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    #1

    Good story?

    There are 6 gems all belonging to a king. A darklord wants the gems for power and destrustion. He decides to steal them. He does he is chased out of the castle by guards. He activates the gems (while being chased) and beams shoot out into the skys spreading to dungeons making guardians (not sure if i spelled it right) the protectors of the gems, after activating the gems he was stabbed and vowed to come back in 1000 years. (why is it always 1000?) and the hero needs to go retrive all six gems and kill all six guardians plus killing the darklord.

    During the game there are 4 optional guilds: theifs, hunters, bounty hunters, and traders. The theifs option is robbing enemys, The hunters option is killing monsters for special items they drop and selling them for money, Traders deliver goods to other towns for money, bounty hunters kill certain guilds for rewards the more you do your job the better rank and pay you get.

    please tell me if thisd is good i asked my brother and he said sure and didnt even look ¿Grammar has been corrected¿
    Last edited by DBtheProdigy; 08-03-2006, 08:57 AM.
    Ascendancy
    Tags: None
    #2
    Re: Good story?

    It's been said before, so I'll reiterate here....punctuation is your friend. What you typed is one long run-on sentence that lasts for an entire paragraph. A piece of advice: If you type like that in your game, the majority of people here will not play it past the intro screen. There is something to be said for creativity in games, but there is also something to be said for grammar. And yes, you did spell guardian right.

    Comment

      #3
      Re: Good story?

      Canadians Are Gods, Eh!
      Check out Meh Kick-A$$ Madness Mods!

      Comment

        #4
        Re: Good story?

        I dare you to read your entire first paragraph out loud, only making pauses when you reach periods or commas.
        "What if like...there was an exact copy of you somewhere, except they're the opposite gender, like you guys could literally have a freaky friday moment and nothing would change. Imagine the best friendship that could be found there."

        Comment

          #5
          Re: Good story?

          Originally posted by GRIMSgotGUNS
          ...and vowed to come back in 1000 years (why is it always 1000?
          Because you can't think of any other number. Oh, and I really stopped after the first number 6. I just happened to notice the parentheses.

          There are six gems all belonging to a king. A dark lord wants the gems for power and destruction. He decides to steal them, and when he does he is chased out of the castle by guards. He activates the gems (while being chased) and beams shoot out into the skies spreading to dungeons making guardians (not sure if I spelled it correctly), the protectors of the gems. After activating the gems he was stabbed and vowed to come back in 1000 years (why is it always 1000?) and the hero needs to go retrieve all six gems, kill all six guardians, and kill the dark lord.

          During the game there are four optional guilds: the thief’s, hunter’s, bounty hunter’s, and trader’s. The thief’s option is for robbing enemies, the hunter’s option is for killing monsters to get the special items that they drop and selling them for money, traders can deliver goods to other towns for money, while bounty hunters kill members of certain guilds for rewards. The more you do your job, the better rank and pay you get.
          Here. There's some proper grammar for you. Study it. Commit yourself to it. Use it.
          Last edited by DYRE; 08-03-2006, 08:40 AM.
          .

          Comment

            #6
            Re: Good story?

            *OmG* dont be such a critic just read it and rate i will fix the grammar if you read it ok...
            Ascendancy

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              #7
              Re: Good story?

              I hate to say it but the story is nothing but cliche. How is your story different from anything else that has ever been done before, even by a little? From what you've typed, which isn't much so there is room to add this, but there is no depth at all. You really need to expand your ideas for someone to actually critique your story. My personal opinion, as of now, your story is garbage.

              But there's definitely room to improve it. Expand your ideas. What is the motivation for the dark lord to steal the gems? Why does it have to be a "dark lord"? One way to stray from the Magical world of good versus evil is politics. The King ran things this way, a Councilman to the King wanted things to go this way, planned and insurrection, blah blah blah.

              Next, the 1000 years. If these gems are so powerful, perhaps they gave the dark lord the ability to resurrect at any time he pleased. Another thing this accomplishes is giving the lead (hero) ultimately more depth. Rather than just taking orders and doing what needs to be done, the spontaneity of the dark lord coming back could give you wiggle room for the lead's motives to risk his life, as opposed to anyone else to dispose of the dark lord.

              I like the four 'guilds', but I think you need to explain this more. As of now, it seems like it is just a fancier word for class. If you incorporated the guild into the story more and how it actually affected the game, it could be more interesting.

              There. Some real feedback for your story. Don't take it the wrong way, I'm just letting you know that in this community, if you are making a serious game, you have some serious competition. Simple, contrived stories won't do you much good grabbing people's attention.
              Do what you wish

              Comment

                #8
                Re: Good story?

                I couldn't have said it better myself!

                Comment

                  #9
                  Re: Good story?

                  The whole "ancient, powerful relic captured by an usurper for evil" story has been done before. Too many times, I might add.

                  And you need to learn how to type.

                  I sure hope your game isn't formatted like that.
                  Last edited by jvrlopez; 08-03-2006, 05:20 PM.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Re: Good story?

                    First off:

                    bounty hunters kill certain guilds for rewards
                    They kill guilds? I'm sure you meant guild members, but's it's stuff like this you have to watch for. You can't arbitarily drop subjects, or no one will play past minute 2.

                    6 gems doesn't work after Zelda. The six medallions were okay, but it's been done to death since. Collection things like that is pretty boring. And besides, why were this 6 gems "all belonging to a king?" Wouldn't such powerful items be in use? An undoubtable yes, unless there are some inter-castle poilitcs stopping their use. Heres an idea: The hero is trying to steal the gems, because they could help the tortured land.

                    You gotta break from the whole "The hero (link) must find 6 gems (medallions) by killing the guardians (going through the temples) so he can defeat the Darklord (Ganondorf.)

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Re: Good story?

                      Wow, I just barely got the Zelda resemblance Hito. Heh Ima stupeed.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Re: Good story?

                        As cliche as collecting a set of mystical artifacts is, I don't care so long as it still tells a good story in the process and/or still provides a fun quest. There's just gotta be more to it than simply collecting the things.
                        "What if like...there was an exact copy of you somewhere, except they're the opposite gender, like you guys could literally have a freaky friday moment and nothing would change. Imagine the best friendship that could be found there."

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Re: Good story?

                          Yeah, finding ancient artifacts is fine. It's finding X amount of them by beating bosses when the entire game is by getting them and then some final showdown deal that irks me.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Re: Good story?

                            The story itself is a bit common, but I do like the guild/faction idea. It seems like yet another way of stretching the limits of RPGM3.

                            Perhaps a few interesting plot-twists will help liven up your story? Maybe have the player switch roles with some of the other characters when the occasion calls for it.

                            Hell, if you really want to make it interesting...since you're allowing the player to decide what faction to belong to, you could even allow them to choose to be the "Darklord" if they wanted to.

                            (Oh, and you don't REALLY want to know what lives under my bed. )
                            Last edited by Miyka'el; 08-04-2006, 01:34 AM.
                            Believe nothing...except for the possibility of everything.

                            -Miyka'el

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Re: Good story?

                              yes the option to play as the darklord would be cool but would be very hard copnsidering how i set the game up

                              (yes i would like to know what lives under your bed )
                              Ascendancy

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