Pulled from an email. Sorry if the format is annoying, but I nearly ****ed myself from laughing so hard at these.
> They're Back! More Church Bulletin Bloopers.
>
> Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking
> tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from
> Africa.
>
> The Fasting &Prayer Conference includes meals.
>
> Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8
> PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
>
> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to! get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
>
> The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
>
> Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
> Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't
> care much about you.
>
> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
>
> Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
>
> For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
>
> Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
>
> Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
>
> The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the
> choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
>
> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24
> in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
>
> A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
>
> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
> Come early and listen to our choir practice.
>
> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
>
> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
> Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
>
> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
>
> The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
> gracious hostility ....
>
> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
>
> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
>
> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
>
> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
>
> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
>
> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
>
> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
>
> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
>
> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours ."
>
> They're Back! More Church Bulletin Bloopers.
>
> Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking
> tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from
> Africa.
>
> The Fasting &Prayer Conference includes meals.
>
> Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8
> PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
>
> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to! get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
>
> The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
>
> Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
> Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't
> care much about you.
>
> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
>
> Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
>
> For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
>
> Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
>
> Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
>
> The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the
> choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
>
> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24
> in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
>
> A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
>
> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
> Come early and listen to our choir practice.
>
> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
>
> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
> Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
>
> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
>
> The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
> gracious hostility ....
>
> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
>
> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
>
> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
>
> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
>
> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
>
> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
>
> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
>
> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
>
> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours ."
>
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