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HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT!

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    HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT!

    Not sure if you've ever seen this one, it's a couple years old...

    The following is an actual question given on a Washington State University chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with his colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

    Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

    Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With the birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

    1.If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

    2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

    So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account that the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure is exothermic and has already froze over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

    THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

    MOO!





    #2
    Re: HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT!

    yea thats an old one. rather clever, and surprisingly scientific.

    Thank you Ωbright for the sig fix!
    Card Three is released! You can find it here!

    Comment


      #3
      Re: HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT!

      I can't help it.

      I like the old Ones.

      Ever hear this song?





      The Chemist Inorganical
      To the Tune of "Modern Major General"

      CHEMIST
      I am the very model of a Chemist Inorganical
      I will not touch Combustion nor those processes Botanical
      I find esters and carboxylic acids to be quite a bore
      So since College I have not dealt with Hydrocarbons anymore

      I detest pi and sigma bonds; while counting them I almost cried,
      Who cares that CH2O is how one writes Formaldehyde?
      Of compounds found in nature I've no interest; that's not my thing

      I dread each second that I think about that awful Benzene Ring

      LAB ASSISTANTS
      He dreads each second that he thinks about that awful Benzene Ring
      He dreads each second that he thinks about that awful Benzene Ring
      He dreads each second that he thinks about that awful Benzene Ring

      CHEMIST
      You see I'm much more interested in aspects theoretical
      And forming inert gas compounds via methods synthetical
      Since I've no interest in Life Processes or those Botanical
      I am the very model of a Chemist Inorganical

      LAB ASSISTANTS
      He has no no interest in Life Processes or those Botanical
      He is the very model of a Chemist Inorganical

      CHEMIST
      Orbitals, Shells, de Broglie and Hunds Rule I find Glorious
      While calculating frequency I'm in a state uproariuos
      Reporting Lab Results is a process in which I can assist
      At times I'm less a Chemist and More a Data Analyst

      I'm interested in Heisenberg and in Nuclear Mass Defect
      I swing a bit t'ward Physics, Shnell's Law, how a prism can reflect
      I'm great at nomenclature; with complex ions I am first rate
      Like PtCl4-minus is Tetrachloro Platinate.

      LAB ASSISTANTS
      Like PtCl4-minus is Tetrachloro Platinate.
      Like PtCl4-minus is Tetrachloro Platinate.
      Like PtCl4-minus is Tetrachloro Platinate.

      CHEMIST
      At best I only dabble in the field of calorimetry
      I concentrate on optical coordinate symmetry
      I care far less for alkynes, more for energy mechanical
      I am the very model of a Chemist Inorganical

      LAB ASSISTANTS
      He cares far less for alkynes, more for energy mechanical
      He is the very model of a Chemist Inorganical



      And before you say that's off topic..

      It's Gilbert and Sullivan!!!

      Many equate them with HELL!

      MOO!




      Comment


        #4
        Re: HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT!

        oy vey!

        Thank you Ωbright for the sig fix!
        Card Three is released! You can find it here!

        Comment


          #5
          Re: HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT!

          The only thing that would make that more awesome:

          "But the student got an F in Contraception."

          But, still, it seems that Snopes has stated this as false. I dunno.

          http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp
          Last edited by MRevelle83; 07-10-2010, 03:20 PM.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT!

            Originally posted by MRevelle83 View Post
            The only thing that would make that more awesome:

            "But the student got an F in Contraception."

            But, still, it seems that Snopes has stated this as false. I dunno.

            http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp
            Fortunately, I don't much care either way if it's true or false. It made me laugh, and I've been around academia long enough to know it's at least possible, so I enjoyed it.

            Still... anyone clever enough to write that should have been clever enough to present it as the joke that it is rather than try to pass it off as real.

            It never occurred to me to check up on it's veracity because it was so funny and so believable.

            Thnks for the fact checking

            MOO!




            Comment


              #7
              Re: HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT!

              I've already heard a story like that . But it was a student form the UQAM ( Université du Québec a Montréal or in english University of Quebec in Montreal )

              Maybe only a legend urban


              Comment


                #8
                Re: HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT!

                I can definitely believe that some chemistry geek (not meant as an insult) would take the opportunity to turn an essay question into a chance to brag about the girl he hooked up with and how much she enjoyed it.
                I want that Mulan McNugget sauce, Morty!

                Comment

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