**UPDATED WITH THE WORST OF 2006, SCROLL DOWN PLZ K THX**
*note: potential spoilers for movies. don't worry though no biggie lol*
Magus: 2006. A year of turmoil and change for the country, the world, and most importantly, me personally… it’s been a sad year, I won’t hide it. Tears have been shed and fists have been clenched, to be raised in anger and shaken at the heavens as I cry “WHY?! WHYYYYY!?”
…WHY are these movies so BAD? So… disappointing. For the first three quarters of the year I thought for sure every movie would be a disappointment. I was ready to give up on cinema. You remember. Time after time I saw humanity succumb to mediocrity and downright BADNESS. Insipid bull**** became the number one box office draw. The good stuff was tanking or went ignored. Week after week it seemed as if my will and determination to LIVE would break as throngs went to fill in seats for X3, as critics lauded maudlin hubbub like Volver. Is this what’s to become of the world, of LIFE forever?
Should I stop hope? Will EVERYTHING end up a disappointment? Luckily, the year was saved by a Hail Mary play of a few fall season flicks that actually lived up to the hype, and now my list isn’t just superhero flicks for once.
DreamKnight: Don't forget to mention Hoot's record breaking success! Lowest gross of a movie to open in more than 3,000 theatres! And Scary Movie 4: highest grossing movie to open over Easter. But I totally agree there, 2006 was offensive to say the least
Magus: Aw let's get on with it.
Magus: DK, let’s talk about your favorite flicks of the year!
10. The Prestige
DK: While at times I felt that The Prestige was a little hokey with its gloom and doom approach to the storyline, I can't deny that from every angle this was a solid movie. The acting was good, the production values were great and while it came off as "REAL WORLD: MAGICIANS" at times I still enjoyed myself. Huge Jackman finally gets a good role.
DK: I actually spelled him Huge Jackman again...geez. HUGH JACKMAN.
Magus: Ah yeah, Huge Jackman was yours to begin with. He steals the show, and it's a role that doesn't involve adamantium, John Travolta or gay showmen for once.
DK: I really liked the movie at the start, and the ending was cool too but I kinda found it less captivating when you saw their personal lives I liked watching the two bounce back and forth with their acts but whenever either one was with one of the women in the movie it got less interesting. I know the thing with The Professor's wife is a big tip off to the finale but still, something felt I dunno, lame.
Magus: I dunno, beautiful British harlots are nice to look at but one of these days Scarlett Johanasson will do something that doesn't require her to just be eye candy. I will be saddened at that sudden change of demeanor.
9. Superman Returns
DK: Say what you want, while it can feel like a bit of a compromise to pardon the fact that Superman Returns was more homage and less return Bryan Singer's direction for the character and the movie came through with a lot more respect for the source material than say... the first X-Men film. Kevin Spacey was great and hilarious and overall it was a nice airy break from the ultra serious Spider-Man and Batman movies of the past few years. The best part? No "THE MAINS ARE GONNA BLOW" people. Not to mention the amount of potential the sequel holds. If anything Superman Returns was a set-up movie for whatever comes next, and I can't wait to see it.
Magus: Yeah, it's weird the movie where Superman has an illegitimate kid is one of the nicer movies released this year.
DK: Yeah, that was the one flaw of the movie. Superman is NOT about passing the torch. Eerrrr...except from Jor-el to Kal-el. Not about passing the torch AGAIN.
Magus: Well isn't it?! Superman becomes part of humanity by infiltrating their gene pool. It's what he always wanted!
DK: Hmmm...I'm not sure I do agree. At the same time it would make sense. The people tried to help Superman but couldn't when he was hurt so the ugly kid makes a bridge between the two. And CYCLOPS! He did more than in all three X-Men movies combined!
Magus: He should meld with Brainiac and give Superman the 'ol ultraviolence for what he's done. That'd make for a GREAT sequel!
DK: Anything with Brainiac would. It'd be RELEVANT
Magus: But don't tell Hrafn that. LOL
8. Eight Below
DK: Early in the year there was a short blitz of Paul Walker movies, the absurdly violent (and hilarious) Running Scared and this more heartfelt and tender Eight Below, about a group of dogs stranded in an Antarctic base. Though many movies of this ilk try to intermingle the human and animal storylines Eight Below wisely sticks with the dogs for the most part as they interact with dangerous wild animals. The segments with the people are there, but they are done in a way that is not annoying.
Magus: Okay, you're the expert on this, you gotta tell me why this beats out The Prestige.
DK: This movie felt more human. I liked The Prestige, but I just felt so alienated during the movie. Though back to that movie, and The Illusionist, gotta give them props for presenting a movie about fake magic in this era of Harry Potter. The post-Lord of the Rings era and so on. I left Eight Below feeling fulfilled, and I know I'm gonna get **** for it as soon as people see it but it was a good movie – a great movie. If you were to counter it with March of the Penguins, March has that narration with it, that human element that keeps you with it. Eight Below didn't have that, it was just the dogs, it tried to stay as natural as it could and it still kept you. So overall I'd say it was an accomplishment.
Magus: I'd say anything that Paul Walker does is an accomplishment. {:3
DK: After Running Scared I'm inclined to agree! I think that movie wins most ****ed up credits reel. It was like paper dolls and carnival music
Magus: We'll get to that. }:3
7. The Devil Wears Prada
DK: I think I liked it so much because it hit in that terrible spring season where nothing was coming out. It was also witty and funny and Wall Street for girls. It was formulaic, but at the same time effective and well, solid but it doesn't make a bit of difference, guys my balls are inert. So number six then.
6. The Hills Have Eyes
DK: Did you see that?
Magus: No. I want to. I was gonna go on a huge horror kick during Halloween but Netflix was slow and midterms were heating up. Back to Devil/Prada though, I will see that, I think I got a thing for uh... Anne Hathaway, is it?
DK: Yeah
Magus: Yeah. She was a peach in Brokeback Mountain.
DK: there were LOTS of peaches in that movie
Magus: so you say {:3
DK: Hills was great. In the course of 20 minutes there's a burning, TWO rapes and a gun pointed at a baby. Add in the most intense nerd ever and you've got a remake that can proudly stand alongside 1980's The Thing and 2004's Dawn of the Dead as one done correctly.
Magus: Man, that DOES sound exciting. I think it was a Ruthlessreviews.com that first got me excited for the flick. I'm all for allegorical satirical horror flicks and it looks like this one fits the bill. I take it Pyro kills a lot of bloodthirsty freaks to shed his nerd skin and become a man.
DK: Oh yeah, someone gets run through with an American flag. It's not the first time that happened this year (Final Destination 3 featured a Korean girl getting impaled by one, LOLZ) but it's still awesome.
Magus: The American flag is showing up more and more these days. The Die Hard 4 trailer has that awesome shot of that building with the huge flag on it. The 2000s are totally the new 1980s.
DK: Except not as cool =( Still three years left, though.
Magus: So we still got time for our Last Crusades, Black Rains and Total Recalls.
DK: Indeed, Indy 4 starts filming next year. Okay, the next two movies are
5. The Matador and
4. The Inside Man
DK: See either of those?
Magus: Saw the Inside Man.
DK: The Matador was this year's buddy film. Pierce Brosnan and Greg Kinnear were great. The Inside Man, I gotta say it seemed all right but Denzel just really stole the show. By seemed all right I mean I wasn't too excited about it when it came out. Denzel Washington was phenomenal in the movie, though. And it was a great look at New York City with all the people on the outside getting involved like the Albanian woman and such. MESS WITH ONE NEW YAWKER AND YOU MESS WITH US ALL. The twists kinda lacked real I dunno...impact. They were very clever, though.
Magus: Yeah, Clive Owen's a lot of fun to watch.
DK: Yeah, and when the guy was like "May I have your hat?" in the restaurant and Denzel was like "No you may not, get your own!" that was like my favorite line for two months straight. It was a fun movie. Like Aladdin!
3. Casino Royale
DK: And what hasn't been said? Great new Bond, some awesome scenes and a parkour chase. 2006's only really good actioner
Magus: Oh GOODNESS yes. Like a-Ha’s Living Daylights said, I set my hopes up way too high…
DK: Haha, the third act?
Magus: But I was still satisfied! Oh, yeah, the third act has issues but overall 007 was a complete blast.
DK: Oh yeah, the third act had its problems but they did serve a necessary purpose
2. V for Vendetta
DK: I think people LIKE MAGUS forgot it because it was kinda light on the action and after The Matrix and all everyone was expecting a little more but c'mon, it was definitely the best love story of the year.
Magus: Hey hey hey, one of my favorite bits IS when they watch Count of Monte Cristo.
DK: By ALEXANDRE DUMB-ASS.
Magus: Heh, yeah, this marks the 10,000th time Count of Monte Cristo was alluded to, but when Natalie mentions how unfair it is that the Count's hate was stronger than his love for Mercedes, that's perfect. You can feel V's discomfort and regret but he HAS to do it, y'know?
DK: Oh yeah, the pivotal choices one must face
Magus: BTW, Agent Smith has got to be in more movies. He's a friggin' natural.
DK: Hopefully he plays Pops in Speed Racer!
Magus: With that voice and that stare I don't see how they could not grant him that part.
1. Little Miss Sunshine
DK: One of my favorite movies of all time (if not my absolute favorite) is Robert Redford's Ordinary People. That movie starts with a boy being taken back home from the hospital after trying to commit suicide. Strangely enough my favorite movie of this year, Little Miss Sunshine, begins the same way.
While early trailers had led me to believe that it'd probably just be quirky characters running around on screen for two hours trying to sell you on the fact that they are all different from what you normally see in movies, they actually behaved like well...real people that just had some extreme quirks.
The quirks didn't do the storytelling for them like characters from some other horrible movies of the year had (*cough* Running with Scissors *cough*) but instead just existed to embellish the story and give you a real sense of life to the characters. Things happen that you sympathize with and all the characters have an arc like in Ordinary People and you actually feel connections with these people.
A lot of movies come out about dysfunctional families going on a trip (just look at any ****ty family vacation movie) but Little Miss Sunshine did it with characters you could connect with, people who all struggle in life and unite for a single goal, a goal that if they achieve it maybe then there will be hope for them after all. A marvel of storytelling and a hilarious ride, this was probably one of the only movies that as soon as I left the movie theatre I wanted to turn around and see it again.
--------------------------------
Magus: My turn!
10. Pan's Labyrinth
Magus: I didn't think of putting this on here, seeing has how my reception to it has been lukewarm but upon further reflection Pan's Labyrinth is actually a good movie to start with.
DK: I didn't get the chance to see this one =(
Magus: I do recommend it but it's a tough one to watch, at least for me. One, because it's slow and not exactly the Hellboy/Blade II extravaganza us philistines are accustomed to, but it sums up what I think has been the overall feel of the movies this year, even mostly-lousy ones like Miami Vice and Silent Hill, which is insurmountable desperation and sadness. Dread, in short.
DK: Well you did say that this year made you shed plenty of tears. I'll check it out once it hits wide release.
Magus: If it ever does. =\ Otherwise it's definitely worth a rent or as Smurf Taco suggests, it's a good showpiece DVD but don't expect to feel very elated. Optimism is not the word this year. But Guillermo's hypnotic camera gaze kept me interested, and the second half really picks up.
9. Inside Man
DK: ooh, I know that one!
Magus: You really liked Denzel Washington, and I got nothing against the guy personally - he was pretty good, but sometimes his Training Day ego would burst out and show itself, laughing at me and my tiny whiteness.
DK: What did you think about Jodie Foster in that movie? I didn't take time to discuss her in my list. Uhhh, at least she was in a good movie for a change would be my thoughts. :P Her character didn't have an explanation and they've been saying that there's gonna be a sequel to explain it. I don't think the movie needs one, but if it's as good as the first then well I'm all for it
Magus: Heh. I figured she was just a negotiator. The mayor said something about her, like "You're a magnificent ****" and I thought that was great. She really is. She moved everything along and exposed the whole rich white guy vs. everyone else thing. Of all the movies about race I've seen the past year, including the insufferable Crash and bloated Babel, this is definitely the best. I LOVE the crazy little scene between Clive Owen and the PSP Kid. I mean, what was that about exactly? Spike Lee seems to be indicting the whole gangsta bull**** culture. I hope. I mean, I'm not sure. The race stuff was mostly background and it fit especially well into the New York setting. Even managed to sneak some 9/11 stuff in there, the bank itself isn't that far at all from Ground Zero if I'm not mistaken.
DK: Knowing Spike Lee it could mean just about anything but I personally think it was all part of the setting. So what's next?
Magus: Hmm. Some of this may seem arbitrary because I didn't get to see all the movies I wanted to before the year was up.
DK: Understandable. I probably would've put Rocky Balboa up there if I didn't just see it today :P
Magus: Heh. But V for Vendetta makes my #8 slot after all.
DK: All right! We covered this one pretty much, though.
8. V for Vendetta
Magus: Yeah, but I've seen it twice in theaters and read the book and it IS a fine dystopian sci-fi flick so I figure it deserves its spot. It's also one of the few elegant pictures this year I think. I mean, it's got violence and not a whole lot of subtlety (though I didn't figure Stephen Fry for a poofter till the second viewing, duhh) but it still manages to be smart and affecting, when it could've easily been a disaster considering the overweight source material.
DK: I actually never uh...read...the comic =(
Magus: The movie's a triumph because it distills Alan Moore's tome into its core essence, which was a godsend because the book really dragged at times, though I did miss a few gags like V quoting The Rolling Stones.
DK: Yeah but if I'm not mistaken they did give them the credits nod.
Magus: Only the illustator though, Alan Moore's cranky when it comes to, well, everything. Which is understandable, DC/Warner screwed him.
DK: No I meant the Rolling Stones song was in the credits.
Magus: Oh really?
DK: Yeah, the credits is "Street Fighting Man" by them. As for Alan Moore I guess I understand but he's only one in a very large club so he should stop being a baby
Magus: Huh, maybe I do need to get the DVD now. In the comic he introduces himself to the priest with the opening line from Sympathy for the Devil: http://vendetta.ytmnd.com/
DK: Ah. The guy who wrote Basic Instinct wanted to use that song for the credits in that movie and they even bought the rights to it but Paul Verhooven decided to use another song at the last minute. And the Stones were 750,000 dollars richer.
Magus: See, THAT'S what we're missing. More Paul Verhoeven movies.
DK: Like... Hollow Man =( I see what you're saying though.
Magus: He didn't do that?!
DK: I think he did!
Magus: Oh dear god he did.
DK: I think he'll be back some day
Magus: Hopefully. The guy almost single-handedly predicted our times.
DK: hahaha, they need a Verhoeven-esque Source mod next movie.
Magus: I'd love to see what he has in store for the future. {:3
7. Superman Returns
DK: Better than V? Really? ARE YOU SUUUURRREEE? *holds up kryptonite*
Magus: When it comes to my high-flying airplane action, scene-chewing Kevin Spacey, scrumptious Kate Bosworth, and super colorful visual palette NEEDS, then yes. Otherwise, I suppose #7 and #8 could be interchangeable. Darkness and depravity usually factor into my heroes, like V, but this movie... wait, there's actually some darkness here! Darkness and… LOVE. You already made note of Bryan Singer's overwhelming respect and admiration for the original source comic book, the 1977 movie and the inclusion and expansion of Marlon Brandon's voice-overs, but it's that superb shot of Ma Kent in the crowd, nigh anonymous and outside the hospital, her face wracked with concern. It's that pang of uncertainty, regret and longing that permeates the whole film. That's what appeals to me. It's like your sadness is in my Superman film, or vice versa. Get what I mean?
DK: Yeah, definitely. The hospital scene was probably my favorite part of the movie. Ma Kent, Lois leaving and being bombared by the press... Lex Luthor stuck on a desert island sans Kumar...
Magus: YEAH!! It sucks they killed him off. I hope Harold show-- GASP HE SHOULD BE BRAINIAC.
DK: hahahaha
Magus: And exact revenge.
DK: Cyclops and Harold should both be Brainiac.
Magus: It'd be perfect. It'd be an allegory for Asian economy taking over American business through hi-tech, digital means.
6. Inland Empire
Magus: The most baffling entry of all, Inland Empire.
DK: I noticed you scored it a... ? out of 4.
Magus: In my AIM profile, yes. I'm still not quite sure what to think except that it was one of my more interesting cinematic experiences. Remember that Penny Arcade comic about Tycho asking Gabe why he would want to see Silent Hill again?
DK: Yeah
Magus: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/04/24 There it is. That's what Lynch's movie was like. It started out as a conventional Hollywood farce like Mulholland Drive but it took an extreme left turn into confusing, baffling and frightening nightmare territory. For almost three hours. It was hilarious, freakish and clearly the work of a madman. It almost became unbearable but I feel like I came out of that theater a better man that night. I know what hell is like and it had Laura Dern in one of the strangest, greatest performances I've seen. With more control and less off-the-wall insanity it's what I would have liked to Silent Hill to have been. It even had that awesome grain filter.
DK: hmm, I'll have to check out the DVD on that one
5. Borat: Cultural Learnings blah blah
DK: I didn't see Borat =( My girlfriend was being so gay with it. "I don't get offended easy."
Magus: WTF does that mean?!
DK: But sing a song about throwing jews down a well? "That looks stupid I don't want to see it."
Magus: I saw it with a date too, and she had to cover her eyes from male nudity. I couldn't believe how green she was.
DK: Heh.
Magus: Maybe it was a mistake to take her.
DK: "I'd rather see Running With Scissors." *punches the wall*
Magus: It IS really offensive, but it's not anything you haven't already heard or joked about before. It's just thrown up on there for all to see in all its hairy, naked glory.
DK: hahaha
Magus: What's really outstanding is how well he stays in character. And how terrifying the American south is. Not that that's a surprise either, but Borat collects it all into 80+ minutes of hilarious chaos. It would've been cool if he had stayed in New York though.
4. The Departed
DK: Oooh you know I liked the departed but sadly it fell under the "after a week I didn't think about it anymore" category.
Magus: Yeah, there doesn't seem to be much more going on besides "Don't betray people" but it's done so well and it's SOOO captivating, Scorsese does not skip a beat. And I never would've thought "Boy I hope Marky Mark shows up again" before I saw this.
DK: hahah
Magus: He was so mean, so great. Everyone was! Alec Baldwin was hilarious and Leo's actually becoming a convincing lead. It's not like Tom Hanks or some chick has to hold his hand anymore. I'm sorry. Love interest. Though there was one. I liked that part though, desperation and sadness again. Got a retort or should we go on?
DK: Leo looks so much like my friend Randy, that's all.
Magus: Haha. Yeah, he's aging rapidly. Bags under his eyes and all. And that scruff. It's commendable. {:3
DK: THE TOP 3
Magus: You're gonna hate me for this. #3 is...
3. The Fountain
DK: bahahah, well my thoughts on that movie are well-documented. In your defense I will say that at least it was better than Idlewild. And it also made for one of the most entertaining ytmnd's of the year. (http://jackmanenjoysa.ytmnd.com/)
Magus: Feel free to lash out, boyo, I thought it was beautiful and fantastic. Hugh Jackman once again in an obsessive, insane role but he's loving this time! And Rachel Weisz plays a better doomed wife in this than in Constant Gardener.
DK: "HOW TO PLAY SOMEONE DOOMED: WHISPER A LOT AND WHINE"
Magus: It was thoughtful and engaging and made for a wonderful story of death and love in record time-- She did none of those things! She was playful and elegant. I hope I find someone like her. And I won't spend time with her. And spend all my energy and effort finding a cure for cancer only to be too late.
DK: =( For what it was worth Hugh Jackman was convincing in his turmoil.
Magus: I will say though, if it wasn't for the visual and sci-fi/fantasy elements and this was a run-of-the-mill melodrama starring, I dunno, Joshua Jackson and Mandy Moore I'd hate this, but it turned out really well. Hugh Jackman needed a hug.
DK: No shame in that, movies ARE a visual medium after all.
Magus: Yes, so it's nice to see one that's actually experimental and successful. Though that seems to be relative. DOESN'T IT.
DK: define suxxessful
DK: NUMBER 2 IS CASINO ROYALE, RIGHT!?!
Magus: You bet.
2. Casino Royale
Magus: It's my Batman Begins of the year. Both of them are so similar, reimagining a once-campy superhero with a dark, modern edge while retaining all the familiar tropes we expect and love with a lot of new material and characters to love all over again. Plus, like V and Superman, it was once again surprisingly faithful to its source.
DK: Hmm, I haven't seen much Bond movies but that's what everyone's saying.
DK: So I must admit I have no clue what number 1 is. Silent Hill?
Magus: LOL That'd be a surprise. Let me preface by saying--
DK: MIAMI VICE
Magus: ...#2 and #1 could also be considered interchangeable...
DK: oh wait a second I know what it'll be Tony Jaa
Magus: ...because I just didnt' see enough movies this year that I absolutely loved,
so this is really more of a Top 8 list
BUT
#1
is
1. The Prestige
DK: oooohhhh yeah, I thought it was up there already lol
Magus: FOOOLED YOOOU
DK: whoops! *turns red*
Magus: Someone should give M. Night Shyamalan's job to Christopher Nolan, who clearly has the whole puzzler/mystery figured out. Unlike The Village with a No-Fly Zone, The Prestige doesn't cheat to get to its staggering finish unless you count magic electricity as cheating. Then, well, you'd probably hate this movie but I loved it from the start. It's perfectly paced and edited with a haunting soundtrack and a terrific cast including Gollum, Major Tom, Batman AND Wolverine, and Nolan did Memento and Batman Begins, two of my favorite movies, so it's like The Prestige was tailor made for me. I thought this would just be a rest stop between Batman Begins and The Dark Knight but Nolan really impressed with this full-fledged... uh, attraction! Thanks again, Chris.
DK: lol, it WAS tailor made for people like you, lol
Magus: Yeah.
DK: On that note, excellente!
Magus: Connecting that to Casino Royale's status as the Batman Begins of 2006... those two movies should probably share the top spot. But in the tradition of a Top 10 I HAD to choose, so. There ya go.
Magus' Top 10 Scorecard!
1. The Prestige
2. Casino Royale
3. The Fountain
4. The Departed
5. Borat
6. Inland Empire
7. Superman Returns
8. V for Vendetta
9. Inside Man
10. Pan's Labyrinth
and
DK's Top 10 Scorecard!
1. Little Miss Sunshine
2. V for Vendetta
3. Casino Royale
4. The Inside Man
5. The Matador
6. The Hills Have Eyes
7. The Devil Wears Prada
8. Eight Below
9. Superman Returns
10. The Prestige
DK: All right. So that wraps up our top ten movies of 2006! Tune in tomorrow for our WORST MOVIES OF THE YEAR and other wackiness.
Magus: Happy New Year!
DK: wooo
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*********
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~oh look an update
{:3
Update: 1/2/07
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January the Second,
Two Thousand Double-O Seven:
Wherein DK and Magus Discuss 2006's
Mediocre, Bad and Awful Offerings
and the Future~
DK: Okay, the first movie I saw this year that made me knew we were in for some chop was The Pink Panther.
Magus: Oh my GOD, I forgot all about that. There was a time when I actually looked forward to that. Because of Jean Reno and Jason Statham.
DK: Same here!
Magus: They're trying to FOOL US!
DK: In fact it was quite a profound experience, there were things happening on the screen that most people would find some good physical humor but for the life of me I COULD NOT LAUGH. I don't know what it was. Perhaps Steve Martin really is that terrible? And of course BEYONCE, the least captivating female lead this side of Madonna.
Magus: Wait a second, isn't she in Dreamgirls right now?
DK: Yes, but word is she is being outshined by the girl that lost in American Idol last year.
Magus: That movie looks like pompous trash.
DK: Not to mention ego-driven. Eddie Murphy AND Jamie Foxx?
Magus: Well it's got Jami-- yeah. Yeah, EXACTLY.
DK: What would Michael Richards think?
Magus: Michael Richards would pretend to enjoy it as Jesse Jackson and Oprah sneer it at him from across the aisle, holding copies of Fried Green Tomatoes close to their hearts. Ready to attack. Wait, my mistake. Purple. The Color Purple. What the heck is Fried Green Tomatoes? I got my colors mixed up.
DK: that's about southern belles that one
Magus: well it's about racism isn't it?
DK: most likely EVERYTHING IS AFTER ALL. I never read it.
Magus: Not like it'd say anything new anyway. Take Babel for instance. That movie has Koji Yakusho and Brad Pitt in it yet makes no use of either. If I had a country to rule that would be a crime. Instead, most of the focus is on this poor Mexican housemaid tormenting Brad Pitt's kids, two Moroccan kids perving around with a rifle, and the horniest deaf girl in Japan. Some of it was interesting but overall, it was so jarring and unfocused in its approach - y'know, let's look at ALL THESE PEOPLE and see how lack of understanding ruins their lives.
DK: Like Crash. The disjointed storytelling fad has gotta go.
Magus: Yeah, like Crash. But SOMEHOW, Babel ends up being better than Crash anyway. Because it had a decent ending, despite it being unrealistically positive, and a pretty damn good soundtrack too. But the whole message of the movie was so muddled. Is it really lack of understanding? Lack of communication? Or is it guns? Alcohol? Illegal immigration? It was an overstuffed turkey.
DK: Yeah don't feel too bad about missing that one.
Magus: Plus, once the characters started making loony, selfish decisions to further exacerbate their already dreary lives it became difficult to sympathize. Volver's another one like that. I couldn't explain my distaste for it very well besides "ZOMG SO BORING" until the friend I saw it with, who actually liked it, helped out saying "it was a chick flick. Women weeping and hugging each other because their man was bad and their mother is gone." So my eyes lit up. I realized I just watched a soap opera for $11 in a movie theater, when I could've switched on Telemundo at home and had just as much of an experience.
DK: I tell you sometimes girls like the crappiest ****. A good example would be the tons of **** movies I was dragged to this year
Magus: Aw yeah, tell us about trouble in paradise.
DK: I will get to the crown jewel of that one--Running With Scissors—later. But we'll start with Over The Hedge.
Magus: You're gonna have to remind me just exactly which CG-animated movie starring animals that one is.
DK: The one that had Jim Carrey attached to star but he bailed and they had Bruce Willis replace him. It's based off of some comic strip and it really wasn't terrible or anything but the storyline was soooo basic and the characters sucked. Eugene Levy, Avril Lavigne?!
Magus: Oh god.
DK: The cast was considerably weaker when compared to something like Happy Feet which had some legs in that department (not much else, though). The story was pretty much Toy Story, the leader of a group is ousted by a hip new member and becomes a jerk from it but then becomes nice again. WHATEVER. Monster House was another CGI film, it looked cutesy and it actually turned out to be a homage to those 1980s movies like Monster Squad. So that was enjoyable. The big question is why did something like Monster House actually OUTSHINE the king of the genre? Pixar's offering, Cars, SUCKED.
Magus: Cars? As I watched it I wondered why I wasn't having any fun. It was the talkiest cartoon I've ever seen. That movie must've had a 200-page script. AND WHO HIRED LARRY THE HEALTH INSPECTOR-SLASH-CABLE GUY?
DK: At least he was enjoyable. Owen Wilson was annoying, whiny and non-relatable. Kids had nothing to root for in this movie. A co-worker of mine at the theatre said that this was more of a movie for southerners…
Magus: Really? I don't think it matters if his voice is coming out of a rusty old pick-up truck - which is an accurate representation of him to say the least - but he was still poop.
DK: …as did the director of it, who is a big NASCAR buff.
Magus: Really.
DK: But isn't this kinda insulting Southerners? I know they gotta like funnier stuff than this. NIXON? GRAY? IRC?! WAS CARS FOR YOU GUYS?! Alto? {:3
Magus: Well at least this movie is the one that didn't treat the South like Mordor for once.
DK: Ha. All in all, Cars was boring, talky, and a very bleak look into the machine-ruled future we are doomed to face. At least the humans had a fighting chance in The Terminator.
Magus: Even the flies were Volkswagens. I thought that was cute. How could you NOT? Tiny cars with insect wings? ^__^
DK: Yeah yeah. Either way it was a huge disappointment coming off of The Incredibles, and pretty much unacceptable from Pixar. At least it wasn't injected with all sorts of lame pop-culture references.
Magus: Good point. There were no Britney Spears songs. And no Robin Williams! So that's an automatic plus. So, basically, Cars wasn't Robots. That should be a sticker on the DVD. "Not Robots!"
DK: lol Other crappy CGI cartoons like Barnyard and The Ant Bully I refused to go to. We'll see how this year begins when I see Happily N'ever After this weekend =(
Magus: Is there anyway you can get out of that?
DK: I'm not seeing one.
Magus: The same date I took to Borat, we saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2.
DK: I noticed we recieved some criticism for not including it yesterday.
Magus: Yeah, well, let them make their own lists. :P It was fun at first, and she had a blast, I think the words she used "I felt like a kid again", and that's fine, but after a while I couldn't help but check my watch time to time. To time. To time. Why does every popcorn blockbuster have to be almost three hours long?
DK: It's really counter-productive.
Magus: It started to feel less like a movie and more like a Wile E. Coyote cartoon.
DK: Pirates could've probably made another gajillion dollars on top of it if they slimmed down the time so more showings could squeeze out in a day.
Magus: YET they still shattered all expectations didn't they?! Everyone LOOOVED it. People went BACK to see it. Maybe they don't have air conditioning.
DK: Either that or those kids would be taking out their last friend who didn't see it yet. Sadly, I was never much of a pirate person, I like Treasure Island and all but other than that I was never very captivated.
Magus: Whatever the reason, it got to be a real bore after the 7th wacky chase scene. And whenever Orlando Bloom was onscreen. Woof, man, woof. When they finally gave me what I wanted - Geoffrey Rush, the greatest pirate of all - the movie ENDED. AARGH! The CG and everything was nice but if they could just file it down to something that doesn't require a whole afternoon to slog through... then I'd be satisfied. Everyone wants to bone Johnny Depp, so, suddenly, they give this movie carte blanche to do whatever the hell it wants... like, ironically, kill Johnny Depp. =P OR NOT SINCE HE'S ALREADY IN PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL FOR THE SEQUEL LOL These spontaneous trilogies, man. Did you see Saw III?
DK: Yes I did, I was going to get to that later
Magus: Why not now?
DK: After I speak about another horrible horror movie that came out this year-- the critically-acclaimed The Descent.
Magus: But Dog Soldiers was so fun. =(
DK: This movie was not fun at all. Stephen King said that this was one of his favorite horror movies, and that it was different because it had an all-female cast, which just proves that he lives under a rock and writes all day, 'cause just about every slasher movie out there is all female.
Magus: Yeah, that's insane.
DK: Anyway, I give The Descent credit for featuring an all-female cast featuring girls of a tough material, full of spunk and cutting down on the "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD" that was ushered in after Blair Witch hit. However, the creature wasn't scary (at least Gollum is still finding work though) and the main arc didn't make sense. Everyone made a fuss about some cut ending, the ending was cut because it was bull****, however without it there were segments left in this cut that would only make sense with the ending. Very sloppy work by the localization team. Back to the ending, though... Where is it written that every goddamn horror movie has to not make sense nowadays?
Magus: It fries my beans when horror movies, any movies, don't follow the rules they set up for themselves.
DK: I don't really know what the point of the movie was, it was helping some girl get over the death of her husband. Or was it? Was it just Deliverance in a cave? Was it just THE CAVE IN A CAVE? Here's an idea, how about a horror movie that has a HAPPY ENDING for once?! The Descent didn't really do anything new and I fail to see what the fuss is, so thank you Hollywood for giving directors the idea that this is intelligent horror.
Magus: Really? In this day and age, I think a happy ending would be an irresponsible falsehood, especially in horror. Look at our best-of lists. Would it be safe to say each one of those movies have downer endings? At least bittersweet ones, like Superman. Or, uh, heh, Borat. Even then, it's ironic.
DK: Well I'm not talking sunshine and daisies here. I mean like the character learns something and applies it and pulls through because of it. Perhaps a positive ending, I mean.
Magus: Right.
DK: Horror movies always have to have that last word in the end; the little jolt so it can have a sequel.
Magus: Yeah, I gotcha. I still gotta see The Descent. Since The Fountain, I'm just wary now that we may have a complete 180 disagreement or something.
DK: Or the character doesn't learn, whatever. Either way the horror genre needs to move towards a more character-driven story and not plot-driven.
DK: Which is a good example of why Saw 3 was also a stinker.
Magus: Yeah? You just had a bunch of ciphers running around getting chopped to pieces?
DK: It actually goes for that character-driven story, but fumbles in just about every way.
Magus: Oh, so it tries at least.
DK: Saw 3 was much much better than Saw 2, and it really really tried to be something worthwhile-- argh, I feel like I'm going against myself --'cause the character development in this series only hurt itself. See, it's like this, G.
Magus: *pays attention*
DK: The original Saw, while flawed was actually pretty fun and a breath of fresh air. It was a departure from most stalker/serial killer movies because it focused on the victims themselves most of all, not the killer and not the pursuers of the killer. Part of the fun of the movie was seeing if the two could outsmart the killer in this game and escape with their lives. Jigsaw was demented and sadistic, he claims that he has a purpose to what he does and it's to better people, but at the same time the psycho likes to watch people tear themselves apart. So now we go to Saw 3, which again I stress was very surprising in the amount of effort it put into itself despite knowing that Saw 2 grossed much more than the first movie, it was aware that it had a terrible script and an even worse plot twist at the end. Saw 3 acknowledges this by actually including many scenes that point out the absurdity of 2's twist and even sorta gets this "yeah it was stupid so here we'll make it up to you" feel. But then somewhere midway through the movie, Jigsaw starts his talking again. He talks about how great he is and you're supposed to feel bad for him or something. He says he hates murders and doesn't condone murder, which is a complete contradiction to the character presented in the first movie.
Magus: That just sounds silly.
DK: If he hated murder so much he wouldn't have slit the throat of an officer and killed another just so he could KEEP MURDERING PEOPLE IN HIS GAMES. However, Saw 3 gets points for being the most visceral of the bunch, they refrain from the NIN video camera effects during the gore scenes as much as they can. So while I left the theatre pleasantly surprised, it was still pretty lousy. And the vitcims! An obsessive father bent on killing the person who hit his daughter in a car, killing her.
Magus: A noble motive.
DK: So the game is that he goes through a gauntlet where he can either save the people involved (they include a witness who refused to testify, the judge for the case that let the driver slide and finally, the driver himself) and it really is captivating until as I said, Jigsaw opens his mouth. I mean I'm totally split on the movie! The vitcims had a good story, Jigsaw's babbling ruined it. The ending was also, like I said before too much of a downer. You get all this build-up that he goes through this stuff and is repeatedly, like at least ten times, about how bad obsessing over vengeance is and all, and then he just ignores it in the end and gets ****ed by the game. Why does it have to be that kind of ending? =( It's more believable and TRIUMPHANT (why can't there be triumph in a horror movie?) that the lead would've learned from the game. At least it's not gonna be a trilogy, Saw 4 and 5 have been announced. What I would do if I was handed Saw 4? I would continue the character-development on Jigsaw by giving him a powerful foil, like the detective from the Halloween movies.
Magus: DONALD PLEASANCE!!!!
DK: Yah! So while Saw 3 was a step in the right direction the series still has a long way to go, and it's probably impossible at this point. All the 17 year olds just want to see Nine Inch Nails videos and believe there's some schmaltzy meaning behind it all
DK: Okay, enough about that movie. I got two other movies before we hit the universally bad movies... so why don't you go next?
Magus: Oh yeah? Okay. Let's see. Oh, Hollywoodland. That was a real disappointment, and another movie that overstayed its welcome.
DK: Ahhh, Hollywoodland, I actually thought it was decent, if only for Ben Affleck's performance. He was great
Magus: Yeah, he was a nice surprise. His love interest too.
DK: Did I just say taht?
Magus: Uhhh, Diane Liane?-- Yeah, I know right? Makes me wish Ben Affleck stuck closer to Matt Damon and make, uh, good choices.
DK: hahaha I really liked the idea of the father having the kid whose idol is dead.
Magus: See, it's a good idea...
DK: but something about the execution was just sour.
Magus: Right, because the whole exercise just seemed pointless. You got this negative, noir figure but you cast such a non-entity like Adrien Brody.
DK: Who would you have casted?
Magus: And he gets beaten up and muscled around in true noir fashion, and in the end, it's just "Oh, he must've committed suicide anyway. Oh well." Like, what was the point?
Magus: --Oh, Someone easier to look at. Adrien Brody's skinnier than me for crying out loud.
DK: Ha, well he should've been strung out and haggard. He was a loser.
Magus: Wearing a ginny tee the whole time though? Blech. Besides, the noir stuff got in the way of the Hollywood schmaltzy stuff, the Hollywood schmaltz got in the way of the noir. When one story got interesting, they CUT BACK to the less interesting one! Like Babel, it was so frustrating.
DK: Yeah, I know what you're saying. I loved watching the old production scenes though.
Magus: Those were the best parts, definitely. Ben Affleck goofing off.
DK: I think I'd file Hollywoodland under "bad movie I liked anyway", alongside Lady In The Water.
DK: All right, so should we close the book on Hollywoodland?
Magus: And open Philip K. Dick's raunchy stoner comedy A Scanner Darkly.
DK: I'm actually gonna see this one this week, so don't buzzkill it TOO MUCH.
Magus: Heh. Okay, but I hope you have a stronger tolerance for Robert Downey and Woody Harrelson than I do. As two of the only Keanu fans on the planet, I can assure you Keanu will be the best part of the movie. His narration was well-done and when he's not onscreen you will miss him. You'll be putting up with Woody's and Downey's annoying conspiratorial laptrap.
DK: A colleauge of mine did say he felt like he was watching Half-Baked during some parts.
Magus: Maybe it was supposed to come off as quirky and kooky, maybe even FUNNY, but I was just kinda ****** off that this animated sci-fi cop story had no sci-fi or cops or anything animated worth a damn. This is one time I didn't read the original book - I had planned to - but I bit the bullet and saw it anyway, with three friends who did read the book, and they were all profoundly wronged. You're gonna have to tell me what you thought about it, especially the ending, when it finally got interesting.
DK: Can do.
Magus: *sigh* Miami Vice.
DK: Seeing that one this week, too! It's on my netflix batch.
Magus: Hopefully that director's cut injects some life into the procedural I had to sit through. I took a whole crowd to it and they all hated it. Luckily one friend (the merciful Volver one) helped me try and pick out the good parts about it.
DK: Hmm.
Magus: I read some reviewers compare it to French New New Wave stuff like (La Femme) Nikita, which I love, but Miami Vice barely got a reaction out of me when it came to the romance stuff. The IDEA of an illicit affair during all that drug stuff is great, especially with Gong Li - y'know she's like 42 years old? - but it was so lifeless. Colin Farrel and our boy Jamie Foxx are like mannequins.
DK: Hopefully the director's cut expands that a bit.
Magus: Hopefully. And the night scenes looked terrific. Apparently Jamie and his posse botched the movie anyway. Or SO I HEAR.
DK: Can't you see Jamie Foxx just going "abidabidabidabidabida THAT'S ALLLLL FOLKS?" like Porky Pig whenever he fast talks in any movie?
Magus: He doesn't even get a line that long in Miami Vice.
DK: I must be thinking about his performance in Ray, then.
Magus: My Miami Vice foibles are well-known so I won't go too much into HOW IT SHOULD'VE BEEN AWESOME. Didn't I say it almost killed cinema for me?
DK: I think you've mentioned it in passing a few times {:3
Magus: whoops rofl It must've been right after Pirates 2 and A Scanner Darkly, and all the other duds earlier in the year, so I had just about had it with the overwhelming disappointment. Miami Vice was the last straw.
Magus: What was the FIRST straw I wonder?
DK: Probably, Silent Hill. That came in April, and really nothing OFFENSIVE came in the first few months... except stuff that you should be avoiding anyway, like Date Movie, that is my number one worst movie of the year but I won't bother going into why, I'm sure everyone at the Pav has a goddamn brain. And wouldn't see this movie like I did. Friday night out my ass. So I will talk about two other movies instead.
DK: The first one is the most unremarkable musical ever made-- Idlewild. I don't have anything against Outkast, but even a stark week after seeing the movie I couldn't even remember a single line from any song in the movie.
Magus: I never even heard of this movie.
DK: Obviously it was vying for the Moulin Rouge feel, but it flounders around for two hours looking for a point and direction and never finds it.
Magus: That's an awful long time to flounder.
DK: So eventually the breaks are just pulled on the movie, every end is resolved flatly, swiftly and pointlessly. It was a musical starring Outkast to market with their latest album. Purple Rain it wasn't. Boring, boring movie. But at least it wasn't insipid, as this next entry is--
Magus: Oh, Prince reminds me, y'know what movie I wanted to see but never got to? Dave Chappelle's Block Party.
DK: Oh yeah? I saw that, it was decent. Typical rockumentary. Enjoyable but I don't know, how do you get in the mood to see a rockumentary, you know?
Magus: One pal of mine loved it, and it's music and a scene I'm not at all familiar with, and I like Chappelle, so I figured I'd give it a shot. I saw this hip-hop documentary... Scratched, I think it was called? Had a few Beastie Boys in it, it was pretty cool.
DK: I dunno, I'd see it with a buddy
Magus: That's what I'd do. So you were saying?
DK: Okay, now Heather has dragged me to a lot of **** and I've taken it, 'cause well, I forced the poor girl to see Silent Hill.
Magus: I almost made that mistake.
DK: But I had NO IDEA what I was in for the night she said she wanted to see Running With Scissors.
Magus: Sounds like a Weird Al album.
DK: I saw the low score on Rotten Tomatoes and tried to protest based on those grounds but it was no use. I don't know what happens in the book, but what this movie was was bull****. It was tripe and only the most aloof and delusional of society would've found any reason or meaning to it. Pretty much what the movie was was a showcase of weird things happening in each scene, but with no theme uniting them and no real story. People have argued saying that it was about him finding his sexual identity or something. But it's not, he plainly states "you know I'm gay?" at the beginning of the movie and it never changes from that, none of the things that happen in the beginning have any payoff and the only moral I could've gathered was "watch a bunch of bull**** happen and eventually someone will show up and make things better for you", which is balls. That is a happy ending that is an irresponsible fallacy.
Magus: Well, I dunno, I've had a few things fall in my lap more than once. {:3 I'm looking at Rottentomatoes.com now. Brian Cox was in it?
DK: He was but all he did was pretty much act weird every scene, it was boring by the mid point. Oh what a chore that movie was. 20 minutes into it was I was like "I need a drink" only to find the concession stand closed. If there was one performance that did shine in the movie, it was Alec Baldwin's, and there was far too little of him. And Gwenth Paltrow can definatly play Claudia in a Silent Hill 3 movie.
Magus: Yeah, I wanted more of him in The Departed too. He is really good, I feel bad forgetting that fact sometimes.
DK: But either way, the movie was pointless and lame. And more than that. It was-- augh!! like I felt my IQ dropping cause I knew there were idiots in the audience with us like "this is so deep."
Magus: Heh.
DK: It was like Crash. Every scene was the same thing, just presenting it differently. Except there was only the one central cast in this one so every scene was "there's the kid, now something weird happens." "Brian Cox says something weird to the kid." "The kid's mom comes out as a lesbian and ruins her family." You could tell it was written with "What's the worse that can happen NOW?" mentality.
Magus: Looks like Dreamgirls is getting the same kind of reception. What's deep about a bunch of selfish divas? With that and mediocrities like Babel and Volver, I do not look forward to the Oscars this season. Hopefully George Clooney will provide more fodder for a good South Park.
DK: Volver is famous for one reason: minority director.
Magus: Sure but not anymore. How many Spanish directors have movies out right now? And they all co-produced each other.
DK: Hmm, I can count them on my fingers, I think. Well certainly more common than the uhhhh Ang Lee's. But still, the fact that he's not white gives his movie some gravity.
Magus: I want to see Zhang Yimou's new flick. More Gong Li :3 We must look like supremacist pricks or something.
DK: CHING CHONG
Magus: "HE'S NOT WHITE HE AUTOMATICALLY GETS THE OSCAR."
DK: Hey if I ever make it I'm milking my Hispanic heritage for all it's worth. (which may not be much lols)
Magus: It's so tough living in our picketed communities.
DK: we could leave this dialouge out {:3
Magus: I don't mind it }:3 Though I wouldn't want to use race like a prop, the way some of these movies do.
DK: So those are the bad movies I wanna talk about.
Magus: So then we can get to the big ones. I got three in mind. We've been beating them like dead horses all year, it's not like one more bludgeon couldn't hurt. After all the pain and mental anguish we were afflicted.
DK: *wipes hands together and snickers devilishly*
Magus: BOY THIS HILL SURE IS SILENT
DK: AND SO WAS THE THEATRE AFTER IT WAS OVER
Magus: I was whimpering like a baby.
DK: Silent Hill was like the girl the poor kid finds on MySpace, and they're talking for a while and she seems really cool. And you talk about all sorts of neat things, from that first exposure you love her. But finally when the time comes to meet her... Boom, 5'3, 220 pounds.
Magus: GUHH SEND IT BACK. Send it back and REFINE it. Change the ending. Change the whole SECOND HALF. ...And some of the beginning too while you're at it. :3
DK: You try to work it out, so what if she's ugly she was great before. But more and more problems become apparent. LIKE A HATRED FOR BUSH AND ORGANIZED RELIGION. I tell you leave it to some goddamn Frenchy to make a movie about Silent Hill into an anti-Bush metaphor
Magus: Yeah I don't remember any mean-spirited politics in the games. Unless you count Burger Queen. Even that's a stretch. So IS Cristabella Bush?
DK: Probably.
Magus: Is that burn/rape victim in the bedpan raping Bush with barbed wire at the end? LOL IRAQ
DK: I hope one day Christophe Gans goes to Silent Hill trying to find the Oscar he won for it three years ago...
Magus: Haha
DK: ...only to find out he made a terrible movie after watching it on video in the hotel. "Silent Hill's awful....I directed it..." "YOU KILLER I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU."
Magus: I wish they put as much thought into the writing as they did the sets and the effects.
DK: Ah yes that is a good point. I was overjoyed about the fact that most of the production was actual sets and props. Except those retarded bugs. Why, Silent Hill ...why. I mean did they ever PLAY the games? Not even that, how could you make the bad guy a good guy? And Anna...AUGH.
Magus: Oh right, that despicable, incomprehensible plothole. Leader of this ridiculous church sends her to the DEMON. Who KILLS EVERYONE. WTF. Makes no sense any way you look at it. They must've played the first game at least. The Grey Children part WAS the beginning of Silent Hill 1. Camera angles and all. I hope Neil Gaiman helps write the sequel. Instill some ****ing sense into it. And give us the elegant horror we were promised.
DK: That would be amazing
Magus: Him and Avary are like butt buddies now or something, so it's possible.
DK: Though I remember hearing Gans say if he were doing a sequel it was gonna be based off of SH3 cause it's the direct continuation, though how the hell that's gonna happen now with that ending...
Magus: That's crazy. WHY would you forego the chance to adapt the entry of the series that lends itself SO WELL to FILM?!
DK: I think they should do 3, have it be horrible, and hopefully one day a director will have the chutzpa to come back to it like ten years later and do SH2's story. I mean nothing is harder than trying to have a lot of faith in a sequel to a bad movie.
Magus: But think how freaking SOARING it would be to have a sequel done right. Oh god, we're setting ourselves up for another fall.
DK: we are! Though SH2 is much more romantic, perfect for this French bastard
Magus: SH2 has everything.
DK: It really does. I just played through it again last week. You notice something new every time.
Magus: That's what the movie should be like. It'd be like David Lynch's Memento.
DK: Oh man, could you imagine what it would've been like if they didn't lose all that data while working on it? The possibilities are endless.
Magus: What do you mean?
DK: You never heard that?!
Magus: ..heard what?!
DK: Konami had a computer crash while they were working on the game or something and they lost a lot of ****. A lot of early promo shots of the game have a scene with James and Maria in a really dark room illuminated by a blue light and stuff. Oh I hope I didn't throw out the Next Generation magazine that had those shots in them
Magus: Next Generation MAGAZINE? Whoa, when was this?!
DK: So yeah alledgely the developers lost a lot of the game while making it. It was like the first issue talking about the PS2's new games, I think Crash Bandicoot is surfing on the cover. Well, the PS2's first-gen games. Or it could be bull****, I just heard it on a few websites, but definitely more than once. So I dunno.
Magus: Wow, that's nuts. So there might be a Silent Hill 1.5 out there. Or, uh, not anymore. I hope Silent Hill Origins doesn't turn out as embarrassing as I think it will be. The series needs to save itself.
DK: Yeah, really
Magus: At least Silent Hill wasn't directed by BRETT RATNER: Cinema's Dip****.
DK: LIKE OUR NEXT MOVIE?
Magus: What WASN'T egregious about this wreck?
DK: Ugh, seriously, I think I'm physically exhausted from bashing this movie. But yeah, X-Men 3.
Magus: I always find I have some energy to bang X3 with a claw hammer a few more times.
DK: We can't hope to hit everything wrong about the movie in this one shot.
Magus: There's just so much.
DK: My contribution will be the bull**** finale. What wasn't sloppy about that? All of a sudden it becomes nighttime out of nowhere
Magus: I couldn't believe that. I thought my eyes were playing tricks...
DK: It's supposed to be a war between mutants, and it's just the X-Men beating up thugs who barely use any powers.
Magus: ...like my brain was rejecting what I was seeing and it made up for it by casting darkness upon the screen.
DK: CHARLES ALWAYS WANTED TO BUILD BRIDGES?! COME ON! And hey, Magneto, the audiences were just so thrilled by the flaming car thing that you should do it another 20 times. It was like a Family Guy episode
Magus: That could explain its popularity.
A box of nails is smarter than this movie.
DK: Now Grant Morrison, there's someone who can suck it up, unlike Alan Moore. Not only was his story bastardized, but he APPEARED in the film version ...not Grant Morrison. What the hell is the guy's name?
Magus: Really? Now, I've read the first volume of The Invisibles, and some of his Batman run... oh, you mean Chris Claremont?
DK: Yeah
Magus: Yeah, okay. Grant Morrisons' the ****ing last guy I want anywhere near a film script. Besides Brett and his stooge crew of course. It felt like no one even knew what they were doing. Everything was off. It must've been great for Cyclops, Rogue, Xavier and Mystique, they only had to show up once, get killed/cured and leave. Collect a paycheck. Say sayonara to any chance of a movie that could live up to the standard X2 placed. Was there anything that could match Wolverine's and Rogue's dialogue in the first movie? No. Anything that could hold a candle to Magneto's prison escape in X2? No. There was nothing. Phoenix was a laughingstock. All this talk about how powerful she is, and she stands around and does the vampire-burn-to-death effect from ****ing BLADE ONE. I wish they never bothered.
DK: Not to mention she was ****ing ugly too.
Magus: OH RIGHT.
DK: I know the actress is an older woman, but they made her look very good in X2.
Magus: Xenia, man. GoldenEye raised a generation of gamers and action fans but they completely ruined Famke Janssen in this. How do you fug up Xenia Onatopp? That's one accomplishment at least. The whole art design department must've been on glue.
DK: ****, X2 Jean Gray is right up there with Emma Thompson on my "older women I have a crush on" list, and then she became Skeletor in X3. And what is the word on a sequel now? I hear they don't want to but every week it seems like you hear "AVI ARAD TALKS X-MEN $" ...I mean 4, I held down the shift key. HOW IRONIC
Magus: Haha! I know. When I read X3 was breaking records all over the place, that it was getting good reviews, that people were buying the DVD, my heart just about broke.
DK: I hear that.
Magus: Brett Ratner: King of Hollywood.
DK: Brett Ratner proves naysayers wrong! The ****?!
Magus: I don't want to be part of a world where that's possible.
DK: Perhaps this is all a mind trick from Professor X.
Magus: Christ, I hope so.
DK: So he could keep funding the school with the money these movies make.
Magus: They establish his character as a friggin' GOD in the second movie, and they throw everything interesting about that to the wind. In Jean Grey's stupid flying house. When he died I wanted my money back. Even though I saw it for free. I still felt like I was beaten and robbed. Of my innocence. My dignity. Like Juggernaut took a swing at me. Let's let the Internet write our movie! SAVES US ALL THE WORK, RIGHT BRETT?
DK: I felt the same way. After the Professor died I wanted to walk out. Heather was like "Well let's see where this is going" then she saw the Marrow-Wolverine in the woods fight and then she wanted to walk out. But it was too late. We were already strapped in. If there were ever a trainwreck, X-Men 3 is it. I mean I can't call another movie a trainwreck after seeing this movie. They all have to be less-disastrous things now. Or I could just call X3 a planewreck.
Magus: Seeing as how X2 was such a high, I'd say that's mighty apt. X3 was 9/11 times 100.
DK: *bursts into tears*
Magus: At least the movie-going public didn't flock to my personal pick for the worst movie of the year. Kurt Wimmer's astounding ****-up, Ultraviolet.
DK: Bahahahaha! Yes! Even the sets sucked in that movie!
Magus: I know, how does that happen?! I could make a better dystopian sci-fi movie in my basement. George Lucas had nothing but WHITE and he made THX-1138. But a competent script and ACTORS are necessary too, so. Sadly, Ultraviolet had none of these ingredients. Nothing even close.
DK: I had actually forgotten about this movie, you know.
Magus: Well, it came out waaaaaaaaay back... er, last year actually. In January....
DK: THE BLOOD WAR IS ON
Magus: ...Traditional ****ty Movie Month.
DK: Oh Kurt Wimmer...
Magus: What an idiot he must be.
DK: ...how you continue the trend of the sophmore slump.
Magus: I really want to ask "WTF" to his face about this flick. Like, does he think it's cool? Did he really think mocking up some comic book covers for the opening credits were a clever idea? And not, I dunno, RETARDED?
DK: It worked for Creepshow!
Magus: God. Can you believe some people thought Ultraviolet was a comic?! He's fooling people. Uh, unless of course, it is one, a really OBSCURE and AWFUL one, then its film adaptation was an absolute success. I don't think even Mike Nelson, Tom and Crow could touch this movie. While watching it, I turned to a pal, who looked absolutely devastated, hiding his face in shame and all from this movie, and said "We're watching Versus, man. This is Versus." Before Ultraviolet, Versus was the prime example of stupid editing and special effects to carry a dumber-than-Snipes script. The camera spun all over the place dizzying the **** out of me as Milla Jovovich jumped around like some awful Playstation 1 graphic. Who thinks she's hot? Who thinks she's capable of... anything?
DK: The directors she's banging, that's who.
Magus: Yeah, exactly. She seems to grab on from one branch to the next. At least in Resident Evil 2 she got to share time with Jill Valentine.
DK: Apparently Jill isn't gonna be in the next one...
Magus: In Ultraviolet she's got your go-to sick boy, Cameron Bright and the bounty hunter from Riddick, except now with spaghetti strainers in his nostrils.
DK: ...which I hope isn't true 'cause she was the only good part of the last one.
Magus: REALLY? Are they out of their MINDS?! --EXACTLY. She made it feel like an authentic Resident Evil movie. Almost. ALMOST. But there's nothing excusable about movies like Ultraviolet. All the money and time wasted on this. If they wasted any EFFORT, we might've received something acceptable but I guess that was just too much to ask for.
DK: I wouldn't go that far.
Magus: Yeah, you're right.
DK: Mannn, this year was awful.
Magus: James Bond was the best we got. How crazy is that? James Bond and Superman. This is indeed a strange universe.
DK: Yeah.
DK: So, one last little segment: random awards.
Magus: Yes! The Dumbest Movie Ever Though I Didn't See It is Deja Vu.
DK: hahaha, agreed!
Magus: Tony Scott needs to stop. Just... just stop. And Denzel's gotta read his scripts more carefully. Once that trailer revealed deja vu is some government sci-fi machine conspiracy, I saw all I needed to see.
DK: hahaha Best Movie to feature a black guy getting his head clapped by weight training machinery: Final Destination 3
Magus: Didn't you mention a Korean girl stabbed with the American flag?
DK: Yes. Most hilarious deaths: Final Destination 3.
Magus: What's going on there, I wonder.
DK: FD is really perfect in a way. They figured out a way to show the same characters dying more than once. So the whole movie is just hilarious fatalities
Magus: Sounds like it could just be a screensaver.
DK: It's a fun way to spend a weeknight with the gang. Best Actor: Hugh Jackman. Worst Actor: Robin Williams.
Magus: I once thought Robin Williams quit. Like, for real. Or at least quit those bull**** roles.
DK: Movie I wanted to see most but didn't: Children Of Men.
Magus: Because you CAN'T. It's NOWHERE.
DK: seriously!
Magus: Hugh Jackman should obsess over giving it a wider release and save us all. Only to doom himself. :-(
DK: hee hee Best Rocky movie! Rocky Balboa. It beat out Annapolis. Which wins Gayest Movie.
Magus: Really? Then this marks the first time I didn't see the gayest movie of the year.
DK: It was sooo retarded and void of testosterone despite being about people in the military. BOXING. People in the military BOXING. And it was still frilly.
Magus: Whaaaaat. Did they wear dresses?
DK: They might as well have.
Magus: Best Movie of 2006 That Really Came Out in 2005: The Protector.
DK: That's The Matador for me. 'Cause I didn't see The Protector. =( I saw Fearless instead, which was the best movie to feature Nathan Jones.
Magus: Ohhh my GOD. That would be The Protector as well actually. :3
DK: LOL REALLY?
Magus: YES.
DK: Oh god.
Magus: So it's no surprise the scene with Nathan Jones is my favorite part of Fearless.
DK: But... he was so BAD when he wrestled for the WWE. He injured his opponents all the time.
Magus: I can totally see that.
DK: Like, he injured Brad Pitt in Troy.
Magus: The man's a monster... a monster house. :3
DK: Best Trailer?
Magus: Spider-Man 3.
DK: Metal Gear Solid 4.
Magus: Oh duh, of course. But when the Spidey 3 trailer came on for Superman I went into convulsions. I had to bite on a tongue depressor.
DK: heh
Magus: The Wait, This Came Out in 2006? Awards go to Brick and Tristram Shandy: A **** and Bull Story.
DK: Thank You For Smoking.
Magus: Well, that was definitely 2006 wasn't it?
DK: Tristram Shandy was really 2006? I could've sworn it was earlier.
Magus: The other two straddle that weird border where they were out forever but finally reached my theater in 2006. I think...
I dunno. Those two movies exist in a timewarp for me.
DK: The Johnny Depp will not save you award goes to The Libertine.
Magus: Maaaannn, who was THAT movie for?
DK: Oh, speaking of that.
Magus: Yeah?
DK: Most ****ing OUT THERE movie of 2006: A Prairie Home Companion.
Magus: REALLY? That's Robert Altman's swan song right? I gotta see that.
DK: I liked it a lot but I have no idea what the hell happened. Great acting and singing and Woody Harrelson not playing himself. Really makes me wanna go see the show too.
Magus: But not good enough for the Top 10?
DK: Too confusing for me to put it there.
Magus: Didn't stop Inland Empire.
DK: My top 10 came more from my raw numbers out of 4.
Magus: The Guilty Pleasure of 2006, for me, is Running Scared. That movie was... I dunno. I felt so guilty enjoying the mayhem. It was ridiculous.
DK: Hmmm, I think Lady In The Water for me. I liked Running Scared, but Lady in the Water was losing me until it actually ended RIGHT WHEN IT SHOULD'VE. So despite the fact that it was an extremly personal pet project in every sense of the word, that ending right at the right time, in a year where every movie ran ten minutes too long was amazing.
Magus: I hated Running Scared at first because it went way out of its way to get that kid (Cameron Bright, AGAIN) on that journey but after a while I accepted it for what it was - nuts - and rolled with it. Lady in the Water scared me away, just not in the way M. Night intended. That guy needs to hand his pen over to someone else.
DK: Yeah, he's done but that was definitely the best trailer of 2005.
Magus: Yeah, I'm still waiting for Paul Giamatti's big break.
DK: Oh he was so good in the movie, too
Magus: I mean, for a movie I can enjoy without apologizing. THAT award goes to The Lake House. :3
DK: haha, yeah. Appearance I had no idea was coming: Clive Owen in The Pink Panther. Best original song in a movie? I'd go with either Casino Royale's theme or The Inside Man's Bollywood song remix.
Magus: Casino Royale's song, definitely. I didn't care for it at first, because the singer sounds kinda bored at the beginning, but coupled with that outstanding animation, I loved it. Catchy as hell.
DK: Oh yeah.
Magus: I feel stupid and bad for only seeing it once. Because I constantly feel like seeing it again.
DK: lol, me too! James Bond 2006 wins favorite character of the year.
Magus: Definitely. I'd say Bond, Borat and V are the most memorable personalities of the year.
DK: And because it has to be mentioned... Best movie to open in the big theatre and get moved to the 50 seat one a week later: Snakes On A Plane. Beating out Doogle. Which wins Worst Comeback: Chevy Chase
Magus: I don't even have a clue as to what you're talking about now.
DK: another crappy cgi cartoon
Magus: Oh, okay, whatever then. Snakes on a Plane was okay for a stupid parody thing but it's a shame it wasn't anything more.
DK: Movie I most wanted to see til I found out was limited was probably Brick. I just never made the effort after that.
Magus: It's a worth a see on video. If it was tighter it would've made my top 10. It seems all the noir offerings recently miss the mark in some way.
DK: 'Cause noir is dead.
Magus: Well, there's Sin City. That's what I want for 2007. Something hardboiled I can really hold onto.
DK: eeehhhhhh I didn't like Hartigan's story!!! =( The other two were awesome. Hopefully Sin City 2 is good, but if it's new content I'm a little weary, 'cause Frank Miller is crazy now and all.
Magus: Oh yeah, he's lost his mind. But if it's Dame to Kill For, then it'll be outstanding. Other movies you're looking forward to?
DK: Hmm, that was what I was about the end with. Most anticipated movie: Spider-Man 3 or Harry Potter 5.
Magus: Heh. Just to be different, I will say Transformers. That new trailer was pretty damn cool.
DK: I was never into Transformers, but I think it'll be fun unless it's all uhhhh...Michael Bay-ish =(
Magus: He did The Rock right? If he can get back to the fun of that, and with giant robots, or at the very least get Optimus Prime correct, I'll be satisfied.
DK: Yeah, either way it should make for some entertainment, or some colossal ripping apart of like X3.
Magus: Yup. Here's for more disappointment!
DK: Hell yeah!
*end segment*
*note: potential spoilers for movies. don't worry though no biggie lol*
Magus: 2006. A year of turmoil and change for the country, the world, and most importantly, me personally… it’s been a sad year, I won’t hide it. Tears have been shed and fists have been clenched, to be raised in anger and shaken at the heavens as I cry “WHY?! WHYYYYY!?”
…WHY are these movies so BAD? So… disappointing. For the first three quarters of the year I thought for sure every movie would be a disappointment. I was ready to give up on cinema. You remember. Time after time I saw humanity succumb to mediocrity and downright BADNESS. Insipid bull**** became the number one box office draw. The good stuff was tanking or went ignored. Week after week it seemed as if my will and determination to LIVE would break as throngs went to fill in seats for X3, as critics lauded maudlin hubbub like Volver. Is this what’s to become of the world, of LIFE forever?
Should I stop hope? Will EVERYTHING end up a disappointment? Luckily, the year was saved by a Hail Mary play of a few fall season flicks that actually lived up to the hype, and now my list isn’t just superhero flicks for once.
DreamKnight: Don't forget to mention Hoot's record breaking success! Lowest gross of a movie to open in more than 3,000 theatres! And Scary Movie 4: highest grossing movie to open over Easter. But I totally agree there, 2006 was offensive to say the least
Magus: Aw let's get on with it.
Magus: DK, let’s talk about your favorite flicks of the year!
10. The Prestige
DK: While at times I felt that The Prestige was a little hokey with its gloom and doom approach to the storyline, I can't deny that from every angle this was a solid movie. The acting was good, the production values were great and while it came off as "REAL WORLD: MAGICIANS" at times I still enjoyed myself. Huge Jackman finally gets a good role.
DK: I actually spelled him Huge Jackman again...geez. HUGH JACKMAN.
Magus: Ah yeah, Huge Jackman was yours to begin with. He steals the show, and it's a role that doesn't involve adamantium, John Travolta or gay showmen for once.
DK: I really liked the movie at the start, and the ending was cool too but I kinda found it less captivating when you saw their personal lives I liked watching the two bounce back and forth with their acts but whenever either one was with one of the women in the movie it got less interesting. I know the thing with The Professor's wife is a big tip off to the finale but still, something felt I dunno, lame.
Magus: I dunno, beautiful British harlots are nice to look at but one of these days Scarlett Johanasson will do something that doesn't require her to just be eye candy. I will be saddened at that sudden change of demeanor.
9. Superman Returns
DK: Say what you want, while it can feel like a bit of a compromise to pardon the fact that Superman Returns was more homage and less return Bryan Singer's direction for the character and the movie came through with a lot more respect for the source material than say... the first X-Men film. Kevin Spacey was great and hilarious and overall it was a nice airy break from the ultra serious Spider-Man and Batman movies of the past few years. The best part? No "THE MAINS ARE GONNA BLOW" people. Not to mention the amount of potential the sequel holds. If anything Superman Returns was a set-up movie for whatever comes next, and I can't wait to see it.
Magus: Yeah, it's weird the movie where Superman has an illegitimate kid is one of the nicer movies released this year.
DK: Yeah, that was the one flaw of the movie. Superman is NOT about passing the torch. Eerrrr...except from Jor-el to Kal-el. Not about passing the torch AGAIN.
Magus: Well isn't it?! Superman becomes part of humanity by infiltrating their gene pool. It's what he always wanted!
DK: Hmmm...I'm not sure I do agree. At the same time it would make sense. The people tried to help Superman but couldn't when he was hurt so the ugly kid makes a bridge between the two. And CYCLOPS! He did more than in all three X-Men movies combined!
Magus: He should meld with Brainiac and give Superman the 'ol ultraviolence for what he's done. That'd make for a GREAT sequel!
DK: Anything with Brainiac would. It'd be RELEVANT
Magus: But don't tell Hrafn that. LOL
8. Eight Below
DK: Early in the year there was a short blitz of Paul Walker movies, the absurdly violent (and hilarious) Running Scared and this more heartfelt and tender Eight Below, about a group of dogs stranded in an Antarctic base. Though many movies of this ilk try to intermingle the human and animal storylines Eight Below wisely sticks with the dogs for the most part as they interact with dangerous wild animals. The segments with the people are there, but they are done in a way that is not annoying.
Magus: Okay, you're the expert on this, you gotta tell me why this beats out The Prestige.
DK: This movie felt more human. I liked The Prestige, but I just felt so alienated during the movie. Though back to that movie, and The Illusionist, gotta give them props for presenting a movie about fake magic in this era of Harry Potter. The post-Lord of the Rings era and so on. I left Eight Below feeling fulfilled, and I know I'm gonna get **** for it as soon as people see it but it was a good movie – a great movie. If you were to counter it with March of the Penguins, March has that narration with it, that human element that keeps you with it. Eight Below didn't have that, it was just the dogs, it tried to stay as natural as it could and it still kept you. So overall I'd say it was an accomplishment.
Magus: I'd say anything that Paul Walker does is an accomplishment. {:3
DK: After Running Scared I'm inclined to agree! I think that movie wins most ****ed up credits reel. It was like paper dolls and carnival music
Magus: We'll get to that. }:3
7. The Devil Wears Prada
DK: I think I liked it so much because it hit in that terrible spring season where nothing was coming out. It was also witty and funny and Wall Street for girls. It was formulaic, but at the same time effective and well, solid but it doesn't make a bit of difference, guys my balls are inert. So number six then.
6. The Hills Have Eyes
DK: Did you see that?
Magus: No. I want to. I was gonna go on a huge horror kick during Halloween but Netflix was slow and midterms were heating up. Back to Devil/Prada though, I will see that, I think I got a thing for uh... Anne Hathaway, is it?
DK: Yeah
Magus: Yeah. She was a peach in Brokeback Mountain.
DK: there were LOTS of peaches in that movie
Magus: so you say {:3
DK: Hills was great. In the course of 20 minutes there's a burning, TWO rapes and a gun pointed at a baby. Add in the most intense nerd ever and you've got a remake that can proudly stand alongside 1980's The Thing and 2004's Dawn of the Dead as one done correctly.
Magus: Man, that DOES sound exciting. I think it was a Ruthlessreviews.com that first got me excited for the flick. I'm all for allegorical satirical horror flicks and it looks like this one fits the bill. I take it Pyro kills a lot of bloodthirsty freaks to shed his nerd skin and become a man.
DK: Oh yeah, someone gets run through with an American flag. It's not the first time that happened this year (Final Destination 3 featured a Korean girl getting impaled by one, LOLZ) but it's still awesome.
Magus: The American flag is showing up more and more these days. The Die Hard 4 trailer has that awesome shot of that building with the huge flag on it. The 2000s are totally the new 1980s.
DK: Except not as cool =( Still three years left, though.
Magus: So we still got time for our Last Crusades, Black Rains and Total Recalls.
DK: Indeed, Indy 4 starts filming next year. Okay, the next two movies are
5. The Matador and
4. The Inside Man
DK: See either of those?
Magus: Saw the Inside Man.
DK: The Matador was this year's buddy film. Pierce Brosnan and Greg Kinnear were great. The Inside Man, I gotta say it seemed all right but Denzel just really stole the show. By seemed all right I mean I wasn't too excited about it when it came out. Denzel Washington was phenomenal in the movie, though. And it was a great look at New York City with all the people on the outside getting involved like the Albanian woman and such. MESS WITH ONE NEW YAWKER AND YOU MESS WITH US ALL. The twists kinda lacked real I dunno...impact. They were very clever, though.
Magus: Yeah, Clive Owen's a lot of fun to watch.
DK: Yeah, and when the guy was like "May I have your hat?" in the restaurant and Denzel was like "No you may not, get your own!" that was like my favorite line for two months straight. It was a fun movie. Like Aladdin!
3. Casino Royale
DK: And what hasn't been said? Great new Bond, some awesome scenes and a parkour chase. 2006's only really good actioner
Magus: Oh GOODNESS yes. Like a-Ha’s Living Daylights said, I set my hopes up way too high…
DK: Haha, the third act?
Magus: But I was still satisfied! Oh, yeah, the third act has issues but overall 007 was a complete blast.
DK: Oh yeah, the third act had its problems but they did serve a necessary purpose
2. V for Vendetta
DK: I think people LIKE MAGUS forgot it because it was kinda light on the action and after The Matrix and all everyone was expecting a little more but c'mon, it was definitely the best love story of the year.
Magus: Hey hey hey, one of my favorite bits IS when they watch Count of Monte Cristo.
DK: By ALEXANDRE DUMB-ASS.
Magus: Heh, yeah, this marks the 10,000th time Count of Monte Cristo was alluded to, but when Natalie mentions how unfair it is that the Count's hate was stronger than his love for Mercedes, that's perfect. You can feel V's discomfort and regret but he HAS to do it, y'know?
DK: Oh yeah, the pivotal choices one must face
Magus: BTW, Agent Smith has got to be in more movies. He's a friggin' natural.
DK: Hopefully he plays Pops in Speed Racer!
Magus: With that voice and that stare I don't see how they could not grant him that part.
1. Little Miss Sunshine
DK: One of my favorite movies of all time (if not my absolute favorite) is Robert Redford's Ordinary People. That movie starts with a boy being taken back home from the hospital after trying to commit suicide. Strangely enough my favorite movie of this year, Little Miss Sunshine, begins the same way.
While early trailers had led me to believe that it'd probably just be quirky characters running around on screen for two hours trying to sell you on the fact that they are all different from what you normally see in movies, they actually behaved like well...real people that just had some extreme quirks.
The quirks didn't do the storytelling for them like characters from some other horrible movies of the year had (*cough* Running with Scissors *cough*) but instead just existed to embellish the story and give you a real sense of life to the characters. Things happen that you sympathize with and all the characters have an arc like in Ordinary People and you actually feel connections with these people.
A lot of movies come out about dysfunctional families going on a trip (just look at any ****ty family vacation movie) but Little Miss Sunshine did it with characters you could connect with, people who all struggle in life and unite for a single goal, a goal that if they achieve it maybe then there will be hope for them after all. A marvel of storytelling and a hilarious ride, this was probably one of the only movies that as soon as I left the movie theatre I wanted to turn around and see it again.
--------------------------------
Magus: My turn!
10. Pan's Labyrinth
Magus: I didn't think of putting this on here, seeing has how my reception to it has been lukewarm but upon further reflection Pan's Labyrinth is actually a good movie to start with.
DK: I didn't get the chance to see this one =(
Magus: I do recommend it but it's a tough one to watch, at least for me. One, because it's slow and not exactly the Hellboy/Blade II extravaganza us philistines are accustomed to, but it sums up what I think has been the overall feel of the movies this year, even mostly-lousy ones like Miami Vice and Silent Hill, which is insurmountable desperation and sadness. Dread, in short.
DK: Well you did say that this year made you shed plenty of tears. I'll check it out once it hits wide release.
Magus: If it ever does. =\ Otherwise it's definitely worth a rent or as Smurf Taco suggests, it's a good showpiece DVD but don't expect to feel very elated. Optimism is not the word this year. But Guillermo's hypnotic camera gaze kept me interested, and the second half really picks up.
9. Inside Man
DK: ooh, I know that one!
Magus: You really liked Denzel Washington, and I got nothing against the guy personally - he was pretty good, but sometimes his Training Day ego would burst out and show itself, laughing at me and my tiny whiteness.
DK: What did you think about Jodie Foster in that movie? I didn't take time to discuss her in my list. Uhhh, at least she was in a good movie for a change would be my thoughts. :P Her character didn't have an explanation and they've been saying that there's gonna be a sequel to explain it. I don't think the movie needs one, but if it's as good as the first then well I'm all for it
Magus: Heh. I figured she was just a negotiator. The mayor said something about her, like "You're a magnificent ****" and I thought that was great. She really is. She moved everything along and exposed the whole rich white guy vs. everyone else thing. Of all the movies about race I've seen the past year, including the insufferable Crash and bloated Babel, this is definitely the best. I LOVE the crazy little scene between Clive Owen and the PSP Kid. I mean, what was that about exactly? Spike Lee seems to be indicting the whole gangsta bull**** culture. I hope. I mean, I'm not sure. The race stuff was mostly background and it fit especially well into the New York setting. Even managed to sneak some 9/11 stuff in there, the bank itself isn't that far at all from Ground Zero if I'm not mistaken.
DK: Knowing Spike Lee it could mean just about anything but I personally think it was all part of the setting. So what's next?
Magus: Hmm. Some of this may seem arbitrary because I didn't get to see all the movies I wanted to before the year was up.
DK: Understandable. I probably would've put Rocky Balboa up there if I didn't just see it today :P
Magus: Heh. But V for Vendetta makes my #8 slot after all.
DK: All right! We covered this one pretty much, though.
8. V for Vendetta
Magus: Yeah, but I've seen it twice in theaters and read the book and it IS a fine dystopian sci-fi flick so I figure it deserves its spot. It's also one of the few elegant pictures this year I think. I mean, it's got violence and not a whole lot of subtlety (though I didn't figure Stephen Fry for a poofter till the second viewing, duhh) but it still manages to be smart and affecting, when it could've easily been a disaster considering the overweight source material.
DK: I actually never uh...read...the comic =(
Magus: The movie's a triumph because it distills Alan Moore's tome into its core essence, which was a godsend because the book really dragged at times, though I did miss a few gags like V quoting The Rolling Stones.
DK: Yeah but if I'm not mistaken they did give them the credits nod.
Magus: Only the illustator though, Alan Moore's cranky when it comes to, well, everything. Which is understandable, DC/Warner screwed him.
DK: No I meant the Rolling Stones song was in the credits.
Magus: Oh really?
DK: Yeah, the credits is "Street Fighting Man" by them. As for Alan Moore I guess I understand but he's only one in a very large club so he should stop being a baby
Magus: Huh, maybe I do need to get the DVD now. In the comic he introduces himself to the priest with the opening line from Sympathy for the Devil: http://vendetta.ytmnd.com/
DK: Ah. The guy who wrote Basic Instinct wanted to use that song for the credits in that movie and they even bought the rights to it but Paul Verhooven decided to use another song at the last minute. And the Stones were 750,000 dollars richer.
Magus: See, THAT'S what we're missing. More Paul Verhoeven movies.
DK: Like... Hollow Man =( I see what you're saying though.
Magus: He didn't do that?!
DK: I think he did!
Magus: Oh dear god he did.
DK: I think he'll be back some day
Magus: Hopefully. The guy almost single-handedly predicted our times.
DK: hahaha, they need a Verhoeven-esque Source mod next movie.
Magus: I'd love to see what he has in store for the future. {:3
7. Superman Returns
DK: Better than V? Really? ARE YOU SUUUURRREEE? *holds up kryptonite*
Magus: When it comes to my high-flying airplane action, scene-chewing Kevin Spacey, scrumptious Kate Bosworth, and super colorful visual palette NEEDS, then yes. Otherwise, I suppose #7 and #8 could be interchangeable. Darkness and depravity usually factor into my heroes, like V, but this movie... wait, there's actually some darkness here! Darkness and… LOVE. You already made note of Bryan Singer's overwhelming respect and admiration for the original source comic book, the 1977 movie and the inclusion and expansion of Marlon Brandon's voice-overs, but it's that superb shot of Ma Kent in the crowd, nigh anonymous and outside the hospital, her face wracked with concern. It's that pang of uncertainty, regret and longing that permeates the whole film. That's what appeals to me. It's like your sadness is in my Superman film, or vice versa. Get what I mean?
DK: Yeah, definitely. The hospital scene was probably my favorite part of the movie. Ma Kent, Lois leaving and being bombared by the press... Lex Luthor stuck on a desert island sans Kumar...
Magus: YEAH!! It sucks they killed him off. I hope Harold show-- GASP HE SHOULD BE BRAINIAC.
DK: hahahaha
Magus: And exact revenge.
DK: Cyclops and Harold should both be Brainiac.
Magus: It'd be perfect. It'd be an allegory for Asian economy taking over American business through hi-tech, digital means.
6. Inland Empire
Magus: The most baffling entry of all, Inland Empire.
DK: I noticed you scored it a... ? out of 4.
Magus: In my AIM profile, yes. I'm still not quite sure what to think except that it was one of my more interesting cinematic experiences. Remember that Penny Arcade comic about Tycho asking Gabe why he would want to see Silent Hill again?
DK: Yeah
Magus: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/04/24 There it is. That's what Lynch's movie was like. It started out as a conventional Hollywood farce like Mulholland Drive but it took an extreme left turn into confusing, baffling and frightening nightmare territory. For almost three hours. It was hilarious, freakish and clearly the work of a madman. It almost became unbearable but I feel like I came out of that theater a better man that night. I know what hell is like and it had Laura Dern in one of the strangest, greatest performances I've seen. With more control and less off-the-wall insanity it's what I would have liked to Silent Hill to have been. It even had that awesome grain filter.
DK: hmm, I'll have to check out the DVD on that one
5. Borat: Cultural Learnings blah blah
DK: I didn't see Borat =( My girlfriend was being so gay with it. "I don't get offended easy."
Magus: WTF does that mean?!
DK: But sing a song about throwing jews down a well? "That looks stupid I don't want to see it."
Magus: I saw it with a date too, and she had to cover her eyes from male nudity. I couldn't believe how green she was.
DK: Heh.
Magus: Maybe it was a mistake to take her.
DK: "I'd rather see Running With Scissors." *punches the wall*
Magus: It IS really offensive, but it's not anything you haven't already heard or joked about before. It's just thrown up on there for all to see in all its hairy, naked glory.
DK: hahaha
Magus: What's really outstanding is how well he stays in character. And how terrifying the American south is. Not that that's a surprise either, but Borat collects it all into 80+ minutes of hilarious chaos. It would've been cool if he had stayed in New York though.
4. The Departed
DK: Oooh you know I liked the departed but sadly it fell under the "after a week I didn't think about it anymore" category.
Magus: Yeah, there doesn't seem to be much more going on besides "Don't betray people" but it's done so well and it's SOOO captivating, Scorsese does not skip a beat. And I never would've thought "Boy I hope Marky Mark shows up again" before I saw this.
DK: hahah
Magus: He was so mean, so great. Everyone was! Alec Baldwin was hilarious and Leo's actually becoming a convincing lead. It's not like Tom Hanks or some chick has to hold his hand anymore. I'm sorry. Love interest. Though there was one. I liked that part though, desperation and sadness again. Got a retort or should we go on?
DK: Leo looks so much like my friend Randy, that's all.
Magus: Haha. Yeah, he's aging rapidly. Bags under his eyes and all. And that scruff. It's commendable. {:3
DK: THE TOP 3
Magus: You're gonna hate me for this. #3 is...
3. The Fountain
DK: bahahah, well my thoughts on that movie are well-documented. In your defense I will say that at least it was better than Idlewild. And it also made for one of the most entertaining ytmnd's of the year. (http://jackmanenjoysa.ytmnd.com/)
Magus: Feel free to lash out, boyo, I thought it was beautiful and fantastic. Hugh Jackman once again in an obsessive, insane role but he's loving this time! And Rachel Weisz plays a better doomed wife in this than in Constant Gardener.
DK: "HOW TO PLAY SOMEONE DOOMED: WHISPER A LOT AND WHINE"
Magus: It was thoughtful and engaging and made for a wonderful story of death and love in record time-- She did none of those things! She was playful and elegant. I hope I find someone like her. And I won't spend time with her. And spend all my energy and effort finding a cure for cancer only to be too late.
DK: =( For what it was worth Hugh Jackman was convincing in his turmoil.
Magus: I will say though, if it wasn't for the visual and sci-fi/fantasy elements and this was a run-of-the-mill melodrama starring, I dunno, Joshua Jackson and Mandy Moore I'd hate this, but it turned out really well. Hugh Jackman needed a hug.
DK: No shame in that, movies ARE a visual medium after all.
Magus: Yes, so it's nice to see one that's actually experimental and successful. Though that seems to be relative. DOESN'T IT.
DK: define suxxessful
DK: NUMBER 2 IS CASINO ROYALE, RIGHT!?!
Magus: You bet.
2. Casino Royale
Magus: It's my Batman Begins of the year. Both of them are so similar, reimagining a once-campy superhero with a dark, modern edge while retaining all the familiar tropes we expect and love with a lot of new material and characters to love all over again. Plus, like V and Superman, it was once again surprisingly faithful to its source.
DK: Hmm, I haven't seen much Bond movies but that's what everyone's saying.
DK: So I must admit I have no clue what number 1 is. Silent Hill?
Magus: LOL That'd be a surprise. Let me preface by saying--
DK: MIAMI VICE
Magus: ...#2 and #1 could also be considered interchangeable...
DK: oh wait a second I know what it'll be Tony Jaa
Magus: ...because I just didnt' see enough movies this year that I absolutely loved,
so this is really more of a Top 8 list
BUT
#1
is
1. The Prestige
DK: oooohhhh yeah, I thought it was up there already lol
Magus: FOOOLED YOOOU
DK: whoops! *turns red*
Magus: Someone should give M. Night Shyamalan's job to Christopher Nolan, who clearly has the whole puzzler/mystery figured out. Unlike The Village with a No-Fly Zone, The Prestige doesn't cheat to get to its staggering finish unless you count magic electricity as cheating. Then, well, you'd probably hate this movie but I loved it from the start. It's perfectly paced and edited with a haunting soundtrack and a terrific cast including Gollum, Major Tom, Batman AND Wolverine, and Nolan did Memento and Batman Begins, two of my favorite movies, so it's like The Prestige was tailor made for me. I thought this would just be a rest stop between Batman Begins and The Dark Knight but Nolan really impressed with this full-fledged... uh, attraction! Thanks again, Chris.
DK: lol, it WAS tailor made for people like you, lol
Magus: Yeah.
DK: On that note, excellente!
Magus: Connecting that to Casino Royale's status as the Batman Begins of 2006... those two movies should probably share the top spot. But in the tradition of a Top 10 I HAD to choose, so. There ya go.
Magus' Top 10 Scorecard!
1. The Prestige
2. Casino Royale
3. The Fountain
4. The Departed
5. Borat
6. Inland Empire
7. Superman Returns
8. V for Vendetta
9. Inside Man
10. Pan's Labyrinth
and
DK's Top 10 Scorecard!
1. Little Miss Sunshine
2. V for Vendetta
3. Casino Royale
4. The Inside Man
5. The Matador
6. The Hills Have Eyes
7. The Devil Wears Prada
8. Eight Below
9. Superman Returns
10. The Prestige
DK: All right. So that wraps up our top ten movies of 2006! Tune in tomorrow for our WORST MOVIES OF THE YEAR and other wackiness.
Magus: Happy New Year!
DK: wooo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*********
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~oh look an update
{:3
Update: 1/2/07
------------------------------------------------------
January the Second,
Two Thousand Double-O Seven:
Wherein DK and Magus Discuss 2006's
Mediocre, Bad and Awful Offerings
and the Future~
DK: Okay, the first movie I saw this year that made me knew we were in for some chop was The Pink Panther.
Magus: Oh my GOD, I forgot all about that. There was a time when I actually looked forward to that. Because of Jean Reno and Jason Statham.
DK: Same here!
Magus: They're trying to FOOL US!
DK: In fact it was quite a profound experience, there were things happening on the screen that most people would find some good physical humor but for the life of me I COULD NOT LAUGH. I don't know what it was. Perhaps Steve Martin really is that terrible? And of course BEYONCE, the least captivating female lead this side of Madonna.
Magus: Wait a second, isn't she in Dreamgirls right now?
DK: Yes, but word is she is being outshined by the girl that lost in American Idol last year.
Magus: That movie looks like pompous trash.
DK: Not to mention ego-driven. Eddie Murphy AND Jamie Foxx?
Magus: Well it's got Jami-- yeah. Yeah, EXACTLY.
DK: What would Michael Richards think?
Magus: Michael Richards would pretend to enjoy it as Jesse Jackson and Oprah sneer it at him from across the aisle, holding copies of Fried Green Tomatoes close to their hearts. Ready to attack. Wait, my mistake. Purple. The Color Purple. What the heck is Fried Green Tomatoes? I got my colors mixed up.
DK: that's about southern belles that one
Magus: well it's about racism isn't it?
DK: most likely EVERYTHING IS AFTER ALL. I never read it.
Magus: Not like it'd say anything new anyway. Take Babel for instance. That movie has Koji Yakusho and Brad Pitt in it yet makes no use of either. If I had a country to rule that would be a crime. Instead, most of the focus is on this poor Mexican housemaid tormenting Brad Pitt's kids, two Moroccan kids perving around with a rifle, and the horniest deaf girl in Japan. Some of it was interesting but overall, it was so jarring and unfocused in its approach - y'know, let's look at ALL THESE PEOPLE and see how lack of understanding ruins their lives.
DK: Like Crash. The disjointed storytelling fad has gotta go.
Magus: Yeah, like Crash. But SOMEHOW, Babel ends up being better than Crash anyway. Because it had a decent ending, despite it being unrealistically positive, and a pretty damn good soundtrack too. But the whole message of the movie was so muddled. Is it really lack of understanding? Lack of communication? Or is it guns? Alcohol? Illegal immigration? It was an overstuffed turkey.
DK: Yeah don't feel too bad about missing that one.
Magus: Plus, once the characters started making loony, selfish decisions to further exacerbate their already dreary lives it became difficult to sympathize. Volver's another one like that. I couldn't explain my distaste for it very well besides "ZOMG SO BORING" until the friend I saw it with, who actually liked it, helped out saying "it was a chick flick. Women weeping and hugging each other because their man was bad and their mother is gone." So my eyes lit up. I realized I just watched a soap opera for $11 in a movie theater, when I could've switched on Telemundo at home and had just as much of an experience.
DK: I tell you sometimes girls like the crappiest ****. A good example would be the tons of **** movies I was dragged to this year
Magus: Aw yeah, tell us about trouble in paradise.
DK: I will get to the crown jewel of that one--Running With Scissors—later. But we'll start with Over The Hedge.
Magus: You're gonna have to remind me just exactly which CG-animated movie starring animals that one is.
DK: The one that had Jim Carrey attached to star but he bailed and they had Bruce Willis replace him. It's based off of some comic strip and it really wasn't terrible or anything but the storyline was soooo basic and the characters sucked. Eugene Levy, Avril Lavigne?!
Magus: Oh god.
DK: The cast was considerably weaker when compared to something like Happy Feet which had some legs in that department (not much else, though). The story was pretty much Toy Story, the leader of a group is ousted by a hip new member and becomes a jerk from it but then becomes nice again. WHATEVER. Monster House was another CGI film, it looked cutesy and it actually turned out to be a homage to those 1980s movies like Monster Squad. So that was enjoyable. The big question is why did something like Monster House actually OUTSHINE the king of the genre? Pixar's offering, Cars, SUCKED.
Magus: Cars? As I watched it I wondered why I wasn't having any fun. It was the talkiest cartoon I've ever seen. That movie must've had a 200-page script. AND WHO HIRED LARRY THE HEALTH INSPECTOR-SLASH-CABLE GUY?
DK: At least he was enjoyable. Owen Wilson was annoying, whiny and non-relatable. Kids had nothing to root for in this movie. A co-worker of mine at the theatre said that this was more of a movie for southerners…
Magus: Really? I don't think it matters if his voice is coming out of a rusty old pick-up truck - which is an accurate representation of him to say the least - but he was still poop.
DK: …as did the director of it, who is a big NASCAR buff.
Magus: Really.
DK: But isn't this kinda insulting Southerners? I know they gotta like funnier stuff than this. NIXON? GRAY? IRC?! WAS CARS FOR YOU GUYS?! Alto? {:3
Magus: Well at least this movie is the one that didn't treat the South like Mordor for once.
DK: Ha. All in all, Cars was boring, talky, and a very bleak look into the machine-ruled future we are doomed to face. At least the humans had a fighting chance in The Terminator.
Magus: Even the flies were Volkswagens. I thought that was cute. How could you NOT? Tiny cars with insect wings? ^__^
DK: Yeah yeah. Either way it was a huge disappointment coming off of The Incredibles, and pretty much unacceptable from Pixar. At least it wasn't injected with all sorts of lame pop-culture references.
Magus: Good point. There were no Britney Spears songs. And no Robin Williams! So that's an automatic plus. So, basically, Cars wasn't Robots. That should be a sticker on the DVD. "Not Robots!"
DK: lol Other crappy CGI cartoons like Barnyard and The Ant Bully I refused to go to. We'll see how this year begins when I see Happily N'ever After this weekend =(
Magus: Is there anyway you can get out of that?
DK: I'm not seeing one.
Magus: The same date I took to Borat, we saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2.
DK: I noticed we recieved some criticism for not including it yesterday.
Magus: Yeah, well, let them make their own lists. :P It was fun at first, and she had a blast, I think the words she used "I felt like a kid again", and that's fine, but after a while I couldn't help but check my watch time to time. To time. To time. Why does every popcorn blockbuster have to be almost three hours long?
DK: It's really counter-productive.
Magus: It started to feel less like a movie and more like a Wile E. Coyote cartoon.
DK: Pirates could've probably made another gajillion dollars on top of it if they slimmed down the time so more showings could squeeze out in a day.
Magus: YET they still shattered all expectations didn't they?! Everyone LOOOVED it. People went BACK to see it. Maybe they don't have air conditioning.
DK: Either that or those kids would be taking out their last friend who didn't see it yet. Sadly, I was never much of a pirate person, I like Treasure Island and all but other than that I was never very captivated.
Magus: Whatever the reason, it got to be a real bore after the 7th wacky chase scene. And whenever Orlando Bloom was onscreen. Woof, man, woof. When they finally gave me what I wanted - Geoffrey Rush, the greatest pirate of all - the movie ENDED. AARGH! The CG and everything was nice but if they could just file it down to something that doesn't require a whole afternoon to slog through... then I'd be satisfied. Everyone wants to bone Johnny Depp, so, suddenly, they give this movie carte blanche to do whatever the hell it wants... like, ironically, kill Johnny Depp. =P OR NOT SINCE HE'S ALREADY IN PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL FOR THE SEQUEL LOL These spontaneous trilogies, man. Did you see Saw III?
DK: Yes I did, I was going to get to that later
Magus: Why not now?
DK: After I speak about another horrible horror movie that came out this year-- the critically-acclaimed The Descent.
Magus: But Dog Soldiers was so fun. =(
DK: This movie was not fun at all. Stephen King said that this was one of his favorite horror movies, and that it was different because it had an all-female cast, which just proves that he lives under a rock and writes all day, 'cause just about every slasher movie out there is all female.
Magus: Yeah, that's insane.
DK: Anyway, I give The Descent credit for featuring an all-female cast featuring girls of a tough material, full of spunk and cutting down on the "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD" that was ushered in after Blair Witch hit. However, the creature wasn't scary (at least Gollum is still finding work though) and the main arc didn't make sense. Everyone made a fuss about some cut ending, the ending was cut because it was bull****, however without it there were segments left in this cut that would only make sense with the ending. Very sloppy work by the localization team. Back to the ending, though... Where is it written that every goddamn horror movie has to not make sense nowadays?
Magus: It fries my beans when horror movies, any movies, don't follow the rules they set up for themselves.
DK: I don't really know what the point of the movie was, it was helping some girl get over the death of her husband. Or was it? Was it just Deliverance in a cave? Was it just THE CAVE IN A CAVE? Here's an idea, how about a horror movie that has a HAPPY ENDING for once?! The Descent didn't really do anything new and I fail to see what the fuss is, so thank you Hollywood for giving directors the idea that this is intelligent horror.
Magus: Really? In this day and age, I think a happy ending would be an irresponsible falsehood, especially in horror. Look at our best-of lists. Would it be safe to say each one of those movies have downer endings? At least bittersweet ones, like Superman. Or, uh, heh, Borat. Even then, it's ironic.
DK: Well I'm not talking sunshine and daisies here. I mean like the character learns something and applies it and pulls through because of it. Perhaps a positive ending, I mean.
Magus: Right.
DK: Horror movies always have to have that last word in the end; the little jolt so it can have a sequel.
Magus: Yeah, I gotcha. I still gotta see The Descent. Since The Fountain, I'm just wary now that we may have a complete 180 disagreement or something.
DK: Or the character doesn't learn, whatever. Either way the horror genre needs to move towards a more character-driven story and not plot-driven.
DK: Which is a good example of why Saw 3 was also a stinker.
Magus: Yeah? You just had a bunch of ciphers running around getting chopped to pieces?
DK: It actually goes for that character-driven story, but fumbles in just about every way.
Magus: Oh, so it tries at least.
DK: Saw 3 was much much better than Saw 2, and it really really tried to be something worthwhile-- argh, I feel like I'm going against myself --'cause the character development in this series only hurt itself. See, it's like this, G.
Magus: *pays attention*
DK: The original Saw, while flawed was actually pretty fun and a breath of fresh air. It was a departure from most stalker/serial killer movies because it focused on the victims themselves most of all, not the killer and not the pursuers of the killer. Part of the fun of the movie was seeing if the two could outsmart the killer in this game and escape with their lives. Jigsaw was demented and sadistic, he claims that he has a purpose to what he does and it's to better people, but at the same time the psycho likes to watch people tear themselves apart. So now we go to Saw 3, which again I stress was very surprising in the amount of effort it put into itself despite knowing that Saw 2 grossed much more than the first movie, it was aware that it had a terrible script and an even worse plot twist at the end. Saw 3 acknowledges this by actually including many scenes that point out the absurdity of 2's twist and even sorta gets this "yeah it was stupid so here we'll make it up to you" feel. But then somewhere midway through the movie, Jigsaw starts his talking again. He talks about how great he is and you're supposed to feel bad for him or something. He says he hates murders and doesn't condone murder, which is a complete contradiction to the character presented in the first movie.
Magus: That just sounds silly.
DK: If he hated murder so much he wouldn't have slit the throat of an officer and killed another just so he could KEEP MURDERING PEOPLE IN HIS GAMES. However, Saw 3 gets points for being the most visceral of the bunch, they refrain from the NIN video camera effects during the gore scenes as much as they can. So while I left the theatre pleasantly surprised, it was still pretty lousy. And the vitcims! An obsessive father bent on killing the person who hit his daughter in a car, killing her.
Magus: A noble motive.
DK: So the game is that he goes through a gauntlet where he can either save the people involved (they include a witness who refused to testify, the judge for the case that let the driver slide and finally, the driver himself) and it really is captivating until as I said, Jigsaw opens his mouth. I mean I'm totally split on the movie! The vitcims had a good story, Jigsaw's babbling ruined it. The ending was also, like I said before too much of a downer. You get all this build-up that he goes through this stuff and is repeatedly, like at least ten times, about how bad obsessing over vengeance is and all, and then he just ignores it in the end and gets ****ed by the game. Why does it have to be that kind of ending? =( It's more believable and TRIUMPHANT (why can't there be triumph in a horror movie?) that the lead would've learned from the game. At least it's not gonna be a trilogy, Saw 4 and 5 have been announced. What I would do if I was handed Saw 4? I would continue the character-development on Jigsaw by giving him a powerful foil, like the detective from the Halloween movies.
Magus: DONALD PLEASANCE!!!!
DK: Yah! So while Saw 3 was a step in the right direction the series still has a long way to go, and it's probably impossible at this point. All the 17 year olds just want to see Nine Inch Nails videos and believe there's some schmaltzy meaning behind it all
DK: Okay, enough about that movie. I got two other movies before we hit the universally bad movies... so why don't you go next?
Magus: Oh yeah? Okay. Let's see. Oh, Hollywoodland. That was a real disappointment, and another movie that overstayed its welcome.
DK: Ahhh, Hollywoodland, I actually thought it was decent, if only for Ben Affleck's performance. He was great
Magus: Yeah, he was a nice surprise. His love interest too.
DK: Did I just say taht?
Magus: Uhhh, Diane Liane?-- Yeah, I know right? Makes me wish Ben Affleck stuck closer to Matt Damon and make, uh, good choices.
DK: hahaha I really liked the idea of the father having the kid whose idol is dead.
Magus: See, it's a good idea...
DK: but something about the execution was just sour.
Magus: Right, because the whole exercise just seemed pointless. You got this negative, noir figure but you cast such a non-entity like Adrien Brody.
DK: Who would you have casted?
Magus: And he gets beaten up and muscled around in true noir fashion, and in the end, it's just "Oh, he must've committed suicide anyway. Oh well." Like, what was the point?
Magus: --Oh, Someone easier to look at. Adrien Brody's skinnier than me for crying out loud.
DK: Ha, well he should've been strung out and haggard. He was a loser.
Magus: Wearing a ginny tee the whole time though? Blech. Besides, the noir stuff got in the way of the Hollywood schmaltzy stuff, the Hollywood schmaltz got in the way of the noir. When one story got interesting, they CUT BACK to the less interesting one! Like Babel, it was so frustrating.
DK: Yeah, I know what you're saying. I loved watching the old production scenes though.
Magus: Those were the best parts, definitely. Ben Affleck goofing off.
DK: I think I'd file Hollywoodland under "bad movie I liked anyway", alongside Lady In The Water.
DK: All right, so should we close the book on Hollywoodland?
Magus: And open Philip K. Dick's raunchy stoner comedy A Scanner Darkly.
DK: I'm actually gonna see this one this week, so don't buzzkill it TOO MUCH.
Magus: Heh. Okay, but I hope you have a stronger tolerance for Robert Downey and Woody Harrelson than I do. As two of the only Keanu fans on the planet, I can assure you Keanu will be the best part of the movie. His narration was well-done and when he's not onscreen you will miss him. You'll be putting up with Woody's and Downey's annoying conspiratorial laptrap.
DK: A colleauge of mine did say he felt like he was watching Half-Baked during some parts.
Magus: Maybe it was supposed to come off as quirky and kooky, maybe even FUNNY, but I was just kinda ****** off that this animated sci-fi cop story had no sci-fi or cops or anything animated worth a damn. This is one time I didn't read the original book - I had planned to - but I bit the bullet and saw it anyway, with three friends who did read the book, and they were all profoundly wronged. You're gonna have to tell me what you thought about it, especially the ending, when it finally got interesting.
DK: Can do.
Magus: *sigh* Miami Vice.
DK: Seeing that one this week, too! It's on my netflix batch.
Magus: Hopefully that director's cut injects some life into the procedural I had to sit through. I took a whole crowd to it and they all hated it. Luckily one friend (the merciful Volver one) helped me try and pick out the good parts about it.
DK: Hmm.
Magus: I read some reviewers compare it to French New New Wave stuff like (La Femme) Nikita, which I love, but Miami Vice barely got a reaction out of me when it came to the romance stuff. The IDEA of an illicit affair during all that drug stuff is great, especially with Gong Li - y'know she's like 42 years old? - but it was so lifeless. Colin Farrel and our boy Jamie Foxx are like mannequins.
DK: Hopefully the director's cut expands that a bit.
Magus: Hopefully. And the night scenes looked terrific. Apparently Jamie and his posse botched the movie anyway. Or SO I HEAR.
DK: Can't you see Jamie Foxx just going "abidabidabidabidabida THAT'S ALLLLL FOLKS?" like Porky Pig whenever he fast talks in any movie?
Magus: He doesn't even get a line that long in Miami Vice.
DK: I must be thinking about his performance in Ray, then.
Magus: My Miami Vice foibles are well-known so I won't go too much into HOW IT SHOULD'VE BEEN AWESOME. Didn't I say it almost killed cinema for me?
DK: I think you've mentioned it in passing a few times {:3
Magus: whoops rofl It must've been right after Pirates 2 and A Scanner Darkly, and all the other duds earlier in the year, so I had just about had it with the overwhelming disappointment. Miami Vice was the last straw.
Magus: What was the FIRST straw I wonder?
DK: Probably, Silent Hill. That came in April, and really nothing OFFENSIVE came in the first few months... except stuff that you should be avoiding anyway, like Date Movie, that is my number one worst movie of the year but I won't bother going into why, I'm sure everyone at the Pav has a goddamn brain. And wouldn't see this movie like I did. Friday night out my ass. So I will talk about two other movies instead.
DK: The first one is the most unremarkable musical ever made-- Idlewild. I don't have anything against Outkast, but even a stark week after seeing the movie I couldn't even remember a single line from any song in the movie.
Magus: I never even heard of this movie.
DK: Obviously it was vying for the Moulin Rouge feel, but it flounders around for two hours looking for a point and direction and never finds it.
Magus: That's an awful long time to flounder.
DK: So eventually the breaks are just pulled on the movie, every end is resolved flatly, swiftly and pointlessly. It was a musical starring Outkast to market with their latest album. Purple Rain it wasn't. Boring, boring movie. But at least it wasn't insipid, as this next entry is--
Magus: Oh, Prince reminds me, y'know what movie I wanted to see but never got to? Dave Chappelle's Block Party.
DK: Oh yeah? I saw that, it was decent. Typical rockumentary. Enjoyable but I don't know, how do you get in the mood to see a rockumentary, you know?
Magus: One pal of mine loved it, and it's music and a scene I'm not at all familiar with, and I like Chappelle, so I figured I'd give it a shot. I saw this hip-hop documentary... Scratched, I think it was called? Had a few Beastie Boys in it, it was pretty cool.
DK: I dunno, I'd see it with a buddy
Magus: That's what I'd do. So you were saying?
DK: Okay, now Heather has dragged me to a lot of **** and I've taken it, 'cause well, I forced the poor girl to see Silent Hill.
Magus: I almost made that mistake.
DK: But I had NO IDEA what I was in for the night she said she wanted to see Running With Scissors.
Magus: Sounds like a Weird Al album.
DK: I saw the low score on Rotten Tomatoes and tried to protest based on those grounds but it was no use. I don't know what happens in the book, but what this movie was was bull****. It was tripe and only the most aloof and delusional of society would've found any reason or meaning to it. Pretty much what the movie was was a showcase of weird things happening in each scene, but with no theme uniting them and no real story. People have argued saying that it was about him finding his sexual identity or something. But it's not, he plainly states "you know I'm gay?" at the beginning of the movie and it never changes from that, none of the things that happen in the beginning have any payoff and the only moral I could've gathered was "watch a bunch of bull**** happen and eventually someone will show up and make things better for you", which is balls. That is a happy ending that is an irresponsible fallacy.
Magus: Well, I dunno, I've had a few things fall in my lap more than once. {:3 I'm looking at Rottentomatoes.com now. Brian Cox was in it?
DK: He was but all he did was pretty much act weird every scene, it was boring by the mid point. Oh what a chore that movie was. 20 minutes into it was I was like "I need a drink" only to find the concession stand closed. If there was one performance that did shine in the movie, it was Alec Baldwin's, and there was far too little of him. And Gwenth Paltrow can definatly play Claudia in a Silent Hill 3 movie.
Magus: Yeah, I wanted more of him in The Departed too. He is really good, I feel bad forgetting that fact sometimes.
DK: But either way, the movie was pointless and lame. And more than that. It was-- augh!! like I felt my IQ dropping cause I knew there were idiots in the audience with us like "this is so deep."
Magus: Heh.
DK: It was like Crash. Every scene was the same thing, just presenting it differently. Except there was only the one central cast in this one so every scene was "there's the kid, now something weird happens." "Brian Cox says something weird to the kid." "The kid's mom comes out as a lesbian and ruins her family." You could tell it was written with "What's the worse that can happen NOW?" mentality.
Magus: Looks like Dreamgirls is getting the same kind of reception. What's deep about a bunch of selfish divas? With that and mediocrities like Babel and Volver, I do not look forward to the Oscars this season. Hopefully George Clooney will provide more fodder for a good South Park.
DK: Volver is famous for one reason: minority director.
Magus: Sure but not anymore. How many Spanish directors have movies out right now? And they all co-produced each other.
DK: Hmm, I can count them on my fingers, I think. Well certainly more common than the uhhhh Ang Lee's. But still, the fact that he's not white gives his movie some gravity.
Magus: I want to see Zhang Yimou's new flick. More Gong Li :3 We must look like supremacist pricks or something.
DK: CHING CHONG
Magus: "HE'S NOT WHITE HE AUTOMATICALLY GETS THE OSCAR."
DK: Hey if I ever make it I'm milking my Hispanic heritage for all it's worth. (which may not be much lols)
Magus: It's so tough living in our picketed communities.
DK: we could leave this dialouge out {:3
Magus: I don't mind it }:3 Though I wouldn't want to use race like a prop, the way some of these movies do.
DK: So those are the bad movies I wanna talk about.
Magus: So then we can get to the big ones. I got three in mind. We've been beating them like dead horses all year, it's not like one more bludgeon couldn't hurt. After all the pain and mental anguish we were afflicted.
DK: *wipes hands together and snickers devilishly*
Magus: BOY THIS HILL SURE IS SILENT
DK: AND SO WAS THE THEATRE AFTER IT WAS OVER
Magus: I was whimpering like a baby.
DK: Silent Hill was like the girl the poor kid finds on MySpace, and they're talking for a while and she seems really cool. And you talk about all sorts of neat things, from that first exposure you love her. But finally when the time comes to meet her... Boom, 5'3, 220 pounds.
Magus: GUHH SEND IT BACK. Send it back and REFINE it.
Change the ending. Change the whole SECOND HALF. ...And some of the beginning too while you're at it. :3DK: You try to work it out, so what if she's ugly she was great before. But more and more problems become apparent. LIKE A HATRED FOR BUSH AND ORGANIZED RELIGION. I tell you leave it to some goddamn Frenchy to make a movie about Silent Hill into an anti-Bush metaphor
Magus: Yeah I don't remember any mean-spirited politics in the games. Unless you count Burger Queen. Even that's a stretch. So IS Cristabella Bush?
DK: Probably.
Magus: Is that burn/rape victim in the bedpan raping Bush with barbed wire at the end? LOL IRAQ
DK: I hope one day Christophe Gans goes to Silent Hill trying to find the Oscar he won for it three years ago...
Magus: Haha
DK: ...only to find out he made a terrible movie after watching it on video in the hotel. "Silent Hill's awful....I directed it..." "YOU KILLER I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU."
Magus: I wish they put as much thought into the writing as they did the sets and the effects.
DK: Ah yes that is a good point. I was overjoyed about the fact that most of the production was actual sets and props. Except those retarded bugs. Why, Silent Hill ...why. I mean did they ever PLAY the games? Not even that, how could you make the bad guy a good guy? And Anna...AUGH.
Magus: Oh right, that despicable, incomprehensible plothole. Leader of this ridiculous church sends her to the DEMON. Who KILLS EVERYONE. WTF. Makes no sense any way you look at it. They must've played the first game at least. The Grey Children part WAS the beginning of Silent Hill 1. Camera angles and all. I hope Neil Gaiman helps write the sequel. Instill some ****ing sense into it. And give us the elegant horror we were promised.
DK: That would be amazing
Magus: Him and Avary are like butt buddies now or something, so it's possible.
DK: Though I remember hearing Gans say if he were doing a sequel it was gonna be based off of SH3 cause it's the direct continuation, though how the hell that's gonna happen now with that ending...
Magus: That's crazy. WHY would you forego the chance to adapt the entry of the series that lends itself SO WELL to FILM?!
DK: I think they should do 3, have it be horrible, and hopefully one day a director will have the chutzpa to come back to it like ten years later and do SH2's story. I mean nothing is harder than trying to have a lot of faith in a sequel to a bad movie.
Magus: But think how freaking SOARING it would be to have a sequel done right. Oh god, we're setting ourselves up for another fall.
DK: we are! Though SH2 is much more romantic, perfect for this French bastard
Magus: SH2 has everything.
DK: It really does. I just played through it again last week. You notice something new every time.
Magus: That's what the movie should be like. It'd be like David Lynch's Memento.
DK: Oh man, could you imagine what it would've been like if they didn't lose all that data while working on it? The possibilities are endless.
Magus: What do you mean?
DK: You never heard that?!
Magus: ..heard what?!
DK: Konami had a computer crash while they were working on the game or something and they lost a lot of ****. A lot of early promo shots of the game have a scene with James and Maria in a really dark room illuminated by a blue light and stuff. Oh I hope I didn't throw out the Next Generation magazine that had those shots in them
Magus: Next Generation MAGAZINE? Whoa, when was this?!
DK: So yeah alledgely the developers lost a lot of the game while making it. It was like the first issue talking about the PS2's new games, I think Crash Bandicoot is surfing on the cover. Well, the PS2's first-gen games. Or it could be bull****, I just heard it on a few websites, but definitely more than once. So I dunno.
Magus: Wow, that's nuts. So there might be a Silent Hill 1.5 out there. Or, uh, not anymore. I hope Silent Hill Origins doesn't turn out as embarrassing as I think it will be. The series needs to save itself.
DK: Yeah, really
Magus: At least Silent Hill wasn't directed by BRETT RATNER: Cinema's Dip****.
DK: LIKE OUR NEXT MOVIE?
Magus: What WASN'T egregious about this wreck?
DK: Ugh, seriously, I think I'm physically exhausted from bashing this movie. But yeah, X-Men 3.
Magus: I always find I have some energy to bang X3 with a claw hammer a few more times.
DK: We can't hope to hit everything wrong about the movie in this one shot.
Magus: There's just so much.
DK: My contribution will be the bull**** finale. What wasn't sloppy about that? All of a sudden it becomes nighttime out of nowhere
Magus: I couldn't believe that. I thought my eyes were playing tricks...
DK: It's supposed to be a war between mutants, and it's just the X-Men beating up thugs who barely use any powers.
Magus: ...like my brain was rejecting what I was seeing and it made up for it by casting darkness upon the screen.
DK: CHARLES ALWAYS WANTED TO BUILD BRIDGES?! COME ON! And hey, Magneto, the audiences were just so thrilled by the flaming car thing that you should do it another 20 times. It was like a Family Guy episode
Magus: That could explain its popularity.
A box of nails is smarter than this movie.DK: Now Grant Morrison, there's someone who can suck it up, unlike Alan Moore. Not only was his story bastardized, but he APPEARED in the film version ...not Grant Morrison. What the hell is the guy's name?
Magus: Really? Now, I've read the first volume of The Invisibles, and some of his Batman run... oh, you mean Chris Claremont?
DK: Yeah
Magus: Yeah, okay. Grant Morrisons' the ****ing last guy I want anywhere near a film script. Besides Brett and his stooge crew of course. It felt like no one even knew what they were doing. Everything was off. It must've been great for Cyclops, Rogue, Xavier and Mystique, they only had to show up once, get killed/cured and leave. Collect a paycheck. Say sayonara to any chance of a movie that could live up to the standard X2 placed. Was there anything that could match Wolverine's and Rogue's dialogue in the first movie? No. Anything that could hold a candle to Magneto's prison escape in X2? No. There was nothing. Phoenix was a laughingstock. All this talk about how powerful she is, and she stands around and does the vampire-burn-to-death effect from ****ing BLADE ONE. I wish they never bothered.
DK: Not to mention she was ****ing ugly too.
Magus: OH RIGHT.
DK: I know the actress is an older woman, but they made her look very good in X2.
Magus: Xenia, man. GoldenEye raised a generation of gamers and action fans but they completely ruined Famke Janssen in this. How do you fug up Xenia Onatopp? That's one accomplishment at least. The whole art design department must've been on glue.
DK: ****, X2 Jean Gray is right up there with Emma Thompson on my "older women I have a crush on" list, and then she became Skeletor in X3. And what is the word on a sequel now? I hear they don't want to but every week it seems like you hear "AVI ARAD TALKS X-MEN $" ...I mean 4, I held down the shift key. HOW IRONIC
Magus: Haha! I know. When I read X3 was breaking records all over the place, that it was getting good reviews, that people were buying the DVD, my heart just about broke.
DK: I hear that.
Magus: Brett Ratner: King of Hollywood.
DK: Brett Ratner proves naysayers wrong! The ****?!
Magus: I don't want to be part of a world where that's possible.
DK: Perhaps this is all a mind trick from Professor X.
Magus: Christ, I hope so.
DK: So he could keep funding the school with the money these movies make.
Magus: They establish his character as a friggin' GOD in the second movie, and they throw everything interesting about that to the wind. In Jean Grey's stupid flying house. When he died I wanted my money back. Even though I saw it for free. I still felt like I was beaten and robbed. Of my innocence. My dignity. Like Juggernaut took a swing at me. Let's let the Internet write our movie! SAVES US ALL THE WORK, RIGHT BRETT?
DK: I felt the same way. After the Professor died I wanted to walk out. Heather was like "Well let's see where this is going" then she saw the Marrow-Wolverine in the woods fight and then she wanted to walk out. But it was too late. We were already strapped in. If there were ever a trainwreck, X-Men 3 is it. I mean I can't call another movie a trainwreck after seeing this movie. They all have to be less-disastrous things now. Or I could just call X3 a planewreck.
Magus: Seeing as how X2 was such a high, I'd say that's mighty apt. X3 was 9/11 times 100.
DK: *bursts into tears*
Magus: At least the movie-going public didn't flock to my personal pick for the worst movie of the year. Kurt Wimmer's astounding ****-up, Ultraviolet.
DK: Bahahahaha! Yes! Even the sets sucked in that movie!
Magus: I know, how does that happen?! I could make a better dystopian sci-fi movie in my basement. George Lucas had nothing but WHITE and he made THX-1138. But a competent script and ACTORS are necessary too, so. Sadly, Ultraviolet had none of these ingredients. Nothing even close.
DK: I had actually forgotten about this movie, you know.
Magus: Well, it came out waaaaaaaaay back... er, last year actually. In January....
DK: THE BLOOD WAR IS ON
Magus: ...Traditional ****ty Movie Month.
DK: Oh Kurt Wimmer...
Magus: What an idiot he must be.
DK: ...how you continue the trend of the sophmore slump.
Magus: I really want to ask "WTF" to his face about this flick. Like, does he think it's cool? Did he really think mocking up some comic book covers for the opening credits were a clever idea? And not, I dunno, RETARDED?
DK: It worked for Creepshow!
Magus: God. Can you believe some people thought Ultraviolet was a comic?! He's fooling people. Uh, unless of course, it is one, a really OBSCURE and AWFUL one, then its film adaptation was an absolute success. I don't think even Mike Nelson, Tom and Crow could touch this movie. While watching it, I turned to a pal, who looked absolutely devastated, hiding his face in shame and all from this movie, and said "We're watching Versus, man. This is Versus." Before Ultraviolet, Versus was the prime example of stupid editing and special effects to carry a dumber-than-Snipes script. The camera spun all over the place dizzying the **** out of me as Milla Jovovich jumped around like some awful Playstation 1 graphic. Who thinks she's hot? Who thinks she's capable of... anything?
DK: The directors she's banging, that's who.
Magus: Yeah, exactly. She seems to grab on from one branch to the next. At least in Resident Evil 2 she got to share time with Jill Valentine.
DK: Apparently Jill isn't gonna be in the next one...
Magus: In Ultraviolet she's got your go-to sick boy, Cameron Bright and the bounty hunter from Riddick, except now with spaghetti strainers in his nostrils.
DK: ...which I hope isn't true 'cause she was the only good part of the last one.
Magus: REALLY? Are they out of their MINDS?! --EXACTLY. She made it feel like an authentic Resident Evil movie. Almost. ALMOST. But there's nothing excusable about movies like Ultraviolet. All the money and time wasted on this. If they wasted any EFFORT, we might've received something acceptable but I guess that was just too much to ask for.
DK: I wouldn't go that far.
Magus: Yeah, you're right.
DK: Mannn, this year was awful.
Magus: James Bond was the best we got. How crazy is that? James Bond and Superman. This is indeed a strange universe.
DK: Yeah.
DK: So, one last little segment: random awards.
Magus: Yes! The Dumbest Movie Ever Though I Didn't See It is Deja Vu.
DK: hahaha, agreed!
Magus: Tony Scott needs to stop. Just... just stop. And Denzel's gotta read his scripts more carefully. Once that trailer revealed deja vu is some government sci-fi machine conspiracy, I saw all I needed to see.
DK: hahaha Best Movie to feature a black guy getting his head clapped by weight training machinery: Final Destination 3
Magus: Didn't you mention a Korean girl stabbed with the American flag?
DK: Yes. Most hilarious deaths: Final Destination 3.
Magus: What's going on there, I wonder.
DK: FD is really perfect in a way. They figured out a way to show the same characters dying more than once. So the whole movie is just hilarious fatalities
Magus: Sounds like it could just be a screensaver.
DK: It's a fun way to spend a weeknight with the gang. Best Actor: Hugh Jackman. Worst Actor: Robin Williams.
Magus: I once thought Robin Williams quit. Like, for real. Or at least quit those bull**** roles.
DK: Movie I wanted to see most but didn't: Children Of Men.
Magus: Because you CAN'T. It's NOWHERE.
DK: seriously!
Magus: Hugh Jackman should obsess over giving it a wider release and save us all. Only to doom himself. :-(
DK: hee hee Best Rocky movie! Rocky Balboa. It beat out Annapolis. Which wins Gayest Movie.
Magus: Really? Then this marks the first time I didn't see the gayest movie of the year.
DK: It was sooo retarded and void of testosterone despite being about people in the military. BOXING. People in the military BOXING. And it was still frilly.
Magus: Whaaaaat. Did they wear dresses?
DK: They might as well have.
Magus: Best Movie of 2006 That Really Came Out in 2005: The Protector.
DK: That's The Matador for me. 'Cause I didn't see The Protector. =( I saw Fearless instead, which was the best movie to feature Nathan Jones.
Magus: Ohhh my GOD. That would be The Protector as well actually. :3
DK: LOL REALLY?
Magus: YES.
DK: Oh god.
Magus: So it's no surprise the scene with Nathan Jones is my favorite part of Fearless.
DK: But... he was so BAD when he wrestled for the WWE. He injured his opponents all the time.
Magus: I can totally see that.
DK: Like, he injured Brad Pitt in Troy.
Magus: The man's a monster... a monster house. :3
DK: Best Trailer?
Magus: Spider-Man 3.
DK: Metal Gear Solid 4.
Magus: Oh duh, of course. But when the Spidey 3 trailer came on for Superman I went into convulsions. I had to bite on a tongue depressor.
DK: heh
Magus: The Wait, This Came Out in 2006? Awards go to Brick and Tristram Shandy: A **** and Bull Story.
DK: Thank You For Smoking.
Magus: Well, that was definitely 2006 wasn't it?
DK: Tristram Shandy was really 2006? I could've sworn it was earlier.
Magus: The other two straddle that weird border where they were out forever but finally reached my theater in 2006. I think...
I dunno. Those two movies exist in a timewarp for me.
DK: The Johnny Depp will not save you award goes to The Libertine.
Magus: Maaaannn, who was THAT movie for?
DK: Oh, speaking of that.
Magus: Yeah?
DK: Most ****ing OUT THERE movie of 2006: A Prairie Home Companion.
Magus: REALLY? That's Robert Altman's swan song right? I gotta see that.
DK: I liked it a lot but I have no idea what the hell happened. Great acting and singing and Woody Harrelson not playing himself. Really makes me wanna go see the show too.
Magus: But not good enough for the Top 10?
DK: Too confusing for me to put it there.
Magus: Didn't stop Inland Empire.
DK: My top 10 came more from my raw numbers out of 4.
Magus: The Guilty Pleasure of 2006, for me, is Running Scared. That movie was... I dunno. I felt so guilty enjoying the mayhem. It was ridiculous.
DK: Hmmm, I think Lady In The Water for me. I liked Running Scared, but Lady in the Water was losing me until it actually ended RIGHT WHEN IT SHOULD'VE. So despite the fact that it was an extremly personal pet project in every sense of the word, that ending right at the right time, in a year where every movie ran ten minutes too long was amazing.
Magus: I hated Running Scared at first because it went way out of its way to get that kid (Cameron Bright, AGAIN) on that journey but after a while I accepted it for what it was - nuts - and rolled with it. Lady in the Water scared me away, just not in the way M. Night intended. That guy needs to hand his pen over to someone else.
DK: Yeah, he's done but that was definitely the best trailer of 2005.
Magus: Yeah, I'm still waiting for Paul Giamatti's big break.
DK: Oh he was so good in the movie, too
Magus: I mean, for a movie I can enjoy without apologizing. THAT award goes to The Lake House. :3
DK: haha, yeah. Appearance I had no idea was coming: Clive Owen in The Pink Panther. Best original song in a movie? I'd go with either Casino Royale's theme or The Inside Man's Bollywood song remix.
Magus: Casino Royale's song, definitely. I didn't care for it at first, because the singer sounds kinda bored at the beginning, but coupled with that outstanding animation, I loved it. Catchy as hell.
DK: Oh yeah.
Magus: I feel stupid and bad for only seeing it once. Because I constantly feel like seeing it again.
DK: lol, me too! James Bond 2006 wins favorite character of the year.
Magus: Definitely. I'd say Bond, Borat and V are the most memorable personalities of the year.
DK: And because it has to be mentioned... Best movie to open in the big theatre and get moved to the 50 seat one a week later: Snakes On A Plane. Beating out Doogle. Which wins Worst Comeback: Chevy Chase
Magus: I don't even have a clue as to what you're talking about now.
DK: another crappy cgi cartoon
Magus: Oh, okay, whatever then. Snakes on a Plane was okay for a stupid parody thing but it's a shame it wasn't anything more.
DK: Movie I most wanted to see til I found out was limited was probably Brick. I just never made the effort after that.
Magus: It's a worth a see on video. If it was tighter it would've made my top 10. It seems all the noir offerings recently miss the mark in some way.
DK: 'Cause noir is dead.
Magus: Well, there's Sin City. That's what I want for 2007. Something hardboiled I can really hold onto.
DK: eeehhhhhh I didn't like Hartigan's story!!! =( The other two were awesome. Hopefully Sin City 2 is good, but if it's new content I'm a little weary, 'cause Frank Miller is crazy now and all.
Magus: Oh yeah, he's lost his mind. But if it's Dame to Kill For, then it'll be outstanding. Other movies you're looking forward to?
DK: Hmm, that was what I was about the end with. Most anticipated movie: Spider-Man 3 or Harry Potter 5.
Magus: Heh. Just to be different, I will say Transformers. That new trailer was pretty damn cool.
DK: I was never into Transformers, but I think it'll be fun unless it's all uhhhh...Michael Bay-ish =(
Magus: He did The Rock right? If he can get back to the fun of that, and with giant robots, or at the very least get Optimus Prime correct, I'll be satisfied.
DK: Yeah, either way it should make for some entertainment, or some colossal ripping apart of like X3.
Magus: Yup. Here's for more disappointment!
DK: Hell yeah!
*end segment*
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