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RE: Halloween Outlawed

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  • RE: Halloween Outlawed

    Adults Declare Halloween Off Limits Henceforth

    The nation was shocked today when it was announced that all senior citizens have banded together and officially declared Halloween obsolete. Described as a 'devil worshipping Pagan festival' by 'senior' spokesman Jim Moron Sr., it looks like there will be less witches and goblins come October 31, 2014.

    "These danged whippersnappers be bangin' on our doors all night! It is six p.m.! It's our bed time! And the worst thing is it started at our 10 a.m. nap time at the center! 'No, I'm not a trick or treater, I'm your nurse! It's time for yer meds! You know how you get when you don't take 'em!'

    Know what I did? I pooped my pants just to spite the young'un! That'll show her! Where am I?"

    Mr. Moron Sr. was unavailable for further comment as he grew cranky thanks to the clock turning to 6:30 p.m.- a whole half hour after bedtime. He is currently napping. This WMRN news anchor would have helped Mr. Moron Sr. back to the center, had the mixed scent of mothballs and prune juice not been so overpowering.

    Alas, his group's decision is final. Once announced of the absence of free candy, the children of the world began to riot. Several store outlets such as Wal-Mart began bringing forth reports of 5 years old and under hoodlums looting from their stores. When we got to the scene, we were able to catch up to one of the perps.

    WMRN Reporter: "Sir, can you please tell the public what is going on in your mind at the moment?"

    Perp: "Goo goo gaga, mother ****er!"

    Then the little bastard shanked him with a Ninja Turtles pez dispenser. Truly a sad and terrible day for all young Turtle-ites everywhere. We here at WMRN News wish our colleague a speedy recovery. Because sitting here waiting for someone to walk in through the door and tell us what is going on is beginning to get boring.

    P.S. Why couldn't it have been Dave? ;_;
    Last edited by NewsAnchorBill; 10-31-2013, 08:35 PM.

  • #2
    Re: Halloween Outlawed

    I'm sorry I stopped reading once I realized the words after "Adults" was not "Only."

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    • #3
      Re: Halloween Outlawed

      It's every child's god given right to trespass at random houses and accept candy from strangers one day a year.

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