Share Your **** Stories Here!

[DK]

Is it just me, or are all the topics lately about depressing boring subjects like world differences and violence and disasters and stuff?

How about we talk about the one thing that bonds us all, the one thing every human does; crap. I remember that there one time my ol' daddy told me a tale of a concert long ago he attended. The performing artist wasn't such an important detail as the cowboy boots and tight jeans he was wearing over his tighty whities. Soon enough the night's activity became too racous, and his bowels loosened control, a bathroom trip was necessitated.

But no! The tight pants and cowboy boots prevented any clear path free of obstruction to do the deed with. However, my father is man of resourcfulness, and a knife was his avatar of salvation, as he cut away nylon and cotton alike in his underpants to provide passage for the waste. It was a close call, and a pair of pants ruined, but as far as he told me the rest of the concert went great!

So, what stories do you all have? Gather round the table and share, I know I've got lots more!

[Magus]

Re: Share Your **** Stories Here!

That's incredible. I was listening to the Metal Gear Solid 3 theme as it crescendoed as I read that.

[IRC]

Re: Share Your **** Stories Here!

I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do with this.

[DK]

Re: Share Your **** Stories Here!

Come on, IRC. I can see in your eyes that you have an embarassing tale about the holiday season.

[Czechs Mex]

Re: Share Your **** Stories Here!

I remember onetime I posted pictues of poop in Kaerul's "I hate my life" topic, and everyone became disgusted with me.

So, yeah, other than that previous sentence, I think I'll sit this one out.

[BeeZee]

Re: Share Your **** Stories Here!

Based on the censored title, I thought this was going to be a thread about the time we all lost our virginities or something.

[Smurf Taco]

Re: Share Your **** Stories Here!

Oddly enough, I actually did think this was about poop.

[altoecko]

Re: Share Your **** Stories Here!

One of my teachers sharted in class one time. She had to leave for the day, it probably killed her self-esteem, but it was so damn funny.

[John Mora]

Re: Share Your **** Stories Here!

Based on the censored title, I thought this was going to be a thread about the time we all lost our virginities or something.

This would be an ironic place for such a topic.

[Mistafopa]

Re: Share Your **** Stories Here!

Driving to South Dakota from California when I was 7-8.

We were mid-Colorodo and my young intestines were in peril. We were way up there. A mile above sea level and I felt like my colon was a 12 guage, and it had just been c.o.c.k.e.d.

One little problem though.. I was desperately afraid of going to the bathroom with an unlocked door, and we must've just pulled into a stretch of country known for their lack of doorknobs and privacy. Either way I was screwed.

Seriously, though. We pulled over to a truck stop and I ran to a bathroom. It didn't have a knob. No other place in the area. I squeezed as hard as I could but my sweet virgin ass just wasn't gonna give an inch.

Hours laters, I'm feeling sicker we pull over again. Bathroom doesn't work. We eat, we drive for more hours...

I get very sick eventually... And then..... I vomit out **** from my mouth... It's all brown and log like and the smell............................ You have NO IDEA.

Finally, my ****ing dad got a motel room so I could **** my brains out all night in privacy.

Everytime I burped or swallowed hard I tasted it too, for months.

[pinkymadigan]

Re: Share Your **** Stories Here!

This one is awesome.
My friend Hannah was over at my first apartment, made us all lemonade. I chugged a glass, sat it down, and said "I just shat myself" instantly. No joke. BUT EVEN BETTER- Upon a quick trip to the bathroom I discovered that it was not poo, but PURE UNPROCCESSED LEMONADE. I think that's my first miracle(two away from sainthood for those of you counting). It was so bizzare that I just don't mind telling people. I'm not even sure that what happened is possible, but I have witnesses, and they assure me that it happened as well, because if they didn't, I probably wouldn't believe it myself.

[Mistafopa]

Re: Share Your **** Stories Here!

So it just went straight through?

[pinkymadigan]

Re: Share Your **** Stories Here!

Yeah. I'd say it was maybe 45/50 seconds tops from me picking up the glass to me expelling lemonade.

[Denmo]

Re: Share Your **** Stories Here!

How did you know it was Lemonade? You taste it?

[altoecko]

Re: Share Your **** Stories Here!

Maybe you peed?