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Have I lost myself to the machine?

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    Have I lost myself to the machine?

    When I was a senior in high school, I made a colored pencil picture that showed America's youths fall into a star spangled tin can, and exit it without color, dressed in a shirt & tie, and carrying a briefcase. I donated it the the high school as my AP Art gift to the school, and only God knows where it hangs now. I hope it's made some of America's youths think...and I wish I had a scanner back then so I didn't have to describe it to you.

    I have to wonder if I've inexplicably fallen into that trap. I will admit, I felt a certain disatisfaction with my old job...I was able to contribute to something that would probably end up sucking, but had nice parts about it. After viewing so many attempts by the company, I lost faith in them to deliver a good product. Still, I had my life, and my job supported my life. I worked 40 hours a week...sometimes less when things were slow.

    My dissatisfaction grew to a point where I needed to get away, and I found a golden opportunity...or so I thought.

    My job has become my life now...I work 58 hours a week...10 hours on weekdays, 8 on Saturday. This wasn't in the description. Even when I finish my current project, it will be like that for 2 weeks out of every 2 months. On top of that, what I do requires no creativity whatsoever. Anyone with my talent can do what I do currently. I've always valued artistic expression over craftmanship, but now, my job IS craftmanship.

    Also, money is tight. I'm still paying for my condo which hasn't sold, as well as rent and living expenses. I'm walking a tightrope, and I can't afford to make a major mistake. The pressure of everyday life is going to make me die young. Maybe others can get used to it, but I can't. It's hard for me to forget what I used to have, and how I gave it all up for this. It was a risk, and I knew it was, but i didn't think it would be like this.

    I sent an e-mail to find that I can get my old job back. I can even move back inot my condo, continue to pay it off, and use that as my nest egg as my parents had intended. I'm not all about money, I'm about living, and I have learned the importance of being secure in that way.

    I could continue to search for my perfect job, and I'm sure it's out there somewhere, but I'm not sure if I can afford to find it at this point in my life. I was lucky to have the creative input I did, and for how important that is in my life, the amount I contribute these days is unacceptable.

    To speak metaphoricly...I don't create the car, I wax it to a shiney gloss.

    I'd wrap this up better, but I have to pick up my boyfriend from work. I want to finish the project I'm on now because people depend on me...but after that, I'm pretty sure I'm headed back home.

    #2
    Re: Have I lost myself to the machine?

    Well, it's about time! The first step towards being where you want in life is to be someplace where you're comfortable to plan up to that stage, or somesuch.

    In any case, get cracking and get the hell back home.

    ~Updates weekly on Sundays~

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      #3
      Re: Have I lost myself to the machine?

      Perhaps you should go back to the basics. Coloured Pencils! But none of this depressing tin conformity can BS. Draw puppies and balloons. Puppies and balloons of creative rebirth!
      Oh my god! You are so beautiful.
      I had no idea how beautiful you were.

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        #4
        Re: Have I lost myself to the machine?

        Erik, I think everyone who has been here since the beginning will agree with me, you were a much happier, light-hearted person at your old job. it's very obvious your current job has sucked the life out of you. I look forward to having the old you back.
        Last edited by Valkysas; 12-17-2005, 02:49 AM.



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          #5
          Re: Have I lost myself to the machine?

          Yeah, me too.

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            #6
            Re: Have I lost myself to the machine?

            I remember when I saw something you did on newgrounds about some guy not wanting to be part of that "machine" interpretation you have, he was being chased by a stapler in it I remember. I say this because I didn't know you did it but I was like "Zealot studios where have I seen that before" anyway then I saw it was by KireBlade and I thought "I remember him, I didn't know that about that guy" I don't even know what the hell I'm going on about. Nevermind.

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              #7
              Re: Have I lost myself to the machine?

              Originally posted by Valkysas
              Erik, I think everyone who has been here since the beginning will agree with me, you were a much happier, light-hearted person at your old job. it's very obvious your current job has sucked the life out of you. I look forward to having the old you back.
              My memory, she's not so good, but yes you're right. Anyway, you're doing the right thing and going back home doesn't mean giving up on finding that dream job, you're just smart enough to back up after heading in the wrong direction. Unlike most of us who keep going that way hoping it'll eventually lead us back on the right path.
              I want that Mulan McNugget sauce, Morty!

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                #8
                Re: Have I lost myself to the machine?

                by the way, you once posted a photo of that picture you did. meaning it still exists in photo form somewhere.



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                  #9
                  Re: Have I lost myself to the machine?

                  Wow, you have a good memory. Good call, I'll have to look that up.

                  Oh yeah, and I have bad news. I would have to pay back 3k (relocation fee) to the company if I were to leave before being employed for 12 months. My lease runs up in July. I don't know what the hell's gonna happen now.

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                    #10
                    Re: Have I lost myself to the machine?

                    have you checked to see if that has to be paid back all at once, or if you can do payments?



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                      #11
                      Re: Have I lost myself to the machine?

                      Originally posted by Valkysas
                      by the way, you once posted a photo of that picture you did. meaning it still exists in photo form somewhere.
                      It's on the old Pav, probably. Not on any thread started by Kire, so unless it's buried on some obscure Imangari thread, it's not here. Sorry

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                        #12
                        Re: Have I lost myself to the machine?

                        the image link would be broken by now anyways. we're talkling about something over 5 years old.



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                          #13
                          Re: Have I lost myself to the machine?

                          Here's the link to the old Pav, if you wanna look.

                          Caution:Ad and Pop-up filled.

                          Ye Olde Pavilion Ruins

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Have I lost myself to the machine?

                            I remember the ink dot dragon, I also remember The Brick. I'd like to see that again.
                            Oh my god! You are so beautiful.
                            I had no idea how beautiful you were.

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