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    Dreams: Guardian (Updates)

    Edit - Update -

    Dreams Vol 1 : Guardian
    They say that the world was nothing but darkness before she found us.
    An empty orb in a symphony of stars that had long forgotten their melody.
    She helped them remember the notes.
    She cried with happiness to see such beauty hidden by darkness,
    Her tears becoming world’s redemption, teaching it how to live again.
    That’s when they say we woke up from our deep slumber.
    Walking fast in her footprints, we found that our land was alive again,
    Her very steps reviving what had been so long dead.
    We drank of our shimmering rivers that flowed with her tears,
    And lived in her teachings and under her protection.
    Our Gaurdian.
    She was our beacon of hope for thousands of years,
    Keeping peace between our fertile lands.
    Until…she disappeared


    The lore of the Guardian was passed down throughout the ages of Roshan, her stories and teachings a way of life for the people. She walked among them thousands of years prior, keeping outside forces at bay and protecting her children. Then one day, she dissapeared without a trace.

    Where tensions that came so naturally to humans were held at bay by her presence, they errupted with a violent hate as country turned on country. Monsters that hid in darkness soon braved the light and covered the land, slowly gaining power over the inner countries. Demons whispered in the ears of rulers, and only the most isolated of countries were free from the conflict.

    Until a trader named Liam came home with a sickness that seemed to break down the weaker creatures of the world, killing the older, and critically wounding the younger. The isolated country of Wicker soon would play open way to the war in it's own courtyard, beginning in the capitol city of Christopher, under a tree where a wise old Frogman tells stories to a young girl and her sister of ages before the Guardian dissapeared.

    CHARACTERS:

    Gretchan: Age 14. Just entering into the designated age of womanhood, Gretchan still clings to her childhood, being very shy and innocent in her own way. She has been a maid in the castle for the past two years, and is well aquainted with the majority of Christopher. Also being very close with her father, she takes to a desperate worry when he starts to become very weak and ill...

    Gavin: Age 15. Gavin is a headstrong youth, already entered into the beginning stages of manhood, but still very rough and tumble with his attitude. He has been childhood friends with Gretchan since they were both born. Gavin is an archer, loving the feel of the bow in his hands, and he longs to become an Ancient Archer like the elves of Marladuke--the northern country of Orb. He promises he would protect Gretchan with his life.

    Takara: Age 760. Takara is a new arrival at Christopher, and she recently opened up the training shop in town. Takara is an Ancient Archer, and Gavin is smitten with her when he first meets her. Takara is a rather secretive but blunt person, and does not trust easily.

    Liam: Age 40. Gretchan's father. Was a trader between Sunas and Wicker before he came home and retired due to his constant illnesses. Gretchan is the oldest of two daughters, and mostly his favorate. He has always been very close with her, and would do anything to make her happy.

    Elenore: Age 35. Gretchan's mother. Overbearing and nagging, Elenore's intentions are well ment, but normally come off as very commanding and controlling. She has high expectations for Gretchan to become the head Maid at the castle, and make her proud. Elenore spends most of her days worry about Liam and Stephani--her youngest daughter.

    Stephani: Age 5. Gretchan's only, younger sister. She seems rather intelligent for her age, but very small. She adores her older sister and wants to follow in her footsteps.

    Pepe the Puppy: Age ?. Pepe is the town stray, a small puppy who loves to play and is afraid of the dark. He has his own set of skills and will follow anyone who plays with him.

    Pooky the Magic Frog: ? Pooky is a mystery. He spends his days benieth the large oak tree in Christopher's main square, croaking out his wisdom. Children come to sit and listen to his stories, and somehow are the only ones to understand him.

    Classes
    Maid - A support class, with skills and magic concentrating on enhancement and support. Has a low physical defense and attack, but magic def and speed is high. Fights with staves, weapons ranging from Mops to the Gabrielle, the Guardian's avatar weapon.

    Little Archer - A ranged attacker, concentrating on speed and agility over brute force. A less powerful version of the ancient archer, and mostly a male class.

    Ancient Archer- More powerful version of Little Archer, mostly an elven class.


    Monsters
    Regret - The spirit of a warrior who fell in love with the Guardian and pledged his alligence to her as well as his soul. She returned his love with a ring and a promise that she would return to him when they were to be ready for eternity together. He remained in a sancuary off the coast of Wicker waiting for her for centuries. But like most human minds, he became restless, and his emotions for her became perversed, and turned into hatred. He now attacks and kills any who dare summon him.
    Last edited by Libby; 07-26-2006, 11:24 PM.

    #2
    Re: Dreams: Gaurdian. (Opinions? Please? )

    While cliche, it sounds pretty good. Just hope you explain why a maid can fight though. If you do have her fight.

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Dreams: Gaurdian. (Opinions? Please? )

      I concur with Vonwert, and would like to add that you spelt "Guardian" wrong. Still, sounds fun. Can't wait to play it!

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Dreams: Gaurdian. (Opinions? Please? )

        Originally posted by Vonwert
        While cliche, it sounds pretty good. Just hope you explain why a maid can fight though. If you do have her fight.
        Yes, I do have her fight. It's actually amusing because I set up the character class to have attacks much like..."Clean Sweep" and "Dustcloud." The character is mostly used for support and levels very slowly. Plus it's her first class, and later (10 yrs later in the game) she becomes a ninja-type class.

        The story itself actually isn't that cliche, it's just the spoiler free version of it. I'm not sure if I want to release the full story for sake of protection.

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Dreams: Gaurdian. (Opinions? Please? )

          World of Orb? Kingdom of Christopher? At the very least, change Christopher to something else. I just know I'll wind up getting constantly confused and think you're talking about a person.
          "What if like...there was an exact copy of you somewhere, except they're the opposite gender, like you guys could literally have a freaky friday moment and nothing would change. Imagine the best friendship that could be found there."

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Dreams: Gaurdian. (Opinions? Please? )

            I have not played many RPGs so cliche does not bother me.

            I also have no problems with maids who can fight (there were 2 in my Aikido class!).

            I always say to people who want feedback on their games that they should just be sure it is something they like themselves. The rest will follow.

            For an example of what I mean:
            Read This if you wish to see the most absurd story I could create!


            Just have fun with it and let people react as they react.

            Peace.

            MOO!




            Comment


              #7
              Re: Dreams: Gaurdian. (Opinions? Please? )

              I really like your idea. I've never heard of a Kingdom called Christopher before! I like it! Don't EVER worry about being "cliche." In fact, I think it's
              a dirty word. Anything you think of will most likely fit into some category of
              "cliche" (pardon my language!). The trick is in the execution. Be as cliche as
              you want, I say! Just make sure that the overall feel of the game has a taste
              of who created it to make it unique!

              I'm totally gonna play it when you're done!

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Dreams: Gaurdian. (Opinions? Please? )

                Originally posted by libra_in_red
                The story itself actually isn't that cliche, it's just the spoiler free version of it. I'm not sure if I want to release the full story for sake of protection.
                One problem for a designer is whether to give more or less information. If you want to protect your ideas then don't give the whole story. I do have a suggestion about your world, though. If your going to name your world Orb be creative and spell it differently, for example Aurb or whatever.
                I had to change accounts. I'm here now - http://www.pavilionboards.com/forum/member.php?u=1475

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Dreams: Gaurdian. (Opinions? Please? )

                  It's a very good story! I can't wait to try it out! The name of the kingdom is kind of funny in my opinion since my name is Christopher, but ever one calls me Chris.
                  "I'm going to rip you apart!" ~ DarkBlade
                  "Oh yeah! Bring it on virus scum!" ~ George

                  Quotes from my book, "The VirusMonster Hunters 5"

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Dreams: Gaurdian. (Opinions? Please? )

                    Thank everyone for all the support. Origionally the opening gave much more information then I wanted, but I am going to change it so it fits closer to the story I gave above. I prefered the Maid character type, because I wanted something that was diffrent. As I stated before, the maid is a slow leveler, and mainly only support. The idea of naming the city of Christopher is something that came purely off the top of my head. Many of the names and characters are created on the fly, and I go back and warp the story to where they fit. Right now I am putting a slight hold on it so I can finish the Character Sprite Guide for RPGM3, but I am taking everything in for suggestions. I do agree that the world of Orb is a bit over the top. I do like the misspelling, and will probably be renaming it.

                    The goal of this story is actually to tell about being forced to grow up to early, and to take on responsibility for things at an age that most people in our times would feel is still childhood. It's also about exploration and finding that there is always more to the story. As an update, the first quest you ever go on is to find the gnome that stole a sock from the prince....I am not really good at smaller sequences and events like this, I tend to like the larger story, so any help would be much, much aprechiated.

                    And Rodak..your story is awesome. I <3 you.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Dreams: Gaurdian. (Opinions? Please? )

                      "As an update, the first quest you ever go on is to find the gnome that stole a sock from the prince....I am not really good at smaller sequences and events like this, I tend to like the larger story, so any help would be much, much aprechiated."

                      When you're doing a smaller event like this, first make sure it's important enough to include. After that, try to create some character development from it, or at least plot development.

                      Otherwise, 'cliche' is a double-sided issue. Being cliche is fine, but it's the execution that matters. For instance, that last paragraph from you in that last post impressed me more than everything else you've posted in this topic yet. It's the purpose and meaning behind the stories that make it more memorable and impactful... and render 'cliches' in the story unimportant. Good luck.

                      Oh, my last piece of advice is to find someone you think could really help you with your story and send them well-organized plans for your story personally, thus allowing you to tell them everything and not just bits and pieces that lack spoilers.

                      Oh, and lastly, put as much time as possible into everything, and you'll get a better end-product. Coming up with names on the spot is fine, but not the best. Try making a list of 10-30 names for the world (country, protagonist, etc. - same) and cross the worst ones off until you have one left. Also, naming them with less tracable roots will give the places meaning, but not confuse the player (such as a country named Christopher or a world named Orb). For instance, use the internet to find English -> Greek, English -> Latin, Norse mythology, etc. sites and get the names from there. It's the difference between Christopher and Midgar.
                      Last edited by WilliamKirk; 12-06-2005, 09:18 PM.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Dreams: Gaurdian. (Opinions? Please? )

                        so I can finish the Character Sprite Guide for RPGM3
                        One thing you need to know before finishing:

                        Sprite = 2D
                        Models = 3D
                        "What if like...there was an exact copy of you somewhere, except they're the opposite gender, like you guys could literally have a freaky friday moment and nothing would change. Imagine the best friendship that could be found there."

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Dreams: Gaurdian. (Opinions? Please? )

                          Sounds pretty cool. I really like the idea of the Guardian just kinda hanging back and getting worshipped and whatnot, then she disappears and the world starts plunging into chaos. Plunging into chaos is good, it's the best way to go into chaos in my opinion.
                          About cliches, almost every game's story will have some cliched elements to it and that is fine. It is very difficult (though not impossible) to come up with a totally original story. What I think works well is adding some twist to a cliche, which you've done with the Guardian. And I totally agree with what Rodak said about just making sure it's something you like and the rest will flow from there.
                          I really like the sound of this. If and when you finish it, I may actually break down and purchase RPGM3 to play it. Shoot it could even end up being the second best game to come out Ohio! (after Portal of Doom j/k )


                          Ayase: "I was sort of expecting you to be a little bigger. You look kind of weak."
                          Kazuma: "And in spite of the way you look, you seem to be a real b****."

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Dreams: Gaurdian. (Opinions? Please? )

                            Originally posted by Draygone
                            Sprite = 2D
                            Models = 3D
                            Obi-Wan: 4D!!!!!

                            lol j/k. Anyway, this is a very WorthWille (DAMMIT!) Project!
                            Canadians Are Gods, Eh!
                            Check out Meh Kick-A$$ Madness Mods!

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Dreams: Gaurdian. (Opinions? Please? )

                              I don't think this project is worth Willie. Steve, mabye.
                              Last edited by hitogoroshi; 12-13-2005, 10:34 PM.

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