Yeah, I realize that Christmas is still three months away. It didn't stop my Target store from putting up Christmas product already, and it didn't stop guests from complaining about us having Christmas items for sale already and then turning around a buying them regardless.
Anyways, this is what I think should change about Christmas.
1) Move the damned holiday to Jesus' real birthdate, which according to many scholars may have been early September. Why, you ask? So that I don't have to deal with idiots that forget how to drive on snow every year. There is nothing like a bunch of moron drivers that have to deal with being rushed on ice.
Plus, everyone can get school and Xmas shopping out of the way simultaneously, and then when Xmas is over we can send the brats back to prison...er, school. We can combine summer and Xmas vacation into one and the same, and it'd be like an extra present to me to see those smiling Xmas faces turn into sad "What'd'ya mean have to go back and pretend to learn?" frowny faces.
2) Move Santa from the North Pole to Arizona. Why Arizona? I don't know, I just picked some place WARM. It's not like we can keep up the charade much longer anyways with global warming. Kids aren't going to buy that Santa is perpetually floating in the middle of the Arctic Ocean.
We can get rid of those stupid pine trees and decorate cactuses instead. At least it would be closer to what Jesus might have been surrounded by. Anyways, cacti are awesome, evergreens are lame.
Then we can leave grapefruit near the Xmas cacti for Santa instead of milk and cookies. Santa can go on a grapefruit diet and get slim and get a cool goatee and some summer shades. It will solve our obesity problem in kids when we tell them that to be a good little boy or girl like Santa you have to eat right in addition to the strict behavior bit. Kids will believe anything as long as it's not true.
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I'm gonna add more when I think of them. I'm just getting started here...
Anyways, this is what I think should change about Christmas.
1) Move the damned holiday to Jesus' real birthdate, which according to many scholars may have been early September. Why, you ask? So that I don't have to deal with idiots that forget how to drive on snow every year. There is nothing like a bunch of moron drivers that have to deal with being rushed on ice.
Plus, everyone can get school and Xmas shopping out of the way simultaneously, and then when Xmas is over we can send the brats back to prison...er, school. We can combine summer and Xmas vacation into one and the same, and it'd be like an extra present to me to see those smiling Xmas faces turn into sad "What'd'ya mean have to go back and pretend to learn?" frowny faces.
2) Move Santa from the North Pole to Arizona. Why Arizona? I don't know, I just picked some place WARM. It's not like we can keep up the charade much longer anyways with global warming. Kids aren't going to buy that Santa is perpetually floating in the middle of the Arctic Ocean.
We can get rid of those stupid pine trees and decorate cactuses instead. At least it would be closer to what Jesus might have been surrounded by. Anyways, cacti are awesome, evergreens are lame.
Then we can leave grapefruit near the Xmas cacti for Santa instead of milk and cookies. Santa can go on a grapefruit diet and get slim and get a cool goatee and some summer shades. It will solve our obesity problem in kids when we tell them that to be a good little boy or girl like Santa you have to eat right in addition to the strict behavior bit. Kids will believe anything as long as it's not true.
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I'm gonna add more when I think of them. I'm just getting started here...