I know, I know, the film's been out for a while now. but I finally got around to watching it myself. Since I'm a fan of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians book series (Greek Mythology + anything else = Win), I had hoped the film would be good, or at least better than that Eragon Ballbuster. Boy, was I wrong.
A lot of things in this film **** me off, but I'm going to focus on the biggest problems I have with it.
WARNING: this article is opinion-based. If other things in the film **** you off even more, that's fine.
Now, let's get this show on the rode...
Top Five things that **** me off about the Percy Jackson film
Number 5: Percy is a teenager
When I first read "Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The LIghtning Thief" (herefore called "Percy Jackson 1"), I was introduced to a 12-year old kid named Percy. He had a nasty combination of dislexia and ADHD, making learing quite difficult. Add to this, he gets into fights [I]a lot[I], and gets kicked out of schools a lot. Plus, his dad left when he was a baby, his mom has trouble getting her art career off the ground, and to top it all off, his mom married some douche named Gabe Ugliano.
See, with all this crap in his life, I felt I could relate to the kid. But the Percy Jackson in the film was terrible. They show one scene of his "dislexia" which looked totally fake (I''m unsure of how dislexic people see written words, but it still looked fake), his "ADHD" seems only referred to, his "unhappyness" comes off as "teen angst", and to top it all off, he's 16. SIXTEEN!!
Why is his age such a big deal? Well, I'll explain the biggest ramification later, but for now, the little things. Book Percy had a fascination with Greek Mythology, while Film Percy's "fascination" consists of walking around the museum, staring at things. Book Percy's relationship with Book Annabeth starts out as normal childhood dislike which later turns into friendship, but in the Film, It's outrageously obvious that Percy and Annabeth will later be boyfriend and girlfriend. Grover and Annabeth are terrible done as well, but Percy gets the number 10 slot since he's the Protaginist
Number 4: Missing Prophecy
Earlier, I said that Pecy being 16 is a disasterous screw-up. The reason? Well, here's an important dab of information you won't get from the movie:
Back in World War 2, Zeus, Poseidon and Hades picked sides in the war. many of each god's demigod children fought on one of 2 sides of the conflict: Team Zeus and Poseidon on the American side, and Team Hades on the Nazi Side. After the bloodbath, the 3 Gods swore not to have demigod children anymore.
Meanwhile, the Oracle of Delphi predicted that one day, when a child of one of the big three turns 16, they would make a decision that'd either save the gods of Olympus, or Destroy them. So, Any children of the big 3 would be pretty damn dangerous.
See, the above is pretty badass for a story. However, for some reason, the filmmaker forgot to put it in the movie! Instead, they made Percy start out as 16, THE AGE OF THE PROPHECY! What do we get instead? they just say that a child of the big 3 is more powerful than other demigods, and a threat. While that statement is true, it's completely negated by the fact that they parade around the fact that Percy is the son of Poseidon like it's NO BIG DEAL.
Oh, and don't give me that "Teenage actors are easier to deal with that Child actors" crap. Daniel Radcliffe made a perfect Harry Potter. Why couldn't they find a perfect child Percy Jackson.
Number 3: Characters are M.I.A.
It's one thing to add or remove minor characters that aren't involved in the plot, but still somehow fit, which is why I forgive the inclusion of the scared woman in the "Medusa" scene in the film. However, it's completely different to remover characters that are Integral to the plot. I am of course referring to the complete lack of Clarisse, the Oracle, and Ares. They shoved Clarisse's fight scene during the "Capture the Flag" game into Annabeth (which makes no sense), the creepy mummified Oracle was supposed to give a prediction to Percy which pretty much hangs in the air throughout the book series (but sadly got excluded), and Ares was supposed to be the guy who stole the Lightning Bolt from Zeus (Instead, Luke did, SOMEHOW).
Imagine if they remade Harry Potter and the Sorceror's stone, only without Draco Malfoy, Professor Mcgonagall (I hope I spelled that right), or Professor Quirrel. It's just RIDICULOUS!!
Number 2: No Lightheartedness
Why did the Harry Potter book series sell so well? Because despite having a whole bunch of dark themes that should've been for more mature audiences, the books were chalk full of some goofy things that made me chuckle here and their. Beans that have any flavor imaginable mixed with giant monsters that can kill your ass in 10 seconds? Works for me! the Percy Jackson book series is similar, only instead of British Witchcraft, there's American Greek Mythology. Even if Percy Jackson is unable to compete with the Harry Potter juggernaut, PJ still has the right mix of serious and zany to win in kids and adults alike.
The Percy Jackson Film, however, is a trainwreck. Despite having a PG rating, the film seems to be geared towards TEENAGERS only. In the film you'll find: "Daughters of Aphrodite" who dress like skanks and act slutty, scenes upon scenes that have teens only, a groan-inducing puberty joke (Hint: It involves Grover's ____s), Grover surrounded by hot chicks, Percy and Annabeth almost kissing, and Lady Gaga Music!! I swear, it's like the film was supposed to be a Teen comedy, only they cut out some swearing and turned it into a "kids" movie. I swear, when I saw the Lotus Hotel, I wanted to punch the TV screen.
This film has no way of drawing in younger kids, and adults would just nod their heads in disapproval.
Number 1: The Underworld looks like Hell
That's right. I'm about to get religious on your ass. You see, in the book, P G and A get into the Underworld by "convincing" the Ferryman Charon that they were dead, paid him some gold drachmas, go down an elevator, ride across the River Styx to Hades's Palace, tricked Cerberus to get past him, and finally got to Hades, had a chat with him, found out he isn't plotting to overthrow Olympus.
The Underworld looks just like it's supposed to be: A giant dark area with a bunch of dead peopls standing around, In one corner, you'll see the people who did treasonous things, like Tantalus. In another corner, you'll see the fields of Elysium, where exceptionally good people go when they were reincarnated 3 times and died in service to the gods 3 times, or something. Hades is the eternal housekeeper of the underworld. Although he got tricked in a game of lots (or something) by his brothers when the world was being divided up, he took to role without much fuss (In the Myths). Sure, he abducted Persephone and made her his wife, he's not an evil God, just a jerk.
But the film........this just blew my mind, and not in a good way. the trio gets to the River Styx by wandering around the HOLLYWOOD letters and, I kid the not, walk through a Hole in the side of a cliff, and magically appear by the River Styx. Things go downhill from there. Grover tries to bribe Charon with American currency (Because all beings and monsters use American Tender), which rightly fails. After bribing Charon with Gold Drachmas, the Trio sails across the "River", which turns out to be just them floating in the air. Above them, a pit of darkness, much like the actual Underworld. Below them, Pits of Fire!!! And in those pits of fire, People screaming in agony!!! Charon calls them Damned!!! The 3-headed Dog Cerberus is nowhere to be found. He's not even mentioned by name!!
To add insult to insult, Persephone actually says at one point: "Whay else could he do to me? I'm already in Hell" Um, excuse me. Not to nitpick, but in this version of earth,
Hell Doesn't Exist!!
To make things worse, when the Trio meets Hades, he looks like a normal dude, which is almost like the book. But when Grover mocks him (which is stupid, by the way), Hades turns into THE DEVIL!!! WHY DOES HADES TURN INTO THE DEVIL?!!! WHY?!!
I swear, it's like they tried to mesh Catholism into the movie. Well, they did it, and the movie suffered for it.
Afterthoughts: I was hoping that Percy Jackson and the Olympians was going to become the next Harry Potter. Instead, I saw a film adaptation that was even worse than the Eragon film. Why Hollywood keeps screwing up fantasy films, I have no Idea. Somehow, The Lord of The Rings was spared the curse of being crappy. Maybe it's because Peter Jackson Directed it.
A lot of things in this film **** me off, but I'm going to focus on the biggest problems I have with it.
WARNING: this article is opinion-based. If other things in the film **** you off even more, that's fine.
Now, let's get this show on the rode...
Top Five things that **** me off about the Percy Jackson film
Number 5: Percy is a teenager
When I first read "Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The LIghtning Thief" (herefore called "Percy Jackson 1"), I was introduced to a 12-year old kid named Percy. He had a nasty combination of dislexia and ADHD, making learing quite difficult. Add to this, he gets into fights [I]a lot[I], and gets kicked out of schools a lot. Plus, his dad left when he was a baby, his mom has trouble getting her art career off the ground, and to top it all off, his mom married some douche named Gabe Ugliano.
See, with all this crap in his life, I felt I could relate to the kid. But the Percy Jackson in the film was terrible. They show one scene of his "dislexia" which looked totally fake (I''m unsure of how dislexic people see written words, but it still looked fake), his "ADHD" seems only referred to, his "unhappyness" comes off as "teen angst", and to top it all off, he's 16. SIXTEEN!!
Why is his age such a big deal? Well, I'll explain the biggest ramification later, but for now, the little things. Book Percy had a fascination with Greek Mythology, while Film Percy's "fascination" consists of walking around the museum, staring at things. Book Percy's relationship with Book Annabeth starts out as normal childhood dislike which later turns into friendship, but in the Film, It's outrageously obvious that Percy and Annabeth will later be boyfriend and girlfriend. Grover and Annabeth are terrible done as well, but Percy gets the number 10 slot since he's the Protaginist
Number 4: Missing Prophecy
Earlier, I said that Pecy being 16 is a disasterous screw-up. The reason? Well, here's an important dab of information you won't get from the movie:
Back in World War 2, Zeus, Poseidon and Hades picked sides in the war. many of each god's demigod children fought on one of 2 sides of the conflict: Team Zeus and Poseidon on the American side, and Team Hades on the Nazi Side. After the bloodbath, the 3 Gods swore not to have demigod children anymore.
Meanwhile, the Oracle of Delphi predicted that one day, when a child of one of the big three turns 16, they would make a decision that'd either save the gods of Olympus, or Destroy them. So, Any children of the big 3 would be pretty damn dangerous.
See, the above is pretty badass for a story. However, for some reason, the filmmaker forgot to put it in the movie! Instead, they made Percy start out as 16, THE AGE OF THE PROPHECY! What do we get instead? they just say that a child of the big 3 is more powerful than other demigods, and a threat. While that statement is true, it's completely negated by the fact that they parade around the fact that Percy is the son of Poseidon like it's NO BIG DEAL.
Oh, and don't give me that "Teenage actors are easier to deal with that Child actors" crap. Daniel Radcliffe made a perfect Harry Potter. Why couldn't they find a perfect child Percy Jackson.
Number 3: Characters are M.I.A.
It's one thing to add or remove minor characters that aren't involved in the plot, but still somehow fit, which is why I forgive the inclusion of the scared woman in the "Medusa" scene in the film. However, it's completely different to remover characters that are Integral to the plot. I am of course referring to the complete lack of Clarisse, the Oracle, and Ares. They shoved Clarisse's fight scene during the "Capture the Flag" game into Annabeth (which makes no sense), the creepy mummified Oracle was supposed to give a prediction to Percy which pretty much hangs in the air throughout the book series (but sadly got excluded), and Ares was supposed to be the guy who stole the Lightning Bolt from Zeus (Instead, Luke did, SOMEHOW).
Imagine if they remade Harry Potter and the Sorceror's stone, only without Draco Malfoy, Professor Mcgonagall (I hope I spelled that right), or Professor Quirrel. It's just RIDICULOUS!!
Number 2: No Lightheartedness
Why did the Harry Potter book series sell so well? Because despite having a whole bunch of dark themes that should've been for more mature audiences, the books were chalk full of some goofy things that made me chuckle here and their. Beans that have any flavor imaginable mixed with giant monsters that can kill your ass in 10 seconds? Works for me! the Percy Jackson book series is similar, only instead of British Witchcraft, there's American Greek Mythology. Even if Percy Jackson is unable to compete with the Harry Potter juggernaut, PJ still has the right mix of serious and zany to win in kids and adults alike.
The Percy Jackson Film, however, is a trainwreck. Despite having a PG rating, the film seems to be geared towards TEENAGERS only. In the film you'll find: "Daughters of Aphrodite" who dress like skanks and act slutty, scenes upon scenes that have teens only, a groan-inducing puberty joke (Hint: It involves Grover's ____s), Grover surrounded by hot chicks, Percy and Annabeth almost kissing, and Lady Gaga Music!! I swear, it's like the film was supposed to be a Teen comedy, only they cut out some swearing and turned it into a "kids" movie. I swear, when I saw the Lotus Hotel, I wanted to punch the TV screen.
This film has no way of drawing in younger kids, and adults would just nod their heads in disapproval.
Number 1: The Underworld looks like Hell
That's right. I'm about to get religious on your ass. You see, in the book, P G and A get into the Underworld by "convincing" the Ferryman Charon that they were dead, paid him some gold drachmas, go down an elevator, ride across the River Styx to Hades's Palace, tricked Cerberus to get past him, and finally got to Hades, had a chat with him, found out he isn't plotting to overthrow Olympus.
The Underworld looks just like it's supposed to be: A giant dark area with a bunch of dead peopls standing around, In one corner, you'll see the people who did treasonous things, like Tantalus. In another corner, you'll see the fields of Elysium, where exceptionally good people go when they were reincarnated 3 times and died in service to the gods 3 times, or something. Hades is the eternal housekeeper of the underworld. Although he got tricked in a game of lots (or something) by his brothers when the world was being divided up, he took to role without much fuss (In the Myths). Sure, he abducted Persephone and made her his wife, he's not an evil God, just a jerk.
But the film........this just blew my mind, and not in a good way. the trio gets to the River Styx by wandering around the HOLLYWOOD letters and, I kid the not, walk through a Hole in the side of a cliff, and magically appear by the River Styx. Things go downhill from there. Grover tries to bribe Charon with American currency (Because all beings and monsters use American Tender), which rightly fails. After bribing Charon with Gold Drachmas, the Trio sails across the "River", which turns out to be just them floating in the air. Above them, a pit of darkness, much like the actual Underworld. Below them, Pits of Fire!!! And in those pits of fire, People screaming in agony!!! Charon calls them Damned!!! The 3-headed Dog Cerberus is nowhere to be found. He's not even mentioned by name!!
To add insult to insult, Persephone actually says at one point: "Whay else could he do to me? I'm already in Hell" Um, excuse me. Not to nitpick, but in this version of earth,
Hell Doesn't Exist!!
To make things worse, when the Trio meets Hades, he looks like a normal dude, which is almost like the book. But when Grover mocks him (which is stupid, by the way), Hades turns into THE DEVIL!!! WHY DOES HADES TURN INTO THE DEVIL?!!! WHY?!!
I swear, it's like they tried to mesh Catholism into the movie. Well, they did it, and the movie suffered for it.
Afterthoughts: I was hoping that Percy Jackson and the Olympians was going to become the next Harry Potter. Instead, I saw a film adaptation that was even worse than the Eragon film. Why Hollywood keeps screwing up fantasy films, I have no Idea. Somehow, The Lord of The Rings was spared the curse of being crappy. Maybe it's because Peter Jackson Directed it.
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