A definite pro to living in the Twin Cities area of Minnesota is getting the Star Tribune. Why? The Daily Quirk. One of the funniest columns EVER. For example, heres today's:
This weekend I'll be watching "24," of course. Does Jack Bauer even get paid anymore? As far as I can tell he hasn't been a CTU employee for several years, so if they're giving him a lump sum with a 1099 tax form he's liable for the entire tax bite. The least the government could do is match his FICA deductions, for heaven's sake. I imagine he made a desperate cell-phone call between missions. Beep-beep be-doooo:
"Chloe, I need you to do something for me. I need you to access the IRS database and reconfigure my account parameters to show employer contributions now.
"Jack, I can't access those without a level five delta-cypher mil-grade anti-firewall algorithm, and I left mine in the car. I'd have to walk all the way downstairs, and --
"Chloe, I'm here with an H&R Block tax preparer and I don't have much time. If I don't get that database changed, my entire quarterly contributions will be subject to a 7 percent penalty. Find a way."
So far this season things look grim, but it'll get grimmer; the first problem is always a diversion from the real plan, which is fiendishly complex and confuses everyone: Oh, no! Is the plot to nuke L.A. a diversion from the plot to blow up the Hoover Dam, or vice versa? Terrorists: Such overachievers! Pick one thing and stick to it, guys. The preliminaries may be fun to plan, but all you're going to do is make Jack Bauer mad. And when he's mad, he shoots people in the leg before he can even think of a question to shout. Seriously. He usually covers well, but one of these days he's going to put a round in someone's kneecap, and yell WHO PUT THE RAM IN THE RAMA-LAMA DING DONG? TELL ME! Because that's the first thing that came to his mind.
Any other funny columnists you guys would like to share?
This weekend I'll be watching "24," of course. Does Jack Bauer even get paid anymore? As far as I can tell he hasn't been a CTU employee for several years, so if they're giving him a lump sum with a 1099 tax form he's liable for the entire tax bite. The least the government could do is match his FICA deductions, for heaven's sake. I imagine he made a desperate cell-phone call between missions. Beep-beep be-doooo:
"Chloe, I need you to do something for me. I need you to access the IRS database and reconfigure my account parameters to show employer contributions now.
"Jack, I can't access those without a level five delta-cypher mil-grade anti-firewall algorithm, and I left mine in the car. I'd have to walk all the way downstairs, and --
"Chloe, I'm here with an H&R Block tax preparer and I don't have much time. If I don't get that database changed, my entire quarterly contributions will be subject to a 7 percent penalty. Find a way."
So far this season things look grim, but it'll get grimmer; the first problem is always a diversion from the real plan, which is fiendishly complex and confuses everyone: Oh, no! Is the plot to nuke L.A. a diversion from the plot to blow up the Hoover Dam, or vice versa? Terrorists: Such overachievers! Pick one thing and stick to it, guys. The preliminaries may be fun to plan, but all you're going to do is make Jack Bauer mad. And when he's mad, he shoots people in the leg before he can even think of a question to shout. Seriously. He usually covers well, but one of these days he's going to put a round in someone's kneecap, and yell WHO PUT THE RAM IN THE RAMA-LAMA DING DONG? TELL ME! Because that's the first thing that came to his mind.
Any other funny columnists you guys would like to share?
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