My Vow

[altoecko]

(779.) My Vow 5:45 PM - 5:58 PM 05/31/07
=---------------------------------------------------=
Please don't make me go
I want to stay and help them
Every last one
Let me be reborn again
So I can help more
Don't make me just die out
This candle will burn forever
If you let it
PLEASE
Let it
They are not meaningless
Because I give them meaning
I have no authority
But here,
hold my hand
I will let you know
I am real
You are real
We are real
You are not alone
You are unique
Why?
because you have me
You deserve more
But I can't give you more
I give you all that I have
Oh
Do you not understand?
You're not just another fun for me
You are a purpose
A reason
And I would like to be your reason
You are special
I will not ask for more than I need
I will not disrespect your gifts by taking less than you offer
But I will spread your gifts to others
I will not drink of the cup of lust
No matter how much my body craves it
I will only crave you
Who you are
I don't know
BUT I LIVE FOR YOU
And I realize
that you may not live for me


I will falter
But not on purpose
And when I trip
I will not fall
I will recollect and move on
Head high
I will be proud of who I am
I will be ashamed of my actions
But I will be proud of my apologies
of the lessons I learn
Of my actions to prevent more mistakes
But I will make them
And I will apologize
and I will learn
I wish happiness
For you
and everyone else
because we all deserve it
because I say so
but I know I hold no more bearing
than you
or anyone else for that matter
but that doesn't make what I proclaim
any less important
This goes to those to be born
this goes to those born
this goes to those reborn
unborn
and those who are no longer able to have the word born used about them
I will do something that matters
I will make life better
For all of you
I will honor your memories
I will help you build new memories
I will help
I will do
good
And I will love
I will love everyone
But more so
I will love someone
Very special
I wonder what her name will be
And someday I hope to come back to this
And put her name in this hole
I LOVE ___________
This is my proclamation
My creed
My holy text
Full of egotistical babble
I swear my life by these words
I swear my soul on these words
I sign my heart in this poem
I will love you
I will hold you to let you know we are real
I will give meaning where there is none
I will think where there is no thought
And I will never let anyone get lost in the change
Here is my hand
In peace
In civility
In hopes
In dreams
In marriage
In yours
Let's work together
To do
good

[Czechs Mex]

Re: My Vow

I think you're really good at spitting words out onto the page. It takes me forever to finish a single poem. You also generally have good poem ideas. But... what if instead of moving right onto the next poem, you went back and made a few drafts of this one? Remove unnecessary words, make your thoughts more vivid, etc.

It's the whole quality/quantity trade-off. If you're writing for yourself, it doesn't really matter. But if you're writing for a reader, you might want to consider this: would you rather read thousands of decent poems, or a single poem with multiple layers of meaning, an evocative choice of words, and an overall feeling of polish and completeness?

[Misty]

Re: My Vow

What can I say? Alto's good at this stuff.

At the rate he's going, he should publish a book.

[altoecko]

Re: My Vow

I'll do that with my next poem Czechs, I have done it before, but normally when I write it is just one fleeting moment that I'm in. Most of the time I just can't go back and write about the particular idea because I'm just not feeling the emotion anymore. I'll try more though.

Misty, I've already had a book published. 1 book all to myself and 26 times in other publications. 19 if you don't count poetry.com, which I don't really.

[Chad]

Re: My Vow

Yeah, even I've been published in a poetry.com book. Did you end up buying them?

[altoecko]

Re: My Vow

Only one for my mom. She loved the novelty of it all.

[Chad]

Re: My Vow

Haha. Was your poem the first one?

[altoecko]

Re: My Vow

Just like everyone else.

[The Dread Lord]

Re: My Vow

Ok well I'm not sure if your asking for a critique or just thoughts so I'll not critique and I'll just say what I think.

I write poetry and I've read tons in my day, I'm a member of a poetry comunity, It may be somethin you may like and its free to join up and post ect, pm me if you want more, and so I've had my share of hard critiques and easy ones and I know what I like and what I don't.

I'll have to say there's one phrase in this poem I like.

"I will be ashamed of my actions
But I will be proud of my apologies"

That hit me hard, to the point I did some reflecting on this work in general. So I read your poem a second time and I think I like it. It has a feeling like your spilling your love to a special person and your afriad of being rejected, so your saying everything that weighs on your heart, well at leats thats what I'm getting out of it. I'm a big fan of snippette styled poems like yours because they normally are pretty butchered up or choppy, but I like this one. I believe its because how it read to me is why. Good write.

[Misty]

Re: My Vow

Misty, I've already had a book published. 1 book all to myself and 26 times in other publications.

I'm very impressed! Then there's nothing more for me to say which hasn't already been said.