Want to know what others think of this prologue

[zephor]

Name: Tales of the Wishmaker

Many decades ago, stories told of a magical being that brought help to the helpless, gold to the needy, and water to the dry.

This mythical creature had never actually been seen, but many believe it existed.

One man, named Zyke Shamyn, did not believe in the good nature of this creature. He foretold that these miracles would only last for so long. He set off to find it, to see if it truly existed.

20 years later, Zyke returned to tell everyone of his adventure. Little did he know that a bounty had been placed on his head.

A strong knight had heard of his bounty and happened to come across Zyke in a field.

He had Zyke tell him of his adventure before he killed him.

He returned to town bearing Zykes bloody head held tight in his fist. He told few people of what happened to Zyke on his adventure. One thing he did say was that Zyke called this being the Wishmaker.

Tales of the Wishmaker


I just want to know what some people think about it and what might possibly be bad about it.

Thanks

[Doj]

Re: Want to know what others think of this prologue

I like it! Just the 'bloody head' is like, whoa. But no major complaints!

[Ωbright]

Re: Want to know what others think of this prologue

Actually, this sounds okay. Who will be the playable characters, though? I don't know if a bounty hunter that just kills whoever for money would make a good hero for the story, but maybe.

Historically, people tend to look upon good things with mistrust, and wind up ruining them quite often, so that could be a good aspect of the story, I think. How a person views a thing has a lot to do with what kind of person they are, you know? Things like that are often mirrors in that way.

This is just a personal observation, but you might want to reword this:

"Many decades ago, stories told of a magical being that brought help to the helpless, gold to the needy, and water to the dry."

To this:

"Many decades ago, stories told of a magical being that brought help to the helpless, gold to the needy, and water to the parched."

"Dry" has a lot of positive connotations which don't properly convey the idea you're trying to express.

[Wavelength]

Re: Want to know what others think of this prologue

Welcome to the Pav!

A strong knight had heard of his bounty and happened to come across Zyke in a field.

He had Zyke tell him of his adventure before he killed him.

He returned to town bearing Zykes bloody head held tight in his fist.

Wow, I really didn't see that coming. After those first two lines, I completely expected the knight to join Zyke.

So, I inferred that the creature probably isn't as benevolent as most people believe, and I guess it sets up the stage for one of the main characters to find that out on his own.

I think this prologue is definitely effective at setting up questions in the reader's mind. I personally don't find it that appealing (maybe because it seems like Zyke just got the business end of a terrible bit of injustice), but I think others might.

Oh, and Obright's got a good point--it's a minor detail, but "parched" works perfectly there.

[zephor]

Re: Want to know what others think of this prologue

thanks for all the positive feedback
and yes Obright, thanks again to you for thinking of that, it does make more sense

also, i might end up adding a bit more to the prologue so you know who you play as

[Dusk Raven]

Re: Want to know what others think of this prologue

I like it. Interesting way to end a good endeavor. I was wondering why there was a bounty on his head, but it's probably something along the lines of heresy. Theologians don't like it when things are questioned.

Also, I liked how you didn't really say for certain if the Wishmaker really existed.