Final Fantasy VII: WTF Edition

[Deeth Irteen]

Re: Final Fantasy VII: WTF editon

Cloud: ...Dum de dum de dum...

NPC#1: Oh the AGONY!

Cloud: ...Doo de doo de doo...

NPC#2: MY LEGS HAVE BEEN BLOWN OFF AT THE HIPS!!

Cloud: ...She'll be commin' round the mountain when she cooomes....

NPC#3: WHY WON"T SOMEONE HLEP US?!

Cloud:..What a lovely day/night this is....


-near the train tracks area that noone knows the name of-


Gaurds: FREEZE!

Cloud: uh-oh spaghettios!*runs*

Gaurds: GET HIM! HIS HAIR IS ILLEGALY TO POINTY!! *surround Cloud*

Cloud: Oh poopie! I can't run away!

Gaurd#1: YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!

Gaurd#2: YOU"RE GOING TO BE LOCKED UP FOR EVERZ!

Gaurd#3: WHY DO WE ALWAYS TOALK IN ALL CAPS?

Gaurd#4: I THINK IT MAKES US INTIMIDATING!

Cloud: *Takes advantage of the distraction and jumps onto the conveniently placed train*

Gaurd#1: WELL CRAP! LET"S JUST HEAD BACK TO THE OFFICE AND EAT SHINRA BRAND DONUTS!

Gaurds#2-7: YAY!

-The train-

Biggs: Cloud never showed up.

Barret: Good, foo'! That's one less foo' to pay!

Voice: Oh snaaaaaaap!

Biggs/Jessie/Wedge: ?????

Cloud: *breaks into the train car* TA-DA!!!!!!

Biggs/Jessie/Wedge:

Barret: I pity the foo' who ruins my attempts to get out of paying them!

Wedge: Cloud, you're alright!

Cloud: Yep Yep Yep!

Barret: dhut up, foo's! Move up to the next car! *does so*

Biggs/Wedge/Jessie/Cloud: *ditto*

-the next car-

NPCs: oh snap! *flee*

Barret: foo's! I pity the foo' who runs from the guys saving the planet!

NPC: I didn't!

Barret: Shut up, foo'! *smackedy*


Jessie: Hey, Cloud, you wanna learn about how midgar's built?


Cloud/Gamers: NO!

Jessie:

Train: *Pulls into the sector 7 slums station*

[Loki]

Re: Final Fantasy VII: WTF editon

Poor Jessie. She just wants to be liked.

[BeeZee]

Re: Final Fantasy VII: WTF editon

I'd hit it.

[Kefka Jr.]

Re: Final Fantasy VII: WTF editon

Gaurd#1: WELL CRAP! LET"S JUST HEAD BACK TO THE OFFICE AND EAT SHINRA BRAND DONUTS!

So, I actually lol'd at this for some reason.

[Big Rick Cook]

Re: Final Fantasy VII: WTF editon

Weird how that works, huh?

[162]

Re: Final Fantasy VII: WTF Edition

Primo work, D13!

[Deeth Irteen]

Re: Final Fantasy VII: WTF Edition

BWA HA HA! I STARTED A FREAKING WTF: EDITION MOVEMENT!

Er, I mean, I can't believe a lost an entire week! I've got to get back to work!



Barret: Everyone head to the HQ, foo's!

Biggs/Wedge/Jessie:*Do so*

Cloud: Off to the HQ I go..


Kid: Hey, Mr., wanna stare at this giant pillar with me?

Cloud:Eh, okay.......

*Insert really cool-yet useless pillar shot here*

Cloud: That was fun, but off to the pillar I-

Weird guy: Pssssssssst, hey mac, wanna buy a "Stoner" Materia?

Cloud:Sorry, I don't talk to strangers *braver*


Sector 7 slums

Barret: OUtta the bar, bar, foo's!*Sir shoots a lot*

People:*run in fear*

Biggs: I'm such a badass a shooting things!

Wedge:*smacks Biggs*


Tifa's 7th heaven

Cloud: Hey guys, I'm here!

Tifa: CLOUD! YOU'RE HERE! *MEGA-GLOMP*

pervy fans:

D13: Heh heh. Psych!

pervy fans:


Tifa's 7th heaven

Cloud: Hey guys, I'm here!

Tifa: Welcome back, Cloud.

Barret: MARLENE! How's my little foo' fighter doing?

Cloud: Hi Marlene!

Marlene: Shut up, foo'!*kicks Cloud in the shins*

Barret: That's my girl!

Cloud: Ow

Biggs/Wedge/Jessie: Are we still speaking roles in this or what?

Barret: Head downstairs, foo's!

Biggs/Wedge/Jessie:*do so*

Cloud: That reminds me. I bought you a flower, Tifa!*Hands it over*

Tifa: Awwwwwwwww, thanks Cloud.


Downstairs

Cloud: Hey Barret, when'm I getting my money?

Barret: I ity the foo' who demands payment!

Cloud: But you said-

Barret/Marlene: SHUT UP, FOO'!*Punchity*

Tifa: Hey, no fighting in my basement!

Barret/Marlene: Sorry, Tifa *Sulk*

Jessie: Wow! Barret and Marlene suck up to Tifa!

Barret/Marlene:*Kick Jessie out of the bar*

Jessie:


Back upstairs

Cloud: Stupid Barret refuse to pay me mumble grumble

Tifa:*takes the pinball-ivator upstairs* Cloud wait! We need to talk!

Gamers: Oh great, a boring talky-talky scene. I'll skip

Tifa: Do you-?

Gamers: Skip!

Cloud: Well I-

Gamers: Skip!

Tifa: But you-

Gamers: Skip!

(10 skips later, during the flashback part)

Kid Cloud: Tomorrow I'm-

Gamers: Skip!

Kid Tifa: Let's have s-

Gamers: Skip! Wait, what?*Restart from last save point*

Kid Tifa: Let's have something to remember each other with...Like a promise!

Gamers: False alarm. Skip!

(25 skips later)

Tifa:..And that's why you can't jsut storm off.

Cloud: Hey, thanks Tifa! Now I know how to sue Barret for refusing me pay!

Tifa:

[Deeth Irteen]

Re: Final Fantasy VII: WTF Edition

Here's the next part.....

Cloud: I still want my pay, gosh darn it!

Barret: Hey, wait up, foo'!

Tifa: Barret?

Barret: Here's 1500 gil for the bombing job, foo'!*hands it over* Don't spend it all at once!

Cloud: OH BOY! I think I'll stay for a little while longer!

Tifa: Thanks, Cloud...

Jessie: Can I come in now?

Tifa/Barret/Cloud: NO!

Jessie: *Sulk*

The next morning

Barret: Hey, foo'! How does Materia work?

Cloud: Well, that's easy. you see......

Gamers:

5 minutes later

Cloud: .....and remember, KOTR doesn't work when paired with quadra-magic

Barret: that sucks, foo'!

Tifa: Hey guys! I've got just the thing for the road!*runs off screen*

Cloud/Barret: ???

d13: What is this mysterious new item? YOu'll just have to wait and see!

[Deeth Irteen]

Re: Final Fantasy VII: WTF Edition

Tifa: I'm back! Check it out!*holds a materia in the air*

Cloud: What is that? I've never seen a grey materia before!

Tifa: It's my one-of-a-kind Cameo Materia!

Cloud: What?

Tifa: It's a materia that let's me summon someone absolutely ANYBODY at random! And you can't sell it!

Mr. Continuity: NOT SO FAST!

Tifa/Cloud/Barret: ????

Mr. Continuity: I'm Mr. Continuity. I'm invading this parody to make sure nobody does anything that isn't in the actual game!

Cloud:*gets a haircut*

Barret:*Drinks some milk*

Mr. Continuity: STOP THAT!

Tifa:*Gets a breast job*

Biggs:*Takes credit for photosynthesis*

Wedge:*Begins to tap dance*

Jessie:*Beats the everloving crap out of the Gaurd Scropion, which came back*

Mr. Continuity:

[Deeth Irteen]

Re: Final Fantasy VII: WTF Edition

Barret: Okay, foo's! We're heading for the Sector 5 Reactor!

Tifa/Wedge/Biggs/Jessie/Barret/Cloud:*boards the train*

The Train

Tifa: Okay, we should be fine as long as our Fake I.D. work on the ID scanner

*alarm sound*

Intercom: WARNING! FAKE I.D.S DETECTED! MORE CAPS NEEDED TO APPREHEND THE PERPS!

Tifa: Well, crap.

Several bouts of car-hopping later

Barret: Okay, foo's! We need to jump off the train!

Cloud/Tifa: coming!

Biggs/Wedge/Jessie: What about us?

Barret: Get to work, foo's!

Biggs/Wefge/Jessie:

the sector 5 train tracks

Cloud: This is SOOOOOOOOOOOO cool!

Barret: Shut up, foo'! they'll here us!

Tifa: Quick! into this small ventilation shaft conveniently left open!

the sector 5 MAKO reactor

Cloud: Uh Oh spaghettios! Robots!

Robots: Attack the intruders!*do so*

Tifa: NO worries! I'll use my Cameo Materia!*does so*

Mr. Continuity:
*Auron of FFX appears*

Robots:

Auron:*uses Dragon Fang*

Robots:*Killed dead bug*

Cloud:Awesomesauce!Care to join our party, mr. Red guy?

Auron:This is your story*vanishes*

Cloud: Awwwwwwwww

The bottom of the reactor

Barret: Set up the bomb, foo'!

Cloud: One bomb, coming right up!

Tifa/Barret:

*Psychedelic flashback sequence*

Young Tifa: Daddy! Sephiroth killed you! I'll kill him!*runs off*

Tifa's dad: Well actually, I'm feeling better-

Paradox-filling rock: *hits Tifa's dad on the head*

Barret: What the hell's the matter with you, foo'!

Cloud: Um, nothing. The bomb's set. And there's no time limit for some reason. Let's go!

D13: With the bomb set, will our heroes get out of the mako reactor in time? Well, if you haven't played FF7, you're going to have to wait. Tune in next time, on Final Fantasy VII: WTF edition!

Loki: Stop doing that!

D13: It's MY parody!

[Deeth Irteen]

Re: Final Fantasy VII: WTF Edition

On the way to the exit.....

Cloud: uh oh spaghettios! We have to hit those 3 switches at the same time to open the door!

Barret: Hells no, foo'!*Kicks the door down*

Tifa: That works too, I guess...

The walkway area

Barret: Okay, foo's! Let's go this way!*turns left*

Gaurds: FREEZE!

Cloud:

Barret: DAMNIT! okay then, foo's! Let's go that way!*turns back to the right*

More Gaurds: FREEZE! AGAIN!

Tifa: Again.

Barret: DAMN! How'd these foo's know we'd be here?!

Pres. Shinra: *appear behind them* I told them to show up

Gaurd1: YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR SURE THIS TIME!

Gaurd2: YOUR HAIR IS STILL ILLEGALY TO POINTY!

Gaurd3: WE'RE TALKING IN ALL CAPS AGAIN.

Pres. Shinra: Shut up and go away. Air Buster, ATTACK!

Gaurds: NOW WE'RE FEELING BLUE *go away*

Air Buster: appear

Pres. Shinra: Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a planet to oppress

Barret: I KNEW IT, FOO'!

Pres. Shinra: *Helicopter ski-daddle*

Air Buster: How are you gentlemen

Tifa: What you say? Wait, what I say?!

Air Buster: All your base are belong to Air Buster

Cloud: Spaghettios no! They set up us the bad talking!

Air Buster: You are on the way to destruction

Barret: Foo' shutting up!*uses Big shot*

Tifa:*uses a beat rush-somersault combo*

Air Buster: There's no way you can survive make your time

Tifa: Materia of Cameo!

Kain from FF4: *appear*

Mr. Continuity: You suck!

Kain: Up up and away!*Jumps in the air*

Air Buster: Ha ha ha ha

Cloud: For great justice, you shut up now!*uses Braver*

Air Buster: Mooooooooooooove Ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig *Asplode!*

Cloud:*is hanging by the ledge of the parallel platform* HELP HELP!

Tifa: CLoud!

Barret: You're in deep Sh" t, foo'! Sorry!

Tifa: The bomb's gonna go off soon! Wait, is Kain still up there?

bomb: *Destructions R'Us*

Cloud: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!*falls*

Kain: Why didn't I dissappeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeear!*also falls*


Will our hero and cameo hero survive? Find out next time!

[Big Rick Cook]

Re: Final Fantasy VII: WTF Edition

...

I don't like this.

And yet I can't stop reading. WTF.

[Kefka Jr.]

Re: Final Fantasy VII: WTF Edition

I used to write stuff like this.

It kind of takes me back.

It kind of takes me aback.

[Deeth Irteen]

Re: Final Fantasy VII: WTF Edition

...

I don't like this.

And yet I can't stop reading. WTF.

My parody has a curse that forces you to keep reading


Secor 5 church

Long-haired girl: Gee, it sure is great that I finished planting the flowers that only grow right under that huge whole in the roof that leads to the Sector 5 reactor which for some reason just exploded and is apparently the origion of loud screaming that continues to get louder-WHAT THE HELL?!

Cloud/Kain:*Guess what*

Long-haired girl:.......crap.

-

CLoud:....ow hy head. where am I?

Kain:.....I don't know!Hell, I don't know why I'm still here!

Long-haired girl: Are you guys alright?

Kain: I think so.

Long-haired girl: good, because you just killed my plants!

Cloud: OH NO! I'm rally sorry ma'am, I- hold the phone! You're that flower girl that I met when the sector 1 reactor blew up which I have no affiliation with.

Kain: Way to bluff, knucklehead.

Long-haired girl: Hey, yeah, I remember you! Thanks for buying my flower.

Kain:

Long-haired girl: what?

Kain: nothing, nothing

Long-haired girl: Anyways, I'm Aeris-

Japanophiles: Hey! her name is Aerith!

Americophiles: Wrong! her name is Aeris!

Japanophiles: Aerith!

Americophiles: Aeris!

Japanophiles: Aerith!

Americophiles: Aeris!

D13: go to the bathroom, folks. they'll be a while.

[Deeth Irteen]

Re: Final Fantasy VII: WTF Edition

Japanophiles: Aerith!

Americophiles: AERIS!

Japanophiles: AERITH AERITH AERITH!!!

D13: This is getting us nowhere. Let's compromise....

-

Long-haired girl: Anyway, My name's Aeris/th. Aeris/th Gainsburough

Cloud: Aeris/th? That's a nice name.

Kain: How do you pronounce the "/"?

Aeris/th: Never you mind how. Anyway, about my dead plants........

Redhead: Hey, man! Wassup? I'm Reno, the kewlist member of the Turks.

Aeris/th: oh god, them again.

Cloud: The TURKS?!...............sounds like "Jerks"

Kain. And what's with the generic blue outfit?

Reno: Shut up! Shinra police, ATTACK!

Shinra police: BUT WE'RE HAVING A STARING CONTEST!

Reno: GAAAAAH! You cats are SO getting docked pay for this!

Shinra police: BUT YOU'RE TECHNICALLY NOT OUR BOSS, RENO!

Cloud/Kain/Aeris/th:*take advantage of the distraction and exit through the back door*

Reno: DAMN! AFTER THEM!

Shinra police: BUT WE WANT TO EAT OUR SHINRA BRAND DONUTS FIRST!

Reno:....You dogs suck.

The other part of the church

Aeris/th: this way! there's an exit up those stairs!

Reno: The ancient is getting away! shoot her with Shinra brand tranquilizer darts!

Shinra police: WITH OUR SHINRA BRAND GUNS?

Reno: Duh!

Shinra police:*do so, but miss*

Aeris/th: AAAAAAH!*falls down to the basement*

Kain: Ms. Gainsburough!*Jumps down to help her*

Shinra police:*charge to capture*

Cloud:*Uses that stupid barrel thing to knock out the shinra police*

Reno: Screw this. I'm going to sector 7 to blow up the-*anti-spoiler demons take over*-I mean buy some Shinra brand Beer.

On top of the church

Aeris/th: Thanks for the help, guys! I guess we're even now.

Kain: Your welcome.

Cloud: GLAD TO BE OF HELP!

Kain:

Aeris/th: Say, how's about I hire you guys to be my bodygaurds to protect me on the road to the sector 5 slums?

Kain: But if you didn't have protection before, how'd you get over to the church in the first place?

Hironobue Sakaguchi: Silence, or I'll put you in a remake of FF4 and swap your character class with EDWARD!

Kain: