post about your living experience here.
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I stare at my computer in a daze, my muscles numb from a combination of a lack of use, sleep deprevation and caffeine. This is a prison of my choosing, but at least it pays well and is relatively comfortable. Although it's hard to believe I'm contributing anything to this society, at least I'm not working on a new way to sell cancer to children. On top of all this, it really is a dream job...I almost liken it to masterbating for 8 hours a day because that's about how relevant my work feels these days. Working an art job gives you a lot of time to think about such things... when the process itself becomes instinctual, there's lots of time to mull around whatever drama or predicament had been raised the preceeding weekend, or whatever is plastered on the front page of CNN.com.
I make no excuses, for I know this state I'm in is my fault...my restless nights are often a result of refusing to give in to the coming morning, where I do my morning routine, then make the zombie shuffle to my desk and hack out whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing. The next 6-8 hours will be filled with thoughts ranging from foreign policy to how much I love and dislike my family simultaneously. This is what I try to delay. Last night was spent staying up to 4 on an RPG that really had no relevance to what I really want to do...just another form of procrastination. I've battled this problem all my life and I believe it's fed by a fear of not making the most of what my life has to offer. The more I sleep is just adds up to more missed opportunities that could have been caught to make my journey just a tad more interesting.
Meanwhile, back at the lair, I've noticed my nesting instinct is kicking in...as in trying to define who I am by what adorns my walls, or what dohickey lies in the corner of the kitchen area, definitely a concentrated effort to feel significant. Yes, I do realize the parallels to Fight Club. In that respect, I'm trying to simplify my life so that I'm not buried in an avalanche of uneccessary distractions. In the same breath, more than ever I'm trying to experience whatever it is I haven't, and cut out whatever is there only via result of habit.
Hypocritical to the end, this boulder will keep rollin'.
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I stare at my computer in a daze, my muscles numb from a combination of a lack of use, sleep deprevation and caffeine. This is a prison of my choosing, but at least it pays well and is relatively comfortable. Although it's hard to believe I'm contributing anything to this society, at least I'm not working on a new way to sell cancer to children. On top of all this, it really is a dream job...I almost liken it to masterbating for 8 hours a day because that's about how relevant my work feels these days. Working an art job gives you a lot of time to think about such things... when the process itself becomes instinctual, there's lots of time to mull around whatever drama or predicament had been raised the preceeding weekend, or whatever is plastered on the front page of CNN.com.
I make no excuses, for I know this state I'm in is my fault...my restless nights are often a result of refusing to give in to the coming morning, where I do my morning routine, then make the zombie shuffle to my desk and hack out whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing. The next 6-8 hours will be filled with thoughts ranging from foreign policy to how much I love and dislike my family simultaneously. This is what I try to delay. Last night was spent staying up to 4 on an RPG that really had no relevance to what I really want to do...just another form of procrastination. I've battled this problem all my life and I believe it's fed by a fear of not making the most of what my life has to offer. The more I sleep is just adds up to more missed opportunities that could have been caught to make my journey just a tad more interesting.
Meanwhile, back at the lair, I've noticed my nesting instinct is kicking in...as in trying to define who I am by what adorns my walls, or what dohickey lies in the corner of the kitchen area, definitely a concentrated effort to feel significant. Yes, I do realize the parallels to Fight Club. In that respect, I'm trying to simplify my life so that I'm not buried in an avalanche of uneccessary distractions. In the same breath, more than ever I'm trying to experience whatever it is I haven't, and cut out whatever is there only via result of habit.
Hypocritical to the end, this boulder will keep rollin'.
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