Need opinion on my new game Holy-Chaos

[Lausen]

This is my first post so bare with me. I need input about my new game Holy-Chaos.

The game starts with the destruction of the kingdom of Tanik. It was invaded by the Sypherian army, the Black Bergaid.(Name of the army) Thay are the main bad guy's. The heir to the throne of Tanik manages to survive because of his father's sacrifice. This heir named Isaiah soon found himself in a small warrior town known as Preton.

He met a man named Drogen there. Drogen was an old friend of Isaiah's father. Drogen had a son around Isaiah's age named Lausen ( the main character). Drogen decided to take Isaiah in. Lausen and Isaiah grew up together for 8 years in preton. Over that time they formed an incredible friendship and became very strong fighters.

One day Isaiah decided to leave Preton to join the Knight's of the Brotherhood. A kingdom that strongly believe's in equality. He leaves in order to get revenge on the Sypherian Empire. Lausen is hurt by the loss of his friend so he too end's up leaving Preton soon after Isaiah did, but had a different reason for leaving.

It was to try and find out who he truly is and what it is he lives for. He end's up becoming a mercinary. 3 years pass from the time they both left. The real story begins after them 3 years. You are thrown into the chaos of a bloody war. Slowly you learn what happens over that time and you begin to understand the reason Lausen is acting the way he does. You have to fight to protect the last few kingdoms and to stop the corrupt Sypherian Empire from world domination.

Sorry about any miss spelled word's.

[DarkwingChuck]

Re: Need opinion on my new game Holy-Chaos

The story seems a little cliche but not bad. This is just what you'd find out reading the Story page in the manual or watching the opening movie, still leaves you with no idea what'll happen in the game. And give us some info on the gameplay too if you don't mind. I need to know more to really form an opinion or give any advice.

[Karr Lord of Chaos]

Re: Need opinion on my new game Holy-Chaos

i agree with lechuck here.

the key to remember is that even an average stock plot like this isnt nessisarly bad, the real taste is how you exicute it. what origonal twists you add in, what extra story devices you devise, what slant you make the view in. change it up a bit.

id stay to keep with your idea but change it a bit to make it more intune with your origonal ideas. use your immagination, find a weakness, cop-out, or cleche and turn it into something origonal. remember to mirrior real life, what would a real person face with such a situation do, is this an accurate direction they would go? use sybolism, suble undercurrants and other little tricks to tie it to the gamer. if you want to make a fun game without much to look into then focus on a half decent fun story and then put all your effort into good gameplay over a serious game. if your looking for a serious game then go for a good story and balance the rest out.

[Lausen]

Re: Need opinion on my new game Holy-Chaos

I have to say thank you for replying so fast.I completly agree with what you are saying. I didn't have much time last time so I could only tell the basics. That is simply the begining of the story.

More about the game play aspect. I'm hoping to make it play like a classic final fantasy. It will follow a basic storyline with some side quest's along the way.

There are actually more main characters that contribute to the story. The first is a girl named Azulia. She is the last of the Great Mirage Clan. The rest was wiped out by the Sypherion Empire. She comes into the story right at the Begining of the game for the most part. After Lausen and Isaiah leave Preton I have an event that has a scene of the clan being destroyed.

The clan itself is made up of high summoners. The significants of this is because later in the game the party will encounter a man that can also use summonings. Azulia is surprised by this because she believes she is the last person that can use such strong magic. That kind of leads into another "mission" for the party to figure out.

There is another small scene I put in the game near the begining where 2 of the 8 main bad guy's are talking about there next victom's. They are the ruler of the Sypherion Empire Gia and his son the heir and I guess the main main boss Zeroth. During this scene they refer to Fort Draken as there next target. It is one of the Brotherhoohd's main defense's.

Then Zeroth go's on to say he will crush them all. Gia tells him not to be too over confident. Zeroth say's is that what that traitor told you. I don't give any indication on who it might be so the player can try and guess. All of these events eventually lead up to a conspiracy.


Hopefully this will help you better understand what the game is about. If not just say so and maybe tell me what I can include in it to help.

Again sorry about any spelling errors.

[Karr Lord of Chaos]

Re: Need opinion on my new game Holy-Chaos

a few observations here. please seperate your ideas with paragraphs. a massive paragraph of text with tons of names, ideas, and such is killer to read.

i sujest keeping out names for your summeries, as it confuses people. keep it kind of a 3rd person narrative, someone who just droped from the sky and saw what happend and recorded it without knowing too many details and without knowing spesifics. boil the plot down and ill help you tweek it.

tell me what the quick background is, tell me what happens during the story, then point out what is your end result - keep to concepts, base plot peices, and so forth. if you finish a game and wonder why you wasted your time then you know how unsatisfying it is, so having a strong story leading to a powerful ending makes people want to keep playing your game (cause they will notice very early if the game is worth playing).

[Vonwert]

Re: Need opinion on my new game Holy-Chaos

Woah....break up those huge paragraphs. Most people won't take the time to try to read something that large.

[Pagerron]

Re: Need opinion on my new game Holy-Chaos

I've read your first post a couple of times trying to get the gist of the plot. It seems well thought out. I'm going to have to read the second post a few times to make sure I'm understanding everything.

Quick question - (don't answer it if it's a spoiler) - When you say in the first post that Isaiah is the heir to the throne of Tanik and he survives because of his father's sacrifice, does that mean that Isaiah's father died (or was killed) for Isaiah? If so, wow, that's something!

Also, I like having side quests. That gives the player some extra things to do as they level up. They also help keep the game interesting.

It seems like you already have some storytellers lined up too, since I saw in your info. that you own RPG Maker 3. That's always nice to have some cutscenes.

Well, it's good to have you here Lausen.

[Lausen]

Re: Need opinion on my new game Holy-Chaos

I guess it is harder to explain then I thought. I Appreciate your honesty and patience.

I guess the background is a land torn because of a long going war, and trying to stop the "bad guys" from world domination.

One of the biggest part's in the game is when one of the Kingdom's leader's is betrayed by one of his own men. The leader is killed. There is a funeral type thing to set the mood.

The main party then goes to try and stop the "bad guys".Once the evil kingdoms leader is beat, his son comes in and kill's him saying he is weak.

The story kind of takes a different direction from trying to stop them from taking over the world to more or a less just to understand what there plan is and how they can stop them. By them I mean the heir and the other main generals.

I hope this is more of what you wanted. Thanks

[Lausen]

Re: Need opinion on my new game Holy-Chaos

About your question Pagerreon It is not really a spoiler because for 1 I don't even have a max drive yet.

And 2 it happens in the very first opening scene.

The army is attacking Tanik and one of the Sypherion Empires elite general is there to make sure it go's well. Isaiah's father manages to get him to the edge of the town and gives him his broad sword. He say's live on my son. Then go's back to the town to make sure no one can catch up to him. At the end of the scene the elite general kill's his father.

By the way it is good to be here.

[DarkwingChuck]

Re: Need opinion on my new game Holy-Chaos

One thing I like is you seem to have a idea of a full history and society of your world not just the events the characters are in. And the more you tell about the story the less it sounds cliche. Which is good. I mean, anything sounds cliche when you just skim through it, it's the layers of personality and imagination on top that make a unique story and it seems like you're doing a good job with that.

You don't have to get into it right now but one thing I'd like to hear when you can is the personalities of the main characters and villains and how they get along with each other. Are any of them romantically linked? Do they have conflicting motives and values? Those kind of details add a lot of interest to the story.

[Lausen]

Re: Need opinion on my new game Holy-Chaos

I don't exactly have time to go in depth with all the main character's tonight because it would simply take to long. I have 8 main good and bad guy's that all have there own unique history. Some that are linked together and other's that are not.

LeChuck, i'm sure I can put some of that stuff in this thread in the next few day's if you would be interested.

[Dusk Raven]

Re: Need opinion on my new game Holy-Chaos

I agree with LeChuck (I think). Especially the motives part. Give people and nations motives, even if you don't get an opporatunity to explain them in-game - it can make characters more believable.

One good way, I'm told, is to imagine that each character is you. Ask yourself, "what would make me do what he did?" Of course a character isn't you (or is he?), but it can help in forming motives.

For instance, why would a person wipe out an entire town? Perhaps as a child, his own village was similarly wiped out by soldiers of the nation (I'll call it Dakar) that the other town belonged to, and he was captured and tortured.

Perhaps he grew up in captivity, with hateful feelings that no one told him were wrong.

When he eventually got into the army of an enemy of Dakar, perhaps his commanding officer told him some additional things to make him fight harder against the Dakar nation.

Sound reasonable?

[Lausen]

Re: Need opinion on my new game Holy-Chaos

The motives for the bad nation to be attacking the other's is that in the past before the game takes place there was a war between all the nations. The now bad nation the Sypherion empire stayed out of the conflict. The war ended by the dividing of all the nation's into equal sizes and power. The Sypherion empire got screwed out of almost half there land. The leader then was content just to see the fighting stop.

In the time that the game actually takes place the Sypherion people hate the other kingdoms. The land they received back then began to decay and over time turned to a waste land. With there new leader who lived through the hard times himself, a middle aged man named gia they began to become vengeful towards the other nations. This bold new leader came up with a plan to get the land that is rightfully theres back. With his seccess he slowly turned power hungry and set his sights on world domination.

I hope this helps you.

[DarkwingChuck]

Re: Need opinion on my new game Holy-Chaos

I really like that.

[Lausen]

Re: Need opinion on my new game Holy-Chaos

This game owns noobs so if your looking for complete ownige Holy-chaos is where its at homies. for real..... no lie just kidding with you all but i need some replys so we can make the best possible game.