The CWS3 Discussion Thread: Praise God, it's finished.

[John Mora]

Re: CWS Discussion: The Next Generation.

What's your e-mail so I can send you Magik's?

[Big Rick Cook]

Re: CWS Discussion: The Next Generation.

bigrickcook@hotmail.com fool

[John Mora]

Re: CWS Discussion: The Next Generation.

SENNNNNT

[Big Rick Cook]

Re: CWS Discussion: The Next Generation.

Read, and Magik, I enjoyed it greatly. Aside from the extra sentence spaces, and the head-hopping that we already talked about, here's a couple other things I noticed and took the liberty of editing.

When you switch scenes to the Scooby Gang the first time, you make the comment that they see Dedalus, and since the story is from the point of Elise, she doesn't know who he is at this point, so it doesn't make sense that the story comments on him being Dedalus. I removed the portion that says they even saw him, to prevent confusion. If you want to change it yourself, let me know what you want to change it to, so I can incorporate it.

You used 'there' in places where you should have used 'their,' two times in fact. The general rule here is that 'there' refers to locations and places. 'Their' refers to possession of something. 'Their leader is going over there.'

When you're using a contraction for possession, and the word, in singular form, ends in 's,' you add an 's instead of just an apostrophe. Like Janus's or Dedalus's, not Janus' or Dedalus'.

I think that was everything. Good work so far!

Mora and I are stamping out some details so that I can get writing on my addition, but I'm definitely going to write this time, unlike the last two times when I flaked out. The actual editing will be on hold until I finish, but the daily edited additions will keep coming.

Also, I think it's funny how Arc is now getting hurt in every monster encounter. :b

[John Mora]

Re: CWS Discussion: The Next Generation.

But Seek is hurt... emotionally.

[so emo]

[Vanilla Iced Tea]

Re: CWS Discussion: The Next Generation.

I'd totally want to write in the CWS if I wasn't 100% sure that I'd screw up a whole bunch of details and fill the story with inconsistencies.

[John Mora]

Re: CWS Discussion: The Next Generation.

[Big Rick Cook]

Re: CWS Discussion: The Next Generation.

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing that you don't want to write. We could always use the dedicated fanbase, since before, no one else but the current writers were even reading the story.

[Magik]

Re: CWS Discussion: The Next Generation.

Then, just when the group of friends would have passed by the palatial gates to see a sobering and shocked Dedalus run down an adjacent street, there was the sound of brief cannon fire and then a thunderous crash.

I was going for omniscient narration that put the gang's walk around the city into a concrete time frame (after Dedalus and Hardin do their thing). They don't actually see him.. just to clear that up. But, I don't mind if you remove it, if it was hard to understand.

I know the difference between there and their The faster I type, the worse my grammar becomes; I'll make sure to proofread more carefully in the future.

Anyhow, I'm glad my addition was satisfactory.

[Big Rick Cook]

Re: CWS Discussion: The Next Generation.

It wasn't really hard to understand, it's just that we haven't really done omniscient narration for the story. It's always been from the perspective of one certain individual, and the story has to be told from what they know. In this scene, it doesn't necessarily need to be stated that Dedalus would have been running out of the building, as we have the cannon fire and crash to place them in the exact time frame. This is more a question of keeping to a strict format in point of view storytelling. We've given nearly every secondary and minor character their own perspectives during certain parts of the story, and that's fine, but we need to keep it down to just one perspective at a time.

[Big Rick Cook]

Re: CWS Discussion: The Next Generation.

New thing: One of Talus' very own sons, Darius, was sent to be her trainer. She excelled tremendously and was quite a trooper. She was obedient, willing, and strong-minded. Her evolution was slow, but promising. Physically, not many changes occurred. Darius reported that her eyes changed colors from brown to green and then from green to blue, and that her teeth and nails became hard and strong like knives.

We already have Trenton Darius, a member of the Anteronian High Council. To avoid further confusion, I think it might be a good idea to change this fellow's name to something other than Darius. We've already got Guillermo Avory and Avery, and we've still got Hawkins and Fawlkins. *barf*

[Caciss]

Re: CWS Discussion: The Next Generation.

Fawlkins?!

hahahah

[Big Rick Cook]

Re: CWS Discussion: The Next Generation.

Such is Omni's treachery.

[Big Rick Cook]

Re: CWS Discussion: The Next Generation.

The writing is coming along smoothly, for all who wish to know. Current word count is nearing 4,000 words, somewhere in the vicinity of 7 pages. I plan to finish it before the week is up, but don't get your hopes up too high. I managed to hit a stride today and knocked out 5 1/2 pages. And to settle Mora's mind, my addition will cover mostly Guillermo and Magnus, focusing very little on the subplots.

[John Mora]

Re: CWS Discussion: The Next Generation.

Whoa!