Give me questions.

[Dr. Phil]

I will answer questions! Ask them here!

[Mr Kitty]

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

[Dr. Phil]

African or Europian?

[BigRayCharles]

Heh, he doesn't know that...

[Alex]

Do you enjoy bathing in the faults and misfortunes of other people to give yourself an ego boost on national television, and why or why not?

[George W. Bush]

Y am I such a gud Prezadant

[BigRayCharles]

Why?

[Dr. Phil]

Do you enjoy bathing in the faults and misfortunes of other people to give yourself an ego boost on national television, and why or why not?

Oprah says I do.

Y am I such a gud Prezadant

Because you say you are.

Why?

Why not?

[Ann Coulter]

How can you change your show in order to better uphold the true conservative values and none of this liberal touchy-feely crap?

[Dr. Phil]

How can you change your show in order to better uphold the true conservative values and none of this liberal touchy-feely crap?

Have every one of my watchers write to Oprah to have it changed.

[Ann Coulter]

Why do you make excuses for sad, pathetic wastes of space instead of telling them why they're a drain on society?

[Dr. Phil]

Why do you make excuses for sad, pathetic wastes of space instead of telling them why they're a drain on society?

Oprah tells me to do that.

She also says you are a waste of space, but I have to respect what you say because you are a woman.

[Scooby Doo]

Roo ras the Rack Knight?

[Dr. Phil]

Roo ras the Rack Knight?

The groundskeeper.

[Velma Dinkley]

The groundskeeper.

Of course. It all makes sense now! He wanted to scare everyone away so he could steal the museum paintings!

Oh, and any tips on improving my love life? I'm very lonely...

[John Bora]

I just dumped (http://dumpfactory.wordpress.com/2007/11/01/dumplet-dr-phil-in-the-story-of-a-lapdog/) on this.

[Mr Kitty]

Oh, and any tips on improving my love life? I'm very lonely...

Quit being ugly, and start looking hot like in the movie.

http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/3213/sd01bt0.jpg

[Dr. Phil]

Of course. It all makes sense now! He wanted to scare everyone away so he could steal the museum paintings!

Oh, and any tips on improving my love life? I'm very lonely...

Questions to ask yourself before you write your profile:

What is special, unique, distinctive, or impressive about you or your life story?
What details of your life, personal or family challenges, history, people or events have shaped you or influenced your life goals?
What have you learned about past relationships, in terms of yourself?
What are your relationship goals?
Have you had to overcome any unusual obstacles or hardships (for example, economic, familial or physical) in your life?
What personal characteristics (for example, integrity, compassion, persistence) do you possess, and how can you demonstrate that you have these characteristics?
Why might you be a stronger candidate than others?
What is the single most compelling reason you can give a person to be interested in you?
Jim Safka, CEO of Match.com offers these tips:

Do include a photo. People who've uploaded a photo get 15 times more attention than people who don't have a photo.
Make sure you smile in your photos. That sexy face you're making? It may come across to some people like your scary face.
Don't hide your face behind a pair of sunglasses or a hat. Potential love interests will want to be able to see your beautiful face.
Don't show too much skin. Nobody wants to see you pose seductively in your kitchen in your tighty whities.
Do make your headline a grabber. Think of all the great advertising slogans you've ever heard. They're imprinted in people's minds. You want to do the same thing with your profile.
Consult your friends and family for help in writing your online profile. There are things that they love about you that you might not otherwise think about for yourself.
Don't use clichés. You may love long walks on the beach, but who doesn't? Say something interesting about yourself that is unique to you.
Don't forget to run spell-check. If you have misspelled words in your profile, it tells the world that you just don't care about what you're doing.
Do respond to every e-mail that you get. If you were walking down the street and someone said hello, you'd probably say hello back. It's the same protocol online. Respond, even if the answer is a simple, "No, thanks."
Keep it light. Your first e-mail should not be a rant about how expensive gas prices are. Keep it lighthearted in tone and keep it simple.
Don't reveal confidential information in your e-mail exchanges. If you were at a local coffee house, you wouldn't give out your home address to just anyone standing in line.
Don't meet in person until you've actually talked on the phone. You know voice and sound are great way to judge chemistry.
Cyber Safety

Verify information on a potential match as thoroughly as possible.
Always create a separate e-mail account for your online dating activity.
Get a post office box, rather than using your home address, to register for the dating site. (Do this for all sites where an address is required.)
List your cell phone number, not your home number, if the site requires one.
Change your cell phone billing address so it goes to your post office box. That way, if some nut has access to a backward phone book (one with phone numbers in numerical order and their corresponding addresses) he can't look up your address.
When chatting or e-mailing, never give more than a first name, and keep it that way until the first date.
Install a privacy checker on your computer. This lets you set privacy standards and be alerted when a dating site doesn't meet them. These checkers are often free and can be downloaded online.

For more information, see Chapter 8 in Dr. Phil's book, Love Smart: Find the One You Want — Fix the One You Got.

[A.L.I.C.E.]

Do you believe it is better to go it alone?

[PerversionMan]

How can I improve my image?

http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee51/nicetryman/PerversionMan.jpg

[Dr. Phil]

Do you believe it is better to go it alone?

No. It's always better to be with somone.

How can I improve my image?


Do you think it needs improving?

[A.L.I.C.E.]

No. It's always better to be with somone.

What's the best one?

[Dr. Phil]

What's the best one?

The one you want.

[A.L.I.C.E.]

The one you want.

I think I know that one.

[Krrr]

where iz my girl firned seizureic

[Dr. Phil]

I think I know that one.

Then my work is done.

[Mr Kitty]

where iz my girl firned seizureic

hiding in a box, metal gear style. :3

[A.L.I.C.E.]

Then my work is done.

OK then I will add it to my gossip files.

[Dr. Phil]

where iz my girl firned seizureic

I am having a private session with her right now.

[Sezjeuric]

hiding in a box, metal gear style. :3

Close, but not quite...

http://i179.photobucket.com/albums/w290/duckiesrule_44/IMG_0040.jpg

[Mr Kitty]

:3

[Jamos]

Dr. Phil, how does it feel to not have a penis? I thought it would be a good idea to ask someone who knows, first hand.

[Karr Lord of Chaos]

where iz my girl firned seizureic

what have you done with the real karr!

edit: nice i took the above pic with sez and some random chick. to the side you can see a nice black lady waiting for the bus with us, dont think she knew what a light brite was, a bit after her generation.

[THE pedo stache]

Dr. Phil, what do you think I should do about my Pedo stache? Should I keep it, add a gotee, or grow in a soul patch a la pedo dingo style?

Ever since I grew this in I’ve been ridiculed by friends, even my close friend Emily is backing away from me (I think she’s laughing at me, behind my back). Parents even hug their children closer as I walk by, giving me mean stares, calling me a creep and a pedophile.

Is it time for a new look?

[Tangled Slinky]

Hand out free Slinkies to get the kids on your side.

After all

"Everyone Loves A Slinky"

[Dr. Phil]

Dr. Phil, what do you think I should do about my Pedo stache? Should I keep it, add a gotee, or grow in a soul patch a la pedo dingo style?

Ever since I grew this in I’ve been ridiculed by friends, even my close friend Emily is backing away from me (I think she’s laughing at me, behind my back). Parents even hug their children closer as I walk by, giving me mean stares, calling me a creep and a pedophile.

Is it time for a new look?

A nice full mustashe is always in style. Thin out the hair on top of your head and wear a Suit and Tie whenever you get the chance.

[THE pedo stache]

A nice full mustashe is always in style. Thin out the hair on top of your head and wear a Suit and Tie whenever you get the chance.

But it just wont grow! I want a beard like Obright but it just isn’t me. I don’t dare smile in public or I will look like Kefka.

http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p214/kefkajr/IMGA0296.jpg

Sigh, Terr said I should gain 80 lbs and go for the Staffmaster look. I need help!

[Weighted Companion Cube]

...

[Jamos]

http://i65.photobucket.com/albums/h234/Jamos13/Pedobear_13.png

[THE pedo stache]

Nice, the badge id says “Pedobear_13,” my favorite number and my aim name!

[Dr. Phil]

Walk around with an older woman, not only are they a fountain of knowledge and wisdom but it makes you not look like who you don't want to be.

[Jamos]

My question hasn't been answered yet. I thought you said you would give answers! :upset

[Dr. Phil]

That's because you should ask a woman, because women know more than I do.

[THE pedo stache]

Deep Dr. Phil, really deep.

I thought Emily would be that older woman but I think her height gives the wrong impression. Should I move back in with my mom? She is an older woman. Would that give the wrong impression and only add to my pedo look? Maybe I should stop visiting the “playground.”

[Dr. Phil]

What does your mother look like?

[Jamos]

http://i65.photobucket.com/albums/h234/Jamos13/Pedobearrun.jpg

[THE pedo stache]

What does your mother look like?

See, we have the same smile.

http://www.cis.upenn.edu/~edloper/personal/mom.jpg

[Dr. Phil]

I suggest she and I have a private session. In order to make arrangments in the future for me to come over and see your progress.