The Five Curses

[Doj]

Alright, before I start on my intro to my "new" game, I wanted to say hi again to everyone! I know, I keep disappearing for weeks at a time, mostly because I have to find a USB Pen Drive and thinking of new ideas, but... I finally have one! Okay, so my intro:

A long time ago in the land known as Scania, there were two boys who did not know each other at all. One, named Marik, was born in the glorius city called 'Garden Hills', were unbeknownst to him, was apart of the 'Paladin Prophecy'. Part of this propchecy tell that he is supposed to be one of the most powerful paladins in the land.

There is another, where five curses, fire, water, lightning, wind, and darkness are supposed to have ultimate power. Four of them are already given to select people, except the last.

The other, which is unamed, is born in the small town of Firelight. But the last curse has chosen him to be the last. The group of whom have the curses destroy his family and the town; destroying his 'memory plate' in the process, which have the answers to his past and name.

Nine years later, the boy now named Cloak is an almost full trained samurai, but hasn't obtained full control of his curse. Moving from the town, now known as 'Death-Chrome', he goes to Garden Hills, finding a member of the cursed group...
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There we go! I would love constructive critism, as well as feedback!

[Wavelength]

Re: The Five Curses

This probably belongs in General rather than Workshop.

There isn't quite enough for me to say how much I like it yet (and frankly, your description cut off in a very bizarre place), but I think the elements are there for a very neat story. Depends on how believable you can make the characters and the writing.

The fact that there are two prophecies, which don't really seem to be mutually inclusive or mutually exclusive at first glance... well, that really intrigues me. I'm expecting and hoping that the two will interact with each other somehow, rather than operate independently. I can't figure out HOW they will interact, so I think you've got the perfect level of foreshadowing here.

If you want to provide some more information about the characters and setting, and any unique gameplay wrinkles you plan to add, that would go a long way toward garnering interest in your game.

[Doj]

Re: The Five Curses

Oh, okay, thanks Wavelength! By the way, I edited my post, so it would be less confusing. Cloak is going to be the first introduction, then he'll meet Marik after you beat the first member in Garden Hills. Also, the leader of the cursed group doesn't have a curse, yet is the strongest of them all without it, but you'll see him in Garden Hills also! *wink wink*

[Zeroth]

Re: The Five Curses

This honestly sounds like a cool story. I can't wait to see how this all comes together.

[Stormy]

Re: The Five Curses

Some of the names are kinda wonky, so you should work on that. But names aren't too important in the grand scheme of things, and should be pushed to the bottom of your list of priorities. Good names do help when your selling your game to prospective players, however.

[Doj]

Re: The Five Curses

Really StormWeaver? What names should be changed?

P.S. Cloak was the name of the character because I thought you could play the guy in the cloak, which turned out to only be the seller for the ballon rides.

[DBtheProdigy]

Re: The Five Curses

I think Death-Crome could be changed. Also I believe Scania was stolen from Maplestory . Sounds cool though. I hope I can play it later.

[Doj]

Re: The Five Curses

Ahem, yeah about Scania.... I changed from that to Muthania. Now, I don't know about that name, but... yeah.

[Stormy]

Re: The Five Curses

Ahem, yeah about Scania.... I changed from that to Muthania. Now, I don't know about that name, but... yeah.

Scania was one of them. Cloak... that isn't going to work. Death-Chrome isn't either. Deathknell, that could work. Or maybe Darklight, or Darkfire, because its the ravaged remains of a town called Firelight. Ooo! You could call it Ember town, because all that remains of Firelight are embers!

Garden Hills sounds like a retirement home, not a grand city.

[Doj]

Re: The Five Curses

Ember Town sounds better! Mind if I take that idea? As for Darklight, I can't. That name's already taken by a Very Important Person in the story. I liked the name Garden Hills, but didn't realized that it did sound like a retirement home, so I lol'd. I'll try to change it.

P.S. Oh, Cloak is not his actual name. His name is unknown to him for now, but will change when you find the fourth or fifth memory fragment.

[Stormy]

Re: The Five Curses

Ember Town is all yours my friend. Good luck on your project

P.S. A little bit of advice, as much for you as it is for anyone who reads this, a good idea would be to write down your dreams. I have obtained two game ideas and inspiration for a book and i've only been doing it for a few months!

You can get all kinds of odd details out of a dream, you'd be suprised how much of a plot you can work out of them. Just by fealing out your memory of the dream, and the experience of it, you can come across a kind of vague knowing of things.

You can use the dreams as inspiration for elements in your games/stories, or use them for whole new ones.

What's the sense in wasting the hard work of your as-yet untapped unconscious mind?