Job 1 and Job 2
Ceiling Cat b wiv u
Prowlog
1 In teh land of Uz wuz a man calded Job. Teh man wuz goodz, wif respeck fur teh Ceiling Cat and hated evilz.2 Teh man hadz seven sunz and tree doters,3 And lots of sheepz and camlez and rinoceruseses and servnts, srsly.4 His sunz tok turns mading cookies, and they all eated them.5 And Job wuz liek "Oh noes! Wut if cookies were sin? Gota prey, just in cased."
Furst Tess
6 Teh ayngles wented to seez Ceiling Cat, and Saitin wented two.7 Ceiling Cat axt Saitin, "Wher wuz u?" Saitin saied "Oh, hai. I'z wuz in ur earth, wawking up and down uponz it."8 Teh Ceiling Cat sayd "Has u seen mai servnt Job? He can has cheezburger cuz he laiks me."
9 "No wai!" sed Saitin.10 "U just plyin favrits.11 If u take his cheezburgers, he no laiks u no moar."
12 Then teh Ceiling Cat sed "Okai, u can take his bukkit, but no hurtzing Job hissef." And then Saitin went awai.
13 Wun day Jobes' sunz and doters were eateding cookies at teh oldest wuns hoose,14 And a mans cam to told Job a mesege. "Ur donkzeys and moo cows was eateding grass"15 And thens teh servnts was atacked by some dudez and ur naminals was stoldz by them and only i got wai."
16 And then anotter mans cam to told Job a diffrant mesege. He sed "Teh Ceiling Cat maids fyr fall from teh skys and it burnded ur sheepz and more servnts and only i got awai."
17 And thens a more diffranter mans cam to told Job a mesege. "Sum Chaldean dudez took ur rinoceroseseses and killd moar servnts and only i got wai."
18 And then 1 moar mans cam to told Job a mesege.19 "Ur sunz howse feld over and skwishded evryones. Sry."
20 Then Job got upt and shaved and was liek "Gota prey now."
21 "Teh Ceiling Cat giv me cheezburger, teh Ceiling Cat takded mah cheezburger awai. I stil laiks teh Ceiling Cat."
22 And teh Ceiling Cat sed "I winz!!"
Job getz teh challnge, again
1 On a diffranter day moar anguls cam and prezents themselfs befor Ceiling Cat, and Satan cam wit dem also.2 And Ceiling Cat say to Satan, "Where wer u?" Satan said bak to da Ceiling Cat, "Im in ur erths, woking up and down uponz it. Dint I tell yu dis befor?" And Ceiling Cat wuz like, "oh yeah, sry" and Satan said, "its k."
3 Den Ceiling Cat say to Satan, "Has u seen mai servnt Job? He can has cheezburger cuz he laiks me stil en he hatez yu still, even tho yu eated all hiz cookiez and killeded hiz servnts and stuff wit no resons. Haha!"
4 "Cookiez for cookiez!" Satan said back. "Any man wil giv all for hiz own lifez5 I betz if yu hitz his body and boneses he gunna cursed yu ugly face."
6 Ceiling Cat den say, "K, he iz urs. Jus dun kil him, that be bad."
7 Satan went out onto deh Erth and gave Job teh herpiz all over hiz body, even on hiz feetz and head.8 Job wuz nazty en he scrapeded off hiz sores and eatted them.
9 Job's wief said to Job, "OMG. Curse god and get dead, stoopid."
10 And Job wuz like, "OMG, joo ar stoopid. We accept cookiez from Ceiling Cat but dunt let him takeded teh cookiez away? Why dun yu jus go awayz!" Job dint not sin teh whole time!
Job's tree frenz
11 Den Job's tree frendz, der namez wer Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar, herd bout al teh problemesez that Job hads and they went away from der homez and met and they cames to makes Job feelz betta.12 When dey saw Job they saweded that he looked very ugliez and they say "Who diz ugli womanz?" and den dey saw it was Job and dey criez and stuffs. Den dey got nakedz for som reeson but I dun know wai.13 Den tey got down onto the groundz wit Job and staid wit him for seven days and seven nitez and they did no speeks, becuz dey saw how big Job suferin wuz.
1 In teh land of Uz wuz a man calded Job. Teh man wuz goodz, wif respeck fur teh Ceiling Cat and hated evilz.2 Teh man hadz seven sunz and tree doters,3 And lots of sheepz and camlez and rinoceruseses and servnts, srsly.4 His sunz tok turns mading cookies, and they all eated them.5 And Job wuz liek "Oh noes! Wut if cookies were sin? Gota prey, just in cased."
Furst Tess
6 Teh ayngles wented to seez Ceiling Cat, and Saitin wented two.7 Ceiling Cat axt Saitin, "Wher wuz u?" Saitin saied "Oh, hai. I'z wuz in ur earth, wawking up and down uponz it."8 Teh Ceiling Cat sayd "Has u seen mai servnt Job? He can has cheezburger cuz he laiks me."
9 "No wai!" sed Saitin.10 "U just plyin favrits.11 If u take his cheezburgers, he no laiks u no moar."
12 Then teh Ceiling Cat sed "Okai, u can take his bukkit, but no hurtzing Job hissef." And then Saitin went awai.
13 Wun day Jobes' sunz and doters were eateding cookies at teh oldest wuns hoose,14 And a mans cam to told Job a mesege. "Ur donkzeys and moo cows was eateding grass"15 And thens teh servnts was atacked by some dudez and ur naminals was stoldz by them and only i got wai."
16 And then anotter mans cam to told Job a diffrant mesege. He sed "Teh Ceiling Cat maids fyr fall from teh skys and it burnded ur sheepz and more servnts and only i got awai."
17 And thens a more diffranter mans cam to told Job a mesege. "Sum Chaldean dudez took ur rinoceroseseses and killd moar servnts and only i got wai."
18 And then 1 moar mans cam to told Job a mesege.19 "Ur sunz howse feld over and skwishded evryones. Sry."
20 Then Job got upt and shaved and was liek "Gota prey now."
21 "Teh Ceiling Cat giv me cheezburger, teh Ceiling Cat takded mah cheezburger awai. I stil laiks teh Ceiling Cat."
22 And teh Ceiling Cat sed "I winz!!"
Job getz teh challnge, again
1 On a diffranter day moar anguls cam and prezents themselfs befor Ceiling Cat, and Satan cam wit dem also.2 And Ceiling Cat say to Satan, "Where wer u?" Satan said bak to da Ceiling Cat, "Im in ur erths, woking up and down uponz it. Dint I tell yu dis befor?" And Ceiling Cat wuz like, "oh yeah, sry" and Satan said, "its k."
3 Den Ceiling Cat say to Satan, "Has u seen mai servnt Job? He can has cheezburger cuz he laiks me stil en he hatez yu still, even tho yu eated all hiz cookiez and killeded hiz servnts and stuff wit no resons. Haha!"
4 "Cookiez for cookiez!" Satan said back. "Any man wil giv all for hiz own lifez5 I betz if yu hitz his body and boneses he gunna cursed yu ugly face."
6 Ceiling Cat den say, "K, he iz urs. Jus dun kil him, that be bad."
7 Satan went out onto deh Erth and gave Job teh herpiz all over hiz body, even on hiz feetz and head.8 Job wuz nazty en he scrapeded off hiz sores and eatted them.
9 Job's wief said to Job, "OMG. Curse god and get dead, stoopid."
10 And Job wuz like, "OMG, joo ar stoopid. We accept cookiez from Ceiling Cat but dunt let him takeded teh cookiez away? Why dun yu jus go awayz!" Job dint not sin teh whole time!
Job's tree frenz
11 Den Job's tree frendz, der namez wer Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar, herd bout al teh problemesez that Job hads and they went away from der homez and met and they cames to makes Job feelz betta.12 When dey saw Job they saweded that he looked very ugliez and they say "Who diz ugli womanz?" and den dey saw it was Job and dey criez and stuffs. Den dey got nakedz for som reeson but I dun know wai.13 Den tey got down onto the groundz wit Job and staid wit him for seven days and seven nitez and they did no speeks, becuz dey saw how big Job suferin wuz.
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