Mad Cow

[jspaceman]

i am not sure if i have ever posted this so
stop me if you think that you've heard this one before!
(i made a Smiths reference!)

while most of my time is spent painting and
drawing in the studio, sometimes i like to
take a break and record spacey music or
write strange stories about the human condition.

here is an example of something i wrote about
what it would be like to have no feeling.

its called, "Mad Cow".

because i dont know the rules about content
i am only including a link.

Mad Cow

[Nixon]

Re: Mad Cow

I'll check it out once I get home.

I love your other music and I'm always wanting to hear more.

[Redneck 2000]

Re: Mad Cow

It ain't music, Nixon, it's a story.

And despite the fact that I liked it, it'll probably get deleted. Alto's poems got deleted for saying "boner".

[Nixon]

Re: Mad Cow

Oh, whoops. I couldn't open the file at work so I assumed it was something other than a text document.

My bad.

I'll read it when I get home. If it's not allowed on the forum, shoot it to me in a PM/e-mail, spaceman.

[Loki]

Re: Mad Cow

It wont get deleated. JSpace definatly warned about content. So if you are offended by language, don't open and read it.

[Czechs Mex]

Re: Mad Cow

Woah... that's like... fantastic. I love the part with the spoiled milk / girl in the river. Good stuff, JSpace. Post more!

[Valkysas]

Re: Mad Cow

this can fly because it has a content warning.

altoecko failed to provide a warning in his topic.

[highwind]

Re: Mad Cow

I enjoyed it. It was unique and I like your style.

I'm sorry I can't provide more than that as criticism but I don't know much about short stories.

[Tex Ritter]

Re: Mad Cow

I liked it all a lot except I thought the last sentence was un-needed.

[Nixon]

Re: Mad Cow

I enjoyed it, and the story didn't go in a direction that I expected. I liked the ending, including the last line.

Like Highwind said, I'm no short story writer, so I probably can't give you any really worthwhile feedback.

[jspaceman]

Re: Mad Cow

thanks Valk,

i have always found you to be fair with posts
in regards to content. you have my respect.

glad you all took the time to read it. its not
long at all and i wanted the writing to really move
and not be too static.

i will post more stories when i get the chance.

j

[Big Rick Cook]

Re: Mad Cow

As far as short stories go, this one seemed too... erratic. The lack of actual paragraphs and jumping from head to head on point of view became an annoyance while reading. The actual story was good, and I liked the comparison of TV and refrigerator commentary. If the story was given some structure, it would be a lot easier to read, I think.

[Magik]

Re: Mad Cow

Damn! That was great, jspace.

As far as critiques go... I enjoyed the free form of the prose and didn't find it too hard to understand. Actually, jumbling up the narrative added tension and suspense to what could have been a dull story--Not at all to bash the concept, I just mean that the way its written is what set it off for me.

There were a few instances (actually, only one comes to mind) in which you describe a sensation in "her" perspective, which somewhat conflicts with the conclusion. But even then, one could argue at length that such sensation was a reaction to the "object" that is fake and could be considered a source of hollow pleasure.. faux-feeling. In that case, it augments a desperation within "her," wanting to feel but knowing it isn't "true pleasure" (ie a real sensation, or at least not one of remarkable substance)...

yeah, I hope I'm not picking apart your story too much

In the end, above all else, it was a good read.