My bf needs help

[Kire]

No this isn't an April Fools joke.

Soooo...he's a stock broker and gets paid around the same amount I do...and they make him work 14 hour days because the company is in dire times. It's driving him crazy. I wish he could just quit, but his family won't let him move because they don't want him renting or getting a condo (apparently a waste of money because of condo fees). They partially need him around for his alcoholic brother, who forgets where he lives when he gets drunk, and also ****** the floor. He might have a firefighter job in Indiana but he'll probably **** it up...if he gets it my boyfriend can move into his condo, which his parents bought to not have him in the house (yes you read that correctly). If he came out of the closet, they would disown him. He knows this because they confronted him once saying "explain this or you're out" and he weaved a lie around what they found in his room and they believed it. His family is ****ing nuts but he loves them.

I know the stress is driving him crazy. His workplace played a tape of him on the phone starting to scream out of nowhere and then breaking down crying. The strangest part is he has absolutely no recollection of it happening.

On top of all this, he has an infection popping up in his arm which he's getting x-rays for because it might mean tumors. He's had a bunch of benign tumors in his knees since he was a teenager. We'll know what's up w/ them after this weekend.

I seriously just want him to stop working for a while and live with me, but it just can't happen w/ his family...I'll update after this weekend about the x-rays, I'm hoping the infection is nothing, but the breakdown he has no recollection of really worries me. He already had a minor stroke once where he lost his sight for about 30 seconds about 4-5 years ago.

Yeah. More on this later.

[josh]

Re: My bf needs help

jeez, man. I've never heard of stress having such a dramatic effect on a person. I hope things get better.

[Kire]

Re: My bf needs help

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention he gets bald patches in the back of his head. The doc pretty much concluded it's from stress.

And thanks for the well wishes.

[John Mora]

Re: My bf needs help

Well, he can't keep bowing to the wishes of his family if he wants to keep sane. But apparently he can't/doesn't want to see the effects it's having on him. And continually bailing his alcoholic brother out of trouble is doing nothing, obviously. People like that need to see the consequences of their actions before they get better, if they even choose to.

And on top of that he's lying to his family about his relationship with you. I mean, you're a grown man by this point. Why would you continue to spend time on a man who can't even admit to the closest people in his life that he's in a romantic relationship with you? If you love this guy, and can put up with all the BS in his life, then maybe stick it out, if you're okay with the possibility of it never getting better.

If you're not okay with that possibility, DTMFA, but gently.

[peachy]

Re: My bf needs help

I don't really understand the point of being like "oh i love my family i need my family i need to do what my family says because i love them so much" when your family is just a piece of **** and the only reason you're still there is because you're lying about who you are.

i mean if you actually read the post, you can see that the biggest problem and the root of all the stress is because of his family. if they cant accept him for being gay, or let him move out, then they deserve to lose what is, for loving them like he does, a wonderful human being from their family.

[John Mora]

Re: My bf needs help

I don't really understand the point of being like "oh i love my family i need my family i need to do what my family says because i love them so much" when your family is just a piece of **** and the only reason you're still there is because you're lying about who you are.

i mean if you actually read the post, you can see that the biggest problem and the root of all the stress is because of his family. if they cant accept him for being gay, or let him move out, then they deserve to lose what is, for loving them like he does, a wonderful human being from their family.

But that's dysfunction for you.

[Cutter De Blanc]

Re: My bf needs help

Sounds like too much excess baggage to me, kick him to the curb, I say!

[Kire]

Re: My bf needs help

Damn you guys are harsh. No I'm not going to leave him because of his family...I mean if things persist for a while...like to the end of the year w/out any progress then maybe...

Anyway, I can relate to a point...my family had me sent to a shrink when I came out and then when he said I was fine they said I didn't try hard enough. I kind of forced their hand into acceptance, but I don't think that'll work with this batch. He needs to move out or quit his job in some capacity, one of the two.

[highwind]

Re: My bf needs help

Does he have health insurance?

Why don't you just throw a battery of tests on the poor guy?

[Toaster]

Re: My bf needs help

If his parents will disown him for being gay, all he needs to do is to come out of the closet to sever the ties from his bull**** dysfunctional family.

Problem solved.

And Kire, your parents are assholes.

[Kire]

Re: My bf needs help

Hey cut them a break, they grew up sheltered and conservative. They just don't want me to be out publicly because it would kill my grandma cuz it would mean to her that I'm going to Hell. Now they're reasonably uncomfortably supportive.

[John Mora]

Re: My bf needs help

I'd think it'd be enough to leave him because he wasn't wanting to be out about your relationship. If you leverage your continued presence in his life with getting some of this BS done away with, that might be your only option to have your cake and eat it, too. Otherwise... it's sort of a huge mess that he doesn't seem willing to meet head on.

[Jeroak Nelave]

Re: My bf needs help

I have to say, there comes a breaking point, where he will either "break" or figure out what he really wants. Hopefully it is the latter. He has to be willing to make some sacrifices for you, or its not worth spending more time with him. But then again i wouldnt kick him to the curb without giving him the chance, because of the somewhat unique situation he is in.

I understand that he loves his family, but if his family loves him, they wont disown him if he comes out. He's got to do something to relieve whatever stress he is dealing with, or he could stroke out or something.

If he makes enough money to be self sufficient and live on his own, then he needs to tell his parents that he is going to move out, and that he cannot take care of his brother, and that the rest of the family will need to take responsibility.

If he is the crutch that is holding the family together, then if he breaks, all of them will fall. But if he removes himself from the situation, then his family could fall, or they could learn to walk without the crutch. He needs to be able to get away from them. And if he isnt willing to make that decision (give him some time), then you are better off getting out while the getting is still possible.

[Hrafn]

Re: My bf needs help

Kire, your boyfriend doesn't need help. He needs to sack up.

[jacquel]

Re: My bf needs help

Mora took the words out of my mouth. He has to sort out his conflict with his parents for himself and decide whats most important to him. Thats going to be a harsh, emotionally-taxing choice but thats life.