Poems!!...and now, for a limited time only...short stories!

[Perversion]

Don't laugh...the following posting is from MANY years ago when I was a depressed, heartbroken youth. I no longer am depressed or heartbroken, so the poetry no longer flows out of me. This poem is actually in my new game, so if anyone plays it, be on the lookout.

The journey is now complete,
The sabbatical is finished,
But I can still feel inside
That the darkness is not diminished.
This trip on which I've embarked
Was to help me see the light.
But upon the return to home
I still can't discern wrong from right.
Why is it so difficult
To break free from this mold?
As I struggle in this battle
The depression tightens its hold.
To return to those carefree days
Is all I really want.
But this will never happen,
As the dark spectre continues to haunt
My life, in all its bleak glory
With means beyond my control.
If only I could find a way
To once again make myself whole.
Why have I all these problems
That no one else seems to posess?
Why am I trapped in mediocrity?
At the reasons I can only guess.
So when I return to see you
What will your reaction be?
Will it be the same as before,
Or will I finally be free?
Do I really want this freedom,
Or rather be trapped in what I know?
The hardest thing in the world
Would be just to let you go.
Why can I not just do it?
Why can't this task be done?
Why can't I leave without looking back,
Why can't I turn and run?
Could it possibly be because
You were the first meaningful thing in my life?
What has happened between us,
That's caused so much trouble and strife?
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
This does not matter now
Now that I must be rid
Of that which lay behind me,
To set my sights ahead.
To put an end to this relationship
To make certain it is really dead.

[Fruple]

Re: Poems!!

That was really good.

[Perversion]

Re: Poems!!

Here's another one...

Early morning in the city
Walking the streets alone.
The mist settles in around me
And chills me to the bone.
Paranoia seems to grip me
And thrusts all sanity away.
Will I be healed come the morning
Or will it be just another day?
Another day of insanity
Another day of decay
Another day of trepidation
There has to be a way
To rid myself of this disease,
To make things how they were.
But of the means of this accomplishment
I am quite unsure.
Through these arduous struggles
The pain continues to exist.
Through these tortured moments
The heartache still persists.
Both to have and to hold
Is something I've never done.
But oh, the pleasure you've given me
While you've never had any fun.
Why was pleasure so absent,
When in its place was a void?
When I try to get you to laugh
Why are you so annoyed?
Your fun exists with others
But never shares time with me
I think the explanation
Is that you wish no one else to see
Any relationship between us
Even one of just being friends.
This attitude you display toward me,
This message that it sends,
Becomes lodged in my deepest heart
Never to be pried free.
Entombed now in my psyche
For all eternity.

[altoecko]

Re: Poems!!

In all the poems you've posted you seem to be writing poems about defining yourself in terms of someone else. While this is perfectly fine, why not write a poem describing yourself, and forget what others think of you, talk about what you think, it'd be a good poem I think.

[Perversion]

Re: Poems!!

Desperation controls my existence,
And pervades my sense of self-worth.
Will these questions remain unanswered
When I return to Mother Earth?
Or will they persist in the afterlife
If one does indeed exist?
Perchance they will, and perhaps they won't,
But who am I to resist
These questions, for they are perpetual
And so they shall remain;
Permanently embossed on my consciousness
Waiting for me to ascertain
The reasons behind their persistence.
They are not yet entirely clear.
And still my psyche tells me
That I need to perservere
Until the day that I can persuade myself
That my perception has not gone awry.
But in some perverse way, I realize
That all I perceive is a lie.
I peruse this observation
And all to which it pertain,
And come to a final conclusion,
That I do not wish to remain
In an existence that perplexes me so.
For this I calmly shall return
To the generous mother who begat me
For this is what I have earned.
So when they box me up and drop me
Into that gaping hole,
I won't be guided by personality
But by my eternal soul.

[altoecko]

Re: Poems!!

The world is full of so many unanswered questions. Best we can hope to do is answer a few and pass on the answers to those after us. Good writing.

[Perversion]

Re: Poems!!

Tripping through time,
Sprawled in space,
Cold sweat breaks out,
Heart begins to race.
Anxiety fades
Along with reality,
But soon is replaced by
A nihilistic fatality.
Broken rainbow drips away
And soon begins to darken
Try desperately to turn away,
But the inner sanctum hearkens.
Listening to its tales
Full of woe and remorse;
Seeing its slow dissolve
Trying to find the source
Of this self-hatred,
Of this self-pity.
Magnified images,
The picture is not pretty.
Framed oblivion
Painted in red.
Superb artistry
Results in dread.
Tangible proof
Of subconscious thought.
Realization now
Of a lifetime frought
With supreme emptiness
And heart-wrenching despair.
Self-examination;
Am I really there?
Floating upward into the nether
Uncorporeal;
Self-examination;
Is this really how I feel?
Sinking back into my body
As the haze begins to fade
Firmly rooted in my brain
A final plan is made.
Cold sharp steel against warm flesh
A delicious sensation to savor.
With a gentle caress of the instrument
My will to live begins to waver.
Tripping over my own weakness
Sprawled out on the floor
Cold linoleum on my face
My heart will beat no more.


Yeah, the meter in this is a bit off, but that's just how it came out when I wrote it.

[Misty]

Re: Poems!!

Holy smoke....these poems are so good!

The Pavilion Dalai Lama delves into his poetry psyche! I will meditate and soak in all your wonderful energy.....

[Perversion]

Re: Poems!!

Unfortunately, most of the energy exuded by these poems is kinda bleak...not the kind of thing you want to soak in (too much of). Thanks for your comment, though, Misty.

This is a stream-of-consciousness thing I wrote....the lack of periods is intentional. Actually, this entire thing is one long sentence, and I believe it's for the most part grammatically correct.

Childhood, long since forgotten, swallowed entirely by flowing lava from an erupting volcano, returns slowly with the prodding of a cold starless night, cigarette burning bright, waiting for something to come along and sweep away the ashes and dust that have settled slowly onto my body, shrouding me, disfiguring me, until I am no longer me, but a stranger to my childhood self, replete with new persona and new values, existing in a cold, hard shell of my past, seeing not past the present, presently not able to see the future, or not really wanting to, becoming more sullen and withdrawn, opening up emotions like a box of cereal, pouring them into a bowl, and feeding hungrily off the fumes, which allows me to see others, but not myself, or, at least, not as deeply as I wish, for I wish to know about me, about my emotions, feelings, and my life, in order to better myself, for my own sake, and that of others, who would be much better off without me intruding into their lives, a place where I don't belong, a place that I need to be, but a place where they don't need me, constantly shoving me away with words that cut so deep, words that mean nothing to you, words that make up the bulk of my life, my life as it is now, robbed of innocence, robbed of happiness, robbed of its childhood, lost and alone in a world without substance, without meaning, mourning the loss of and praying for the return of something, anything, to give me some hope, a ray of sunshine knifing its way through the thick overcast clouds that constantly engulf me, surrounding me, and choking out of me the will to continue searching, the will to continue living a life deprived of happiness, deprived of joy, deprived of anything worth living for, seeking a cessation of the anger and resentment pent up within, within the bottle of my body, a bottle full of holes, holes that slowly release these feelings, holes small enough to be barely perceptable to those on the outside, until the pressure widens the holes, and others see my real self shining through, culminating in seven sides of writing that have changed nothing, nothing but as deepening darkness and a decreased will to live in a world that makes me so lost and alone.

[Misty]

Re: Poems!!

Unfortunately, most of the energy exuded by these poems is kinda bleak...not the kind of thing you want to soak in (too much of).

The first poem relates to me personally. When I was reading it, I was reminded of the times when I myself was depressed and sad. It seems like you really poured your heart and soul into these works, and that's what makes for excellent poetry.

[altoecko]

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I love streaming conscious writing, keep up the good work.

[Pagerron]

Re: Poems!!

It's definitely cool to see this topic come back to life recently. Nice!

[Perversion]

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Flowers

Growing from the soil, be it enriching or poor
Sprouts a flower,
Only as healthy as its surroundings.
A flower, the same as hundreds of others
That surround it, keep it company.
But is it really the same?
Smaller, bug-eaten leaves
And a small yellow stripe on its petals.
Why must passersby see these flowers as all the same,
When in fact each is unique?
And why must a slight anomaly
Garner so much attention?
The girl who picks the flowers
Can never know the circumstances of each;
Why this one is bigger, why this one is smaller,
Why this one is sickly, why this one is healthy.
She merely chooses on appearance,
The most attractive inevitably get chosen.
A showpiece in a vase at home,
Something to show off to the world.
If the sickly one is chosen, it is merely out of sympathy.
Why cannot the girl realize
That maybe the small, unattractive one she passed over
Holds the greatest gift of all?


Yeah, the metaphor is a bit simplistic....that's what happened when I was in the midst of depression, and tried to write something hopeful.

[Perversion]

Re: Poems!!

I'm gonna post this in installments, as it's pretty long. I wrote this in high school, so the writing might not be as polished as other things I've written. It's also in my A Series Aside game. Hell, people won't need to play the game soon, as I'll probably end up posting most of the writings in the game here.

The Castle, or How I Lost the Memories of My Childhood

The dark castle loomed behind the eerie mist of the dank, foreboding swamp. The moon in the sky was just past new, and did not emit much light. As a result, I had trouble finding the old, rickety bridge that served as the gateway from the reality and straighforwardness of the world outside to the gloom and mystery of the castle. I had had my troubles finding the castle, and it had taken me three days to get there. But Elrich had been my friend since childhood, and I had not seen him since he and his family had moved away. I was excited and nervous, and as I stood on this side of the bridge contemplating our past, I heard two voices approaching from behind me. I turned, and saw two shadowy figures directly in front of me. One lifted its arm, illuminated my face, and then lowered the lantern.
"So you got one too, eh?" the voice asked. I looked at him with a blank expression.
"One what?"
"An invitation to spend the weekend with him in his castle."
I nodded.
"How do you know him?" the other voice asked me. I told him briefly of our childhood together.
"Elrich is probably waiting for us to join him. I think it would be best if we did not keep him waiting," the first voice interjected. I asked him what he meant by that statement, and from what I could see in the dark, he just smiled.

We approached the thick wooden door, and the first man, whose name was Alexandro, grasped the door knocker and rapped it three times against the door. We waited for a few moments, and then we heard the door creak open. We expected Elrich to answer, but instead, a short, squat, ugly, misshapen man appeared. I stared at him for a moment, as I knew the others were doing also. The man had long shaggy dark brown hair, a large protruding forehead, and two long slits for eyes. His face was gaunt and full of boils and callouses. The man disturbed our examination of him by bidding us to enter. I looked at the second man, whose name was Laurencio, and he shrugged his shoulders. We then followed the man through the entryway, through the parlour, and into the dining hall, where our mututal friend Elrich was sitting at the head of the table. He had gone through a drastic change from when I had known him. Before, his face was full and round and jovial. But now, his face was long and drawn and serious.
"Sit, my friends, and join me in a feast of sausage and kraut and ale, for I know you must be weary from your respective journeys. But first, be rid of those heavy overcoats." He snapped his fingers, and the misshapen man stepped forward. "andreo, bring our guests' coats to the closet." Andreo nodded his head obligatorily, and took the coats and left the room. "Andreo is a good worker. You see, one day about ten years ago, I found him wandering about in front of the castle. It was raining at the time, so I brought him indoors so he did not die of exposure. I learned that he had no place to live, so I made a deal with him. I provide him with a place to live and food and clothing, and in return, he does the chores around the castle. But enough talk, let us eat."

We all sat down for a half of an hour or so, none of our minds occupying any thoughts other than those of the delicious food we were eating.
After dinner was over, I inquired of Elrich of how he had obtained the castle. "After my mother and father and sister had died, my only living relative was my grandfather, who owned this castle. He died a few months later, and in his will left everything he owned to me."

I was surprised, because I had not known that his parents and sister, who were all very close to me, had died. I offered my condolences, but he shrugged them off.
"Things do happen," he said shortly. Suddenly, though, his mood changed.
"Why are we all so somber? Let us retreat to the parlour and play a few hands of cards." We then went to play cards, with Andreo looking on. He often had to go and get either punch, cookies, or money, as we were playing for cash. The stakes were not high, though, and the bets were friendly wagers. I looked at Andreo as he came in with a tray of punch. His face looked earnest and did not look dissatisfied. I smiled to myself at how this man accepted the simple pleasures in life.

After playing cards for a while, it was time for bed, and Elrich escorted each of us to his room. Laurencio's room was in the right wing of the castle. As we walked, I noticed that the walls of the hallway were bare, save a few torches spaced evenly along them. When we got to Laurencio's room, we all bid him good night. After that, we went to Alexandro's room, which was in the main section of the castle. The walls were again lit by torches, but they were of a deep red hue. The way that the torches shined upon them gave them the appearance of being wet. Out of curiousity, I reached out and touched one of them. Elrich and Alexandro walked ahead, while I stopped at one of the torches to examine my fingers. To my amazement and horror, the substance on my fingers was indeed blood, or a very realistic facsimile thereof. I caught up to the other two, who had already stopped at one particular room. We bid Alexandro good night, also, and then proceeded to the left wing of the castle, where my room presumably was. Here, the walls were again adorned with torches, but also on the walls were portraits of Elrich, his sister Hope, and his parents. My mind was animate with curiousity, but I said nothing. Instead, I inquired about my steed and carraige.

"I ordererd Andreo to take care of them," he answered. "The horse has a comfortable stall, with plenty of oats and hay, and the carraige is in another stable to protect it from the elements."
We arrived at my room, and after he bid me goodnight as he had to the others, I entered the room and shut the door behind me. Then I walked over to the bed and hestitantly sat down on it. It was suitably comfortable, so I took off my shoes and stretched out to reflect on and ponder the events of the evening. I thought back to the card game, and recalled the coversation which took place.


This is the first part of this story...more to come soon. Please do not lose interest if you find the story slow going...this is pretty much the introduction to the events which are about to unfold....

[H2SO4]

Re: Poems!!

Very nice Perversion, you really have talent in poetry and writing. Great Job.