JHS905's Poetry Corner

[JHS905]

Here's a poem I wrote a few months ago. It's about the big red monster, Kane:

Kane (WWE)
By: JHS905

He is the big red monster
That rocked Wrestlemania 23
He is the Undertaker’s brother
That he sometimes bothers
He is also the big red machine
That is on the path of destruction
He is Kane
And he will show you pain

It's a short poem. But I hope you all like it. See ya!

-JHS905

[Perversion]

Re: Kane (WWE): The Poem

Wait...you have a book on Amazon?

[JHS905]

Re: Kane (WWE): The Poem

Wait...you have a book on Amazon?

Yes. It's called Evil Liberation.

[Duel]

Re: Kane (WWE): The Poem

I don't always post in Imaginari, but when I do, I prefer this topic.

Stay poetic, JHS905

[JHS905]

Re: Kane (WWE): The Poem

I don't always post in Imaginari, but when I do, I prefer this topic.

Stay poetic, JHS905

Thanks Duel. I appreciate it.

[JHS905]

My Eddie Guerrero Poem

Here's another poem made by yours truly:

Poem of a Latino Wrestler
By: JHS905

He was a great family man
Who always had a great plan
He would always try to steal the show
And wouldn’t go down low
He’d lie, cheat, and steal
And put it on his car wheel
He’s the best wrestler of the best
Than all the rest

R.I.P. Eddie Guerrero
November 13, 2005

I hope you like it. See ya!

-JHS905

[JHS905]

JHS905's Poetry Corner

The WWE
By: JHS905

I never been there
But I still have hair
It is rough
But also tough
They have tall guys
But also small guys
They are the WWE
But the show’s not for free

See ya!

-JHS905

[Duel]

Re: The WWE Poem

Are you the guy from the Mag that thought Shadowman was an awesome game?

[JHS905]

JHS905's Poetry Corner

All right! Here it is, my very own poetry corner. I'll be posting my poems here, like this one:

Asperger Syndrome
By: JHS905

I am an AS person
I am like the sun
I write poems and stories
And never make anyone worry
I use to be picked on in the past
But that didn’t last
People think I’m crazy
But I’m not lazy

I hope you like that one. More will come.

And yes, this will be the only place to find my poems. See ya!

-JHS905

[JHS905]

Re: The WWE Poem

Are you the guy from the Mag that thought Shadowman was an awesome game?

I could be. But that was years ago. There are other games that are more enjoyable than Shadow Man, like RPG Maker 3.

[Perversion]

Re: JHS905's Poetry Corner

I played the hell out of Shadowman on the Dreamcast.

[JHS905]

Re: JHS905's Poetry Corner

Lucky you. I always wanted to play Shadow Man on the Dreamcast. Just one problem, I never got the Dreamcast.

Anyways, here's another poem:

Poem about Cats
By: JHS905

Cats are furry
Which are always in a hurry
They have good eyesight
Even in the dark light
Cats are quick to see
Like a bumblebee
Cats can land on their feet
Which is hard to beat

How do you like that poem? Cool, huh?

-JHS905

[peachy]

Re: JHS905's Poetry Corner

Rhyme isn't a great place to start writing poetry. A lot of people devote so much energy into finding rhymes that they completely ignore the other aspects of poetry that makes it enjoyable or at least memorable. It'd probably be better for you, as a poet, to start with poems that are more regular in meter and even go as far as to construct poems in traditional forms and then you can begin playing around with modulating the meter and rhythm and all of that fun stuff.



I mean in "Poem about Cats" I feel like the images of your poem, the whole poem itself even is just a slave to finding rhymes to make couplets. For example, the first two lines, in sentence form, read "Cats are furry which are always in a hurry" which doesn't make sense grammatically. Also the comparison to bumblebees because both "can land on their feet" is really odd- are bumblebee's known for landing on their feet? What purpose does bringing bumblebees serve?

When Eliot interrupts the flow of his poem in "Mr Eliot's Sunday Morning Service" with a garden scene "where the bee's with hairy bellies pass between" we can encounter a similar moment, where the rhymes create this kind of "too sweet" moment where the reader can get overwhelmed and put out by the repetition of the rhyme and the strange switch- but Eliot offsets this by using everything for a purpose. The droning of the "E" sounds also mixed with "S" sounds creates on the sonic level the sound of the bee's buzzing around- a sort of onomatopoeia without resorting to the stale "bee's buzzing". On top of that, the bee's serve a very clear purpose to the poem on the ideational level.

However in this line here there is no purpose in sight besides to just rhyme its mate. If that is really what you are shooting for, can we at least go with "Even in the dark light/ Cats can see/ Quite clearly" or something to that effect? Even then, the paradoxical "dark light" feels like it is also trying really hard to be impressive- how about "dim light" or "dark night" or "dim night" (all of these options preserve whatever original intention you had for the sound of the phrase)?

Even then I feel like the language itself is imprecise: "Cats can land on their feet"- yeah and so can everything else. Even cleaning that bit up, you are still stuck with a cliche that doesn't move anywhere.

It could be that I just don't get it. Maybe it's all a grand experiment to write these sorts of cheap lines filled with cliche's and rhyme dependent so that the poetry writes itself in your readers head before they actually read it or something strange like that, but I, as a dedicated reader of poetry, don't find any enjoyment in your poetry.

Poetry is hard. Keep working on your craft and develop your technique and it'll get better- but writing a bunch of poems comprised of 8 irregular lines of rhyming couplets won't get you anywhere.

[JHS905]

Re: JHS905's Poetry Corner

I give up. I'm quitting writing poems. I'm staying as an author of stories.

[Perversion]

Re: JHS905's Poetry Corner

Wait, you're an author of stories?