A Beauty So Pure

[altoecko]

(591.) A Beauty So Pure 07/01/06 2:01 A.M.
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To show a beauty so pure,
Would be a god dying at your feet
Through all the blood and pain
Wash away all the sadness
When you are drowned in your sea of guilt
And the only thing keeping your head above the water
Is this beautiful creature lying at your feet
This beautiful dead God
And it's love
It's love that stains your hands
The love that died for you
Beauty so pure
Is so frail
It would shatter in your hands
And lie dead at your feet
But when your think your tears are coming
You can not cry,
You can only marvel in it's brilliance

[Owl of Parliament]

Re: A Beauty So Pure

The word "god" sort of makes me feel uncomfortable.

Your poem makes me think of someone who is a christian, who is starting to take on a more agnostic point of veiw. Like the dead god is how the persons impression of god changed but he still believes in a infinite power in the universe. It's a bit of a stretch but thats my interpretation.

[altoecko]

Re: A Beauty So Pure

Acctually I was describing a type of music that I enjoy. It gives you a very offsetting feeling, but you can't helo but enjoy it. I've been agnostic for a long time. Thanks for the feedback though, it's always appreciated.

[hitogoroshi]

Re: A Beauty So Pure

Why the new topic?
HAS THE POEM TOPIC STREAK BEEN BROKEN?!

[Fruple]

Re: A Beauty So Pure

Why the new topic?
HAS THE POEM TOPIC STREAK BEEN BROKEN?!

Now that I think about it... Why is this on another topic?

[DYRE]

Re: A Beauty So Pure

Because he wants to do his last 10 poems (before reaching 600) in seperate topics? Anyway, only 75 to go 'til the Catholic Church burns your numbering scheme!

[altoecko]

Re: A Beauty So Pure

Certain poems I feel deseve their own topics. I like them enough and they get their own topic. My 600th poem will get it's on topic, all the poems between this one and then will go in the topic though,poems after the 600th will go in the topic too.

[hitogoroshi]

Re: A Beauty So Pure

Ah.

[Manyak]

Re: A Beauty So Pure

Certain poems I feel deseve their own topics.

PROTIP: They don't.

But for serious, it sounds like you found some theme and then bent over backwards to use it in this poem. The whole thing seems forced and unnatural, the way you break off the lines of the poem seems to only take away from it, and it looks as if you did it for pretty much no reason other than beacause sometimes it sounds neat.

Sorry duder, but it's a pretty awkward poem that doesn't really say much of anything.