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Mad Cow

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    Mad Cow

    i am not sure if i have ever posted this so
    stop me if you think that you've heard this one before!
    (i made a Smiths reference!)

    while most of my time is spent painting and
    drawing in the studio, sometimes i like to
    take a break and record spacey music or
    write strange stories about the human condition.

    here is an example of something i wrote about
    what it would be like to have no feeling.

    its called, "Mad Cow".

    because i dont know the rules about content
    i am only including a link.

    Mad Cow

    #2
    Re: Mad Cow

    I'll check it out once I get home.

    I love your other music and I'm always wanting to hear more.
    Eat Smello.

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Mad Cow

      It ain't music, Nixon, it's a story.

      And despite the fact that I liked it, it'll probably get deleted. Alto's poems got deleted for saying "boner".

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Mad Cow

        Oh, whoops. I couldn't open the file at work so I assumed it was something other than a text document.

        My bad.

        I'll read it when I get home. If it's not allowed on the forum, shoot it to me in a PM/e-mail, spaceman.
        Eat Smello.

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Mad Cow

          It wont get deleated. JSpace definatly warned about content. So if you are offended by language, don't open and read it.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Mad Cow

            Woah... that's like... fantastic. I love the part with the spoiled milk / girl in the river. Good stuff, JSpace. Post more!

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Mad Cow

              this can fly because it has a content warning.

              altoecko failed to provide a warning in his topic.



              Comment


                #8
                Re: Mad Cow

                I enjoyed it. It was unique and I like your style.

                I'm sorry I can't provide more than that as criticism but I don't know much about short stories.
                Last edited by highwind; 02-07-2005, 05:27 PM.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Mad Cow

                  I liked it all a lot except I thought the last sentence was un-needed.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Mad Cow

                    I enjoyed it, and the story didn't go in a direction that I expected. I liked the ending, including the last line.

                    Like Highwind said, I'm no short story writer, so I probably can't give you any really worthwhile feedback.
                    Eat Smello.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Mad Cow

                      thanks Valk,

                      i have always found you to be fair with posts
                      in regards to content. you have my respect.

                      glad you all took the time to read it. its not
                      long at all and i wanted the writing to really move
                      and not be too static.

                      i will post more stories when i get the chance.

                      j

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Mad Cow

                        As far as short stories go, this one seemed too... erratic. The lack of actual paragraphs and jumping from head to head on point of view became an annoyance while reading. The actual story was good, and I liked the comparison of TV and refrigerator commentary. If the story was given some structure, it would be a lot easier to read, I think.
                        "Mindless killing doesn't do a lot for me anymore." - Sampson

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Mad Cow

                          Damn! That was great, jspace.

                          As far as critiques go... I enjoyed the free form of the prose and didn't find it too hard to understand. Actually, jumbling up the narrative added tension and suspense to what could have been a dull story--Not at all to bash the concept, I just mean that the way its written is what set it off for me.

                          There were a few instances (actually, only one comes to mind) in which you describe a sensation in "her" perspective, which somewhat conflicts with the conclusion. But even then, one could argue at length that such sensation was a reaction to the "object" that is fake and could be considered a source of hollow pleasure.. faux-feeling. In that case, it augments a desperation within "her," wanting to feel but knowing it isn't "true pleasure" (ie a real sensation, or at least not one of remarkable substance)...

                          yeah, I hope I'm not picking apart your story too much

                          In the end, above all else, it was a good read.

                          Comment

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