beliefs and family

[Kire]

I was going to title this "am I a *****" but I decided against making the title all about me. This is more about what you do and don't tell your family for their own good.

I really don't consider myself a Christian anymore, but I don't tell her for her own good. I still believe in God and some sort of cosmic justice which makes me want to be as good of a person as I can be, but that still means I'm not a Christian. I stilll go along w/ going to church on Christmas and Easter, but I don't tell her what I really believe for her own good. That's also why I stayed in the closet so long from my parents until it eventually got out.

With my dad, I don't tell him about the medical bill stuff I'm juggling because he has enough stress in his life. I'd rather him not have to worry about it and let me take care of it myself. I'm almost at the end of it and I have confidence that I can take care of it. Still, he always wants to help and I've had to avoid giving him my medical account so he can look at my records...I know he wants to just help and make sure everything was going ok w/ my panic attack billing, but then he'll find the thing in October if I gave him that info. He'll find out I've been dishonest and didn't come to him for help.

Anyway, do you do the same, whether it be religious or something else from your family for their own good?

[Valkysas]

Re: beliefs and family

My immediate family knows that I'm an atheist and they're okay with it. everyone else in my family looks down on me for it, or just forgets about it completely.

I kept my mental problems to myself for a very long time, but I finally decided to tell my parents about it a few weeks ago, and they've been very supportive.

My life is pretty much an open book with them.

[Riotsword]

Re: beliefs and family

I talk about how I think there's a lot of bull**** involved with religion(in general) with my mom whenever it comes up. I don't know if she approves but she accepts it, even talks with me about it, and sometimes agrees with what I have to say. Everyone else in my family, it never comes up, so it hasn't been an issue yet.

[Nixon]

Re: beliefs and family

I can't tell my grandparents (and several other extended family members) that Dave and I are living together, even though they probably know that already. I also can't tell them that we're engaged, and I won't tell them when we get married. They have made it very clear that they are not fond of Dave because he's not white. According to them, white people should only be in relationships with other white people.

I almost stopped talking to my grandmother ten years ago, because she went into a tirade about Dave and kept telling me "you can do better." I was pretty furious. Thankfully, my Dad told her that if she kept it up, I'd never talk to her again. Now she doesn't ever say anything about it, at least not when I'm around.

[simple man]

Re: beliefs and family

My parents hate gay people so if im gay they wont accept me.

[DK]

Re: beliefs and family

[simple man]

Re: beliefs and family

Wtf it isnt funny

[Nixon]

Re: beliefs and family

Are you gay, simple man? Inquiring minds want to know!

[simple man]

Re: beliefs and family

Yes! and im proud

[Riotsword]

Re: beliefs and family

Sounds like your parents will be in for a reality check in the future.

I personally don't understand why people's parents can be that closed-minded, be it prejudice against gay people or people of a race other than theirs, but then again I'm blessed with having a cool and understanding mom, who probably wouldn't say anything if I were to bring home a black girl.

[simple man]

Re: beliefs and family

Well lets say im about 55 percent gay

[Kirin]

Re: beliefs and family

I've kept from my mother how much I resent the fact that she and my father were never married. I'm not one of those raving "It's only right to live together if you're married" types, but I definitely believe that it makes a relationship/family more concrete. My father was estranged from his former wife, but he never actually divorced his ex, so by my mother/father living together, it just filled my childhood with a lot of family angst (us vs the legimate family). I mean, c'mon...how can you live with someone for 25 years, have kids with them, yet never marry? When my father passed away, his legitimate family not only kept us from the funeral, but stole benefits away from me and my sister. To this day, they're still screwing me and my sister over, all because my Mom made the choice to stay with a man she knew was married (granted, she didn't know at first, but after she found out, she still chose to stay, even when she knew what it would result in).

That, and I really, really loathe every time my mother makes an issue out of Den's race. She readily admits that he's a good guy and that I couldn't possibly find a better boyfriend, but constantly says "*sighs* If only he were black...", and actually faults him for the color of his skin. Earlier in our relationship, she actually tried to get me to leave him based on that fact alone.

I also can't tell them that we're engaged, and I won't tell them when we get married.

I brought up the possibility of Den and I being married, and she went nuts. I've pretty much given up on talking to her about that.

Other than that, there's not much else I keep from her. We have an extremely open relationship, yet those are the two subjects that we just don't bring up.

[Owl of Parliament]

Re: beliefs and family

My mom believes a lot of things, but I never pay attention to her because shes crazy, literally, she has OCD. My dad is an atheist and doesn't really care about what I do either way, I feel bad for him because he has to deal with my mom more than anyone else. Basically, never tell mom anything is the general rule.

[neobi]

Re: beliefs and family

I'm waiting until I move out of the house before I tell my parents what I think of their beliefs. And if they don't like it or get mad at me, well then I just wont talk to them. Bleh.

[Wavelength]

Re: beliefs and family

I openly discuss my religious and political beliefs with my family, as well as my friends and other people I feel comfortable around, if the topics or their close tangents come up in conversation. I guess most of the time the conversation goes nowhere--such beliefs are hard to bend--but I think it's one of the best ways to learn about people in general, and sometimes I come out with some knowledge I didn't have before, so it's something I like to discuss a lot.

I'm generally open with my family and maybe my very closest friends about my health. First of all, should something happen to incapacitate me, it will really benefit me if at least someone in my family knows about conditions I've had. Secondly, last year my mom had some questionable results on a test and had to go for several follow-ups to find out if she had cancer. Thank God she didn't--but she didn't let me know until it was confirmed that she didn't because she didn't want to worry me while I was away at school. I got REALLY angry, and she promised never to hold anything like that back from me again. So I've been more open with that stuff too, remembering how angry I felt when something so important was hidden from me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's best to be open about your health with people that you really trust. In your case, Kire, it sounds like the other element is about money... I can see how you feel; I was in that situation before with college choice and I went the unselfish route. At any rate, if you think it would be better for the both of you to carry the financial burden rather than put it on your dad, then it's not such a bad idea. Just make sure you're fairly open with him about your actual health.

I've got no idea who I'd tell--if anyone--if I were gay. I thought about that once, when someone very close to me misconstrued one of my comments and asked me if I'm gay... I simply gave a very surprised "No." and moved on... and I really couldn't figure out whether I'd tell anyone.

I think in general it's better to be open with people about things. People who care about you will either like it or accept you for who you are anyway, and people who can't accept it probably aren't worth knowing anyhow. I guess if there's someone who has some irrational fear or dislike, but you love or respect them anyhow, then it can occasionally be worth it to ignore the topic completely... but in most cases it's just going to eat you up inside so it's better to put your cards on the table and stand by those cards.