We start as cold wind blows snow over a craggy cliff. Almost atonal music plays ominously and we are felling very ominous about it. Words appear and tell of the War of Magi which was not like the Gift of Magi as we might imagine. One army did not give the other a cannon ball and the other army reveals that they sold their cannon to buy the first army a bayonet but the first army sold their gun to buy the cannonball and they both laugh and learn that the true gift is friendship. It’s not like that at all. Rather the War of the Magi, the words tell us, was a war of magic where magic was used to destroy the world and also magic. To emphasize this we float over the town of Narshe which is pronounced “Narsh-ee” because if a letter is going to be silent why even be in the word in the first place. Narshe, we see, is a mining town in the cold Narshe Mountains and it is a town for hard men living a hard life. They’re a cold and proud people living on the edge of civilization where every day is a struggle against the elements. They brave mine collapses and black lung for just a taste of gold. There’s no magic for these men as evidenced by the steam pipes and metal gears that weave throughout their town. These men believe in the cold embrace of science. If we were to mention magic to one of them we’d probably end up with a bottle of beer being broken over our heads before being laughed out of town. Our flight over town concludes on the same craggy cliff we first saw and on it are three men riding in machines. The machines are like robots but instead of heads the robots have a seat where someone may sit, as the men are doing now. Otherwise they look like robots, complete with feet and arms and lasers. Two of the men are soldiers and they are named Star Wars 1, and Star Wars 2. The third man is actually a girl and a mysterious one at that. It seems strange to us that this girl would be piloting a robot in the company of two soldiers and lucky for us too because the soldiers start commenting on this fact.
“What’s with the girl,” asks Star Wars 1.
“She’s supposed to be some kind of witch I’ve heard tell. Killed 50 of our best men in seconds, thought I don’t credit it,” says Star Wars 2.
“You don’t believe in much, do you?” asks Star Wars 1 being kind of a jerk because it turns out he’s really Luke Skywalker.
“I look out for one person and that person is me,” says Star Wars 2 and we can guess who he is. “Even if this “force” exists we don’t have to worry about her. See that crown she’s wearing?” We can’t see it because we are floating too far away from the girl so we must trust the soldier that she is actually wearing a crown and not a coronet. “It controls her mind and makes her do whatever we tell her to do. She will help us invade Narshe.”
“I was blasting whomp-rats back home and they’re not bigger than that town.”
“Don’t get cocky, kid,” says Star Wars 2 and they move out towards Narshe.
We follow the two soldiers and the mysterious girl over snow covered hills towards the lights of Narshe. The machines they ride and almost graceful in their movements and our sense of wonder increases as a slow, powerful, mysterious yet evocative melody fills the air. This moment, we think to ourselves, might be the high point of the whole experience and we just might be right. We watch the machines march into town and the music fades and there is more than just a sense of loss.
It is nighttime and Narshe is seemingly abandoned. “The thing we’re looking for should be in the mines,” says Han “we have to get it even if it means crushing some babies to do so.” No sooner do the soldiers move out than the Narshe militia come busting out of every doorway and dark shadow and attack the soldiers. But no matter how hard they attack nor how many dogs and wooly mammoths they sic on the soldiers it’s no use. The soldiers’ robot armor is too strong and it also is firing laser-beems and blasts of fire and even an ice-ray of some sort. These attacks, we learn, are called “magitek” which leads us to assume that it is some combination of magic and technology. This blows our minds as we just learned that magic was destroyed. How is it that these soldiers can use some approximation of it? What’s even more mysterious is that the mysterious girl has access to even more magitek attacks and also mysterious non-tek-based magical magic attack. Our suspicions deepen.
Soon the soldiers have fought their way through the town and reached the mine, leaving a trail of dead militia and crushed babies in their wake. The mines are abandoned. There are no more obstacles in the soldier’s way and their objective is at hand. But before they can claim it the last survivors of Narshe’s defense ambush the soldiers with one last ditch effort.
“We’re not handing over the esper!” the Narshe defense yell and then command “Ymir” to “get them!” From the depths of the mine slowly comes a snail. This does not seem to be much of a threat to us but the music has become immediate and intense so something must be up.
“Watch out,” warns Han, “this is a Lightning Welk. We must be carful to just attack his head and not his shell or else he will lightning us.”
“What happens if we constantly heal and only attack the shell until it’s dead?” asks Luke?
“Then we’ll get an Ether when we win along with the Hi-Potion but it would take forever.”
“Let’s do it,” says Luke. Forty-five minutes of intense tedium follow and by the end of it we are shamed to have participated even in an observatory role. The way now clear of snailish distractions the team make their way to the back of the mine where the esper stands incased in a block of ice. It’s hard to tell what the esper is as the ice is all gleamy. We can see that it is some sort of monster-bird-thing and when Luke and Han move closer to investigate it the esper magics up some magic and they are obliterated. The mysterious girl is not affected however and in fact seems to make a profound connection with the esper before it magics her to oblivion as well. Just what the heck is an esper? Who were these soldiers? What’s the deal with the mysterious girl? These questions raise in our minds as the scene fades to black.
“What’s with the girl,” asks Star Wars 1.
“She’s supposed to be some kind of witch I’ve heard tell. Killed 50 of our best men in seconds, thought I don’t credit it,” says Star Wars 2.
“You don’t believe in much, do you?” asks Star Wars 1 being kind of a jerk because it turns out he’s really Luke Skywalker.
“I look out for one person and that person is me,” says Star Wars 2 and we can guess who he is. “Even if this “force” exists we don’t have to worry about her. See that crown she’s wearing?” We can’t see it because we are floating too far away from the girl so we must trust the soldier that she is actually wearing a crown and not a coronet. “It controls her mind and makes her do whatever we tell her to do. She will help us invade Narshe.”
“I was blasting whomp-rats back home and they’re not bigger than that town.”
“Don’t get cocky, kid,” says Star Wars 2 and they move out towards Narshe.
We follow the two soldiers and the mysterious girl over snow covered hills towards the lights of Narshe. The machines they ride and almost graceful in their movements and our sense of wonder increases as a slow, powerful, mysterious yet evocative melody fills the air. This moment, we think to ourselves, might be the high point of the whole experience and we just might be right. We watch the machines march into town and the music fades and there is more than just a sense of loss.
It is nighttime and Narshe is seemingly abandoned. “The thing we’re looking for should be in the mines,” says Han “we have to get it even if it means crushing some babies to do so.” No sooner do the soldiers move out than the Narshe militia come busting out of every doorway and dark shadow and attack the soldiers. But no matter how hard they attack nor how many dogs and wooly mammoths they sic on the soldiers it’s no use. The soldiers’ robot armor is too strong and it also is firing laser-beems and blasts of fire and even an ice-ray of some sort. These attacks, we learn, are called “magitek” which leads us to assume that it is some combination of magic and technology. This blows our minds as we just learned that magic was destroyed. How is it that these soldiers can use some approximation of it? What’s even more mysterious is that the mysterious girl has access to even more magitek attacks and also mysterious non-tek-based magical magic attack. Our suspicions deepen.
Soon the soldiers have fought their way through the town and reached the mine, leaving a trail of dead militia and crushed babies in their wake. The mines are abandoned. There are no more obstacles in the soldier’s way and their objective is at hand. But before they can claim it the last survivors of Narshe’s defense ambush the soldiers with one last ditch effort.
“We’re not handing over the esper!” the Narshe defense yell and then command “Ymir” to “get them!” From the depths of the mine slowly comes a snail. This does not seem to be much of a threat to us but the music has become immediate and intense so something must be up.
“Watch out,” warns Han, “this is a Lightning Welk. We must be carful to just attack his head and not his shell or else he will lightning us.”
“What happens if we constantly heal and only attack the shell until it’s dead?” asks Luke?
“Then we’ll get an Ether when we win along with the Hi-Potion but it would take forever.”
“Let’s do it,” says Luke. Forty-five minutes of intense tedium follow and by the end of it we are shamed to have participated even in an observatory role. The way now clear of snailish distractions the team make their way to the back of the mine where the esper stands incased in a block of ice. It’s hard to tell what the esper is as the ice is all gleamy. We can see that it is some sort of monster-bird-thing and when Luke and Han move closer to investigate it the esper magics up some magic and they are obliterated. The mysterious girl is not affected however and in fact seems to make a profound connection with the esper before it magics her to oblivion as well. Just what the heck is an esper? Who were these soldiers? What’s the deal with the mysterious girl? These questions raise in our minds as the scene fades to black.
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