The following is a true account of what happened to me in late October.
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Regular day, regular desk, regular job. My desk is littered with empty cans of aspertame used to keep on truckin'. This isn't a problem today though, as I took my sexy pills this morning. Pills that will make me look what I looked like when I was 16, 7 years away from sharing intimacy with another human being. That's right...I followed the path Mr. and Mrs. America wants their kid to follow and was left wanting. A real shocker there.
After a few hours of keyframe wrangling to the beat of my already pounding heartbeat, I took my next dosage in a half asleep daze. Lunch was coming up and I needed to take these things with food. Of course, I forgot the more important direction...don't take these things within 4 hours of each other.
Trying not to panic, I monitored my heartrate...it sped up to the rate that felt like I was running from a jealous lover with an AK-47. I was scared shitless. I called 911, stuttering away what was going on and where I was. I didn't want to die in the name of vanity. While I waited for the ambulance, all I could think about were models with 5% bodyfat eating Big Macs and Fries. Sometimes I wonder if advertising companies know they're being ironic.
As the ambulance got there, my heartrate was WAY elevated. I relaxed in the ambulance, both emberrassed and frightened as the medics monitored my heartrate and blood pressure. My heartrate decreased to an OK level, but my blood pressure was still high.
I'm going to cut to the chase because I have ADD. And I don't want to put you through this painful boring experience that I had to go through.
They took me to the hospital cuz of my blood pressure. I was hooked up to an IV, stripped, put on a gurnee and everything. Saw pregnant lady & dieing person across from each other in the hallway. Lots of watching TV and peeing into a bedpan as I wait for clearance and my blood pressure goes down. Was forced to drink charcoal to get rid of caffeine. Left hospital at 5. Walked back to work and no one knew I had gone.
Recieved bills up to $5000. Insurance w/ new company wasn't active yet (have to be employed for 30 days, was at 27). Got COBRA insurance from old company, paid $220 for that. Still waiting for that process to go through to see what is covered from my emergency visit and what I REALLY owe. The end.
Moral of the story: don't screw with diet pills if you're not going to follow the directions. Also, the uninsured are screwed in this country.
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Regular day, regular desk, regular job. My desk is littered with empty cans of aspertame used to keep on truckin'. This isn't a problem today though, as I took my sexy pills this morning. Pills that will make me look what I looked like when I was 16, 7 years away from sharing intimacy with another human being. That's right...I followed the path Mr. and Mrs. America wants their kid to follow and was left wanting. A real shocker there.
After a few hours of keyframe wrangling to the beat of my already pounding heartbeat, I took my next dosage in a half asleep daze. Lunch was coming up and I needed to take these things with food. Of course, I forgot the more important direction...don't take these things within 4 hours of each other.
Trying not to panic, I monitored my heartrate...it sped up to the rate that felt like I was running from a jealous lover with an AK-47. I was scared shitless. I called 911, stuttering away what was going on and where I was. I didn't want to die in the name of vanity. While I waited for the ambulance, all I could think about were models with 5% bodyfat eating Big Macs and Fries. Sometimes I wonder if advertising companies know they're being ironic.
As the ambulance got there, my heartrate was WAY elevated. I relaxed in the ambulance, both emberrassed and frightened as the medics monitored my heartrate and blood pressure. My heartrate decreased to an OK level, but my blood pressure was still high.
I'm going to cut to the chase because I have ADD. And I don't want to put you through this painful boring experience that I had to go through.
They took me to the hospital cuz of my blood pressure. I was hooked up to an IV, stripped, put on a gurnee and everything. Saw pregnant lady & dieing person across from each other in the hallway. Lots of watching TV and peeing into a bedpan as I wait for clearance and my blood pressure goes down. Was forced to drink charcoal to get rid of caffeine. Left hospital at 5. Walked back to work and no one knew I had gone.
Recieved bills up to $5000. Insurance w/ new company wasn't active yet (have to be employed for 30 days, was at 27). Got COBRA insurance from old company, paid $220 for that. Still waiting for that process to go through to see what is covered from my emergency visit and what I REALLY owe. The end.
Moral of the story: don't screw with diet pills if you're not going to follow the directions. Also, the uninsured are screwed in this country.
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