How do you look in the mirror?

[Libby]

A fairly serious subject, but for some reason, I've been thinking alot about what people see when they look in the mirror. Like those people who look good and dress well, do they see themselves as we see them? Or are they just as self-concious as we are, seeing every tiny flaw even though the rest of the world sees them as being perfect. Do those actors who see themselves on the silver-screen really see themselves as beautiful people, or is that over-egoism that they display just a front for feelings of self-loathing.

Why do people have to hate themselves for other people? I know this is one of those silly "Why must socity teach us that fat is ugly and only beautiful people get the prize?" but dammit, I'm starting to get sick and tired of feeling like I have to personally live up to Desperate Housewives and Top Model, or whatever other fake face they decide to put up for us to become.

I was originally going to make this post a bit more vauge, but somehow I feel like getting personal, because for some reason, I trust the people on this.

I'm dating a very attractive individual. He's thin, got a wonderful face, a well-built body, takes care of himself. Pretty brown hair and carmel colored eyes: good enough to be a model. And when I look at myself hugging him in a picture, or even when I look over his shoulder when he's preening in a mirror, I see something discusting in place of me. Before you jump or attack him in anyway, I don't want you to think he makes me feel this, way, he actually doesn't, it's mostly me and well, all those fun high-school days that make people into the sorry self-loathing saps that we are.

I am in a constant state of trying to decide if I deserve him for the shear fact that I'm not pretty. I'm flat-chested, my nose is ugly, my face has an odd-shape, and I don't have perfectly white teeth. I hate to smile because of it. I have no muscle, and my skin is about three diffrent tones from tanning attempts, and the fact that all I wear are pants. My hair, eyes and lips are about my only saving factors, but people are too busy looking at the other flat parts of me, that they are overlooked. I cheat because I rely on my motabolism to keep me thin, (and I hate myself for that as much as everyone else hates me) and...god I could go on. But it all comes down to the fact that I still believe from high-school that only beautiful people belong together, and it drives me crazy because it's starting to have an effect on my relationship, and the fact that i don't think I'm good enough for the man I am in love with.

Why the HELL do we do this to ourselves? Why can't we just be happy looking in the mirror and telling ourselves it's okay and that we are beautiful, dispite what people tell us, instead of snapping only the good-sides of ourselves in pictures, hiding under pounds of make-up, and faking the "real us"? I don't know why this bothers me so much, but it feels like no matter how far I personally have come with trying to make myself look pretty or expose the "inner beauty" I always end up being the 4 ranking out of 10. It just feels like everytime anyone who has some attractiveness to them tries to exert it, there is always going to be someone who has to look at them and say "Sorry, you arn't good enough."

And of course, no matter how much you belive in yourself, someone else's opinion is always more important then your own.

(and please don't post with any-pity posts, I just kinda want to discuss this and get feed-back, I'm not looking for compliments. I just want to know WHY we have to put ourselves though this torture of looking good.)

[Ωbright]

Re: How do you look in the mirror?

How do I look in the mirror? It depends on who's looking!

I'm a smart ass, but I wasn't being sarcastic...how much of what you see in the mirror is through your mother's eyes? Or your father's? You know what I mean.

[gray]

Re: How do you look in the mirror?

the only time i take any serious look in the mirror is when i shave. the the bathroom mirrors there, and i sure stare at it, but i apparently don't pay much attention to what i see. i say this because often times glaring problems like bed head will skip my notice until pointed out to me.

i don't think i'm beautiful or even moderately good looking. the trick is i also don't care so much.

i've found usually good looking people are worried they are ugly, so the odds are good you're probably not! actually ugly people have long ago stopped worrying about it.

that's a compliment, i swear.

[John Mora]

Re: How do you look in the mirror?

Sometimes I'm critical of myself, sometimes I trick myself into thinking I'm a studmuffin. :P

[Jamos' Old Account]

Re: How do you look in the mirror?

When I look in the mirror I see a disgusting pile of flesh...

[Libby]

Re: How do you look in the mirror?

How do I look in the mirror? It depends on who's looking!

I'm a smart ass, but I wasn't being sarcastic...how much of what you see in the mirror is through your mother's eyes? Or your father's? You know what I mean.

Unfortunately, I see more thought my mother's eyes then my fathers. My father thinks I'm beautiful, and I have alot going for me, but my mother thinks I am a dissapointment that isn't going anywhere. But that's also mental as well as physical, I think my parents do belive I am beautiful, but it's hard to look though their eyes (I have my mother's, if that's what you were asking) when it seems that much more important looking though other people's. You know, like the ones who DON'T care.

When I look in the mirror I see a disgusting pile of flesh...

Why so critical? Do you think this is because of yourself or your enviornment?

[Valkysas]

Re: How do you look in the mirror?

Libra, a possible reason you're being so hard on yourself is because you think so highly of your boyfriend. he's perfect in your eyes, and no matter how you look, you likely wouldnt feel you were good enough for him. I've seen the pictures you've posted of yourself, and there's nothing wrong with you.

I really don't give any thought to my appearance. I dont know if I'm attractive or not. don't care either. I wouldnt want to be some skinny pretty boy without any muscle or hair on his body, with bangs that get caught in their eyelids, as the big "in" thing is now. I look how I think I should, and as long as I can pull that off, I'm happy.

Wait, no. I wish I still had long, thick hair. but thats not possible, so I'm not worried about it. I still have my mighty beard though.

[Jamos' Old Account]

Re: How do you look in the mirror?

Why so critical? Do you think this is because of yourself or your enviornment?

Its more of a mental thing. I look in the mirror and I see what my inner self is becoming. I don't like it.

[Caciss]

Re: How do you look in the mirror?

Sometimes I'm critical of myself, sometimes I trick myself into thinking I'm a studmuffin. :P

That's no trickery, Mora, you are a stud muffin.



I find myself quite attractive somedays, other times -- not so much. I think I'm about average.

[Libby]

Re: How do you look in the mirror?

Its more of a mental thing. I look in the mirror and I see what my inner self is becoming. I don't like it.

I feel your pain. It's so hard battling what you are becoming when it's not what you want to be. I just know that the best thing to is remember that any mistakes you have made do not make you a bad person, as long as you regret doing them.

I wish I was in a position to be more positive, but I think I'd only be faking it, and you don't deserve that.

[Ωbright]

Re: How do you look in the mirror?

Men have to get held up for comparison with some pretty unobtainable standards of chiseled abs, but I don't think it's as bad as what women go through. Through all of the media lies, the fact remains that we all have something these 'perfect' people lack. Someone having an asymetrical nose, or whatever, actually endears them to me...they're real, and special.

I think a lot, if not most people feel this way...but I could be wrong.

For every way a person can look, there's a million people who like them, not in spite of it, but because of it.

[Libby]

Re: How do you look in the mirror?

You must spread more reputation around before giving it to Obright.

Dammit.

You bring up a good point, I shall discuss later, for now I must sleep.

[Jamos' Old Account]

Re: How do you look in the mirror?

Good night, Sleeping Beauty.

[Chad]

Re: How do you look in the mirror?

I'm the same way as Mora. I'm especially self-critical if I wake up late because I hate sleeping in and I'm mad at myself. I look much better after my girlfriend calls me a "cutie" or if I just spent a while doing the shaving I neglected for a few months.

[Translucid]

Re: How do you look in the mirror?

beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and all that.
seriously, appearance is judged at a glance. if you see a person you've never seen before, then that is all you have to make assumptions of a person on. but if someone is in a social situation, chances are they don't want to make assumptions; they want to get to know people.

of course, the allure of attracting stares (good stares) and looks from others is nice. boosts self-confidence, makes you feel good, and all that. but people don't care about looks nearly as much as they care about personality, and what you do.


check this guy. this is gabriele d'annunzio, italian poet, writer, war hero, etc. He's not much to look at. but he was admired by his entire country, and he got the ladies. it's because he had an amazing way with words, and an indestructible personality.

the point is, you don't even want to be friends with the people who would judge others immediately based on appearance. and the idea of what was attractive in the first place matters little in the end, because who you love is beautiful to you, in all of their flaws and stuff.

so when I look in the mirror, I see my face. it's ok. I try to look presentable. but more than that, I want to be better underneath.