Here are some things I hate and why everyone who isn't me should shut the hell up.
1. Gay marriage opposition
Who cares if two dudes want to get married? Why does that bother you? It’s their life, you’re not being forced to attend the ceremony. Gay people are awesome, any ideas to slow down the population growth is okay by me.
“But Ryan, it will just lead to a slippery slope of other marriages being made legal. Like a man with an animal!”
If you think you can seriously compare two consenting adults to one consulting adult and a goat, I hope you get run over by a big pink bus.
“But Ryan, the Bible says it is a sin!”
The Bible says lots of things that we don’t listen to, and it makes a lot of rules we don’t follow. If you’re going to quote the Bible as law, you have to accept the whole thing as law. You can’t pick and choose certain passages to follow and others to ignore. Imagine if high school chemistry was like that.
“Ok, the textbook says now we have to add two cups of sulfur.”
“Alright, done.”
“Now add a teaspoon of hydroxide.”
“F*ck that, I hate hydroxide, what’s next?”
If you saw a kid in class do that, you’d think he was an idiot, wouldn’t you?
“ Well, yes, I guess I would.”
Exactly. Now go away.
“But Ryan, we must protect the sanctity of marriage!”
What sanctity? There is no sanctity anymore. Look at the divorce rates. Look at all the sham marriages. It’s ok for a woman to get married, divorced, and remarried as many times as she wants. It’s ok for a silicon-filled porn star to marry a 90-year-old man just so she can get his money when he dies like 2 months later. But the real crime would be letting two people in love get married just because their genitals match? What the hell is wrong with you?
2. Teenage pregnancy
I overheard a girl, no older than 17, in a discussion with an older woman. The girl mentioned how she was five months pregnant, and that this would be her second child. The older woman smiled happily, “Aw, congratulations. How nice.”
No, it isn’t nice! She’s 17 and has two kids! How is that nice? She’s too dumb to buy a condom, so we’ve got two more kids living in the world with a crappy life because their mom is still just a kid herself and probably has no job. They’re going to grow up on welfare and will never get the clothes or toys they want because their mom is poor. They wont get the parenting they need because a young girl like that just can’t possibly know how to be a mom. So two more kids living in the world, never getting the clothes or toys or love they really want. They’ll grow up in gangs and stealing and having babies by the time they’re 16, and the cycle repeats.
Why is it even legal for underage girls to have babies? You can’t even get a tattoo when you’re 17! You can’t vote and you can’t drink. You can’t buy cigarettes, join the army, or gamble. You can’t buy porn! But you’re allowed to take on the greatest responsibility a human being could ever have? Mandatory abortions for the lot of them, I say. It’s a far greater crime to have a child live a terrible life than to kill it off before it even knows it’s alive. It’ll make the country a better place, seriously.
3. Athletes thanking God
I’m sure you’ve seen it before. The post-fight interview with the winning boxer, and what does he say? “First of all, I’d like to thank God for giving me the strength to win this fight.” It really happens a lot. This guy actually thinks God helped him beat the hell out of some other dude. Man, I’m pretty sure God has more important things to worry about than two idiots punching each other for profit. And if he actually is helping the guy, how fair is that? What if the other boxer is asking for God’s help too?
“Dear God, please give me the strength to be victorious tonight.”
“Sorry, Floyd. Oscar asked me first, and I already bet Jesus you’d get your ass knocked out by the fifth.”
What about the players praying during a football game? The kicker is about to attempt the game winning kick, and the camera shows players for the other team praying. And what are they praying for? That he’ll miss the shot. They’re praying to God that something bad will happen to a fellow human being only trying to do his job. Whatever happened to Love Thy Neighbor? Maybe we should change it.
“Love Thy Neighbor unless he is thy opponent. In which case he can go to Hell.”
1. Gay marriage opposition
Who cares if two dudes want to get married? Why does that bother you? It’s their life, you’re not being forced to attend the ceremony. Gay people are awesome, any ideas to slow down the population growth is okay by me.
“But Ryan, it will just lead to a slippery slope of other marriages being made legal. Like a man with an animal!”
If you think you can seriously compare two consenting adults to one consulting adult and a goat, I hope you get run over by a big pink bus.
“But Ryan, the Bible says it is a sin!”
The Bible says lots of things that we don’t listen to, and it makes a lot of rules we don’t follow. If you’re going to quote the Bible as law, you have to accept the whole thing as law. You can’t pick and choose certain passages to follow and others to ignore. Imagine if high school chemistry was like that.
“Ok, the textbook says now we have to add two cups of sulfur.”
“Alright, done.”
“Now add a teaspoon of hydroxide.”
“F*ck that, I hate hydroxide, what’s next?”
If you saw a kid in class do that, you’d think he was an idiot, wouldn’t you?
“ Well, yes, I guess I would.”
Exactly. Now go away.
“But Ryan, we must protect the sanctity of marriage!”
What sanctity? There is no sanctity anymore. Look at the divorce rates. Look at all the sham marriages. It’s ok for a woman to get married, divorced, and remarried as many times as she wants. It’s ok for a silicon-filled porn star to marry a 90-year-old man just so she can get his money when he dies like 2 months later. But the real crime would be letting two people in love get married just because their genitals match? What the hell is wrong with you?
2. Teenage pregnancy
I overheard a girl, no older than 17, in a discussion with an older woman. The girl mentioned how she was five months pregnant, and that this would be her second child. The older woman smiled happily, “Aw, congratulations. How nice.”
No, it isn’t nice! She’s 17 and has two kids! How is that nice? She’s too dumb to buy a condom, so we’ve got two more kids living in the world with a crappy life because their mom is still just a kid herself and probably has no job. They’re going to grow up on welfare and will never get the clothes or toys they want because their mom is poor. They wont get the parenting they need because a young girl like that just can’t possibly know how to be a mom. So two more kids living in the world, never getting the clothes or toys or love they really want. They’ll grow up in gangs and stealing and having babies by the time they’re 16, and the cycle repeats.
Why is it even legal for underage girls to have babies? You can’t even get a tattoo when you’re 17! You can’t vote and you can’t drink. You can’t buy cigarettes, join the army, or gamble. You can’t buy porn! But you’re allowed to take on the greatest responsibility a human being could ever have? Mandatory abortions for the lot of them, I say. It’s a far greater crime to have a child live a terrible life than to kill it off before it even knows it’s alive. It’ll make the country a better place, seriously.
3. Athletes thanking God
I’m sure you’ve seen it before. The post-fight interview with the winning boxer, and what does he say? “First of all, I’d like to thank God for giving me the strength to win this fight.” It really happens a lot. This guy actually thinks God helped him beat the hell out of some other dude. Man, I’m pretty sure God has more important things to worry about than two idiots punching each other for profit. And if he actually is helping the guy, how fair is that? What if the other boxer is asking for God’s help too?
“Dear God, please give me the strength to be victorious tonight.”
“Sorry, Floyd. Oscar asked me first, and I already bet Jesus you’d get your ass knocked out by the fifth.”
What about the players praying during a football game? The kicker is about to attempt the game winning kick, and the camera shows players for the other team praying. And what are they praying for? That he’ll miss the shot. They’re praying to God that something bad will happen to a fellow human being only trying to do his job. Whatever happened to Love Thy Neighbor? Maybe we should change it.
“Love Thy Neighbor unless he is thy opponent. In which case he can go to Hell.”
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