feedback

[Novalis]

So I finished card 1 last night. Thought I'd leave a little feedback... in the form of a review.

As a huge fan of choose-your-character RPGs I'm very much enjoying Crystal Shores thus far. The first card is divided evenly between the four main characters (Xiko, Keli, Haidar and Roshan) and a sub-plot that does well to inject the proceedings with much humor.

I particularly liked the narrative structure of Keli's card 1 content. The opening sequence plays out like a fairy tale and does a beautiful job of establishing an emotional rapport with the player. I immediately cared what happened to her, which is something of a holy grail in game writing.

At times I felt like Keli was a little TOO oppressed. The fact that she's a hero's daughter works really well and fuels the early scenes, but her stigma over being a woman didn't make sense to me particularly when I was seeing a lot of non-oppressed female characters around her. Mogrith, an advisor to the king, has a sprite I recognize as female though may have been intended as a male character.

I also wished for additional deep interaction beyond exploring the town and fighting a single boss battle. As I was enjoying Keli I felt compelled to make an impact on her story - or even just grind levels a bit. All in all, Keli's card 1 played like a very enjoyable semi-interactive short story.

Xiko's card 1 was a BLAST and gave me the sense he's a little more central to the plot than the other three. Searching for fuses in the futuristic corridors of Black Lotus Laboratories was great fun and I had the opportunity to watch a zombie leap into bed while pursuing my cybernetic brains:


So hungry, so sleepy.

The setting for Roshan's card 1 content felt like classic, crunchy fantasy a la World of Warcraft. The various races - elves, dwarves, dragons, goblins, merfolk, etc - are on the brink of a massive conflict with the barbaric, war-like human tribes. An interesting reversal to take the angle of the other races and make humanity the looming threat to civilization. To my personal taste by-the-book fantasy is a hard thing to make fresh and exciting with RPGM1 given the generic aesthetic of its graphics (Gobli...). Still, Roshan's story was well told and had nicely-designed maps including a cool desert maze only navigable by night.

Haidar the Pirate's card 1 consisted mostly of town exploration. No complaint here as I like a good raid and pillage. Flashbacks, cranky invisible people and a library with a surprising collection of smut combined to make the start of his tale quite enjoyable.

And then the sub-pot scenes! The misadventures of surly Brognan, gullible Doveen and sarcastic Fanhiel played out like transcripts of a raucous D&D session - most entertaining. I liked that you can make a single pivotal decision at the end of the first (and presumably each?) sequence.

Though I was initially surprised at how expository and story-driven card 1 turned out to be said stories were exceptionally well told with complex characters (particularly Keli) and great dialogue like this priceless line:


Not your daddy's "spoony bard" retort.

The novel-like structure of leaving each character stranded at a cliffhanger requires a little more patience and effort to keep abreast of what's going on in each story line, but I get the feeling it'll pay off when the strands of this massive web start coming together. Unfortunately I've been unable to play card 2 due to a glitch(?) that immediately sent me to a sub-plot sequence, then asked if I was ready to load card 3. Wait, noooo! I'm looking forward to card 2 when I get the chance.

[Karr Lord of Chaos]

Re: feedback

oh crap did i forget to shut off the switches for the sequence? i played through the whole game myself a few times but maybe i botched something. ill load up the game and make sure i turned off the switches at the right point.

thank you for the feed back. i will admit that i have struggling with a few characters. roshan especially was quite difficult to sculpt as i couldnt get his place worked out as strongly as some of my other chars. keli was actually originally going to be a repressed female in a male dominated society but i kind of changed her many times as her character didnt feel believable. i hadnt thought of the other woman not being repressed. i will most likely go back and change that just to properly align her character.

xiko is by all intent and purpose the main focus of the game. i perhaps lavished too much time on his story arc but i dont regret it as his arc is very fun. as for the woman sprite for the counsellors adviser i will investigate it, perhaps ive made an error there? the 3 soldiers plot only has the one major choice at present but they are going to be getting a whole lot of choices in card 4 as the entire card is about them. i might slip in a bonus choice in card two while i fix it.

let me know if youve saved on card 2. if you did i will build a custom fix for you to get back to the game without penalty. i will pm the card after ive fixed the mistake.

thanks again!

edit: ive made the relatively easy fixes and put up the data with a new amended post in the submissions forum. i changed some of kelis time line to be more reflective of her plot device, including everything mentioned in novalis' post and ive opted out of make any other changes so the card(s) will stay as is.

[Novalis]

feedback on card 2

The greatest difficulty may not be changing the future of console RPG makers, but changing their past among us all.

My second visit with the Heroes Shored in Crystal turned out to be a surprisingly light-hearted departure from the dark, expository first chapter. Mini-games, puzzles and genuinely hilarious situational comedy were in abundance especially during Haidar and Keli’s story lines. Things got darker toward the end of each arc but in general the mood of this card was PLAYFUL.


Hey, it's a fair question.

Comedy stole the show even during the mini-games, especially one where Haidar and crew are navigating a ship through pirate-infested waters. Every cannonball that lands on deck elicits a ludicrous one-liner from the crew. I had so much fun playing this. It ended too soon!

Upon starting card 2 you’re given the opportunity to access bonus features, which so far consist of an array of shops and the ability to swap between all of the characters introduced so far (even supporting cast) to equip the best gear for each. Ah, glorious micromanagement!

After driving myself into deep poverty at the shops I decided to embark on Haidar’s story. I have to say I'm really enjoying the variety of settings I’m encountering during his travels. Vivid and contrasting ports of call are exactly what I like in tales of adventure on the high seas and there’ve been plenty of exotic locales to swash my buckle so far. Ahem. There’s Helave, a tree-lined cluster of cabins surrounding an unusual library; Spiral Isle, a sprawling, tiered city built into a Rock of Gibraltar-like island; and Rune Temple, a mysterious pyramid lost in a blazing desert. The Isle was a bit of a maze to navigate and I spent a little too much time trying to figure out how to get to the skill shop from the Company headquarters, BUT there were some great residents to drop in on including an astronomer and several funny vendors (I have an Aeris-inspired flower seller in my game too... JINX!). I searched far and wide for more crowns to scavenge - a la card 1 - but alas not one to be found on the Isle.

I’ve been following along pretty closely and it wasn’t until card 2 that I understood Haidar and his friends are strictly sailors, not pirates. Along with the various traumatic events of his past, he left a life of pirating behind and became a sailor-for-hire which is a pretty dramatic change. Stronger visual contrast between the sailors Haidar is working with today vs. the pirates of his past would make this clearer. Also it’s strange to see a character with a skull and crossbones hat and jacket in Company headquarters, an adamantly anti-pirate establishment.

Rune Temple was a great surprise and had some very challenging puzzles. Here and throughout the entire card it felt like Karr made an effort to cut out potential frustrations while retaining a degree of challenge. Nice work.

Lady Keli’s story took some interesting turns, including a very funny reimagining of MGS cardboard box espionage. Jordon, like Goldwin in Roshan’s story, is a great foil to the main character and helps to bring out a lot of personality and humor. The briefing mini-game just about had me on the floor!


Like I really have a choice? Splits ftw!

The conclusion of Keli’s arc felt abrupt. Returning to the castle Keli witnesses a harrowing series of events that seem to undo all of her efforts and leave her reeling in despair. Rather than wanting to find out what’s next I felt a little defeated. Personally, I would’ve liked a scene between Keli and her father here. Karr may be saving it for later, but I needed some emotional payoff to make my effort feel that much more worth it.

Xiko’s arc was a bit shorter this time but had some very cool moments. Black Lotus Laboratories continued to be wonderfully eerie. I love the feeling in cyberpunk stories of high-tech grandeur decaying in a post-apocalyptic world and it’s perfectly captured here.

The battle system has been especially fun in Xiko’s story line - really like the bullet clip concept in particular. There’s not a great deal of challenge in the battles, but you can get scrapped if you don’t pay a little attention. I found it a bit odd that security drones and androids are roaming the vents but not the rest of the facility?

As with Haidar I had a little bit of trouble tracking Xiko’s “through line” and motivation. Is he trying to get out of the facility or searching for information on his past? Is he seeking his missing memories or trying to find a way to reverse what was done to him? It can certainly be all of the above, but I wasn’t sure which specific objective he was pursuing at any given time and that threw me off a bit in terms of feeling unified with the character.

I loved the parking garage! Made me think of the Chrono Trigger world map, very cool. Can’t wait to drive around the city.

Roshan, Roshan... what are we going to do with you? This dude is UBER naive. Goldwin, who’s apparently been around the block a few more times than his elf companion, offers a sobering perspective on the various races and their various hierarchies at the outset of this arc. I had a little confusion here about Roshan being surprised at the princely figure’s clothing. The elf elder was depicted with the “Native American chief” sprite which I remember being different from the rest of the elves (or not). Maybe it’s the ostentatious display of wealth he finds unusual?

As with the merfolk kingdom depicted during card 1, the realm of the goblins has great attention to detail in its map (mossy walls!). Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but when I go into a throne room in an RPG I expect something semi-climactic to happen. Ultimately all Roshan and Goldwin get at each of their destinations is a yes or no. Again, would love some payoff here...

Lastly, the sub-plot characters returned for an entertaining second act. I really like these guys! Their history with each other feels real and their camaraderie is infectious. The sound effects of Doveen snoring during the assassination attempt were right up there with the briefing game in terms of hilarity.

All in all this chapter was a great experience with a LOT of variety and interesting ideas sprinkled throughout. Much of the design of Crystal Shores seems like a love letter to the Pavilion. The game is full of inside jokes about many Pav members and the gameplay seems highly reflective of what people here like (time travel, no random encounters, etc.). If you’re a Pavilion regular (who’s somehow made it through my wall of text) you should be playing this game. It's fun, highly original and was clearly made with you in mind.

[Karr Lord of Chaos]

Re: feedback

i have been waiting for this review for a good while. thanks a lot, the feed back hits the marks i was worried about.

the biggest problem i have had with my whole game is space. in no other card is the space maximums more readily a problem then on card 2. there is so much that i wanted to do with this card that i was unable to do. i very much like the depth on your thinking and ill comment on each of the issues.

did you discover the shadow dancer mini game? that was the big minigame draw for card 2. it is located in xikos story arc. i guess you also didnt find the flip mini game in helave in the first card either?


ive changed the plot so much over the years ive worked on the first two cards that sometimes even i am unsure of where i am going with it. i definitely see some room to strengthen some text and tomorrow i will crack open my game and do just that.

i have some major stuff planned for the bonus features but its going to be a royal ass pain to get it all working. as the game gets larger i have to not only develop the new feature but i have to add on to every other feature so it continues to be current with the game. this is anything but easy, and makes for a challenging balancing act. in the 3rd card you will find one such bonus which is my next chore to balance out. i need to decide every item in my game for that bit which im not looking forward to. i wanted to pospone finishing that part because i needed a new system card, the last brand new system card i will ever need (i wanted to reset the timer to zero).

the scene about the death of keli is abrupt. i had a whole other scene in there but i had to axe it because it was pure ****. im going to go back to it and see if i can give the player something. part of the game is that its more real oriented, that things are not always story book. the 4 main characters are riff with tragedy and you will continue to see disaster strike them and pull them down. its from that lowest rung that you will see them climb out of their despair. maybe they wont be able to overcome their issues? the death of her father should be an absolute shock and i have some ideas to bring life to this scene.

i havent thought of the issue with xiko. i have been so bent on trying to give his character the right feel that i entirely lost focus. his main drive is to find keli, then to discover his own lost fragments of his own life, and in that process he realizes he has to escape black lotus. some serious text tightening and some new words would immensely fix this. i love the cyberpunk genre and i just finished reading neruomancer again. you will see a huge focus of these elements in xikos arc and to some degree in the big card 4 which ive stalled on.

i knew i forgot to add something to spiral isle! i had a pile of treasure to add and it just never happened. the issue with the sprites i will look at but im having major complications with the limitations of in game sprites and the maximum characters sprites i can add. none the less i will see if i can make the distinction more clear. i will also check out the bar issue and maybe issue some respriting. did you fight the old geezers in the bar? they dont like it when you decide to drink in their bar.

the canonball mini game was a riot to make. i put a retarded amount of time into making the one liners. many times you will get script like this where it is actually the game speaking to the player in a kind of 4th wall moment. you see this a lot if you end up dieing. remember that no death will reset your progress in my game, might be good just to die and refill your supplies and see some of this text. later on this has more consequences as you will see in card 3.

i hadnt thought about the chief distinction before. i will fix this by adding in a specific comment regarding the jewellery. if i could have unlimited sprites then i would make more variations of some of the races. i may end up doing this anyway for important necessities.

i may have to recheck some of the wording i used but ive tried to make the first companions follow some of the foil laws. its only recently that i took interest into developing characters with spesific traits in mind to compliment eachother. as such im going to end up going through card 2 and 3 to bring these characters inline. even as seconds i hope that each will stand up on their own. alpha and vukulie (sp?) will need to be tweaked to reflect the foil laws i want to follow.

certain areas of the place will have no bots. the real reason for why xiko can relatively get through everything will be revealed much further down the road. i should still think about adding some text having him wonder to this effect. this is the most advanced and money funded lab on the planet, there has to be a reason why some security is so lacking right?

yea i kinda bocked the goblin king section. i knew it was bull**** and i apologize for that. i will make sure this has a better payout, perhaps some anger from goldwin at the kind for his idiocy.

lastly i did make this game with the specific interest of the pavilion. it just takes so ****ing long to make anything that ive entirely eclipsed my audience. its a challenge to find anyone willing to play a game of this age but im going to make it anyway.

[Novalis]

Re: feedback

I did play the flip card game in Helave and thought it great fun. Somehow that didn't make it into my review of card 1. I'm guessing the shadow dancer was in the Lounge? Whenever I took the elevator to that floor the screen went black. Wasn't sure if that was intentional. With nothing to gauge movement I ended up avoiding the area so I wouldn't get stuck.

If you hadn't planned it already I recommend proofreading the entire text. The occasional typo in dialogue is forgivable but when you've got scrolling text it can be pretty distracting.

Sorry for the delay with this. I had trouble with the play through thanks to me being short on memory cards and foolishly making a save on the pics card, d'oh. Had to go into the game several times to get switches working properly. In any case hope the info helped!

[Karr Lord of Chaos]

Re: feedback

broken switches? what switches did you have to fix? tell me the place you got stuck and ill mull over the switches and find the broken one. it could be some complications left over from switching to the bonus features, i didnt playtest switching to that as much as i should of. could also be because i reused switches and they ended up getting jumbled.

im gona give the game a complete playthrough and see if i can find some of the issues.

the lounge issue is news to me. im going to fix that today with a simple change screen. i think i know how that one happened.

the spelling is an ongoing issue. ive been meaning to spell check the important text via a word program but havent been able to until just a week ago. ill take a crack at spell checking after i get your card 3 review.

edit: you where right about the cannon ball mini game. i forgot i had changed it to be the captain giving comments.

[Novalis]

Re: feedback

"I always wanted a pool on deck" is probably my favorite.

Somehow the switches that confirm you've completed each character's arc were flipped at the start of card 2, causing me to pop up at Hold2 (the area with the signpost and save point). I remembered that during card 1 I'd made a save on the pics card instead of the system card so maybe that screwed with the switches?