(600.) The Glass Bottom In My Soul
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I was too foolish in my searching
Too hasty in my retreats
I don't need love
I want love
But I couldn't differentiate
Who could?
My God, who could?
Not me,
I've failed
I have honestly failed
It has been so long since I've fealt this
This feeling of overwhelming defeat
Tears come to me
Not in sadness
Not in happiness
Just in defeat
I've held the world on my shoulders
And I dropped it
You forgive me,
You all do eventually
But I can't forgive myself
Love is something for those who deserve it
I deserve nothing
No pity
No sympathy
Just, this defeat
I won't let myself stay fallen
But I won't fly so high again
Reaching for the highest shelf
ever so slightly out of my reach
I'll never get it on my own
But I'll never want it with you helping me
I write these words
For me
To bandage wounds I myself have inflicted
To severe ties I myself have hoped for
Life comes on no silver platter
Dreams can never be granted
Lest you live them
But to live I have to wake up
And end my infinite dreaming
God is just another thing I dream of
Surely I can't be a god
Not without you atleast
But I don't even know who you are
I have hit my low
Scraped away the darkness that covered my glass bottom
And looked at the helpless me,
Cowering in the corner
It made me want to cry
So with a heavy heart
I apologize
May those who believe in me,
never read my weakness
For those who follow me,
may you never doubt
Like I have
I try and make every 100 poem especially count. I never know whether to be proud of these or not since I normally express what I try to suppress in them. I'm not sure if it really matters if anyone reads this or not. I only post these poems here because I hope someday one of you reads one and feels a connection with what I write. From that connection I hope the world is viewed a little more clear afterwards. That's what I hope for anyways.
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I was too foolish in my searching
Too hasty in my retreats
I don't need love
I want love
But I couldn't differentiate
Who could?
My God, who could?
Not me,
I've failed
I have honestly failed
It has been so long since I've fealt this
This feeling of overwhelming defeat
Tears come to me
Not in sadness
Not in happiness
Just in defeat
I've held the world on my shoulders
And I dropped it
You forgive me,
You all do eventually
But I can't forgive myself
Love is something for those who deserve it
I deserve nothing
No pity
No sympathy
Just, this defeat
I won't let myself stay fallen
But I won't fly so high again
Reaching for the highest shelf
ever so slightly out of my reach
I'll never get it on my own
But I'll never want it with you helping me
I write these words
For me
To bandage wounds I myself have inflicted
To severe ties I myself have hoped for
Life comes on no silver platter
Dreams can never be granted
Lest you live them
But to live I have to wake up
And end my infinite dreaming
God is just another thing I dream of
Surely I can't be a god
Not without you atleast
But I don't even know who you are
I have hit my low
Scraped away the darkness that covered my glass bottom
And looked at the helpless me,
Cowering in the corner
It made me want to cry
So with a heavy heart
I apologize
May those who believe in me,
never read my weakness
For those who follow me,
may you never doubt
Like I have
I try and make every 100 poem especially count. I never know whether to be proud of these or not since I normally express what I try to suppress in them. I'm not sure if it really matters if anyone reads this or not. I only post these poems here because I hope someday one of you reads one and feels a connection with what I write. From that connection I hope the world is viewed a little more clear afterwards. That's what I hope for anyways.
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