Be Real (edited)

[Bon]

*ahem*

It's hard to be real when I try to address you
Maybe it's the fact that I want to impress you
I don't want you saying that's it's all my fault
If this song gets a flop when it goes to the vault
My flow's not the best, but I say it's okay
But I make damn sure that I rep VA
When I spit on the things that influence my life
Happy and sad stuff I continue to write
Down on the page, I'm trying to be real with the pros
Real with the "peeps" to come to comment on my flow
Real with the Expo, yeah, I gave him some tips
And don't say it's fire when it's really no hit
Criticism I'll take, and it will help me grow
Better my craft, delivering eccentric flows
Open the door, collab with Expo is done
Biding my time until we hit number one.

*end*

[Alex]

Re: Be Real (edited)

That ****'s ill, mofo. Put that **** to some booty-shaking beats and have all the ***** hos get down on the mother ****ing dance floor baby yeah.

[Misty]

Re: Be Real (edited)

You got it going on, 'nanza. I like it!

[Tex Ritter]

Re: Be Real (edited)

I don't really like raps when they're about rapping

[Chad]

Re: Be Real (edited)

Throw some inter-line rhymes in all the time and you'll be fine.

[Bon]

Re: Be Real (edited)

Thanks for the feedback, guys. (Post-man, give me some insight on the inter-line, rhyme).

Basically, there was this kid named Expo on soundclick (not there anymore) who wanted me to do a verse on his emotion-lacking, out-of-meter song "Be Real," and to keep him from continually asking, I put together that verse (a lil' tweaked) in a matter of 15 minutes. I know it may not be that great, but I was relieved to have finished the song. It's in the link below my sig.

[Chad]

Re: Be Real (edited)

Hmm... I think basically the best way to explain it (because I probably used the wrong term) let's look at a very well-known poem: The Raven.

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow, sorrow for the lost Lenore,.
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore,
Nameless here forevermore.

Now, there are all kinds of things going on here. First of all, we realize the odd structure and we know that floor is meant to rhyme with Lenore. Now looking past that we have some creative rhyming schemes.

I remember is in the middle of the first line. Remember, of course, rhymes with the end of the line, December. These are rhymes that take place on the same line. Then, it goes even further with the second line with dying ember. You see, it's just more than make sure to end each line with a rhyme.


Kanye West does this a few times as well in Can't Tell Me Nothin'. Unlike a lot of rap lyrics that I've heard it doesn't sound so trite either. He's not just rhyming bad with sad with mad with Chad.

I had a dream I can buy my way to heaven
When I awoke, I spent that on a necklace.
I told God I'd be back in a second,
Man It's so hard not to act reckless.
To whom much is given much is tested.
Get arrested, got some chili, get the message.
I feel the pressure, under more scrutiny,
And What I do? Act more stupidly.
Bought More Jewelry, More Louis V, My momma couldn't get through to me.
The drama, people suing me,
I'm on T.V. talking like it's just you and me.

[Bon]

Re: Be Real (edited)

Hmm... I think basically the best way to explain it (because I probably used the wrong term) let's look at a very well-known poem: The Raven.




Now, there are all kinds of things going on here. First of all, we realize the odd structure and we know that floor is meant to rhyme with Lenore. Now looking past that we have some creative rhyming schemes.

I remember is in the middle of the first line. Remember, of course, rhymes with the end of the line, December. These are rhymes that take place on the same line. Then, it goes even further with the second line with dying ember. You see, it's just more than make sure to end each line with a rhyme.


Kanye West does this a few times as well in Can't Tell Me Nothin'. Unlike a lot of rap lyrics that I've heard it doesn't sound so trite either. He's not just rhyming bad with sad with mad with Chad.

Okay, I see exactly what you mean. Instead of going with the "safe route" of rhyming, I should switch up the flow, so that it gives the listener something different. I got the perfect example. I did this in my song "Shivers," though this is a bit cleaner:

I had to make a decision
People it was crazy, I was going on a mission
Had to make sure I would make no submission
Confidence up, and I wouldn't [mess] up, or this chick would be tripping.

Thanks for the info, Post-man.