How's my prologue?

[Sariace the Demonslayer]

I figured I'd post it to get some healthy criticism, and see If I can't make it better, or If I've got a good story going. each time there is a "..." it's on there, and indicates a new page.

There was a time, long, long ago, where five dragons fought for control of the world...

These dragons wreaked havoc on the land, leaving death and ruin in their wake...

Four Heroes arose to destroy the menace, but were only able to seal them away, using the power of four dragon orbs...

However, the seal is weakening, and the dragons may soon escape...

But there is hope. A boy, who may be able to put an end to the dragons' reign...

This is his story...

-End Scene-

I intend to have the story revolve around collecting orbs and killing dragons respectively. each orb has the power to give you help in beating the dragons, and you recieve an orb each time you beat a dragon. but they will be destroyed before you fight the King Dragon, the final one.

Is this a good idea?

[hitogoroshi]

Re: How's my prologue?

Honestly, I will never play a game where I have to collect X of anything, ever. OR a game where bad-ass heroes could only "seal" the evil, but now some random dude can take it out?

Throw some orginiality into it, man! WHY can only the kid kill dragons? It shouldn't be based on something material. Maybe he's half-dragon himself? And why is he fighting the dragons? Are they evil? Why would they be evil? What do dragons even want in life, anyway? In fact, screw the kid, put the great heroes versus the dragon. A population that wants the dragons dead but doesn't know jack about them, some great "heroes" who understandbly don't want to kill dragons but are being forced too, and some dragons that don't speak the language and would just like to know what is going on, please. Now there's a plot with some chest hair.

See, just ask questions and you can think of much better plots than crap everyone is tired with already.

[Perversion]

Re: How's my prologue?

It's a good idea....for a game entitled, "Cliche, The RPG" (*curses at self for recycling criticism*)

Seriously, though, that sounds just about like every RPG ever made. Collect the mystical thingamabobs in order to defeat the evil such and such(es).

If you include some sort of background/interesting gameplay mechanics in your description, I (and probably others) might be more interested. But you asked about your prologue alone, and I stand by my criticism. Don't want to sound harsh, but I'm trying to give you honest feedback.

PLEASE do not do what a lot of other newbies do when they receive negative criticism about their ideas, and completely revamp your idea, or come up with something new entirely. If you are making it as something for your own personal satisfaction or just to learn the software, then I say "Go for it." If you're looking to submit this game to the community for download, I'd say it needs a bit of work.

In all fairness, however, at its core, my first game, Series 1 was completely drowning in these same cliches. Basic plot outline, boiled down to its very core, was, "The seal holding the demons in a tower is in danger of being broken, and you need to collect three pieces of a key strewn about the land in order to open the tower, get a mystical crystal ball, and permanently seal the tower." Of course, this ended up with the "ultimate showdown" between good and evil.

So in essence, it's the same basic cliche you just described in your prologue. However, in order to make it original and interesting, I focused heavily on the gameplay (guilds to join, quests and sidequests, a minigame, an alignment system, players' decisions affecting different aspects of the story, etc). If you have the gameplay and/or backstory and character motivations to back it up, you can create something pretty damn good out of that basic cliched framework. But as it stands now, with no further information to judge it by, I certainly would not play it (especially if it includes random battles).


Oh, a final piece of advice....take everything I say with a grain of salt.

[hitogoroshi]

Re: How's my prologue?

I completely agree re: the revamping idea...there's a reason I always suggest ideas similar to the plot in question. Just twist it a little bit, you'd be amazed at what happens.

[Sariace the Demonslayer]

Re: How's my prologue?

I was going to have the populous re-realize that the dragons are a threat, but you're probably right. Screw the orbs. I'll have some evil guy destroy 'em.

dragon reincarnations perhaps? Okay, they KILLED the dragons with the orbs. Orbs get destroyed by baddie, dragons come back, turns out they stuck their souls in the orbs.They only THOUGHT they were dead. Whoops. Orbs are useless, kid can only destroy dragon because....
er... hell. I'll figure that out later.

Baddies wants to release the dragons so he can fuse himself with the king dragon using an ancient spell and take over the world for himself. Kid finds out only he can destroy the dragons , and puts his neck on the line to kill 'em.

perhaps he realizes his ability to kill dragons along the way. One hero from old times is still alive, and had a skill that could seriously damage dragons, that only he knows. Hero meets guy, gets skill for only himself, and kills the dragons for good, since they no longer have any place with enough energy to put their souls.
Time to revise the storyline again. For the third time.

EDIT: Actually, nevermind. it's still way too cliche, dammit. Must add.. Wizard of Ontario.. as previously planned.. Need... humor... Must .. make characters.. exploit.. the fact.. theat the game.. is too cliche.

That's another idea I had. My characters exploit the fact that the plot is way too cliche.

[hitogoroshi]

Re: How's my prologue?

Nice! Although think heavily on the dragons dynamic. You're killing them, but they're not the evil people so much as a power source...exploring that dynamic will give you one hell of a game.

[Seraph]

Re: How's my prologue?

Remember, most games are cliche for a reason. Because it works.
Cliche can be good IMO, just take a different spin on things. Use what works, but make it seem like new.

Yeah.

[Sariace the Demonslayer]

Re: How's my prologue?

How about the King Dragon was actually a good dragon, only trying to end the squabbling? Only the baddie wants to (ab)use his power for E-VIL! The dragons rampaging was really just a territory war, and not the apocolypse for all mankind.

So basically, take everything in my plot, mess it all up, and denounce every foundation I once held.

Meh, I'm comin' back ALOT for support, and pooling my friends mind to completely screw up my plot.

*sigh* I really wish I hadn't acidentally deleted our old game. Then I wouldn't have gone cliche on them. Dammit.

Hello, Wizard of Ontario, Apprentice Bob and the Mapquest guys!

(I figure I'll explain the above. Wizard of Ontario= king of all evil.
Apprentice Bob= guy filling in and posing as WoO while WoO is on vacation.
Characters make it to castle's top floor with no trouble at all, and Apprentice Bob yells " How did you get here so quickly?!"
Hero says " Mapquest."
Apprentice Bob changes his journey into a genocide of Mapquest.
At least WE thought it was funny as hell.)

[hitogoroshi]

Re: How's my prologue?

That depends. Are you denouncing the foundations that told you to collect X magical items to beat a sealed evil? Then yes. Denounce the hell out of them foundations.

Also, if dragons don't speak the language, it becomes signifcantly more confused and awesome. see: enders game. (Actually, you should read it anyway cause it's a damn good book.)

[Sariace the Demonslayer]

Re: How's my prologue?

Hell yes, i'm denouncing that. They were needed for said purpose originally, but they get annihilated, releasing the dragon's souls trapped within.

And how about we don't even kill the dragons? just beat them to an inch of their life 'till they beg for mercy. Since they're not evil anyway.

I'm gonna sleep on it.

[Stormy]

Re: How's my prologue?

No, kill the dragons, it makes it more tragic. Its really lame when all the good guys live.

[Wavelength]

Re: How's my prologue?

I think you're starting to work with something good here. The dragons being the vessels that someone WANTS you to destroy sounds a lot like the first third of Tales of Symphonia, which really is not a bad thing.

About your prologue, I do think it's a little blunt. You could make it a little more enticing by adding just a hint, a TEASE of what the boy is going to do to accomplish his goals. A little more description of the setting in the prologues is something I've always liked as well, personally.

Overall, though, I really have to give you credit for taking something that was mediocre in its first incantation and turning into something very nice.

[Karr Lord of Chaos]

Re: How's my prologue?

cliche can be good as expressed here already, but only if its a new spin of an old idea. breathe some new life into a tired tradition, throw a twist, tell the tale from a new angle. the most exhausted cliches should never be used. you know what they are, they are the premise for most rpgs, the most over used themes and ideas - dont use them, choose something else!

remember that rpg maker is a standard platform to build a game from. commercial games are uniquely (supposedly) designed so certain elements can be taken out or changed. rpg maker will have the same elements so after a few games it becomes boring. remember that, and plan to hold our attention. if your story is uck, then we wont be playing your game long enough to notice that you have a twist. same goes for battles, keep them short and keep them balanced!

[Sariace the Demonslayer]

Re: How's my prologue?

I've slept on it, and thought of a great idea: conspiracy.

The heroes rose to kill the dragons with their orbs supposedly, but really just decided to seal them in the orbs, and take credit for killing them for fame and fortune. Then they would use the orbs later, if necessary, to take over the world themselves. I say they're still around, using the orbs to gain immortality, and now plotting their takeover.

You're the one that has to destroy the orbs, release the dragons, and kill them, for the " heroes" use a spell to fuse themselves to the body of the dragon, so you have no choice.

Tons of twists, and completely kills the cliche prologue.

[Stormy]

Re: How's my prologue?

Make sure that the dragons are really not all that bad, and are just victims in this whole mess. They don't necessarily have to be good benevolent dragons, just not bad. It gives more weight to what is going on.