, could notice him. He understood the burden of man. The Fiends, malevolent beings born from malice and death, plagued the world of Dystopia. Those who die at the hands of a Fiend are transformed into one, themselves. For eons, they preyed on the weak, and scared the strong into their walls of safety. Wherever they go, doom follows close behind, for that is mankind’s curse.
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