truekid poetry

[truekid]

this isn't new, and i know i'm overly fond of couplets.

"Gravity"

Level eyes
And the gravity of the situation
Stuttered sighs
To let slip salvation

[altoecko]

Re: truekid poetry

Short and sweet. Not entirely sure what you're describing, perhaps seeing a girl you find overly attractive?

[truekid]

Re: truekid poetry

i've heard several different assumptions about the subject of that particular poem, to the point where it's way more interesting to see what other people think about it than to push my original intent on it.


----------------------------
"Nostalgia"

I stumble into a nostalgic pool
and bathe in life's decay
and cry my woes, fortune's fool,
and find a reason to stay
-----------------------------



-----------------------------
"Freedom"

I'm sick inside
I bleed freedom where
you
can't
see
I'm quick to hide
I'm quick to die slowly, why
won't
you
leave
-----------------------------

any thoughts?

[altoecko]

Re: truekid poetry

Over a month later, I really like the rhythm within the poems. They flow really well, have you written any longer poems are do you tend to stay to the shorter ones?

[Pagerron]

Re: truekid poetry

I like the "Freedom" poem. Is it written about someone in particular?
The way you split up the timing in lines 3-5 and 8-10 comes across well.
It would be nice to see more poetry from you, man.

[truekid]

Re: truekid poetry

i tend to stay to the shorter poems, it's harder to maintain any level of subtlety or double-entendre without straying or being too vague and gunking things up... so my longer poems tend to be more built on interesting wordings, and i think they end up being much weaker on the whole (even if they still entertain me) because of it. for example:

-----------------------------------
"Modifying the Game"

Fall down crying and knock down fate
with those, liquid stars in your eyes
and your solid state
slide away into my fire and you'll find
no flames, no lies,
you're never too gone and it's never too late.

so sidle sideways through my mind's highways
and maybe you'll find some time to stay
she says with her,
sly smile, disarming grace,
bright eyes and a fall-for-me face

looking at my shoes
or the crimson heart of the copper-blue cloak,
to find the words
i start
i choke

i know i've lost...

but i've begun.

Every breath a song
Every word a poem
Every touch too long
Every hug like home.

Maybe not lost? but abandoned...

and perhaps because of that...

...

Perhaps i've won.

can't forget, where i found you
always in the strangest place
and i think from here on out
we'll both be traveling with some unpaid freight.
---------------------------------------

I could say "Freedom" was based on one relationship or another, but i think it's a common trend in how people deal with each other.

-----------------------
"Reciprocate"

i feel like i am barely worth your time
but it's, watermelon until the rind
a pleasant picnic before the pine
you've got your blanket, and don't want mine.
-----------------------

[ArctheLad]

Re: truekid poetry

I like the simplicity of these.
They're fun to read.
Reciprocate is probably my favorite. Sounds like it could make for a good song,

[truekid]

Re: truekid poetry

"Nyctophobe"
------------------
Silence shouting in your ears,
Swallowed naked by the void,
Dialect of aphonic fears,
Wearing words like corduroy.
------------------



"Daughter Soluble"
--------------------
You would never walk her down the aisle
If I was waiting at the end.
Crinkled-corners hide it in your smile...
Whispered warnings, father-fueled.

Even though I just left town
You know I'm more than just a friend
In her sins, I'm broken down...
In your daughter, soluble.

[truekid]

Re: truekid poetry

"Revolution"
---------------
Temper turned my hand in hate
Tempter turned my heart to seek
Tender touch that turned my face
Temperance turns the other cheek

[altoecko]

Re: truekid poetry

Wow, that last poem is amazing. All your poems are very good, please, share more.

[truekid]

Re: truekid poetry

"Worthless"

And that's why worth will find its way
to fawn again
at someone else's hand...

that succor borne on every day
will dawn again
on someone else's land.

[truekid]

Re: truekid poetry

-----
empires of you
to raze my walls

with towers burn-burning,
and stable stalls bare

so soldiers of yours
now hold my halls

and all this for learning
that not all is fair.
-----


i don't have a title for this one yet, any suggestions?

[Big Rick Cook]

Re: truekid poetry

Not bad, not bad at all.

But they just don't click with me, except for Revolution. That one is wicked awesome. I know a lot of people say this so as to sound like they know what they're talking about, but you really do have a good grasp on your imagery. There's almost never anything subtle in my poetry, and I just lack that ability.

Your latest poem says to me "Kingdom Come." That's all I've got for titles.

Keep on trucking, truekid.

[truekid]

Re: truekid poetry

"Jealous"

------

You're a driver
You're driven
driven to succeed

Inside her
she's sickened
you're a part of her disease.

------

[altoecko]

Re: truekid poetry

I knew a girl once who was nothing but an extension of whoever she was dating at the time. Correction, I knew a lot of girls like that. And I know a lot of guys like that. That poem is good, simple, but it gets its point across.