The story of the nine spirits or my story

[Spirit]

my story is about a young man named syn who's mother is crazy becuse of a dangerous piece of magic she tried to perform many years ago. syn was boy constantly getting into fights he grew up in the gutter and eventually ran away

fast forward to present

a cruel king sits upon the throne monsters are appering in the world of dassel and people are dissapearing mistirisly and when anyone asks the king about any of these things he throse them in the dungion for treason. syn quickly realises that his mother has something to do with it and begins searching for the ledgendary titanas amulet witch he belives will make his mother whole again.

and so our game begins but in this tottering state who can he trust?

give me some feedback is it any good?

[Perversion]

Re: The story of the seven spirits or my story

No.







Piece of advice: Before posting an introductory, "Here's my game, guys," topic, you might want to think about running your post through a spellcheck. Hell, Firefox underlines misspelled words FOR you. If you cannot be bothered to properly format and spell your post telling us about your game, where the web browser itself TELLS YOU how to spell the words, I have a feeling that nobody is going to give you the advice or feedback you're looking for, let alone even play your game if you submit it to the site.


This is a bit (okay, a lot) harsh, I know, but if you look around this forum, the majority of people here have the ability to string entire sentences and paragraphs together with nary a spelling or grammatical error. And most of these selfsame people would look upon the travesty that is your above post, and completely lose interest in anything you might be trying to convey.



As for the premise itself...meh. It's okay, but there's nothing there that really stands out or sets it apart from any number of other, "Here's my game idea guys," threads that have been made over the years. Sorry.

[Wavelength]

Re: The story of the seven spirits or my story

my story is about a young man named syn who's mother is crazy becuse of a dangerous piece of magic she tried to perform many years ago. syn was boy constantly getting into fights he grew up in the gutter and eventually ran away

fast forward to present

a cruel king sits upon the throne monsters are appearing in the world of dassel and people are disappearing mysteriously and when anyone asks the king about any of these things he throws them in the dungeon for treason. syn quickly realizes that his mother has something to do with it and begins searching for the legendary (titan's?) amulet which he believes will make his mother whole again.

and so our game begins but in this tottering state who can he trust?

.

give me some feedback is it any good?

No. Not really.

Sorry to be harsh, but it's what you asked for.

[Perversion]

Re: The story of the seven spirits or my story

^^ In your face, Wavelength!


Also, glad to see I'm not the only one who began his post with, "No."

[Valkysas]

Re: The story of the seven spirits or my story

I'll go against the grain a bit here.

If it's the game you want to make, the story you want to tell, do it anyways.

Other people may not like it, but you'll learn a lot while making it, and be able to carry that experience into your next game.

[Perversion]

Re: The story of the seven spirits or my story

Seeing as how you're apparently 22% into making this game, it's too late to turn back now. I'll agree with Valk here in that if you are enjoying the game-making process, do not let my and Wave's harsh criticism above discourage you.

But when two posts within 4 minutes of each other give you pretty much identical advice, I would take at least a bit of it to heart.


Keep working on your game, and keep writing your plays with the cool stories!

[Valkysas]

Re: The story of the seven spirits or my story

Moving this to RPGM General, since Workshop forums are typically for the technical stuff.

[JPS]

Re: The story of the seven spirits or my story

Create the game that you would want to play, dont make a game on what others would want to play...way too many games on this site has seen the delete-from-memory-card button because of attempts to make a game everyone likes, the sad truth is, you wont always please everyone.

Im not too worried about the spelling mistakes on the forum, but make sure the words are right in the game, an exciting game can quickly turn to a frustrating game when the player has to decipher what youre trying to say.

As for the game idea, its not bad at all, I like the concept and the storyline thats starting, and it has a lot of potential, keep working at it! If you can release this game, even if you dont ever get any downloads, at least you can say youre one of the handful of members here whose released a game.

Just never give up on a game idea that you like because someone else doesn't.

[Big Rick Cook]

Re: The story of the seven spirits or my story

Just never give up on a game idea that you like because someone else doesn't.

But also don't proceed with an idea without meditating on others' advice and criticisms.

[JPS]

Re: The story of the seven spirits or my story

But also don't proceed with an idea without meditating on others' advice and criticisms.

If you make a game because you like it then who cares? But I do agree with you, its kind of pointless to make a game if no one wants to play it...lol

[Big Rick Cook]

Re: The story of the seven spirits or my story

If you make a game because you like it then who cares? But I do agree with you, its kind of pointless to make a game if no one wants to play it...lol

Ignoring what someone has to say simply because you don't like the words is childish, immature, and pointless. Everyone can benefit from criticism and advice, so long as they don't let themselves be ruled by it. At the end of the day, you should still go with what you feel is right.

[Alex]

Re: The story of the seven spirits or my story

How old are you? Where are you from?

[Perversion]

Re: The story of the seven spirits or my story

http://www.pavilionboards.com/forum/...8&postcount=19

[Wavelength]

Re: The story of the seven spirits or my story

I don't think it's so much about what others think as it is about the flaws evident in either this description or this story.

From the description at least, you have a rather unlikable character in Syn, who seems to have no motivation for the actions he's taking at hte beginning of the story, along with a cliched and woefully underdeveloped antagonist in the "cruel king".

This wouldn't even be acceptable for the most basic of fanfics, much less something to float an ordinary RPG on (I'm assuming it's ordinary because he didn't speak to the gameplay at all).

This isn't being made just for him; Spirit of Fate clearly wants to be admired (check out his other posts). There's nothing wrong with that in my eyes. It's just that it's pretty dissonant with the fact that he's advertising a really slipshod plot.

It's hard to be a creative genius when you're 13, no doubt. Sometimes I laugh in a combination of amusement and embarrassment when I see stuff I wrote when I was younger. It takes time, experience, and perspective to become a powerful writer.

So, I think being honest is the best way to speed that process up. When you think you're great at something, you're not going to put a lot of effort into changing.

And let's face it: whatever story Spirit of Fate wants to tell, what's written here needs to be completely reinvented.

[Spirit]

Re: The story of the seven spirits or my story

i am thirteen and in a running start progrem to get into collige next year i have written foar plays and 1 got published in a small scale 200 person christmas pagent i have most recently wrote screwed fairy tales a story about a narrator messing up well known fairy tales befor fealing the wrath of a prince who didnt get the princess