Feedback needed on this demo.

[Bon]

It's not finished, yet.
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...songID=9982447

Lyrics:

Hook:

Now if you want to be my wife
I have to look into your eyes
And if it makes me say, makes me say “I Love You”
Soothing as an evening night

Then baby, you’re the one that might
Be the key to end my strife
And if I make her say, make her say “I Love You”
Everything will be all right

Verse

Okay, my rubric’s rather simple
You feed me; love me; don’t upset my temple
With brash ultimatums ‘cause really, that’s just an insult
We can get along, like the rhythm of this song

But, uh, if you’re a lady with an overbearing estrogen
Lacking a rapport with your man, and so you question him
Stressing him when he wants some time alone with brethren
You can the join the ladies who are griping to their other friends

I hope that I can find a partner who appreciates me
‘Cause every other girl I’ve wanted plain refused to date me
It had me pondering constantly, “Does she really hate me?”
I’ve been a chivalrous male, but it’s berated lately

I used to be a bit impatient when it came to love
But I am willing to wait, and when my lady does
Arrive into my arms, I’ll utter phrases
No matter the cheesy rating
‘Cause baby, you’re so amazing


Hook:

I’m searching for that special prize
And when I look into her eyes
It has to make me say, make me say “I Love You”
Soothing as an evening night
I really have an appetite
And only one can end this fight
And if I make her say, make her say “I Love You”
Everything will be all right

[simple man]

Re: Feedback needed on this demo.

I thought it was pretty good! sounds like a 90's rap song when it gets to the hook. Whoever you get to do the second verse it'll be another good hit song out of you.

[AbstractOrigin]

Re: Feedback needed on this demo.

Your hooks are really good on this one.

I have to echo what simple man said. They do sound kinda 90ish
R&B style that just very smooth.

Whenever someone else joins in or you make a second verse,
this song will really shine.

Keep up the good work man.

[Bon]

Re: Feedback needed on this demo.

Appreciate it, guys.