The CWS3 Discussion Thread: Praise God, it's finished.

[Big Rick Cook]

This is the Creative Writing Story 3.1 Discussion Thread. It's where all the current and past writers (if they feel so inclined) come to discuss aspects of the story and the future of the story. Any newcomers to the story and this topic are welcome to add your two cents, and we'll answer any questions as best we can. The names to look out for are myself (Big Rick Cook), John Mora, Magik Paladin, and The Honorable Ryu. We four consist of the active writers, more or less of the story.

And now for your regularly scheduled programming. Mora may remember a little talk we had about one of Ryu's earlier posts, and how it may have a major contradiction with things in the future. Well, I've found another example of the problem.

Here's the excerpt from Ryu's addition stating that Guillermo has these powers to sense people's presences:

Page 63: The walls seemed to buckle and warp before his fist; he could sense, as if the hairs on his arm were little antennas, the notches on the walls, feel the vibrations of the little insect stowaways, and the other beings on board channeling their presence with their varied wave-lengths in space—loud, shining targets just dying to be rubbed out.

Questionability: Ryu insinuates that Guillermo has this untrained ability to sense other beings, like they were loud, shining targets in his mind. The way it reads, it sort of gives the impression that it could be an actual power he has acknowledged, but never used, or it could be just his imagination sitting there in his little cramped broom closet. The story flows on afterwards, for the most part, as though he doesn't have anything like that.

Next time this power is mentioned (and what I believe to be the last) is in one of IRC's additions:

Page 68: Part of him wished he was back on his father’s plantation where he had very few cares, but when his arm told him that Malachai had gone below decks because it could no longer feel his presence, he knew that would never happen. Sighing heavily, he followed the captain’s lead and went below.

If these are the only two instances mentioning this power, it should probably be edited to remove the questionable concept rather than editing to make the entire story reflect that, as it could have profound effects on the flow of the story.

Give me your thoughts now, if you guys have any, and I'll keep you up to date on the appearance of any more of these.

[John Mora]

Yeah... I'd edit it out. It's just too much work to retroactively put it in whenever it would be useful/appropriate. And BTW, this is a great example of how you should do your absolute best to carry everything from another addition over into your own. We're all guilty of ignoring this. >_<

[Big Rick Cook]

Yep. I've done similar things.

As an aside to this whole thing, I'm editing the Danu scene right now, and I still get a kick out of Arc being all paranoid and freaking out.

[John Mora]

Oh goodness, golly gee. 30,000 character limit... we should reconsider those formatting marks.

[The Toecutter]

I thought Valk said he removed it.

[John Mora]

He said he upped the 10,000 character limit to 30,000.

[Valkysas]

since we know more about the database usage and such, I've bumped it up to 50,000.

[John Mora]

Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

:extreme

[Valkysas]

well, screw that.

I turned it off. posts can be however long someone is willing to make them.

[John Mora]

Well now. :p

[Big Rick Cook]

Valk, I love you.

[IRC]

Good lord, did I really write that?

[John Mora]

I dunno. Did you?

[Big Rick Cook]

More or less. Your original post was one gigantic paragraph, and it had a few small differences, but it's nearly the same thing.

[TheHonorableRyu]

See, in my thinking, Guillermo's emotional state following the major event that had just occurred caused overactivity in the expression of his powers, temporarily heightening his abilities like adrenaline.

[Big Rick Cook]

That could work, but we'd need to incorporate an explanation like that into the writing, somewhere along the line. We can't just leave it at that.

[John Mora]

It's amazing how un-annoying Cassidy is without the ridiculous, vacillating hillbilly accent and subtextual homosexuality.

[Big Rick Cook]

I told you. He is still a whiny hick in the later additions, but he's way more tolerable.

Bad news: another instance in which Guillermo can feel presences through his arm:

Ryu's 5th post, page 97: He paused to listen—whoever was in that room was busy rummaging through something and apparently did not hear him sneak in. Guillermo could feel nobody else coming, and turned to look at the book.

That's three mentions so far. It's going to be a long while before I get around to posting the first addition that gives this impression, so I'll keep compiling the list of instances as I continue editing, and we can make a decision later that will suffice. I would say we've got about a month's worth of additions before this happens, though.

I edited 20 pages today, for a grand total of 45 this week so far. That includes Sunday, Monday, and today. I would love to keep an average of 50 or more pages edited every week, but we'll see how it goes.

[John Mora]

I edited 20 pages today, for a grand total of 45 this week so far. That includes Sunday, Monday, and today. I would love to keep an average of 50 or more pages edited every week, but we'll see how it goes.

That's... insane.

[Big Rick Cook]

It's really not that bad, considering I got 20 pages edited in less than 3 hours today. That number will drop severely on days when I edit an Omni addition, as I'll go insane trying to edit his stuff.

[IRC]

When are you guys going to finish this up.

[Big Rick Cook]

When it's time to finish it, and whenever we can reliably post additions on the regular like we used to in 2003.

And for anyone who's keeping track, I edited 8 pages today. I'm on page 114 now.

[John Mora]

Oh, that chef! He's so dreamy!

[John Mora]

Okay, you made Staffmaster's post readable. That deserves a prize.

[Caciss]

Haha, I love the little intro paragraphs before each entry.

And, no, I'm not offended, that entry was pointless.

God, I was a horrid writer then, and good job on the editing, I got your E-mail.

[Magik]

Where doth I sendeth thy addition...eth?

[John Mora]

morajohn @ gmail.com?!?!?!

Seriously, I can't wait to see it! Plus, the next person in line should be able to read it in order to get the additions cranking out on schedule.

[Magik]

'kay. E-mail'd.

[John Mora]

“I hadn’t planning on settling down,” Guillermo replied.

I'm guessing one of those words you planned on changing, but didn't get around to it.

“I thought you just said traveling alone was suicide? Are you trying to tell me you need a companion?” he said with a sly grin.

“I’ve heard this here canyon’s nothin’ compared to some outside the borders,” Cassidy said as he stripped off his worn tunic. His eyes grew wide in hopeful expectation.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

:gay :gay :gay

[Big Rick Cook]

Yep. And those lines remained pretty much the same. I'll fix the planning line right now when I go to add the next addition.

[John Mora]

What's your e-mail so I can send you Magik's?

[Big Rick Cook]

bigrickcook@hotmail.com fool

[John Mora]

SENNNNNT

[Big Rick Cook]

Read, and Magik, I enjoyed it greatly. Aside from the extra sentence spaces, and the head-hopping that we already talked about, here's a couple other things I noticed and took the liberty of editing.

When you switch scenes to the Scooby Gang the first time, you make the comment that they see Dedalus, and since the story is from the point of Elise, she doesn't know who he is at this point, so it doesn't make sense that the story comments on him being Dedalus. I removed the portion that says they even saw him, to prevent confusion. If you want to change it yourself, let me know what you want to change it to, so I can incorporate it.

You used 'there' in places where you should have used 'their,' two times in fact. The general rule here is that 'there' refers to locations and places. 'Their' refers to possession of something. 'Their leader is going over there.'

When you're using a contraction for possession, and the word, in singular form, ends in 's,' you add an 's instead of just an apostrophe. Like Janus's or Dedalus's, not Janus' or Dedalus'.

I think that was everything. Good work so far! :D

Mora and I are stamping out some details so that I can get writing on my addition, but I'm definitely going to write this time, unlike the last two times when I flaked out. The actual editing will be on hold until I finish, but the daily edited additions will keep coming.

Also, I think it's funny how Arc is now getting hurt in every monster encounter. :b

[John Mora]

But Seek is hurt... emotionally.

[so emo]

[Vanilla Iced Tea]

I'd totally want to write in the CWS if I wasn't 100% sure that I'd screw up a whole bunch of details and fill the story with inconsistencies.

[John Mora]

:(

[Big Rick Cook]

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing that you don't want to write. We could always use the dedicated fanbase, since before, no one else but the current writers were even reading the story.

[Magik]

Then, just when the group of friends would have passed by the palatial gates to see a sobering and shocked Dedalus run down an adjacent street, there was the sound of brief cannon fire and then a thunderous crash.

I was going for omniscient narration that put the gang's walk around the city into a concrete time frame (after Dedalus and Hardin do their thing). They don't actually see him.. just to clear that up. But, I don't mind if you remove it, if it was hard to understand.

I know the difference between there and their :p The faster I type, the worse my grammar becomes; I'll make sure to proofread more carefully in the future.

Anyhow, I'm glad my addition was satisfactory.

[Big Rick Cook]

It wasn't really hard to understand, it's just that we haven't really done omniscient narration for the story. It's always been from the perspective of one certain individual, and the story has to be told from what they know. In this scene, it doesn't necessarily need to be stated that Dedalus would have been running out of the building, as we have the cannon fire and crash to place them in the exact time frame. This is more a question of keeping to a strict format in point of view storytelling. We've given nearly every secondary and minor character their own perspectives during certain parts of the story, and that's fine, but we need to keep it down to just one perspective at a time.

[Big Rick Cook]

New thing: One of Talus' very own sons, Darius, was sent to be her trainer. She excelled tremendously and was quite a trooper. She was obedient, willing, and strong-minded. Her evolution was slow, but promising. Physically, not many changes occurred. Darius reported that her eyes changed colors from brown to green and then from green to blue, and that her teeth and nails became hard and strong like knives.

We already have Trenton Darius, a member of the Anteronian High Council. To avoid further confusion, I think it might be a good idea to change this fellow's name to something other than Darius. We've already got Guillermo Avory and Avery, and we've still got Hawkins and Fawlkins. *barf*

[Caciss]

Fawlkins?!

hahahah

[Big Rick Cook]

Such is Omni's treachery.

[Big Rick Cook]

The writing is coming along smoothly, for all who wish to know. Current word count is nearing 4,000 words, somewhere in the vicinity of 7 pages. I plan to finish it before the week is up, but don't get your hopes up too high. I managed to hit a stride today and knocked out 5 1/2 pages. And to settle Mora's mind, my addition will cover mostly Guillermo and Magnus, focusing very little on the subplots.

[John Mora]

Whoa!

[Big Rick Cook]

Mora, whenever it's convenient, preferably before noon (central time) if at all possible, we need to continue our discussion from last night, because if I can't implement that idea, I'll have to rethink an entire section of my addition, part of which is already written.

[John Mora]

I'm in class until about 5 Eastern. It's one of those days.

[Big Rick Cook]

Well, I'll make an effort to get online tonight before work so's we can hammer out the idea.

[IRC]

OH GOD, WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY ADDITION?

[Big Rick Cook]

Things.

[IRC]

oh

[Caciss]

I just wanted to give the Captain some sort of quirk, I guess.

[Big Rick Cook]

It wasn't a bad thing, it just turned out that Arguile is barely a secondary character. He's like Chewbacca; he's there, but he's got no specific use for most of the story.

The skinny on all the inconsistencies thus far in the story:

Aside from character development and dialogue that didn't match from addition to addition, here are the glaring examples of things that happened that I had to change. These are the major ones, but believe me there were a lot more.

1. Avery was supposed to be a guy, but it got confused and she became a girl. She has now become a girl for the entirety of the story.

2. In my first addition, Cassidy gathered up some herbs that helped to get Guillermo back on his feet, but he hadn't had the time since he apparently never left Guillermo's side. This has been fixed so that he did have one moment when he wasn't around Guillermo. Small, but needed fixed.

3. Also in my first addition: There weren't any particular reasons why Guillermo was allowing Cassidy to be a tag-along partner in my addition. The reasons were there, but not really noticeable. I emphasized the points where he makes himself useful in earlier parts of the story, so that Guillermo can reflect on them and give the reader a solid reason.

4. Last in my addition: Guillermo has absolutely no emotion in this scene bent towards the loss of his arm. I really wanted to fix this glaringly obvious mistake, but felt it would be better suited to another addition down the road. For now, it leaves you wondering why he's showing no outward grief or anything.

I certainly had a good time messing up the facts. I will admit that I had problems keeping some minute details intact early on, a problem that has been remedied. Being the editor of this story just about makes me a fact master. And I still forget things. That's why writing collaboratively is so hard. You don't remember other people's additions nearly as well as your own, so a lot more research goes into each addition than you might think.

[Vanilla Iced Tea]

“Well, I'm relieved to know we'll have another set of hands... sorry, lad… another man to help ease the load we all have to bare.”

OH THAT CAPTAIN

[Caciss]

The Captains a *****, all trying not to offend Gulliwhatever.

[John Mora]

OOOOOOOOOOOOOH NO HE DIN'T!

[Big Rick Cook]

And now, a new question. I'm finding it really awkward for the Coronelians to keep referring to their god as 'my god,' 'our god,' or for Guillermo to refer to it as 'your god,' or 'their god,' without anyone actually saying what this god's name is. Does anyone have anything in particular they would like this god to be named, or any particular religion they want me to pull a name from?

[Caciss]

---

You made Staffmaster's post actually entertaining... you are amazing.

[Big Rick Cook]

:D

I wonder if Staffmaster is reading these updates. He'd probably be interested to know how much his additions have been changed.

And for all who care, the new addition that I'm writing now is... taking extra time. I fear it's going to be pretty long by the time I'm done with it. For starters, even after the rewrites I made, it's already nearly 6,000 words. I may choose to remove and abridge scenes, because I don't want to make an addition that kills the story by being obtusely large and has a lot of extra unnecessary information. I don't think it's like that right now, and I'm going to do my best to make sure everything has a place in the addition, as well as in the overall story.

[Valkysas]

Does anyone have anything in particular they would like this god to be named, or any particular religion they want me to pull a name from?

Sammy

[Big Rick Cook]

Valk, I don't suppose you're keeping up with this thing, are you?

And no.

[John Mora]

Try looking through Indian (you know, from India) or other such Eastern stuff. Since I think we agreed that the Coronelians/Vespucians are physically reminiscent of Indians.

[John Mora]

“I am Captain Devon Douglas Arguile III, at your service. Normally, I would have you calling me Captain, but in present circumstances, I think formalities are nary called for. You may call me Deedou, as I’m known to my peers, if you wish.”

Guillermo grunted approval. “I just may at that.”
But then he totally didn't. Thank god.

[Caciss]

Obviously the Captain's name wasn't stupid enough for Staffy.

[TheHonorableRyu]

That is obviously the case.




Try looking through Indian (you know, from India) or other such Eastern stuff. Since I think we agreed that the Coronelians/Vespucians are physically reminiscent of Indians.

But their names are Roman-like!


Keep up the good work, Rick!

[John Mora]

SO? I'm Irish/Belgian/Hispanic and I have a Hebrew name.

I mean, what's Rick gonna do for a name in Roman that isn't, like, really obviously known?

[Big Rick Cook]

I'll get it figured out, but it'll probably be next weekend when the addition will be ready. This has been a hectic week, and I haven't gotten nearly as much done as I would have hoped.

[IRC]

Just take two or three roman name, combine them, and then throw out half the vowels. :)

http://www.behindthename.com/nmc/rom-anci.html
http://www.legionxxiv.org/nomens/

[TheHonorableRyu]

The guideline is that you add consonants, not subtract vowels!

[IRC]

*witty retort*

[John Mora]

I don't find that very witty at all.

[IRC]

*witty insult*

[John Mora]

[is destroyed]

:(

[Caciss]

*points and laughs at Mora*

[Caciss]

(Sorry for the double post.)

Damn, the way the Canyon Runner battle starts now, is so much better.

The entire scene still upsets me, I had the entire Canyon Runner thing planned out, and I even talked to that fool about it. Instead, he ruined the entire scene.

Staffmaster sucks. :(

[John Mora]

“I can’t use suppositions, man! Yes or No!?” Arguile growled.

Shut up, DEEDOU.

[Vanilla Iced Tea]

I WONDER IF IT WAS THE SAME GUY WHO ACCIDENTALLY FIRED THE ARROW IN THE BATTLE AT HELM'S DEEP

[Big Rick Cook]

It's a tried and true method to begin a battle, especially when the alternative is 'SNEEZE' 'SNEEZE' 'GROWL' 'ATTACK.'

[Big Rick Cook]

I think I've decided on Cnaeus for the Coronelians' god. The reasons:

1.Cnaeus, in Ancient Roman, is of unknown origin, so it is original in that it's obscure.
2. It doesn't sound like a cheap way of saying any well-known gods or a derivative of the term 'god.'
3. It has as many vowels as consonants. :b
4. It was derived from the name Gnaeus, shared by Gnaeus Pompey Magnus, aka Pompey the Great, which I thought was kind of cool, considering we have a Magnus in the story.
5. I thought it would be neat if the 'us' in Cnaeus and the 'us' in Magnus could be related somehow, like 'us' is a suffix that the warrior priests such as Magnus take on as an honorific.

Let me know, so that I can incorporate the last point into my addition if you guys approve.

[TheHonorableRyu]

Sounds good.


From the story topic:

I recall that he and Ryu had initially decided that they were going to try and turn the story into a Lovecraftian homage. That doesn't happen, but I'll explain that in a later addition.

For the record, Aznable elucidated some of his ideas to me over AIM at the time, which I neither dismissed nor encouraged; I had no part or influence in the formulation of his idea to write about humans being monsters' slaves and Guillermo's half-monster blood and all that.

[Big Rick Cook]

Hm, well, Az made it sound like you and he were plotting to usurp the story when we talked of it. IRC can probably back that claim up, but if not, then I guess I got my wires crossed.

[TheHonorableRyu]

Aznable got a different impression from the discussion than I did; and with IRC I only discussed how I would go about fitting an addition in, knowing but not dependent on what Aznable said was going to post (which IRC undid with his addition). I'm not seeing how you're thinking Aznable and my writing in any way constitutes a partnership.

[Big Rick Cook]

All I'm saying is that Aznable told me that you two were going to turn the story into Lovecraft type stuff. He included you in that 'we're going to do this' conversation, so I assumed that at the time you and he had this mutual understanding. I understand that wasn't the case, now. Moot point, really. I guess I can change the little intro to the addition.

[Big Rick Cook]

My addition is parsecs away from being finished. I need Mora, Magik, and Ryu's email addresses.

EDIT: All I need now is Ryu's email.

[TheHonorableRyu]

A parsec is actually a very long distance. : )

thehonorableryu[at]gmail[dot com]

[Sejon]

Hell, it's even longer than a light-year. :p

[Big Rick Cook]

Whoops. I thought that sounded weird... Me dumb.

[Vanilla Iced Tea]

Yeah, I thought you were saying it was really far from being done.

Don't let Han Solo fool you. It's not even a unit of time.

[Big Rick Cook]

I'm finished writing it, all I've got to do now is proofread and make some small editorial changes, and then I'll have it sent out to e-mails nationwide!

[John Mora]

No fanfare for Seek and Arc?! :p

And, ****. I don't think we ever did anything with that other book that Cale found.

[Big Rick Cook]

A point I was just realizing in my addition. And something I thought to bring up with Ryu, since he'll apparently be the next one writing.

I just finished proofreading and I think I'm ready to send it out. Check your email, whores.

[IRC]

From what I remember it was all Ryu's doing and Aznable sounded like he was afraid not to go along with Ryu.

[Big Rick Cook]

Ha.

[Caciss]

Thank goodness we had IRC to save us from the evil Ryu!

[TheHonorableRyu]

>: ( That's not how it happened at all. Curse your skewed revisionist history.

Aznable had all of these macabre ideas that clearly reflected entirely his own tastes, and by discussing his ideas with him I was implicitly telling him to leave some tonal space for the rest of us. But I was thinking that his ideas were inevitably going to be included in the story because he was posting and I wasn't one to tell him, "No, you're not allowed to post that"; but IRC in effect said it anyway.

The only way I see this confusion could have come about is because I thought at the time that I was going to be writing the post after Aznable's second, but IRC ended up taking the spot. I had absolutely nothing planned but Guillermo's post-arm meeting with Dobbel.

Furthermore, I've never even read anything by Lovecraft.

[Big Rick Cook]

Ryu, once you finish reading my addition, there are some things that we need to go over.

Edit: NVM.

[TheHonorableRyu]

I finished it!

Is that NVM a "nevermind?"

[Big Rick Cook]

What did you think?

And yes.

EDIT: And that nevermind wasn't meant for you. There are several things we should definitely discuss.

[Caciss]

Ryu's color usage reminds me of Stephen Crane.

[TheHonorableRyu]

What did you think?

I thought it was good. : )

At first I found the pacing frustratingly and meaninglessly slow (to the point that I was keenly aware that Talus would not consider the safety of the Coronelians relevant to the mission), but by the end made more sense and became more satisfying.

There's one issue that I want to bring up, but am not going to argue against now. :p

With this earlier quote of Talus' in mind....

You must not divulge any information to anyone, other than your destination. If someone continues to press you on your reasons, you will simply tell them it is a private business arrangement. The Vespucian people are reclusive but not completely unwelcoming. They have a port right outside of Terras, which is where the Maurizio family is known to live. The rest is up to you.

Magnus," Talus continued, "you will have to be especially careful. You are no longer a citizen under Vespucian rule, but that won't be much of a barricade against prejudice. It would be best to do most of your dealings with the considerably more peaceful Coronelians."

...I was expecting that Guillermo's and Magnus' quest to find the Key would involve a breathless series of savvy negogiations, alibis, espionage and other such stratagems as the odd-couple navigated the perilous realms of Vespucian and Coronelian society. The affair was apparently supposed to be a very secretive and exclusive matter--Guillermo and Magnus doing everything.

But in the way it happened, I kind of felt the storytelling was pretty much on automatic. Magnus' clan members basically served as pseudo-deus ex machina-grade informers, and the actual adventure consisted of Guillermo and Magnus in effect materializing in front of mansion without incident and then busting some skulls without a challenge. Magnus' comment, "We should check Maurizio’s bed chamber on the third floor," was then a little too much. :P

I realize that you were aware of how easy it was (noting Magnus' comment as such), but I'd rather have seen the conflict of this story arc--in the same number of words--show us how Vespucians and Coronelians relate and what their society is actually like (and convey some sense of the geography about the continent) than have it all mount in a battle that could happen elsewhere for which I'm now responsible. But I'm aware that these were simply my own expectations.

But overall, I thought it was solid. : )


Some simple typos:

The sentence starting...
You see, I’ve gathered information on everyone who’s had open contact with the new Emperor
...needs a quotation mark in the beginning; and you spelled "gal-pal" in two ways: "gal-pal" and "galpal."


Alright, I'm next!

[Big Rick Cook]

The typo things, as well as another one which you didn't mention, are fixed for the actual story.

As for your expectations of how the story arc would have progressed, I thought long and diligently about how to approach this addition. The whole scenario you had envisioned seemed obtuse in the vein of the mission, and exploring fully the Vespucian and Coronelian lifestyles and cultures would have been unnecessary. I had problems writing about the Coronelian culture in the first place, because it was sidestepping the mission even more.

I had previously taken into account Talus's remarks about secrecy and dealing with Coronelians, and considered it in the sense that you had taken it for, more or less. But when Guillermo and Magnus actually reach the island continent, things show themselves a bit differently. Lerato and the rest of Magnus's village are all keenly aware of his arm, so secrecy seems redundant in the confines of their village. The information Talus would have had about the Maurizio estate would understandably be vague and possibly antiquated, but it wasn't much of a matter, since this small rebel network alluded to in one of Magik's additions would have easily known where this mansion was, especially since they had previously sent an assassin to kill the head of the house. I may be completely off base here, but it just didn't seem the right avenue of storytelling to have them jump through all those hoops when a perfectly accessible rebel network would speed up the mission's end.

I do, however, see your point in wanting to see how the Coronelian and Vespucian societies relate and function in correlation with each other. I think a compromise might be in order here. I had previously considered sending Guillermo and Magnus through a Vespucian city to get to the Maurizio estate, whereby Guillermo would treat Magnus like a lowly guide through the city, which would have fallen in line more with your ideas on the structure of their mission. I think, though it isn't a huge deal, that whenever I come around to these additions during editing, that I could easily beef up the transition between the Coronelian village and the Maurizio mansion, giving structure and geography to the island continent and its people.

I wish Mora was around, he's got the best handle on where the story is supposed to be going. If any of that sounds like a fair trade, just let me know.

EDIT: Oh, and on a subject relating to Cale, this may come in handy down the road, but Arguile is the only one who knows anything about Cassidy's dream and the weird book in it. If these books are to be somehow related, or are in fact the same book, Arguile would need to come into contact with the book to bring this revelation to light. Either way, we are still left with what to do with Cale's book. Cassidy's dream is just as easily written off as just a dream as it is to incorporate it into this other book's destiny. Food for thought.

[TheHonorableRyu]

The information Talus would have had about the Maurizio estate would understandably be vague and possibly antiquated, but it wasn't much of a matter, since this small rebel network alluded to in one of Magik's additions would have easily known where this mansion was, especially since they had previously sent an assassin to kill the head of the house. I may be completely off base here, but it just didn't seem the right avenue of storytelling to have them jump through all those hoops when a perfectly accessible rebel network would speed up the mission's end.

My thinking was that most of the action would not consist of figuring out where the place is but in figuring out how to get there unscathed and doing it. As shown by the number Maurizio did on their assassination attempt, completely obviating their orchestrated strike (he hinted he had spies even within their ranks), I find it completely unbelievable that--knowing that something was wrong with their information network following this failure--the rebel group would so willingly help risk its people for a Key they know nothing about, especially since they're a radical group entrenched in trying to overthrow the Vespucians and Magnus quickly exhibited a duality of alliances even after all of their careful plannings:

“Taking out every single guard, destroying the walls and making our own entrance?” Magnus nodded sternly. “But won’t that lead to the downfall of your own village in the process?”

“It certainly could, but our options are limited. Getting this Key is more important than anything right now. My people will deal with the consequences as they have done for years upon aggrieved years.”

I don't see a radical group bent on symbolic assassination sharing these sentiments. But still this mess gives us with something to work with in later additions--Maurizio had not counted on anyone being able to eat through his guards, and Magnus' path to leadership might not prove so effortless.

As for your expectations of how the story arc would have progressed, I thought long and diligently about how to approach this addition. The whole scenario you had envisioned seemed obtuse in the vein of the mission, and exploring fully the Vespucian and Coronelian lifestyles and cultures would have been unnecessary. I had problems writing about the Coronelian culture in the first place, because it was sidestepping the mission even more.
I do, however, see your point in wanting to see how the Coronelian and Vespucian societies relate and function in correlation with each other. I think a compromise might be in order here. I had previously considered sending Guillermo and Magnus through a Vespucian city to get to the Maurizio estate, whereby Guillermo would treat Magnus like a lowly guide through the city, which would have fallen in line more with your ideas on the structure of their mission.

I don't think casting some light on the relationships between Vespucians and Coronelians would have been a digression--I think Gullermo dwelling idle and vibrating with culture shock and mythology and taking a distinct and measured block of time to train under Magnus were digressions. In my thinking, in having Guillermo and Magnus navigate the city we could have created the body of an action-based mission, learned more about the culture (simply by showing how they are treated) and Guillermo could have learned a thing or two about his abilities from Magnus, all in one stroke. It's showing in one picture versus telling in many topics.

But now I'm settled; as you said, if there's any more that we want to say about the island continent before it's the site of Magnus' quest, we can always go back and add some things to this addition. Plus we need to get some real discussion going. :P


Anyway, I have a pretty good idea of how I want to do the Cale scene and I should be starting swiftly.

[Big Rick Cook]

I see all your points, and I feel that they are valid. Now if only Magik and Mora were around to share their sentiments.

As well as ViceT, our only non-writing current addition reader.

[Magik]

Yes, if only...

I haven't finished reading it yet, but I got to page 13 or so, and I do like it so far.

You translated the Janus myth very differently than the way I had intended for it to be translated, but I think I'm glad because that way it doesn't put too much focus on Janus or the myth--which were never meant to influence the plot.

Anyhow, there was something else I wanted to comment on, but I've forgotten so if must not have been very important.. I'll try to remember anyhow.

Like I said, it's very good so far, I'll finish it when I can. :)

[TheHonorableRyu]

Slick--I didn't know VIT was reading the new new ones. : D

And finish the addition, Magik, so you can join the discussion!


A question (that applies to Rick at the time being): were you thinking that the storyline of Magnus' aspirations on the island continent would be starting soon, or would it be something we'd simply come back to some time later?

For my addition, I'm thinking of writing scenes that start this off; but I don't want to open up another path of plot without requesting everyone else's thoughts. The risk is of overcomplicating the story (further). But if I did start it up now, we could keep it moving quickly (actually, I don't think anyone would have to expound upon it further after my addition) and then leave the conclusion a mystery until the needed time. The scenes would not dominate the whole of the addition.

My thought is that we're going to have to return to Magnus' endeavors eventually, and then at the time when it would be relevant, narrating/describing the details of what Magnus had to accomplish in the past tense would probably tell rather dryly and would damper the pacing at the time of the story's climax. Leaving it at "Magnus became the leader of his people and now has an army" wouldn't satisfy anyone either.

I say this not out of utility, but because I have effective scenes in mind that should work conveniently right now. It would show what exactly Magnus would have to accomplish and also illuminate the Vespucian-Coronelian component.

[Big Rick Cook]

The interpretation was all how Guillermo's subconscious translated the myth, and it was more of a way to show that he's just plain confused rather than reveal any connections between current events and the myth.

When I started down this trek for Magnus staying behind, it seemed like a really bad idea to create another plotline when we've got several already. I think that it is at this point a good idea to go with your idea, to start his subplot, as part of the beginning of the next story arc, and then let it sit for awhile on the sidelines, until we really need to develop it again out of necessity. That way, we don't have to constantly follow the actions of another character's plot. I'm pretty sure that would work.

If you do write in Magnus's starting point, I think it would be important to notate a place that reflects the current story arc's end, and begins the next one. Guillermo needs to get back to the HQ and Dedalus should be dealt with before the arc ends, I think. Sasha, Aleksi, and Valeria can sit idle for now, as Aleksi's subplot is a mystery, while Sasha's subplot I think would mix back in with Guillermo's main plot after this, as she's exhibited the desire to be out in the field doing something. The current political fiasco with Hardin/Felix/the conspirators (Antaross, Joyt, Matra, Vespucia)/and the Scooby Gang should also be wrapped up before talk of Magnus's new subplot takes root. By wrapped up, I don't mean completely over, but the current motivations should be succinctly dealt with. Though, as this is a subplot, it doesn't necessarily have to tie in with the main plot's arc development. Dedalus could also arrive after Guillermo. The point is that you'll be ending a current arc and starting another in your addition.

But yeah, I'm on board for Magnus's development.

Whenever a new addition is finished and I receive it, I'll make sure that ViceT gets it as well. He's currently in transit of reading Magik's latest one, and then on to my mega-huge addition.

Also, for anyone who is still keeping track, I've begun editing the back pages again. I'm on, like... page 120.

[Vanilla Iced Tea]

I finished reading Magik's last night. I'll try to get to yours today, Rick.

[Big Rick Cook]

To quote Ryu -- Slick.

And I finished editing the second Omni addition. I'm now on page 137. I've entered territory that I've only ever read through entirely once. Exciting, huh? If I can manage one to two additions a day, I'll be knocking out 15 pages every day, killing the story in a matter of weeks, preferably before its my turn to write again.

[TheHonorableRyu]

Gah--something stupid just happened today. The backlight on my laptop went out--I'm writing this from the university library. I'm going to have to ship my compie to the manufacturer or something (if I can afford it), so this is going to hinder my writing (litote). :(

I want to write, but I'm also willing to give up my turn if that's what everyone else wants. I'll get back here once I know how much time it will take to get the problem fixed, and then I'll let everyone decide.

[Big Rick Cook]

Wow, in all the things I thought could happen, that wasn't one of them. :(

Mora won't be back until the 9th, and I think he might be prepared to write by then, so if it ends up that you can't do anything about it, Mora will probably step up. I'm fine with either way.

[Big Rick Cook]

There's a couple of things I wanted to bring up concerning the current addition I just posted of Ryu's, the one where Guillermo and Dobbel conversate about Gui's arm, as well as something else I wanted to mention about a more recent addition of Magik's.

***

“Learned it in Hymaltus—there are a couple of folks there who can show you how you can move a ball faster in ways you’d never believe,”

We never ever mention Hymaltus again. Ever. Is there any reason why we should develop this further in the recent stuff, or could it stand to just be one of those places that doesn't need it?

***

Also, we've got Dobbel's mechanical eye, which is seemingly arbitrary in the fact that we steered the story away from this particular point. Is there something important yet to be done with this eye?

***

Now then, about one of Magik's more recent additions, there's a particular scene wherein Talus is the perspective character, and he goes into a backstory flashback. This entire flashback, save for one detail I've found, is superfluous. The detail is in that his memory of Dobbel seems different somehow, but he can't remember how. This is mostly unimportant because it is unnecessary information given about Dobbel, who we know would have been different back then because he died only fifty years or so ago, and Talus's memory was from much farther back. The reason I bring this up is that I feel Talus doesn't need a backstory or a 'how I became an evolutionary' story. We've got too many of them already, and Talus just isn't a main character. If everyone agrees with me on this, I think we should remove that portion of the story. Unless, Magik, you had a specific reason other than the realization that Dobbel's entity was in a different body at the time of Talus's evolutionization. I think I just made that word up. So what do you guys think?

***

And last for now, something I hadn't previously thought of until just now while I was writing this, but let me find a good quote from the story to begin.

Sasha suddenly smiled knowingly at him. “Not exactly. We think of this ‘Dobbel’ simply as a force of nature that can be predicted, read, and utilized. With his recent proliferation of appearances, we simply watched what it was doing, and it led us to you. If someone could predict the weather and knew a storm was coming, and then proceeded to instigate an attack at the right time so that the storm drowned their foes, they would have used the storm to benefit their principles, but the storm couldn’t be considered an ally. He creates the seeds--we simply plant and tend to them to their benefit. The only difference is that Dobbel knows we exist, but he also knows you exist—and you’re not his ally.”

This reinforces a notion that we don't really abide by once Guillermo, Sasha, and Aleksi make their way to the cult headquarters. It seems rather contradictory to the fact that they make mention that they need Dobbel's permission or that the order came directly from Dobbel. Upon further reflection on this matter, it's possible that nothing needs to be changed at all, since you could follow, given Dobbel's awareness of his followers and the fact that he knows all of them by evolutionary methods, that Sasha was merely subverting her own failure by denying direct allegiance to him, but if we do that, then Aleksi's comment:

You have distanced ourselves from Dobbel with all of your rhetoric, which only enforces his apprehensive notion that Dobbel is bad news—since you gave him the impression that we wish that we do not want to be considered aligned with him.

becomes more of a 'why did you lie to him, alienating him from our cause' than it is a 'you told him too much too soon, alienating him from our cause.' I don't think it really matters either way. What are your thoughts on this? Am I just being nit-picky, or is this something of worthy contest?

[Big Rick Cook]

Does anybody really care that this is my third post in a row? :b

Sorry for not posting new additions on Saturday and Sunday, the file corrupted itself during transfer and couldn't be read on the CD I took with me to my parents' house. Next weekend, things will happen differently, I assure you.

[TheHonorableRyu]

I'll try to address those continuity issues soon. :P

I'm in the process of trying to get an external monitor for my laptop until I can find a place in which to get it fixed, but it probably won't be until my spring break (starting at the end of the week), at which point I'll be gone for a week. :/

What do you think we should do?

[Caciss]

Glad to see me lead the story into the ground, well almost. :D

I haven't read past that entry, so I'm curious to see where it goes.

[John Mora]

What do you think we should do?

Destroy real life.

[John Mora]

And Rick, yeah, I did finish reading the addition.

[Big Rick Cook]

Good, good. So do you have the same issues with it as Ryu, or were there other things you would like to bring to attention as well?

[John Mora]

Yeah, same issues as Ryu but I don't see anything to mutiny over.

[Big Rick Cook]

Just so long as I'm not as bad as Omni or Staff.

[John Mora]

Oh, about the book, it could be how Cale recognized Gigli. If he read it. I forget if he could read it or not.

[Big Rick Cook]

He couldn't understand a single thing from the book, but there may have been a picture of Gjigrajheth or something. We didn't delve very deeply on the subject, so it's open for interpretation outside of 'he couldn't read it.'

[John Mora]

Okay, I'll say it: I can't wait until my first addition gets put back up.

[egocentric]

[Caciss]

Can your balls get any bigger, Mora!?

[John Mora]

IF THEY DO IT'LL HURT :(

[Caciss]

I'M SORRY. :(

[Big Rick Cook]

Sunday's the day, then. And I left that one almost completely unchanged, aside from formatting.

[John Mora]

I FEEL LIKE A BIG SELF-CENTERED THING THAT HATES BEING SELF-CENTERED BUT IS

[Big Rick Cook]

:b

And today's addition is quite different. Of course, it is a Staffmaster tragedy, so what else can you expect?

[John Mora]

Huuuuuuubris

[Caciss]

I hate Staffmaster.

[Vanilla Iced Tea]

Heh, it's fun to keep the old CWS topic bookmarked so I can see how much you changed certain people's editions.

Arc gut ached. Getting punched, though, would do that to a man.

"Would you lay off!?" Avery screamed "I offered you a wrench, not the whole damn toolbox!!"

Arc whimpered, and tried to breath. It was difficult after having the wind knocked out of him. He had gotten Avery to kiss him but, in classic Arc fashion, tried to take advantage of the situation and feel her up. Avery would have none of it, and conveighed that message through her fist.

"B-but c-c’mon baby... Ooooooh!" Arc was doubled over holding his stomach.

"And don’t call me ‘baby’ you little perv!" She fumed. "To think I was starting to want to go out with you!"

"Aww man!!" he groaned. "D-don’t be so hasty! Uh...I...I just got caught up in the situation...Honest!" Arc thought fast "I’m sorry!"

"Do you really mean it?" Avery asked skeptically. Her copious bosoms had drawn more than their fair share of unwanted attention from the opposite sex, and Avery had gotten wise to most guys advances. She really wanted some one who liked her for the lobes in her head, not the ones on her chest.

"Yes! I mean it from the bottom of my soul." Arc said convincingly.

Avery expression changed from one of infuriation to one of mediated acceptance. "Oookaayyy. I suppose I can for give you"

In Arc’s head he thought lasciviously, "Yes! I’m still in! She and I are SO going out. Heh-heh..."

[Caciss]

Bless Rick, O! bless his beautiful soul!

[Big Rick Cook]

The only thing I really miss about this portion of Staffmaster's stuff is that Patryn and Ryu both had excellent metaphors placed in their next additions that basically had to be removed because they ripped on his addition so bad. And now that I've changed all that, we had to work around the lines that did that because they didn't make any sense.

I keep a completely unedited version, a version that has formatting marks, and a completely edited and formatted version that I copy over from the forum after posting, and then I make it look like book form with single spacing and indents.

[Big Rick Cook]

It'll be a couple more hours before the addition is posted. Sorry, Mora. I know how much you love yourself.

[John Mora]

[vanity]

Which is ironic, because I know I'm gonna be cringing through the whole thing while I read it.

It's quite cringe-worthy, for a number of reasons.

[Big Rick Cook]

I don't think it's so ironic. I was ecstatic to be posting my first addition again, and it's downright terrible.

[Caciss]

As Guillermo sat up in his bed, he noticed that Cassidy was staring at him.

:gay

Cassidy got DUMPED.

[John Mora]

Cassidy’s eyes opened wide in shock. “Well… I thought that we might be-"
:gay

[Caciss]

Congrats on writing the most homosexually charged edition ever, Mora. :lol

[John Mora]

Cassidy made it easy.

Besides... Just wait and see.

[Big Rick Cook]

;)

[John Mora]

Interesting how it's READABLE NOW.

Also, did you add in that thing about only family and friends calling him Gui?

[Big Rick Cook]

Yeah, it was my subtle stab at the way his name had been thrown around in the earlier stages of the story. If you don't think it fits, I can always change it.

[John Mora]

No, it fits. I just wish that you didn't have to edit all the times afterwards where I blatantly didn't understand those rules. :p

[Big Rick Cook]

From what I've noticed, I think it fits best depending on the perspective of the person the story is being told from. The first 'flashback' we encounter takes place between Acacia and Guillermo from Cay's perspective. I think it's perfectly acceptable to refer to him as Gui in the narrative since it's her perspective, and she calls him Gui. It's basically acceptable to refer to Acacia as Cay since she tells everyone to call her that in the story.

[altoecko]

To be honest...I sorta liked the originals beter. =\

[John Mora]

...That's awful. Please explain to us the joy in reading about money being stuffed down Avery's bra.

With both hands on the keyboard.

[Big Rick Cook]

Some of the originals are nearly identical in everything. What I changed was grammatical, punctuation, spelling, and goofy things that made no sense, or were completely null and void in the story. I completely fail to see the logic used to say the originals could be viewed as better than the edited stuff.

I digress, your opinion is your opinion, and I am glad you are/were reading this.

[Big Rick Cook]

And there you have it. The first Book is complete. The next Book takes place in a fewer number of additions, I believe, but ultimately is much longer than the first Book. Some more FYI for you's guys.

The final count with proper formatting and booklike spacing is 51 pages long in 12 point Times New Roman.

[John Mora]

She really IS a useless hunk of tit.

[Caciss]

But a very nice hunk of tit.

[John Mora]

I was re-reading Sasha's introduction to Gui last night and I got the perfect idea for their ending.

<3

[Big Rick Cook]

[titter]

And I can't post the addition until a few more hours. My jump drive won't work with this hunk of junk.

[Caciss]

Well. Um, yeah, commenting on Staffmaster's additions is just painful.

[Big Rick Cook]

THERE ARE NO MORE STAFFMASTER ADDITIONS. EVER.

He did try and break back into the story a hundred or so pages later, though. We obviously did not let that happen.

[Caciss]

Yay!

:highfive

[John Mora]

Unfortunately, we have not even gotten to the Omni additions yet.

[Magik]

Hey, just wanted to say good work, Rick. You've done a great job with the editing so far. :)

[Big Rick Cook]

Thanks, Magik! :D

[Caciss]

Unfortunately, we have not even gotten to the Omni additions yet.


:|

:(

[John Mora]

I may have to shorten the daily additions to 5 pages at a time to ensure that everyone keeps up

Hahaha, we're the only ones reading. :(

[Caciss]

But, I'm reading!

[John Mora]

You're we.

[Caciss]

I thought we, were the writers.

But, obviously I was mistaken.

[Big Rick Cook]

Sejon is reading. A friend of mine from the REAL WORLD is reading it. Apparently Alto Ecko is reading it.

[Ryner]

I'm starting to read it since it seems less sucky than I remember it originally being.

I still did the best Guillermo, though.

[John Mora]

Oh, undoubtedly.

And it appears my pessimism is wrong for a change!

[Big Rick Cook]

I push this story as much as possible. I've even tried to get my family to read it.

Unsuccessfully. They say they support me, but they don't care about my genre of writing.

[John Mora]

Yeah, I usually don't push people to read it because the few times I've tried to get my friends interested, they totally aren't.

[Big Rick Cook]

Man, I'm so wasted right now. I'm glad I'm not trying to write.

[John Mora]

That explains a lot!

LOLOLOL

:doofus

[TheHonorableRyu]

Me back!

I have an external monitor for my poor laptop-with-a-blown-screen now, so.....

I'll be catching up on piles of schoolwork I needed my computer for until about Wednesday and then I'll write the addition as soon as possible. :)

[John Mora]

Oh, that Sasha! Always seducing.

[TheHonorableRyu]

Yup! Saucing it up and making Rick's life so sweet.

[Dreamknight]

Is there even a topic for additions for the story to go into, or is it finished?

[John Mora]

...The thing is, we're catching up on the old additions, so it'd be odd to have a new addition to be sandwiched inbetween two old ones.

[Armored]

I never knew where to read the thing in the first place.

[John Mora]

The place where you read STORIES.

[Armored]

???http://us.ent4.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/warner_brothers/batman_forever/jim_carrey/batman.jpg

[John Mora]

OH JESUS

[John Mora]

"Why don't you focus!? I think with the way things are going, we need to get out of this city as soon as possible, and back into the air. Is this city safe from the kronals tunneling underneath the roads and EXPLODING INTO THE STREETS AND KILLING EVERYONE?! I DON'T THINK SO!!"

:kim

[John Mora]

And dammit, no fanfare for Aleksi, even! :(

[Big Rick Cook]

What the hell are you talking about?

[John Mora]

Aleksi gets introduced and you say nothing about it in your preamble. :(

[Big Rick Cook]

****.

I forgot. The days when I forget simple things like that are days when I'm in a rush to get the addition posted, as I have other things to do as well. I'll make sure to remember from now on to make note of the new characters.

[Caciss]

I liked the latest entry. Mora is like sex.

[John Mora]

Except I don't make you pregnant.






















...Or do I?

[TheHonorableRyu]

Mora can make me pregnant in the non-gravid sense!

[Caciss]

Mora makes the world pregnant.

PREGNANT WITH AWESOME!!

[Rain]

:lol

So then who's Mr. Earth?

[John Mora]

Apparently, me.

[Rain]

No no no

You misunderstand.


Any time anything's pregnant with awesome, it's through adultery.

So who's sweet Lady Earth cheating on this time?

[John Mora]

Me, as well.

[Rain]

Oooo you're making me all excited Mora

:doofus

[John Mora]

So I take it you read the story so far.

[Rain]

You know it

[John Mora]

Now I do! And I hope it can continue to entertain.

[Rain]

Hells yeah

:highfive

[Big Rick Cook]

Next addition will be up tomorrow. I've decided that ensuring I have access to a computer and my files over the weekend is just about impossible, as I'm never at home, and I forget half the time. So, five days a week, and no additions on Saturday or Sunday. Sorry, but it has to happen this way, otherwise, I'll disappoint you every weekend.

[Big Rick Cook]

The conversation has died off. Boo.

For any who are wondering, I'm nearing the end of the second Book in editing, and am right now trying to find a good place to insert a conversation ridding Guillermo of his 'people-sense' for good.

Another thing. During the gargoyle fight at Solis du Teplo, Guillermo has a sort of hazy illusion-type thing where he thinks he sees a sort of green misty energy reach out to grab his flintlock when he's about to pass out and die, which also sucks him dry when he fires the bullet into the gargoyle's head. This seems to be something else that got tossed aside, is there any reason why it should be brought back, or can we strike it down as just an illusion, because it's heavily hinted at that being a possibility in the addition?

[Caciss]

I'd say just keep it an illusion, but what do I know?

[John Mora]

Yeah, let's keep it simple.

[Big Rick Cook]

So says John Mora, so shall it be done.

[John Mora]

Y'know, did the story even have a villain in place up until this addition?

[Caciss]

Yeah, STAFFMASTER. lololololol

[John Mora]

TOUCHE

[Magik]

Hehe, I don't come back in for quite a while, huh? IRC's ominous "we banned Staffy, we can ban you too" warning kept me away from the writing. I didn't realize that so many additions went on before my second one. Geez, this story is long.

And yeah, up until this point, the "villain" was just the collective concept of Monsters... and there had only been two, maybe three, big confrontations with monsters since the beginning.

This is also where the story's template becomes rather point-to-point: they're in a town, the town is attacked, they're in an airship on their way to the next town, etc. :p But, hey, it works, so no complaints here.


And, going way back into this topic.. about the flashback thing with Talus in one of my later additions, Rick, I thought about it. I personally like it, but I'm also attached to it simply because I wrote it, and I'm a selfish ass. So, I had to think about it a little more. And I agree that it's extraneous.

It's a personal preference of mine to have background characters fleshed out, at least enough for the reader/watcher/player (depending on the medium) to wish that they could know even more. First example to come to mind, is Elle Driver from Kill Bill. It never focuses on her enough for the viewer to really understand her motives or her relationship with the other characters, but it gives enough information for the dots to be connected, and furthermore leaves the viewer (at least, it did for me) trying to connect those dots. I guess other examples could be.. Balmafula from FFT, Wild Bob from Slaughterhouse-Five, Judge Farris or Dayna Jurgens from the Stand, etc.

I had a point... oh, so yeah, I don't care if it stays in or not.. I like the idea of fleshing out the character a tad more, but I agree that it's not necessarry... and I'm rambling because it's 1 in the morning, and I'm not supposed to be aware of my existence right now... so good night.

(Okay, there's my post in this topic.. I should be covered for another few weeks before I need to stop by again. :p)

[John Mora]

I liked the description of his place in his family, but the encounter with the soldiers and the old Dobbel sorta dragged for me. Well, that's my two cents.

[TheHonorableRyu]

Anyone remember this?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v29/TheHonorableRyu/CWSMadness.jpg

Or this?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v29/TheHonorableRyu/Jugeremap2.gif

[Big Rick Cook]

Of course I do. I still have both Starba and Staffmaster's maps.

So... Magik and Mora can both swing either way on the Talus backstory... Ryu, did you have an opinion? As it stands, if you have no objections, I'm going to remove it once I get to that point in editing. If you think it should stay, I'll acquiesce to let it stay.

Also, Magik, do you have any opinions on what Darius's name should be changed to? Since it's your addition, it's only right that you get first picks. Nothing goofy like Fawlkins, and we'll all be okay with it. If you don't care, I'm going to make something up on the fly.

[TheHonorableRyu]

Hmm...I didn't dislike the Talus backstory, but I wasn't in love with where it appeared in the story. Since Magik is okay with it, I say we take it out but remember it--making it sort of like appendix material that would appear in the back of the book for those interested, but isn't embedded in the narrative of the story.

As for my addition: my two studio art classes have attacked me with work, which will explain the delay.

[John Mora]

I see.

When was the Hulk in our story?!?!

[Caciss]

Since forever.

[Big Rick Cook]

What about the goofy-looking thing with the staff? When was that thing in our story? Exactly.

[John Mora]

SASHA

[Big Rick Cook]

MURDER DEATH KILL!

And I'm in the middle of a semi-long Omni post, one that I'm hacking to a million pieces.

[InfinityDragon]

I just prused all this. you know, so that it would stop saying "YOU HAVEBT READ THIS POST!!!!1OMG!" and I must say...


I just remembered why I hate all of you.


(But moving on...)
In retrospect, I think it should be known that I always wrote after I read the last addition. That usualy happened at like 2:00 AM. There's where I screwed up. I SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN DURRING THE DAY!!! *shakes fist at self* So don't be so harsh, all my posts were the product of my fatigue. (and subsequently derranged mind)

[Big Rick Cook]

You could have just marked all forums read, or marked just this forum read.

But you know, I was pretty harsh on several people, not just you. I was overly critical of myself during edits, and I changed things in my additions nearly as much as everybody else's during the first Book. You were the exception in that I changed the sequences of entire additions to fit better within the story, but I'm doing the same to Omni's stuff now.

I tell you, man. His stuff, while it wasn't stricken with the same... tactless approach, his additions are way worse because he didn't even have punctuation down right, and he was way way way more stubborn about changing anything in his additions, to the downright contradictory stuff that was obvious to anybody that it wasn't working in the story. He was also a negligent fact-fudger, worse than anyone else has really done so far. He made everyone in the story have flintlocks, when they're supposed to be all rare and whatnot. We remedy that later, but that's hardly the point. This is all the stuff I have to fix. Your additions make up a teeny tiny percentage of the story as a whole, his are way up there on percentage, and he probably still has more words written than Magik, Karim, and IRC combined (which I'll definitely be comparing when I finish editing). He practically usurps the story in the middle, where I'm editing now, to make it 'THE ADVENTURES OF THE GREAT ELISE - and oh, yeah, Adam's here, too. And don't forget about those other less important characters, they get a little bit of screen time.'

****es me off to think about it. So you were nothing in comparison to Omni's treachery.

... He renamed a guy FAWLKINS, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!

[InfinityDragon]

... He renamed a guy FAWLKINS, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!

Ok. That's just wrong. At least I tried to be inventive when it came to that sort of thing. (failed usualy, but STILL) WHO THE HELL NAMES A GUY "FAWLKINS!?"
Oh wait... we already know "who." Seriously though, that name sounds like some mutant bastard begot from the cursed mating of "Splinter Cell" and "Lord of the Rings."
*shudder*

Wait again...that would actualy be kind of cool...
"Stealth espionage action in the heart of Modor! Hide the bodies of orcs or risk being found by the Ring Wraith!"

Just not with some guy named "Fawlkins."

[Valkysas]

its not right to flame people like this all through the topic. do it again... just ONE MORE TIME, and this topic along with the CWS itself will be closed.

[John Mora]

John Mora sucks.

[InfinityDragon]

All right then. let's separate the issues currently being discussed and examine how we are flameing. (so we can stop, and be more positive :) )

Who thinks Omni is an all right guy? raise your hand.

*puts hand up*

Who thinks that, while he is an all right guy, his creative writing skills need improvement?

*raises hand*

Who thinks that the name (not the person) "Fawlkins" is stupid?

*raises again*

Hmmm. that last one sort of is a flame...but I don't beleive we have a member at the Pav named "Fawlkins." Could be in the future perhaps...and I SUPPOSE that he could read this and get offended. But why would any one pick a name as an SN that, as the general consensus indicates, is rather daft, and furthermore quite laughable? That is a puzzler. :think

But the rules are the rules, who am I to ponder such unimportant museings.

Back on topic.

I thought today that while everyone was guilty of certain things early on, it seemed to iron itself as time went on, and everyone found a niche. So I think I should appologize for what I did. I realy tryed to follow the story, but I guess, some of the hints and forshadowing were a bit too subtle for me.

[Big Rick Cook]

Sorry Valk, is it alright if I continue to be constructively critical in a non-offensive way in the story topic, because that's part of my daily blurb before the additions, talking about why I felt it was necessary to change certain things?

[Valkysas]

constructively critical is fine. but no outright attacks.

[Armored]

He made everyone in the story have flintlocks

NO>NOT FLINTLOCKS!!!!!1!11!1

[Big Rick Cook]

Yeah, it's a small but offensive detail that he smudged.

[Big Rick Cook]

I am but 3 additions away from finishing the second Book for editing. The daily additions caught up somewhat to the stuff I have done so far, but I have trouble finishing an entire addition done by Omni in one day. It took me three days to get his last one completed, but fortunately, I made up for it by doing two more today, so I'm still even from the way I was before. Also, in tomorrow's addition, the edited version with booklike formatting will surpass the 100-page mark.

[John Mora]

:D:D:D

I just can't wait till we get past Omni's stuff and things REALLY get swingin'.

[Big Rick Cook]

IMPORTANT EDIT: This goes first because I just realized that I posted the wrong addition yesterday. I was supposed to post the 54th addition, but skipped it and posted the 55th instead. So what I'm about to do is edit the 55th addition post, replace it with the 54th addition post, and then copy/paste the 55th addition post into the proper spot with an explanation as to what happened. Sorry for this and any resulting confusion!

My original post below:

In regards to Staffmaster's CWS Cliff Notes topic, since Mora closed it already, I will say that we had one early on that IRC was maintaining, but it sort of fell off the track before the first Book was ever finished. I think at this point, we aren't going to get any 'new' writers for the story, and as such, we're mostly comfortable enough with the ideas and the actual story and characters to keep from flubbing facts too much, so this idea is good in part, but it has no real place NOW that we're so far into it. Retrospectively, it's going to be just as long and arduous a task as the actual editing. I just don't think there's any reason to undertake this after so long a time.

Good idea, but bad timing. Sorry, Staffmaster.

I've taken some aggressive liberties with the additions I've edited this week, to remove the mentions of Seek and Arguile up to this point in the story. Seek shows up a bit later, and Arguile is nowhere to be seen until Book 3. Most of it occurs in Omni's additions, but I did remove one reference of Seek from one of Ryu's additions. I feel that it makes their absences more effective, and the conversation that Arguile had with Malachai was redundant information to begin with, and nothing was really gained from Arguile's dialogue with Seek, either. The only thing this does is it forces some future aggressive editing to remove Seek's knowledge of Arguile's survival. Other than that, it's just bunk knowledge that I'm rearranging so that it fits better within the story. Any objections can be brought to my attention here, and we'll work it out... as always.

I think that's it for major editing I've done in the past week.

Oh, I've decided that I've seen it in enough published works to allow head-hopping to a certain degree. If more than one character has a perspective during a scene, so long as the first character doesn't get hopped back to after the second character's perspective takes over, then I will not chop the scene up. It is still a fluid motion when switching from one character to another in the same scene, and even switching between one character to another, and then to a third and sometimes even a fourth, so long as the other perspectives are over and done with in that particular scene. Any objections to this are welcome, as well.

[John Mora]

Oh, gracious.

[Big Rick Cook]

Mora, I think it's time to switch my name back.

[John Mora]

You said at my leisure. :D

[Big Rick Cook]

Farg. You're right, I did. I knew this would backfire.

[Big Rick Cook]

Ok, the 2nd Book is edited in full. Out of 548 pages, 206 of them are completely and totally edited. I feel accomplished! :D

Just two... or three... or so more Omni additions and I'm in the clear to breeze right through the rest.

[John Mora]

"Okay… I’m sorry," Adam apologized, "And I do not dream of Go-Go Girls."
AM I RIGHT?

[TheHonorableRyu]

1. I think that clearly the answer is yes.

2. I don't see why "Go-Go Girls" wasn't edited out! I briefly complained when Omni first posted that. It's a cultural reference to 1970s disco.

It would be as if Mora wrote:

The woman’s demure mouth turned into a coy smile. “Maybe I want to look suspicious.”

Guillermo rolled his eyes. “What are you, some kind of Flapper?”

"LOLZ...from the Roaring Twenties?" he added.

[Funk]

I'm starting to wonder why I never got into the whole writing for the CWS, other than the fact I am not confident in my writing ability. I am going to sit down and read the whole thing soon, though.

[John Mora]

Dammit, Ryu, I wish I'd written that.

[Big Rick Cook]

I think it fits perfectly in the context of the story. You're just left to believe that while it isn't '70s disco girls, it's a reference that leads to the thought of some kind of flashy, half-naked bimbos for men to drool and guffaw over. I like the word guffaw.

But if you insist on the matter, we can always make the reference 'table-dancers,' but that isn't as effective since Avery didn't do that in the story anymore.

And of course, Mora, you're right.

[Big Rick Cook]

Funk, now's the time to read it, because the longer you wait, the longer it gets. Pretty soon, it'll be 200 pages long only with what I've posted.

I've edited up to page 230 today. Omni's addition is a trainwreck. But it's his last!

[John Mora]

After that, it should get a lot easier, right?

[Big Rick Cook]

Things will progress much more smoothly, meaning easier and faster.

I'm sick right now, so the added headache of removing every ill-placed comma, fixing every spelling of Bastraglon and Aleksi, and pretty much every name at least once or twice, plus making the dialogue less of an ellipses whorehouse, only adds to my sickness, I think. It'll be the weekend before I finish it, I think.

[John Mora]

Well, no one can blame you.

[Big Rick Cook]

So I can't sleep because no matter how much I blow my nose, it stays stuffed up, and my ears ache, and my head is throbbing, and my throat is sore, and I have no voice.

I'm miserable. :(

[InfinityDragon]

You know how I got everyones names right in my last work? I set up the proper spelling of the name in the spell check. Made the job go much faster.

[John Mora]

I just don't know what was so hard about spelling their names.

[InfinityDragon]

When I write I'm trying to keep up with my thoughts. This sometimes means that I have to sacrifice accuracy. Course, as far as I know I never had a problem with keeping track of who was who, and what their name was, so who am I to say?
*shrugs*

[Big Rick Cook]

Ugh. God.

Sorry that the addition is late today. It's been a looooooooong day. You all know I'm sick.

WHILE at the hospital, I found out that I do in fact have bronchitis. DUH. They gave me prescription strength codeine and something else to drain my sinuses, and sent me on my way. Before I made it out of the hospital, my cell phone rang. I can't call this one coincidence, it had to be fate. My parents were on their way to the very same hospital because my grandma's entire left side of her body went numb, and they thought she had a stroke. So I wait for them to get there, and we wait around and wait around while they do their tests, and turns out, she had a massive stroke in the side of her brain that doesn't effect speech and thought. They moved her to the Heart Ward, thinking she may have another stroke, and it also turns out she wasn't taking her medication. The meds that were prescribed to her to keep her from having a heart attack or stroke! She had them, she just wasn't taking them.

I've been at the hospital since about 5:30 this morning, and only now am getting back. My grandmother is stable for now, and they think that with physical therapy, she'll be back to normal in a few months, so long as she stays on the pills.

I'm not going to work tonight. I'm tired, depressed, sore, sick, and all I want to do is collapse, but I'm going to finish this one.

[John Mora]

:(

:(:(

[InfinityDragon]

dude. rest. your health is more important than a silly story. It can wait while you get better, while if you die then we'll NEVER have it.